Is eating food for stress relief a weakness?

FRIDAY, MARCH 15, 2013 | POSTED BY DR. GOULD

Most food addicts, whether they are aware of this fact or not, use food as a drug because of the brief relief it provides them from strong, unpleasant emotions such as depression, anxiety, loneliness and trauma. The pain-relieving effects of food are therefore more important to people who do not feel good in the first place.

Let's establish the most important point here, which is: a human being is in pain and seeking relief.

With food addiction, I've heard patients describe the relief they get from eating as a kind of food trance. Their mind completely switches off from the strong emotions that would otherwise plague them, and they find themselves consumed with the short-term pleasure of flavor.

And, depending on the amount of pain they are carrying, their eating will continue until full relief is achieved. Unfortunately, this may require a large amount of food—food that is usually excessively high in flavor (sugar, fat, salt), and which leaves them carrying their own physical scars in the form of excess pounds.

The unfortunate result of this is that the excess pounds only serve to add to a food addict's emotional pain as they punish themselves with guilt over their perceived 'weakness' and further strip themselves of self-esteem because of the larger person they see in the mirror.

This new emotional pain, of course, will need to be relieved. And so the food addict will once again find themselves in yet another food trance, mindlessly eating, and allowing their minds to switch off as they're consumed with the short-term pleasure of flavor.

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Let me be clear here. Very clear: This is not a 'weakness'. And to perceive food addiction as a 'weakness' is not only judgmental, it is completely inaccurate.

Just as a child who burns their finger will run it under cold water to seek relief from the pain, so, too, will a food addict seek relief from their own pain. The choice of pain relief may be entirely different, but at its core both cases are simply a human being seeking relief from pain in the best way they know how at the time.

And there's the big key to all of this: the best way they know how at the time.

So, what if a food addict knew a better way to find relief from their emotional pain? A way that didn't require overeating? That didn't result in excess pounds? That didn't result in guilt and shredded self-esteem that only serves to ensure continued overeating?

And what if this new way actually dealt with the emotional pain they'd been carrying this whole time, bringing it out in the open, handling it with care and respect, and replacing it bit by bit with compassion, confidence and dignity?

Here's an insightful quote from a former food addiction patient of mine: "Filling up...but still on empty."

Emptiness, here, is another word for pain. Emotional pain. Pain at the absence of joy or love or hope.

Start this very day by asking yourself where your own emptiness comes from. Is it the loss of love? The loss of hope in a relationship? The loss of self-worth at your own perceived shortcomings and failures?

Ask yourself what being in a food trance is like for you. What are the short-term benefits? And what image or feelings of relief are activated in your own mind?

Whatever they may be, know that you were born with the right to dignity and compassion, and it is through these lenses that I ask you to view your own emotional pain. Acknowledge that you are a human being who has simply sought to seek relief from pain in the best way you knew how at the time.

Developing this habit, this compassion, and finding the answers to these questions is transformative.

It also takes courage. The courage to step outside of what's familiar (harsh self-criticism) and into new, uncharted territory. Fortunately, we sit on vast reserves of courage (just ask a mother protecting her child).

Time, then, perhaps, to call upon this courage and shine it on another person who really needs your attention...

You.