Unwanted Attention
Jennili7
Posts: 50
I've been going to the gym kinda late for the past few weeks and just recently I noticed that this guy has been there the last two times I went. Both times I noticed him he was staring at me with big eyes and when I looked at him his expression became very friendly and he would say hi or bye depending on who was coming or going. Well tonight he was at the gym (and by gym I mean our tiny workout room at an appartment complex with 3 ellipticals, 7 treadmills, and two little bike things) and he did his usual creepy stare until I looked at him and we smiled at each other (the way you smile at someone you don't know and want to avoid). He finished his exercise before me and when he left I felt myself calm down some (we were the only ones in the gym). Well, a few seconds later he came back into the gym and walked up to my machine. I took my head phones out and before I looked at him I made sure I knew exactly how my mace was sitting on the machine in case I needed to grab it. Let me break in and say that I'm an incredibly paranoid person when it comes to my personal safety. So I look at him and he asks me "do you always come at 10?" and I started to babble about how it isn't set in stone and it depends on when I eat and how I feel...basically, I didn't tell him anything. Then he said "so it isn't set?" meaning the time that I come to the gym. I just said no and he said ok and then left. I don't know if he was looking to make a friend, have a workout partner, follow me home and break into the appartment and rape me....(I told you I was paranoid).....I'm pretty freaked out. My boyfriend has been telling me for weeks that it isn't safe to go to the gym so late (paranoid people know that....thus...mace!) and he kinda did an "I told you so" until he heard how upset I was over the phone.
The thing I don't get is why people do stuff like this. They have to know that they're creepy! I don't go to the gym in big 'ol workout pants, a ratty t-shirt and my hair looking all crazy because I want to meet people. I JUST WANT TO GET SKINNY!!!!
:sad: Like I said, I have no way of knowing what was in that guys head (good or bad) but now I'll be changing my workout schedule and probably get my mace replaced since it's getting kinda old.
Sorry to vent but sometimes you got to let it out...
The thing I don't get is why people do stuff like this. They have to know that they're creepy! I don't go to the gym in big 'ol workout pants, a ratty t-shirt and my hair looking all crazy because I want to meet people. I JUST WANT TO GET SKINNY!!!!
:sad: Like I said, I have no way of knowing what was in that guys head (good or bad) but now I'll be changing my workout schedule and probably get my mace replaced since it's getting kinda old.Sorry to vent but sometimes you got to let it out...
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Replies
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Creepy.
I'd be a little freaked out too! Good call on changing your workout schedule.0 -
It's a shame also because something like that could discourage you from your goal. you were doing your thing and now you have to come up with another plan, re arrange your schedule and avoid this guy at the local gym and also at the apartment gym. If he wanted to be a workout partner he would have said so. Men know how things are in society and that they appear to be a threat so he would not be staring at a female like that and asking her about her schedule unless he is attracted and following her around like a stalker. That's what he is doing. So sorry for what has happened but now you're going to have to re arrange your schedule.0
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That guy is DEFINITELY creepy and whatever his reasons for asking that stuff-it was none of his business! I would report it to your apartment management or security or whatever, and try to go to the gym a busier times if possible, and maybe have your boyfriend go with you next time and have him directly confront that A-hole tomorrow or the next day and say something appropriately macho and scary to that little creep lol Always trust your instincts, and if something like that happens again my best advice is to not fumble around with nervous explanations (I know it's hard) because that lets him know he pushed you off balance. Try and come up with something to say that will push HIM off balance-Like "It's really none of your business what time I come here and I prefer it if you leave me alone." Or even just "And WHY do you want to know???!" Or you could just mace him lol. I have a big can of bear mace (I got it when I used to work in Yellowstone) that I used to take with me on some runs and on road trips. It lives in my bedside table! Stay safe!0
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I hope that he just wanted to know because maybe he wanted someone to kind of hold him accountable for getting to the gym, thats what I hope for your sake... yes have the mace ready! Keep working out though
~Leash
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It sounds to me that he probably likes you, or at least likes looking at your body...when you answered his question so funny he probably lost his confidence and that's why he bolted without explaining himself.
Maybe you should take your boyfriend to the gym with you next time so that if the guy is there, he'll at least see that you aren't single and hopefully back off.0 -
trust your instincts on this one. sorry it happened to you.0
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From a guy's perspective, I don't really find this creepy. I wouldn't rule out the possibility that he's a creep, but like aliciakarver said, maybe he just wants to know someone at the gym in the same timeslot so that he's more committed to it. When I used to go to the gym late at night I befriended a few people for the company.
