Frustrated with my 4 yr old! Advice needed!!

ican♥and♥iwill · June 2010

I haven't always been a healthy eater, and some days, I'm still not. I'm worried though, that I've been a horrible example to my four year old daughter.

Today I was so frustrated with her. I picked her up from pre-school, as soon as we get home (4:45ish) she says she's hungry, I wasn't quite ready for dinner, so I gave her baby carrots and some fat free ranch dipping sauce. Around 5:30 we eat dinner, something quick and easy because I wasn't in the mood to cook. Not too long after, she's yelling that she's hungry again, I told her to drink some water and to wait it out. She dies, but tells me she's still hungry after that, so I split a fresh peach with her. (6:30ish)

Not too long after THAT, (7:00) it's the same thing... she's still hungry!! At this point I'm getting frustrated. The kid is clearly not starving. She eats well. I tell her to drink more water. And then it comes again, she's STILL hungry. So once again, I half a banana with her.

I'm thinking by now she should be stuffed. I am!

Nope. WRONG. 7:45 and she's hungry AGAIN! So I give her some more carrots to munch on.

How do I explain to four year old that you can't eat just because you want to eat? That, just because it tastes good, you can't eat it all the time. I'm trying really hard to be patient with her, and I don't want to be harsh about it, but I really don't think she's hungry.

I know it's quite possible that she *could* be going through a growth spurt, but this isn't the first time this has happened. And the kid does have quite the appetite. She's tall for her age, (she'll be 5 in November, and was towering over the already 5 yr olds that were in the graduating pre-school class) but she's also not thin. I wouldn't say "fat" but she's definitely on the thick side. (Wears a 6/XS in little girls) She's active too. We play outside when the weather permits, and even inside she's running around like nut job.

Tonight before bed I tried explaining to her that we eat to get energy and not just because food tastes good. That food helps us to grow and be healthy. Sometimes it is okay to have a little junk food, but if we too much we can become fat and unhealthy.

Am I approaching this correctly?! I don't want to be that parent that calls their kid fat and makes them feel bad for eating, but I don't want to set my child up for failure either.

ckmama · June 2010

my GROWING 7 year old has been like that for a number of year. Remember she is not on a diet, you are.

She is trying to grow and needs nutrition. If she isn't bored or eating for some other reason, then she is most likely hungry. Most kids don't have the issues with eating like we adults do and generally know when they are hungry.

She may not have gotten enough food at day care today or may have played alot.

Feed her. She is probably hungry.

But it doesn't mean you have to eat.:flowerforyou:

Clew · June 2010

I was going to suggest the growth spurt angle as well. I am not a pediatrician but I dont think kids as young as that really overeat for pleasure to the extent adults do. And if she's active she may very well have been truly hungy. Kids eat like billygoats sometimes!

I think you're doing right by giving her the healthy options. It's the kids who get handed twinkies and chips as snacks that probably develop the problems later.

:flowerforyou:

Heather75 · June 2010

Children that age need lots of protein. Maybe giving her more protein-rich snacks will fill her up, like string cheese or yogurt.

melodyg · June 2010

It sounds like you are on the right track by giving her healthy options when she says she is hungry.

I can't comment much on the other... I have a 4 year old who eats 2 bites and says he is full (unless, of course, dessert is involved... then he manages to not be hungry for a meal but want dessert!). I think your example says a lot... maybe even talk through what you are thinking with her. For example... when you want to eat because you are bored, saying that -- "Wow, I'm bored. Maybe I should eat some fruit. Hmmm... am I hungry? Nope, I'm not hungry so I don't need to eat. What else can I do?". Not sure what her reasons are for wanting to eat... but if she is eating for reasons besides being hungry, that might help.

KiriKiriKiri · June 2010

I can certainly share and understand in your frustration as I have two small children myself. The most important thing to remember is to never make or create issues around food. It's important to guide them into make excellent food choices. For example, with my kids, even since they were itty bitty babes...I would always tell them that it was time to have some cheese because they needed protein. Now when they say they are hungry, I ask them which protein snack they would like, or which fruit or veggie snack they like? Then I play games with them and ask what vitamins each fruit/veggie has in it and what body part that supports...so that it makes it fun. My 3 year old started learning when he was just 2. Kids eat when they are hungry. Though you may have been feeding her nutritious foods, she may not have had the protein (building blocks) to keep her fueled as she may be going through a growth spurt or may just really be hungry. She is human, as we all are. She is entitled to have ravenous days. Don't make a big deal out of it and just continue to be the wonderful parent you are!!! She will learn from your behaviors and follow in your footsteps. You are doing a great job...don't forget it. It's hard to remember that during the frustrating with kids

Kids eat when they are hungry...it's not until the are a bit older that it because a learned behavior.

ican♥and♥iwill · June 2010

Children that age need lots of protein. Maybe giving her more protein-rich snacks will fill her up, like string cheese or yogurt.

