"Have you been losing weight?!"

kitza101 · March 2013

So this might be a silly thing to be feeling uncomfortable about... but lately I've been getting more comments from people who have noticed that I've lost weight. That should be a good thing, right? Everytime I get those comments, and others like people who tell me I'm looking great or asking how much I've lost, I feel like sinking into the ground.

I'm not sure how to pinpoint what it is - if it is embarrassment that I had weight to lose in the first place, or if it is from feeling obliged to tell people the numbers of what I weighed and have lost - or even if it is because to me my weight loss is a personal thing. It's frustrating to me because weight loss is a great thing, and it is something I should be proud of. I've certainly put a lot of effort and time and hard work and dedication into it. But losing weight usually means you had too much to begin with, and that I guess is still a source of shame and embarrassment to me.

When people give me those nice compliments, my head immediately twists them around to assume what I think they are "really" saying - because you know, I know better than them what they are saying right? :P They're not really saying that I look great, they really mean that I looked like a fat slob before and it's about time I've done something about it! Brains and those cognitive tapes that can swirl around them - frustrating!

Does anybody else relate to feeling like this? Do you have any advice about how you have handled it that you could share?

Thanks so much.

dangerousdumpling · March 2013

I can relate. No one wants to admit that they used to regularly hog down on whatever they wanted to eat. But I do think that when someone asks this question their intentions are good. People know weight loss is hard, it takes time, and requires effort. You are doing something very worthwhile and admirable. Maybe the next time someone asks you about your progress you can try to quickly remind yourself that their intentions are good and they are impressed with what you've done. Be proud of what you've accomplished. :flowerforyou:

auteurfille22 · March 2013

I also can relate. Whenever anyone comments, all I can think is "So you really did think I was huge before". I think for me it's just that I'm not comfortable having people compliment my body since they haven't in a while. I want to erase my period of being overweight from my life. Because as big as an accomplishment as losing weight will be once I finish, I still feel as if it is a bigger accomplishment to have never been overweight to begin with. I think in the end, we have to not overanalyze, as hard as that is. A few years ago, back when I was still pretty slender, a friend of mine and I ran into someone we hadn't seen in a couple of years - she had lost probably around 100 pounds, was extremely petite and had a great figure! We actually debated for a couple of minutes whether it was polite to mention something to her or not. In the end we kind of indirectly told her by complimenting her clothing or something like that. The point of me telling you that is that usually, people do have good intentions. If they really wanted to be rude, chances are they would have said something before you started losing weight or have been more rude now.

wldrose75 · March 2013

Do you have trouble accepting compliments about other things? Maybe its that you don't like feeling like you're in the spot light or don't feel you deserve to be complimented or something else that makes compliments difficult for you, and so when its a compliment about your weight lose, this (feeling like people are saying "its about time" or those other things your brain twists around to seem negative) is your defense mechanism for dealing with it. Just a thought.

I, on the other hand, make a point to tell my friends (and quite a few aquaintances) every couple of weeks how much weight I've lost to bring in even more compliments. :happy: I'm a glutton for praise!

Heather4nne · March 2013

I can relate completely. I've only had a few people notice, but even still, it's been that awkward "how much do I tell them" train of thought. I think a good way to go is to accept the compliments, but not divulge numbers until you've reached a goal and have stayed there for a while. I told my dad I'd lost almost 10 lbs, now I'm back to 6 and feel like I've let him down, which is just silly.

And I agree with the other folks here; your friends really do mean well

Kelley528 · March 2013

Yes, you looked a certain way before and people may have had their own opinions about that. You obviously werent happy with how you looked or felt before and that is why you chose to do something about it and began your weight loss journey. Learn to accept the positive. Not everyone is thinking some horribly negative thing when they throw a compliment your way.

You probably do look great now that you have lost some weight. Everyone looks better when the shed some extra pounds. You need to come to terms with you werent at your best before you started to lose weight and other people would have noticed it,, too. That doesnt mean they are not genuinely happy for you when they pay a compliment your way. Most peoples intentions are good. Be happy that people have noticed your hard work and they actually think you look good. I would feel bad if no one noticed I had lost weight or if people told me I looked bad. People are telling you that you look good. You are doing a wonderful job. :flowerforyou:

woodwardtm · March 2013

Don't be embarassed! Be proud that you have turned this corner towards better health! Don't be pressured into telling them how much you have lost either. Just be coy and say something such as "just enough for people to start to notice the real me, thank you".

yesmikan · March 2013

I'd say take the compliment, as the above posters wrote, most people have good intentions, even if their comments arent 100% tactful.

BUT don't feel obligated to give out numbers if it makes you feel uncomfortable. A few of my acquaintances have asked "how much have you lost" and if I don't want to say, I just reply "I'm still working on it."

sPaRkLiNgLYFE · March 2013

i always get, " you gaining weight?"

ashlbubba · March 2013

I'm about 7 months- 30 pounds into my journey.. and I really try to embrace people asking me about my size.. so many people look at me and say wow you look like you've lost some weight! I see it as the chance to tell people about it.. "Yes, I have lost 30 pounds by using MyFitnessPal.. it's an app on my phone and I love it"

Remember that a lot of people are really unhappy with their weight and want a way to shed a few pounds but think fad diets are their only option (that will likely fail).. they see you losing and want in on the "secret".. even if their goals are MUCH smaller than yours..

There were several factors that got me started on this journey.. one of them being a friend having WLS (down 155 pounds in 9 months), another friend starting Atkin's (?) and shedding weight (over 50 pounds her first year).. I saw them, what they were doing and knew I had to find something that works for me.... if they could do it I could do it..and someday I hope to inspire someone as other's have inspired me!

KellyL23 · March 2013

I find the best reply if they ask if you have lost weight is smile and say, "Yes, thanks" and walk away. No need to share all of the details.

victoriageorgina · March 2013

I have the opposite problem... My mind automatically goes "oh you're just saying it to be nice because you know i am trying!" so i kind of relate. Sometimes reciving compliments is hard. But we should just accept them for what they are... People know loosing weight is a big thing and their compliments are their ways of showing support and encouragement. The other stuff is our cazy minds taking us back to the negative place we got so comfortable in (it is for me anyway.)
I am sure you will eventually be ok with it all. Loosing weight is a big thing and it's a whole new us to get our heads around too.

be proud and except the compliments as support and encouragement rather than a knock back

JannaJ02 · March 2013

I lost 30lbs a year and a half ago, and more than anything, I found that people were NERVOUS about complimenting me or mentioning it because they didn't want to be seen as rude! Several girls at the restaurant where I worked at the time pulled me aside individually to say things like "I hope it's okay to mention, I don't want to upset you... but you look so amazing! What have you been doing?!" And I had no idea, but my mom told me that one day she and her boyfriend and I had lunch, and afterwards she told me how fantastic he thought I looked, but he'd been too afraid to say anything to me about it because he was afraid we weren't close enough for that/I'd take it the wrong way. I was always kind of surprised - like, hell yeah I look awesome! I put in so much hard work and you can see the changes! Tell me how great you think I look, please!! Haha.

Basically my point is that almost everyone, in my experience, that makes comments about your weight loss are coming from a positive place. They very likely admire you and are impressed by all your hard work, and some of them also might want you to let them in on your secret! Try and hold your head high - you've worked damn hard for all you've achieved so far, and you deserve to be told you look awesome.

"Have you been losing weight?!"

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