Is it a good idea to meet an ex for dinner?
uniquegodandmetallovingchic
Posts: 2
I went out with a guy for about 3 weeks, 2 years ago, and he has tried to keep in touch all this time. I finally agreed to meet for dinner tonight while he's at home from the Army. I am so nervous. I broke it off before because he was moving way too fast for me (we were both just out of long term relationships) and he was very agressive, but on the other hand he was the nicest guy I've ever dated. I felt so bad for ending it because he didn't do anything wrong, but at the time I wondered if we were each others rebounds and felt it just wasn't a good idea to move so fast. I could tell he was still hurt from the previous relationship and I definitely was. I'm questioning if this is a mistake or should I just look at it as only dinner with a friend.
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Replies
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If you enjoy spending time with him, I say go out and have a good time. It can only become something more than a friendly dinner if you allow it to do so.0
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I have no idea what you are imagining when you think it could turn out to be a mistake.
It looks like all of the roadblocks to wanting to be with him have been removed. You both have distance from your failed LTRs and have a bit of history.0 -
only if it ends with breakfast in bed.
oh, hold on, that's not a bad thing0 -
1. I'd want "aggressive" defined. I'm into a better flow than that.
2. I'd look at your life goals and see if it lines up. If not, I trust the Lord and your gut. They've never let me down.0 -
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Okay, he's kept in touch for 2 years? Either you are the most awesome girl he ever met, or he just broke up with someone again.
Careful. If you see red flags, pay attention.0 -
OMG
My ex boyfriends mother contacted me today
I am in knots over it
We dated for a long time when we were kids
He has been the standard i hold all men too ever since. The love of my life. It didnt work out beause we were young, there was distance, and it was hard to see each other.
She told me he still loves me very much and always has (the same way i feel about him). She says he still talks about me and misses me. She says his marriage is rotten right now and they are looking at divorce.
I am not comfortable even seeing him again until he is fully divorced but i wont lie, I am a flutter knowing he still thinks about me like i think of him.
I say go on the date. Worst case scenario it doesnt work out but sometimes people just need a second chance.
Wow, MIL from hell! The marriage is in a rough spot so she contacts her son's exes......WTH?! :noway:0 -
If you like this guy, go on the date. But if he tries to push past your boundaries (and you find that uncomfortable), leave.0
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Timing is everything. It didn't work out before due to circumstances on both sides.. Try it again now, and it may work out. Maybe the timing still isn't right. It can't hurt anything to go on the date. Enjoy your time, ma'am...0
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My ex boyfriends mother contacted me today
I am in knots over it
We dated for a long time when we were kids
He has been the standard i hold all men too ever since. The love of my life. It didnt work out beause we were young, there was distance, and it was hard to see each other.
She told me he still loves me very much and always has (the same way i feel about him). She says he still talks about me and misses me. She says his marriage is rotten right now and they are looking at divorce.
I am not comfortable even seeing him again until he is fully divorced but i wont lie, I am a flutter knowing he still thinks about me like i think of him.
I have a friend who got back together with her high school boy friend after both their marriages tanked, and the reunion was all due to their mothers! Second time was a charm; they've been married for at least a decade now.0 -
Doesn't seem like a big deal if you only went out for 3 weeks. I don't even count guys that I dated that sort of a time an ex.0
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I don't think he wants to be friends.0
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"Doesn't seem like a big deal if you only went out for 3 weeks. I don't even count guys that I dated that sort of a time an ex."
I agree 3 weeks does not an 'ex' make. this a blip on the dating map. I would consider him an old acquaintance/friend at best. Go out have fun and don't have any preconceived expectations.0 -
Trust your gut feeling...if you find yourself doubting, I'd say that there's a good reason not to. Just my humble opinion.0
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The very fact that you have these types of hesitations and the fact you said he was aggressive screams NO!!!!!!0
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Normally I'd say w/e have a fun time. Though the aggressive part is kinda of a bad omen. I'd say go but make sure you have a plan B if things go sour. Namely have a friend ready to call/text you if you give them a sign to run to an emergency.0
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If he is overly aggressive he prob wants to be more than friends. Pray about it and decide if you would wanna be more than friends with him or not and if you don't wanna be more than friends prob is a bad idea cuz he would get hurt and you'd feel bad but if you feel you wanna try being more than friends than go for it if he's a great guy. Maybe if you are uncomfortable with him being a bit too aggressive but you do wanna try a relationship with him then meet in a public place. or double date somewhere with him and you and a friend and their date till you feel a bit more comfortable. Its hard to find great guys though. I actually met my hubby at work and glad I don't gotta worry about the whole dating thing anymore. But I would say if he's a great guy then go for it just maybe meet somewhere very public for a few times.0
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In what way was he overly aggressive? Does this mean he was pursuing you aggressively (calling a lot and asking you to go out a lot) or he displayed aggressive behavioral tendencies? If it's the former then I think he was just very interested in you. If it's the latter, I wonder why you're thinking of restarting a relationship with this person.