Yogurt is an option I offer her a lot of times. Also, half a peanut butter sandwich, with a half a cup of milk...

KatieM7 · June 2010

My children are the same way. Just remember that kids are growing and will require eating more often then us adults especially if she is active. I too have a daughter that is taller than the kids her age and have troubles with people saying she is fat but she really is not. She is tall! In kindergarten she is the size of most 2nd graders if not looking like she is a 3rd grader. I too have had a hard time with thinking that the kids are just saying they are hungry because they are bored or like the taste of the food. However I am working on it because I know that they are growing and need that food for their bodies to grow properly. If you are that worried about her talk to her pediatrician they should be able to help you out on what is proper for her.

hiddensecant · June 2010

When my 4-year-old is going through a growth spurt, he will also be hungry every hour and eat more than I could think possible. But they need to eat when they need to eat.

Keep giving her healthy options and try not to be too frustrated. She's gonna keep growing for a while, hehe. And growing bodies can sometimes require more calories than a lot of adults.

kah78 · June 2010

I echo what others have said--it's frusterating, but she probably is hungry. As long as the choices you are giving her are healthy ones, let her decide whether she needs to eat more or not. I'm sure the days will even out, and as long as it's not cupcakes and empty calories and other snacks like that, her body is getting nutrients and other good stuff! She'll grow up learning to make healthy choices and not having to sneak food because she's still hungry, and her body is doing totally different things than ours are. Keep up the good work mommy--it's rough sometimes!

corrine_manley · June 2010

I think it's great you are giving your daughter healthy snacks instead of junk food. You should try to remember that your daughter is just a kid. She's growing and she burns a lot of calories because she has more energy. At her age it's important to teach them good eating habits like fruit instead of chips, but if she's saying she's hungry feed her. Like the other person said you're on a diet, not her. If you're worried about her size talk to your pediatrician, but I'm pretty sure they will tell you she has a lot of growing to do. If you try to put a child on a diet too young they may end up having a lifetime of bad eating habits or even develop an eating disorder. I know you'd never want that to happen to your little one. Keep up the good work with the healthy snacks!

tkeller3 · June 2010

My son also does this, although he rarely eats dinner. He is and always has been a snacker, so I do try to limit snacks around dinnertime for him. I don't want him to go hungry, but I want him to be hungry for dinner. Sounds like you have the opposite problem!

Lots of good advice here!

tralalara · June 2010

Protein and a little good fats will probably keep her satiated for longer. It does me.

smae1980 · June 2010

One thing I noticed you said, your child is on the "thicker" side. Many children who have growth spurts are hungry all the time and get "fatter" then they shoot up and inch or two and thin out again. It's a weird cycle, but I remember my brother and I grew in that manner as children and I've noticed that pattern with my 3 year old as well. As long as you give her healthy choices, like everyone else stated, I would let it be for now. If she's in a growth spurt it should become apparrant within the next couple of months. Now, I had a freind whose daughters were beginning to become overweight and they would ask for cupcakes and chips all the time. When she stopped buying those things and offered her girls fruit and veggies instead, sometimes they would eat it and sometimes they would turn it down. That is a true test as to whether the child is really hungry or if they just want to eat. If they are really hungry they will eat the good stuff (as long as it's stuff they like). This can be very frustrating and it sounds like you're trying to do the best possible things for her, so keep it up and good luck.

lisawest · June 2010

I am SO glad I'm not alone!! My daughter is 5 now, but she is also WAY taller than the rest of her class (like 5 or 6 inches!). She is currently in size 7/8 at the age of 5!:noway: I am a teacher, and thus we have been home together for a little bit now since school is out. I am beginning to wonder if she's eating just because food is available (unlike at pre-school) or if she's really hungry. (Side note: DD just climbed out of bed and came to tell me she is hungry! String cheese here she comes!:laugh: ) Since both DH and I are both trying to be healthier, we don't have much junk in the house. (Although, do Cheezits count?) This makes it much easier to offer healthy choices and have the kids accept it.

