The friend who NEVER follows through..........
ninerbuff
Posts: 48,989 Member
So today I got an email from a friend who always starts with me for a couple of weeks with the best intentions, stays on course for 2 weeks, then bam....................gone. This has been several occasions and it always ends up the same. Now she has another event to attend and wants my help again. I used to get really frustrated with people like this, but there comes a point where I have to treat it like a business and just get paid for doing a job. I've tried being more stern with her, but to no avail. I'll still train her because she's paying for it, but sometimes it gets demotivating because I know it will be in vain. Just had to get that off my chest.
Don't be a "gonna doer" or "wanna doer". Be the DOER.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Don't be a "gonna doer" or "wanna doer". Be the DOER.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
0
Replies
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Don't be a "gonna doer" or "wanna doer". Be the DOER.
Yes0 -
I have two female relatives who are the same way. One has about 100 lbs to lose, and she's constantly doing these three-day diets or whatever. The other just has 15 or 20 post-baby pounds, and I think she understands the calories in < calories out concept because I've gotten her to use MFP to log her food. But she's just not willing to stick with it long enough to see progress. It "depresses" her to see how many calories she eats in a normal day and how much she'd have to cut back to lose the weight, so she just ignores it.
I've basically spelled out in crayon for them exactly what I did to lose 100+ lbs, and I've done it on multiple occasions, but their response is always "That's too much work." My response is "Then you don't want it badly enough," and they get all pissy and don't talk to me for a month. At least you're getting paid.0 -
Don't be a "gonna doer" or "wanna doer". Be the DOER.
^^^EXACTLY0 -
I've got a few friends like that, but I don't have the luxury of getting paid for it
So I just end up telling them to either quit complaining, or start doing it.0 -
If she wasn't paying you for it, I'd tell her to come back after a couple of months of regular gym attendance, to show she was serious.
As she is paying for it, I might mention to her that she'd be getting a lot more for her money if she stayed on track, but if she doesn't want to do that, you'll still be happy to take her money. But, she shouldn't be upset with you for lack of progress.0 -
So today I got an email from a friend who always starts with me for a couple of weeks with the best intentions, stays on course for 2 weeks, then bam....................gone. This has been several occasions and it always ends up the same. Now she has another event to attend and wants my help again. I used to get really frustrated with people like this, but there comes a point where I have to treat it like a business and just get paid for doing a job. I've tried being more stern with her, but to no avail. I'll still train her because she's paying for it, but sometimes it gets demotivating because I know it will be in vain. Just had to get that off my chest.
Don't be a "gonna doer" or "wanna doer". Be the DOER.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
so as a PT you don't recommend people join MFP I take it?
I just think as a paying client I wouldn't want you to recommend me to a good site that you use, only to see you ***** about me...that's all.
that's all....no offense.0 -
I have a friend/coworker like that. I offered to help her with working out & picking healthier food but she never did anything about it except complain.
I finally told her to either get off her *kitten* & do something about it or stop complaining about being fat around me since I was sick of it.
At least you get paid.0 -
I started this site with my sister, my brother and my brother in law, after two weeks I was the only one logging in.... I'm grateful for them getting me on here, because I think being of the habit of accounting for my eating will be very very helpful when I'm trying to maintain my weight, but it would have been nice for them to keep up with it too.0
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I have a friend like that who started with me and then just gave me a long laundry list of things she wont do to lose weight; like giving up super sized portions of ice cream.
I am okay with people getting in the weight loss mode in their own good time. But then dont be jealous of me for sticking with the plan and losing weight.0 -
Or as yoda says, "DO OR DO NOT. There is no trying."0
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It's disappointing to see friends like this, family, and even people on MFP. Unfortunately, they have to make up their own minds to change for good. The "Oh, I'm starting today! 2nd day of such and such"....then nothing for a month or horrible food choices. I feel like it's a lot of the boy who cried wolf and attention wanting for doing well for a day or two. It is even hard to encourage people who have this habit. Again, we can't make up their minds for them to change their life. Wish I could, I'm afraid for the health of a lot of people at this point. 0
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So today I got an email from a friend who always starts with me for a couple of weeks with the best intentions, stays on course for 2 weeks, then bam....................gone. This has been several occasions and it always ends up the same. Now she has another event to attend and wants my help again. I used to get really frustrated with people like this, but there comes a point where I have to treat it like a business and just get paid for doing a job. I've tried being more stern with her, but to no avail. I'll still train her because she's paying for it, but sometimes it gets demotivating because I know it will be in vain. Just had to get that off my chest.
