Depressed Spouse/Partner

NavyKnightAh13 · March 2013

I am thankful for my husband. We have been together almost 5 years (been married for almost 2 years) and if it wasn't for him and our son I would not be happy. Here is the reason: I have been suffering from situational depression for 4 years (it stems from losing both my mom and grandma, as well as all the changes in my life. It's adjustment disorder) along with anxiety (all the what ifs and indecision) and after our son was born, I was diagnosed with mild post partum depression due to home stress.

The therapy I went through for a year and a half the therapist said only time will help. So does exercise.

How my husband handles me i don't know, and yes we have had arguments, but in the end we love each other and it makes me thankful for him everyday. I have good days and bad days, but overall, i am getting better a little bit everyday.

clydethecat · March 2013

i always looked at depression, or for me, bipolar disorder, like diabetes. its not your fault you have it, its very life altering to have, there is no "cure", but you can treat it. but to treat it, you have to be proactive. jsut like a diabetic can choose not to take insulin, or live a lifestyle that is counter indicated, so can the depressed person. it is up to each of us to get our diagnosis and treatment. our SO's have no hand in that. its all on us. they can cajole us, guilt us, beg us, and so on, but its up to us to get treatment.

if we dont get treatment, if we dont learn tools on how to deal with our depression, how can we expect our SO to stick around. we're not doing our part of the bargain. i would hope my husband wouldnt leave me. but if i was doing nothing to help myself, and he was doing all he could to try and help me, i could understand him giving up

wikitbikit · March 2013

I just want to quickly point out that I didn't specifically want this to be about me and my situation--I only threw that out there for a bit of a baseline to show that it was a major depressive episode, not just 'a bit of grumpy'--but in case there is some confusion going on, once I got health insurance I was once again on meds and stayed on them (and even changed them to try to improve the libido-killing nature of some of them). Earlier in my life I was not particularly compliant, but in my marriage, I was making an effort; it just wasn't enough to my ex, or maybe just not apparent to him. I know that he hurt too.

If there is one thing I can share about a depressed person, it is this: we do not WANT to be that way.

Mummyadams · March 2013

It doesn't look like he just up and left. It seems like he tried to help for a while. Sometimes people try and once they feel they can't do any more...maybe they feel like they want to be able to be happy. I don't know that I wouldn't do the same.

Agree with the above. Doesn't everybody deserve a life of happiness and if every avenue has been exhausted then surely he should have the opportunity to experience a happy life? I hope you can turn you life around so you too lead a happy and healthy life - I wish you all the best.

Jebbster007 · March 2013

Leaving a partner for ANY illness, including mental illness, is not right.

I disagree. I feel it would be acceptable to leave my boyfriend if he was depressed constantly, and I would. I'd try to get him help first of course.

This is tough one for me. I'm so middle of the road here I almost didn't post to avoid sounding wishy-washy. Leaving a boyfriend/girlfriend is one thing. You have not made legal vows to someone else. Leaving a spouse is something else entirely. I do believe in the vows I made to my wife, "in good times and bad"...."sickness and health". With that being said, human beings being human beings (as someone else previously said), everyone has a breaking point. You cannot go on forever without eventually breaking down. Attitude I think also has a lot to do with it. Someone who wants to get help and is struggling is different from someone who has no interest in changing or getting help because they've become addicted to being the sickly, can't do anything for themselves person because they like the attention. I hope I would be the type of man who would go above and beyond for a very long time to see my wife through that struggle.

Francl27 · March 2013

i always looked at depression, or for me, bipolar disorder, like diabetes. its not your fault you have it, its very life altering to have, there is no "cure", but you can treat it. but to treat it, you have to be proactive. jsut like a diabetic can choose not to take insulin, or live a lifestyle that is counter indicated, so can the depressed person. it is up to each of us to get our diagnosis and treatment. our SO's have no hand in that. its all on us. they can cajole us, guilt us, beg us, and so on, but its up to us to get treatment.

Not the same thing at all. When you're diabetic, your disease itself doesn't influence your choice of taking insulin or not. Your ability to make a choice isn't altered. When you're depressed, the disease itself makes it very hard to get help.

It's like the people who say that being happy is a choice. It actually makes me angry. Depression affects your ability to make choices very, very much.

I'm so sorry OP. I hope things look up for you.

jzebracki · March 2013

Thanks for sharing. Every couple is different and works through things differently. I was in severe depression after both of my parents passed away within 4 months of each other. I was on meds for about a year, and they helped me get out of bed every morning and function. I totally neglected my husband during that time, although he was very supportive. I thank God every single day that he didn't leave me because I was so difficult. He stood by me, and I feel that if you truly love someone, you are there no matter what. That was almost seven years ago. Now, my husband has gained about 100 pounds, and he is miserable and very depressed! I am returning all the love and patience he gave me - unconditionally. Some people can bear more than others. Some people are givers and some are takers. When you have a spouse or significant other, you hope to find the balance of giving and taking so that your relationship can grow. Things didn't work out for you and your husband, but hopefully you will find someone that is a good match and that you can both give each other and take from each other what you each need to be a better person and find true happiness. Good luck on your journey, and may you find happiness.

AddieOverhaul · March 2013

I'm mostly posting to bump this up, as I feel it's a thread worth reading. That being said, I will add my two cents. I have never been depressed. I have struggled with anxiety, but that didn't affect my partners very much and I'm generally a pretty happy person. I have had friends with depression that I have helped out, but being around a depressed person ins mall doses is vastly different to living with them and sharing your life.

I understand that marriage vows are to be taken seriously, but I also don't think two people should stay together forever if they are both miserable. I think both parties should try as hard as they can to fix things, but if it isn't fixable, or one person isn't doing their part, then I can see why they would leave. My parents divorced for a lot less than years of severe depression, mostly because they'd changed and their lifestyles and goals were no longer compatible, and I think it was for the best for both of them. So while I don't think divorce is the way to go in all cases, sometimes it is for the best. Happiness is important and if someone is taking your happiness away from you for a long period of time and it's unlikely to change, I wouldn't hold it against them for leaving. I would - after trying my best to find a solution, of course.

Bownzi · March 2013

Been there bought that Tee shirt... but still here.... the mannerisums of these people are somewhat predictable.... so I have been able to stay out of her way yet still be supportive...it is hard...but can be done (for 29 years)

taeliesyn · March 2013

Bumping to read again later

Depressed Spouse/Partner

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