I have talked about this with our doctor, and I was told that her weight percentile (93%) is in line with her height percentile (97%) and that I shouldn't worry about it

Neither of her percentiles have EVER dipped below 90%, even when she was a baby and I was being told that I wasn't feeding her often enough:ohwell: My philosophy is that as long as she is active, eating healthy foods, and isn't gaining massive amounts of weight, we're good. Some times we're just hungry! It has taken me awhile to come to this place, and I still struggle with it, but keep being a good example and it'll work out in the end.

KiriKiriKiri · June 2010

I am surprised that you were told you weren't feeding your child enough when she is in the 90% and above percentile! Sounds like she is going to be a tall girl...LUCKY DUCKY! 90% and above is above average...average for our population anyway. Anything above 50% is the marker. Obviously you want your height and weight to match up or be close, percentile wise when it comes to growth.

godblessourhome · June 2010

an active child will need between 2600 and 4000 calories a day.

make sure she is getting good fats with every meal. she needs those for brain development.

i also second the advice on offering more proteins (cheese, nuts, sunflower/pumpkin seeds, milk, cottage cheese, hard-boiled egg, bacon, edamame) as a snack instead of fruit. fruit is good for you, but it is meant to be eaten only 2-3 servings each day.

you are being a good and proactive mama!

ican♥and♥iwill · June 2010

Thank you ladies SO MUCH!

I feel so much better.

I almost feel bad now though, haha, like I didn't give her enough food.

Today is a new day, so we shall see how it goes!

Thanks again!!

sonjavon · June 2010

an active child will need between 2600 and 4000 calories a day.

make sure she is getting good fats with every meal. she needs those for brain development.

i also second the advice on offering more proteins (cheese, nuts, sunflower/pumpkin seeds, milk, cottage cheese, hard-boiled egg, bacon, edamame) as a snack instead of fruit. fruit is good for you, but it is meant to be eaten only 2-3 servings each day.

you are being a good and proactive mama!

Thank you for posting this - people are amazed (and appalled) when I tell them that this is what my son's pediatrician told me. I had to jump through hoops to get my pediatrician to understand that I was not putting my son on a diet - he wanted to track his calories to make sure he was "in the ballpark".

To the OP - I have a 12 year old.... he still eats his way through most days. My son is active in sports... football, baseball and basketball. Because of his activity level - it's not unusual for him to take in 6000 calories in a day. He's 5' tall and 130lbs. During football season he burns an incredible amount of calories...and when the season is over - we're left trying to adjust his "habts" to his needs again... he's used to eating a LOT of food - so he needs volume. That's when I break out the tuna, the eggs, the cereal... anything with volume and fiber to make him feel full longer.

Kids burn more calories just sitting still than adults do... their brains are still developing, their bodies are growing and in general... they're just more active than we are.

Don't worry about her weight too much... she's hungry, feed her - but make sure it's all healthy options (not necessarily low-calorie). Does she like egg salad? My son loves veggies dipped in egg salad.

JenniferH81 · June 2010

I am SO glad I'm not alone!! My daughter is 5 now, but she is also WAY taller than the rest of her class (like 5 or 6 inches!). She is currently in size 7/8 at the age of 5!:noway: I am a teacher, and thus we have been home together for a little bit now since school is out. I am beginning to wonder if she's eating just because food is available (unlike at pre-school) or if she's really hungry. (Side note: DD just climbed out of bed and came to tell me she is hungry! String cheese here she comes!:laugh: ) Since both DH and I are both trying to be healthier, we don't have much junk in the house. (Although, do Cheezits count?) This makes it much easier to offer healthy choices and have the kids accept it.

I have talked about this with our doctor, and I was told that her weight percentile (93%) is in line with her height percentile (97%) and that I shouldn't worry about it Neither of her percentiles have EVER dipped below 90%, even when she was a baby and I was being told that I wasn't feeding her often enough:ohwell: My philosophy is that as long as she is active, eating healthy foods, and isn't gaining massive amounts of weight, we're good. Some times we're just hungry! It has taken me awhile to come to this place, and I still struggle with it, but keep being a good example and it'll work out in the end.

This is exactly my daughter. She's 7 now, and still in the size 7/8 clothes, and they're getting bigger on her. They all even out eventually, however I'm concerned with her eating too. She is always talking about food. asking if it's time for snack yet, or right after meals asking for something else. It's frustrating to me, because I remember doing the exact thing when I was a kid. I don't want her having the same food issues I had.

swade32 · June 2010

My daughter had days like that too. Yesterday was one of them. And then others she hardly eats. As long as it is healthy foods let her eat. They are going. Kids have a better sense of hunger than we do. Good luck.

jkohan · June 2010

She's 4--she is not eating for any other reason than she IS hungry and growing AND burning more calories standing still than we probably could after doing 30 min on the elliptical..LOL

Feed her and continue giving her healthy choices--you are doing awesome with that! It's so hard not to project our own issues with food onto our children--it's a battle I struggle with every day too (I have a 4 year old, as well).

lotusfromthemud · June 2010

When I consulted a nutritionist, here was her advice: "you need to re-learn to eat like a four year old." No kidding, this is exactly the first thing she said to me, right before "eat food that would spoil" and some other things. That, however, was her first bit of advice.