I don't work out with friends or family anymore for this exact reason.0 -
I have a few of those. A few have emailed me or fb messaged me and said they are ready, and willing to commit. About 2 weeks later I hear nothing from them. They say they want to lose weight but are always checking in to all these restaurants and bars every other day. I no longer answer to thier emails.0
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Lol, I doubt she would use it even if I mentioned it to her! I actually do mention it to clients for calorie counting.I rarely speak of clients on here. And there are no names mentioned to keep anomnymity. Lol, maybe I should have her read it cause that will make it sink in. Not that I haven't tried to do it verbally.So today I got an email from a friend who always starts with me for a couple of weeks with the best intentions, stays on course for 2 weeks, then bam....................gone. This has been several occasions and it always ends up the same. Now she has another event to attend and wants my help again. I used to get really frustrated with people like this, but there comes a point where I have to treat it like a business and just get paid for doing a job. I've tried being more stern with her, but to no avail. I'll still train her because she's paying for it, but sometimes it gets demotivating because I know it will be in vain. Just had to get that off my chest.
Don't be a "gonna doer" or "wanna doer". Be the DOER.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
so as a PT you don't recommend people join MFP I take it?
I just think as a paying client I wouldn't want you to recommend me to a good site that you use, only to see you ***** about me...that's all.
that's all....no offense.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Mother****er does all his **** with a cane too!!Or as yoda says, "DO OR DO NOT. There is no trying."
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I have a few friends like this... I just stopped asking people to go with me because once they told me they were going to be at the gym at a certain time they showed up an hour late, I'm doing this for me, not them. They won't do it until they have hit rock bottom and there is no reason to let them drag you down with them.0
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Lol, I doubt she would use it even if I mentioned it to her! I actually do mention it to clients for calorie counting.I rarely speak of clients on here. And there are no names mentioned to keep anomnymity. Lol, maybe I should have her read it cause that will make it sink in. Not that I haven't tried to do it verbally.So today I got an email from a friend who always starts with me for a couple of weeks with the best intentions, stays on course for 2 weeks, then bam....................gone. This has been several occasions and it always ends up the same. Now she has another event to attend and wants my help again. I used to get really frustrated with people like this, but there comes a point where I have to treat it like a business and just get paid for doing a job. I've tried being more stern with her, but to no avail. I'll still train her because she's paying for it, but sometimes it gets demotivating because I know it will be in vain. Just had to get that off my chest.
Don't be a "gonna doer" or "wanna doer". Be the DOER.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
so as a PT you don't recommend people join MFP I take it?
I just think as a paying client I wouldn't want you to recommend me to a good site that you use, only to see you ***** about me...that's all.
that's all....no offense.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Everyone's gotta right to kvetch...i'm not saying you don't have a right,
I'm just saying IF *I* was a paying customer who you recommended to me that I join this site...and then saw you kvetching about a customer that sounded like me....then I'd be pissed
that's all....be careful...that's all....clients pay...you don't throw them away.0 -
Exactly. I stopped counting on friends and family...they always quit. I am not new to MFP but new to posting on threads and would really like a place I can check in and have someone hold me accountable or keep me motivated. I can stay pretty motivated on my own, but it's nice to be able to compare workout stories and brag on goals met and talk about your "opps" days. Hope I can find a thread like that!0
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Yeah, I hear ya! I friend anyone that asks me, but every couple of weeks or so, I go through my friends list and delete the ones that are a month of non activity. Lots of good intentions, but no follow through. But that's life.It's disappointing to see friends like this, family, and even people on MFP. Unfortunately, they have to make up their own minds to change for good. The "Oh, I'm starting today! 2nd day of such and such"....then nothing for a month or horrible food choices. I feel like it's a lot of the boy who cried wolf and attention wanting for doing well for a day or two. It is even hard to encourage people who have this habit. Again, we can't make up their minds for them to change their life. Wish I could, I'm afraid for the health of a lot of people at this point.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Hopefully this is one that will get pissed.:laugh:
Lol, I doubt she would use it even if I mentioned it to her! I actually do mention it to clients for calorie counting.I rarely speak of clients on here. And there are no names mentioned to keep anomnymity. Lol, maybe I should have her read it cause that will make it sink in. Not that I haven't tried to do it verbally.So today I got an email from a friend who always starts with me for a couple of weeks with the best intentions, stays on course for 2 weeks, then bam....................gone. This has been several occasions and it always ends up the same. Now she has another event to attend and wants my help again. I used to get really frustrated with people like this, but there comes a point where I have to treat it like a business and just get paid for doing a job. I've tried being more stern with her, but to no avail. I'll still train her because she's paying for it, but sometimes it gets demotivating because I know it will be in vain. Just had to get that off my chest.
Don't be a "gonna doer" or "wanna doer". Be the DOER.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
so as a PT you don't recommend people join MFP I take it?
I just think as a paying client I wouldn't want you to recommend me to a good site that you use, only to see you ***** about me...that's all.
that's all....no offense.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Everyone's gotta right to kvetch...i'm not saying you don't have a right,
I'm just saying IF *I* was a paying customer who you recommended to me that I join this site...and then saw you kvetching about a customer that sounded like me....then I'd be pissed
that's all....be careful...that's all....clients pay...you don't throw them away.
