Depressed Spouse/Partner

So, that other topic about the wife with the (perceived) low self-esteem got me thinking, and I'd like to hear opinions and thoughts about having a depressed spouse or partner. Do you think the healthy spouse is obligated to stay, or that they 'should?' Is it ok to just DTMFA?

I first diagnosed with depression in my teens (nearing 40 now, egad), and I have been on and off many different types of meds over the years. When I met my (now) ex, I was on meds. We had a great time, lots of sex, romance, so on and so forth. I got pregnant and breastfed for about a year, so there were no meds during that time, and then for several years I was without health insurance and we were pretty broke so again, no meds.

I did eventually begin medication again, but I was in a pretty sad state. There was some social anxiety/panic disorder in there as well. I didn't want to leave the house or talk to other people; I had no energy; I slept A LOT; I did the bare minimum of housework; I drank (we both did) A LOT; hygiene was not very high on my list of priorities; I had ZERO interest in sex; I didn't like anything about my body; I didn't feel like I deserved to feel any better, and on the rare occasions I did, I had no idea how to go about fixing anything (everything was SO BROKEN) and the relatively good feeling never lasted long enough to make any progress; I was addicted to being online, maybe, or maybe it was the only thing that gave me even a vague reason to get out of bed (aside from caring for our daughter--which I was always adequate at: she was not neglected, mistreated, underfed, unclean, forgotten, or anything else. Yes, it could have been better for her through that time, but she was absolutely not in a dangerous or 'bad' situation). Any other symptoms of depression you can think of, I'm sure I exhibited them, except weight loss-- I was an eater.

So this is years. This is years of my ex trying what he could to help me. Romancing me, encouraging me, expressing his love for me, cajoling me, being patient, guilt-tripping me, everything and anything under the sun. We had The Arguments. I was not living up to my end of the bargain, he would say, and I would promise to try--and I would try, and maybe even succeed a little bit...for a few days, maybe. He wanted me to work outside the home-- not just because he felt that was "fair," but because we could use the money and because he felt it would help me feel better about myself to have a job (I did have a small job that I was able to do from home where I made a bit of money; I was not completely unemployed).

To summarize: he eventually concluded that I was being a sponge and resented me completely, no longer loved me. He decided we were getting divorced, and we did.

I don't really want to hear opinions about me or my past relationship, but I put it out there as an example of what it can be like. I was devastated when he told me he wanted a divorce. I knew he was unhappy, of course, but I felt blindsided and abandoned and all kinds of very yucky things on top of my already very yucky feelings.

I can understand why he wanted out-- who wants to live like that? How can you love someone like that? It's not his job to fix me, and even if it was, it obviously wasn't working.

But then there's another part of me that says, What about 'For better or for worse' and 'In sickness and health?' If it was another kind of sickness that required a lot of maintenance, would it be 'ok' to leave? Can you say to someone 'If you don't get over that cancer and be the spouse I expected, I'm gonna leave you?'

(For the record, I still struggle but am much, much better now).