Seriously, your daughter is eating because she's hungry, and stopping when she's full. With healthy food choices (big kudos to you there) her little fabulous metabolism is burning through that food quickly, and then she's hungry for more. The food you describe her eating in those three hours totals up to maybe 150 calories. That's not a lot of food, and that calorie estimate is generous, as I'm assuming it was a small portion of baby carrots and a large banana.

Please, please be careful projecting your struggles on to her. (I say this not from a place of judging, but as the adult child of a chronically disordered eater, and I have struggled with disordered eating my whole life due to her fears about my perceived "baby fat" and the like.) :flowerforyou:

Laceylala · June 2010

My almost 4 year old daughter is the same way. Eats breakfast, snack, lunch and snack again...and then on the way home from school she eats whats left of her lunch in the car. While I make dinner she asks to have a snack and depending on how much she ate in the car I will give something to her or not as I want her to eat her dinner.
Then after dinner, she will have sometimes up to three or four more snacks. It truly amazes me how much she eats. Then I remember that she is also very tall for her age and doesn't walk at all. Runs everywhere. And she could stand to gain some weight as the moment she puts any on, she grows up again!

I worry about her snacking all the time as in the 7th grade I gained a lot of weight and have remained heavy since then...but I also remember that she is very active and rarely eats anything unhealthy for her so I let her have something if she says she's hungry.
The "rule" at our house is that if she is still hungry she has to have a fruit or a veggie snack first, and then can have something like Pirate Booty popcorn or a cheese, etc. if she finishes it. Part of this is because she's got some mild food allergies, but part of it is to let me know if she is really hungry or not. I know if she takes and eats the fruit or veggie that she is really hungry. If she doesn't and maybe plays with it...then yeah, no snacks afterwards. It works quite well for us. And in fact, my husband and I recently started following the rule ourselves.

Good luck!

DawnOf1969 · June 2010

Tonight before bed I tried explaining to her that we eat to get energy and not just because food tastes good. That food helps us to grow and be healthy. Sometimes it is okay to have a little junk food, but if we too much we can become fat and unhealthy.

It sounds like you are giving her fruits and veggies. When did fruits and veggies become "'junk food"?

noneya2010 · June 2010

Wait....I think your daughter and my 4-year old son are twins separated at birth!! My son went through a phase (a couple months ago) where he was doing this and constantly eating. He was even going into the pantry and just helping himself to whatever he wanted and figured out how to make popcorn!! I think some of it comes from their growth toward independence and wanting to make some choices. I am not kidding -- the kid was always eating. Even like your daughter, right after a meal, he would eat. Then he'd want to eat several more times after that. It started to really concern me because he is pretty solid for his age! I did take him to his 4-year physical and talked to the dr. about this. Although my son is at the 98 percentile for height/weight, the dr. said this was perfectly normal and I should not be alarmed and to just watch that he's eating healthy things and getting some exercise.

What happened was I started seeing that at meal times, he was not really eating all that much and then he got where he did not want to eat at a meal time. Well of course not -- he was eating when ever he wanted to. So I began cutting out the junkier type foods and offering him choices of carrots with ranch, or a cut up apple, grapes, bannana or cheese. And I also started making him eat more at mealtimes -- even if that means I have to feed him. If he did not eat his meal, I would wrap it up, put it in the fridge and next time he claims to be hungry - well, here is your dinner!! That seemed to do the trick and the whole "I'm hungry" business has pretty much ceased.

I buy the Green Giant single, frozen veggies (cauliflower and cheese sauce and the brocoli and cheese sauce) and my son loves these. So when he says he's hungry, he knows he can choose one of those too and he loves to put it in the microwave and do it himself.

I also noticed that the more I got frustrated with him about eating constantly, the more he did it. When I finally started paying attention to what he was eating at mealtimes and offering healthy snacks when hungry, it took my focus of him eating all the time and then he just quit telling me that constantly and is back on a pretty normal pattern.