I get what you're saying. As I mentioned, it's RARE that I speak of any clients at all and usually it's when they are doing something good and I want to mention it to inspire others.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
That is a tough one! One of my best friends is a PT (and my inspiration for working towards becoming one myself) and has a friend like this. It used to really upset my friend too and I even tried to intervene a few times and help her revamp her approach coming from someone who actually has had to struggle with her weight. After a couple years of this, she'll give that person ideas but doesn't hold out hope that she'll take/use the advice.
As the old saying goes...you can lead a horse to water...0 -
How about those friends who never follow through on other things. They make a plan to go do something with you, and then back out at the last minute after you've already made babysitting and work arrangements!
How about the thoughtless family member who says callous things without thinking of them, and after you talk to them about it they admit that they could be more considerate.... then they do it again!
Yeah.
I dislike flaky people. Do or don't do. There is no try. That little guy with the big ears has it right.0 -
Personally, I don't know how people go through life yo-yoing up and down. It would drive me crazy. My wife has a friend who does that...she'll eat really healthy and good and workout, etc when she has something coming up...then she lets herself slip back into eating like **** and doing nothings...puts on 20-30 Lbs and then another event or vacation or whatever comes up and she's working it off again.
Seems easier just to pick one...be fat and out of shape or be fit and healthy.0 -
Personally, I don't know how people go through life yo-yoing up and down. It would drive me crazy. My wife has a friend who does that...she'll eat really healthy and good and workout, etc when she has something coming up...then she lets herself slip back into eating like **** and doing nothings...puts on 20-30 Lbs and then another event or vacation or whatever comes up and she's working it off again.
Seems easier just to pick one...be fat and out of shape or be fit and healthy.
It's easy for me to do that.. especially during winter months, I stop wanting to work out. But logging my calories consistently has helped me get through the cold months, HUGELY.0 -
I have friends that are similar and I have been that person many, many times. I can't equate it exactly to being an alcoholic, but in same ways I can...
until you hit your bottom, you are not going to take action...
and sometimes the action you take isn't the right action for you...or it is for awhile and then you realize it isn't long term. As an example, I have lost the same 50 pounds, not once, not twice, but three times before...and gained it back. I've done the whole kick it into high gear thing and finally, finally at almost 50 years old, I am realizing what I need to do for me.
So this time, trying it differently. I am not going gung-ho on exercise and I am not going ridiculous on eating. I am exercising four days a week, 30 minutes a day at a reasonable level (walking on the treadmill). I am eating 1,600 calories which is below my daily recommended level and I am losing slowly and steadily. Sometimes, mentally, the rate is too slow to feel like I am accomplishing something...but I am.
I'm losing weight and hoping that I will be long term successful and will keep it off. My hearts in the right place, although I think it was the first, second and third times too. I wanted so bad to lose it...but I would easily go back sometimes within days, weeks, sometimes within hours...to eating in an unhealthy manner.
Eventually, your friends will either hit their bottom or not. And if they can accept the "or not", then you'll need to also. I have one friend like that and I just finally had to say that she is who she is and I just need to do what I need to do for me. I guess I've seen this scenario from both sides of it. This particular friend is so buried deep and just can't see out for herself...but she has to do it herself. I can't do it for her.0 -
Personally, I don't know how people go through life yo-yoing up and down. It would drive me crazy. My wife has a friend who does that...she'll eat really healthy and good and workout, etc when she has something coming up...then she lets herself slip back into eating like **** and doing nothings...puts on 20-30 Lbs and then another event or vacation or whatever comes up and she's working it off again.
Seems easier just to pick one...be fat and out of shape or be fit and healthy.
I know what you mean. It would just be too hard for me to start eating junk and stop working out and then go back to a healthy diet and regular exercise a few months later. It is hard enough for me to mentally bounce back after a recovery week, and the only thing different about my recovery weeks is that I cut out HIIT. It is much easier for me to just stick to a plan all the time.0 -
I have one of those friends, but I don't get paid to deal with her.
I really think I should.0 -
Be Kind
for everyone you meet
is fighting
a
hard battle.
Relax and allow your friend to do her own thing of ups and downs. Be there when she wants you. leave her alone when she doesn't. Hopefully she will "get" it at some point, until then be kind. We all have struggles of various sorts.0 -
Some said THIS to me, and it makes total sense:
"When you are ready, you will find a way. Until then, you will find excuses".
Sounds to me like most of the people being talked about here, are NOT ready yet.0 -
I dont involve anyone in my weightloss. I especially dont talk about it at work. I get such resentment, caddy remarks. Works out much better thst way. If anyone asks I direct them to Mfp and tell them lots of hard work. Im quitting my job becsuse of them. My boss said they have had complaints because I dont participate in their 2-3 times a week luncheon (pigout). That im just not trying to fit in. Yeah, your damn right I dont want to fit in! Ive learned, just leave it alone.0
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