There's no harm in going out for dinner. It doesn't mean you'll still be interested in each other, even. Just play it by ear and see how it goes.0 -
OMG
My ex boyfriends mother contacted me today
I am in knots over it
We dated for a long time when we were kids
He has been the standard i hold all men too ever since. The love of my life. It didnt work out beause we were young, there was distance, and it was hard to see each other.
She told me he still loves me very much and always has (the same way i feel about him). She says he still talks about me and misses me. She says his marriage is rotten right now and they are looking at divorce.
I am not comfortable even seeing him again until he is fully divorced but i wont lie, I am a flutter knowing he still thinks about me like i think of him.
I say go on the date. Worst case scenario it doesnt work out but sometimes people just need a second chance.
I don't mean to rain on your parade, but are you sure his mother would know how he feels about you? Especially if he's married, why would he be disclosing this sort of information to anyone?
Did you two date in high school and then break up when you went off to college?
This reminds me of my first more serious boyfriend in high school. Our relationship was really intense, and even years after we broke up we were saying we wished we had met in our 20's instead. We never got back together (timing was never right and I realized he had some flaws I couldn't deal with), but I'm currently in a very fulfilling relationship with a guy I adore. I never thought I'd feel nearly the same as I did with the previous guy with someone else, but I've now found someone I feel even more strongly about. Whatever happens, keep your hope alive and keep meeting people. I really hope this situation works out in a way that's best for everyone involved.
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I guess I don't understand the whole "aggressive" statement. Is he SEXUALLY aggressive or just plain mean in general?
I usually say that an ex is an ex for a reason and to just stay away. If you focus solely on your future and you can see him IN your life and actually good for you, than go for It. If you look into your future and see him sabotaging everything that you have going for you- than, no do not meet up with him in a "more than friends" type of way...
If you honestly are just looking for a friend to go to dinner with, than why care? If he's just a friend- than it shouldn't matter about the past at all, it shouldn't even be brought up but, the two of you need to come to some sort of agreement that this really is just FRIENDS HAVING DINNER and it's nothing more.
Good luck and have fun but, I think you've scared all of us with the "aggressive" comment!
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Must not be a big worry for the OP...she's let this go for eight hours.0
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Aggressive how? Physically? Emotionally? In regards to sex?0
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Bring some jimmie hats....just in case.0
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As soon as I saw the word aggressive, my gut is to say NO. If you do feel like you want to go anyway, do it in a group. Stay safe.0
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is just dinner right1 he paying? I say go out to dinner and talk catch up on things you haven't caught up on in other ways.
if he seems aggressive them excuse yourself. I would meet him there at the place to eat Don't let him pick you up, if he picks you up its a date. otherwise its two friends meeting for a dinner.0 -
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It doesn't sound to me like you want to go. If you do want to go, it doesn't sound like you want to be anything more than just friends. Either, don't go - or make it VERY clear that this is a friendship only thing for you and if he is interested, you want to be CLEAR and you don't want to lead him on and if he still wants to get together, you will go (if you WANT to).
You "dated" for under a month though, that is not even a real relationship.
Anyway. I don't know why you are considering it, so I guess, in the end - that's on you what you want to do.0 -
You dated for 3 weeks, you say he's aggressive AND that he's the nicest man you ever dated? Heck, I wouldn't want to meet the unpleasant ones!
Timing is important, but whether you ended your relationship one day or 3 years before you met if he was the right person the timing doesn't actually matter. Just like all those deal-breakers and must-haves fade away when you meet the right one.
Seriously, I wouldn't go.
If he'd been the right man back then he'd now be taking you out for your anniversary...he wasn't and he isn't.0
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