I think they do go through growing phases too where they are hungrier or more active. My 4-yo can put away an adult sized serving of something. Especially meat! He loves meat! But he also eats everything else from salad to brocoli and he is very active.

msciccone1 · June 2010

Tonight before bed I tried explaining to her that we eat to get energy and not just because food tastes good. That food helps us to grow and be healthy. Sometimes it is okay to have a little junk food, but if we too much we can become fat and unhealthy.

It sounds like you are giving her fruits and veggies. When did fruits and veggies become "'junk food"?

I agree with above, I didn't see one instance of junk food. My soon to be 4 year old is such a picky eater but when she is growing through growth spurts she will eat like there is no tomorrow...literally every 30 minutes and she will get a little cheeky and then stretch and everyone will say she is too thin. Please don't tell her to fill up on water because at that age they burn calories like crazy. They CANNOT stay still...wish we were like that, haha.

SwissTracey · June 2010

I didn't read all the responses but it sounds to me like she is bored. I know my kids will eat more one day then the next. but when my son isn't doing something fun gets bored and wants to eat or drink. Once you know that they are full I would try to distract her with something fun to do away from the kitchen. I'm sure as her Mother who has raised her all this time you have an educated idea of how much food she needs. I know as a mother that you wouldn't want her to be hungry and will feed her enough, but you don't want to feed her when she is just eating to fill the time.

Laceylala · June 2010

Wait....I think your daughter and my 4-year old son are twins separated at birth!! My son went through a phase (a couple months ago) where he was doing this and constantly eating. He was even going into the pantry and just helping himself to whatever he wanted and figured out how to make popcorn!! I think some of it comes from their growth toward independence and wanting to make some choices. I am not kidding -- the kid was always eating. Even like your daughter, right after a meal, he would eat. Then he'd want to eat several more times after that. It started to really concern me because he is pretty solid for his age! I did take him to his 4-year physical and talked to the dr. about this. Although my son is at the 98 percentile for height/weight, the dr. said this was perfectly normal and I should not be alarmed and to just watch that he's eating healthy things and getting some exercise.

What happened was I started seeing that at meal times, he was not really eating all that much and then he got where he did not want to eat at a meal time. Well of course not -- he was eating when ever he wanted to. So I began cutting out the junkier type foods and offering him choices of carrots with ranch, or a cut up apple, grapes, bannana or cheese. And I also started making him eat more at mealtimes -- even if that means I have to feed him. If he did not eat his meal, I would wrap it up, put it in the fridge and next time he claims to be hungry - well, here is your dinner!! That seemed to do the trick and the whole "I'm hungry" business has pretty much ceased.

I buy the Green Giant single, frozen veggies (cauliflower and cheese sauce and the brocoli and cheese sauce) and my son loves these. So when he says he's hungry, he knows he can choose one of those too and he loves to put it in the microwave and do it himself.

I also noticed that the more I got frustrated with him about eating constantly, the more he did it. When I finally started paying attention to what he was eating at mealtimes and offering healthy snacks when hungry, it took my focus of him eating all the time and then he just quit telling me that constantly and is back on a pretty normal pattern.

I think they do go through growing phases too where they are hungrier or more active. My 4-yo can put away an adult sized serving of something. Especially meat! He loves meat! But he also eats everything else from salad to brocoli and he is very active.

I too do this. If my daughter doesn't want to eat much of her dinner and is in one of her snacking at night phases, I make sure I either wrap up the plate and put it out for her when she asks for a snack or make her eat more at dinner. i tell her if she doesn't eat more of her dinner then no snacking that night. It can be some major work, but I don't want to waste a meal like that either simply because she isn't in the mood for it!

ican♥and♥iwill · June 2010

Tonight before bed I tried explaining to her that we eat to get energy and not just because food tastes good. That food helps us to grow and be healthy. Sometimes it is okay to have a little junk food, but if we too much we can become fat and unhealthy.

It sounds like you are giving her fruits and veggies. When did fruits and veggies become "'junk food"?

I agree with above, I didn't see one instance of junk food. My soon to be 4 year old is such a picky eater but when she is growing through growth spurts she will eat like there is no tomorrow...literally every 30 minutes and she will get a little cheeky and then stretch and everyone will say she is too thin. Please don't tell her to fill up on water because at that age they burn calories like crazy. They CANNOT stay still...wish we were like that, haha.

She kept asking for chips that she saw sitting in the cabinet. Maybe I should have added, that I thought she kept asking for food because of THIS, she wanted the chips, rather then being hungry. Hence, eating when she really isn't hungry.

DawnOf1969 · June 2010

May I ask what you fed her for dinner? you just said something quick and easy.

Frustrated with my 4 yr old! Advice needed!!

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