Most likely he's interested in u tho, so bring your boyfriend along and show him that ure taken (or just tell him)
Trust your instincts tho.. only you know your neighborhood, the rest of us dont.0 -
I wouldn't be surprised if that guy was on a site like this and was looking for a dedicated workout buddy to help him on his journey. That being said I agree with nahhan12, take your bf to the gym with you! I'm sorry he upset you but of all the places to have a creepy guy hit on you a gym is
a) proof that you are dedicated to your goals (working out at 10 PM!!!)
b) proof that you are hot stuff
c) full of heavy equipment to throw at him
Another reason why I am loving a female only gym....no weirdness or creepiness0 -
That reminds me so much of this one guy that hit on me a while back at the gym I go to. I was quite obviously a fresh piece of jail bait for him. I think he told me that he liked my style (whatever that meant), would always smile and say hi to me every time he came near me, check me out from across the room, he told me I looked like I had lost weight, and he even expressed his feelings of sorrow and self-pity after finding out that I was engaged. He was every bit of a creeper if I've ever known one. He was only a few inches taller than I am (and I'm short), very stocky, and he was maybe Indian or something and didn't speak very good English. He wasn't even attractive. I would purposely avoid going near him at all costs. He freaked me out, even being around him in a busy gym during the day. I wish men would realize that we don't go to gyms to meet guys. I would love to meet guy friends, but for some reason I only attract the ones that wanna "hit that".0
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Wow. A guy looks in your direction at the gym then comes over to say hi and you're all talking about macing him. Glad I don't go to your gym, I'd be terrified for my safety.
You know, if you really aren't interested in meeting the people in your building, it is possible to turn someone away without freaking out or resorting to violence.0 -
That reminds me so much of this one guy that hit on me a while back at the gym I go to. I was quite obviously a fresh piece of jail bait for him. I think he told me that he liked my style (whatever that meant), would always smile and say hi to me every time he came near me, check me out from across the room, he told me I looked like I had lost weight, and he even expressed his feelings of sorrow and self-pity after finding out that I was engaged. He was every bit of a creeper if I've ever known one. He was only a few inches taller than I am (and I'm short), very stocky, and he was maybe Indian or something and didn't speak very good English. He wasn't even attractive. I would purposely avoid going near him at all costs. He freaked me out, even being around him in a busy gym during the day. I wish men would realize that we don't go to gyms to meet guys. I would love to meet guy friends, but for some reason I only attract the ones that wanna "hit that".
Funny! Didn't you watch sitcoms in the 90's?? Guys really only want to be friends with girls they are physcially attracted to in some way. You want a guy friend who wasn't attracted to you when you first met, gay is the way. Sorry if this sounds sexist or jaded but it's really true. You are engaged to an obviously wonderful guy...these ones don't and shouldn't matter. and I agree with Dom...let's all settle down0 -
Wow. A guy looks in your direction at the gym then comes over to say hi and you're all talking about macing him. Glad I don't go to your gym, I'd be terrified for my safety.
You know, if you really aren't interested in meeting the people in your building, it is possible to turn someone away without freaking out or resorting to violence.
I was thinking the same thing, but wanted someone else to say it first.. haha0 -
That would probably really creep me out too. At best, the guy is just extremely socially awkward. At worst, well you've already addressed that. I can be pretty paranoid as well, especially so late at night. The world we live in is a scary place, and it seems that the safest approach is not to trust anyone you don't know. Especially if you are alone. At night.
I would encourage you to either go to the gym with your boyfriend, or at least find a gym buddy. Changing your schedule should be effective, but if he's really a creep there is always a possibility you'll run into him again at another time. Better to be safe and have someone else with you, even if it's only until you're certain he's not trying to follow you or anything. People of the scary sort are generally less likely to go after someone who has a friend or other people around her. Plus, bringing a friend to the gym is so much more fun than going alone!
I hope that he's just Mr. Socially Awkward Guy, not Mr. Insert Scary Variety of Person Guy. I hope that everything works out okay.0 -
Wow. A guy looks in your direction at the gym then comes over to say hi and you're all talking about macing him. Glad I don't go to your gym, I'd be terrified for my safety.
You know, if you really aren't interested in meeting the people in your building, it is possible to turn someone away without freaking out or resorting to violence.
I was thinking the same thing, but wanted someone else to say it first.. haha
Unfortunately, guys have it easier safety-wise in the world. Although I totally appreciate your friendly humor on this topic, and know that you are probably "the good guys", I have to side with the woman here. We are the ones who have to be constantly aware of our surroundings, who is looking at us funny, and where the nearest escape route is. And yes, I am one of the "paranoid" ones. I have taken many years of self defense, and my personal view (along with every male instructor I've ever had) is that, you are either paranoid/prepared, or a victim. Its extremely unfortunate that the world is like this for women, but it is a fact.
So, all that aside, I say, absolutely trust your instincts on this one, rearrange your schedule, and don't hesitate to bring a workout buddy (preferably your boyfriend) along. Hopefully creepy dude will clue in.0 -
Unfortunately, guys have it easier safety-wise in the world. Although I totally appreciate your friendly humor on this topic, and know that you are probably "the good guys", I have to side with the woman here. We are the ones who have to be constantly aware of our surroundings, who is looking at us funny, and where the nearest escape route is....
I know safety is a big issue, and any clued in guy ought to know the first thing he has to do if he meets a woman is make sure its obvious that he isn't a threat. It may be the case that this particular guy was threatening in a way that justified the reaction. But that isn't presented in the description of the situation. It sounds to me more like a guy trying to be friendly toward someone who lives in the same building. Whether I'm right or wrong isn't relevant, the point is that just because you can't rule out the possibility that the guy's a creep doesn't mean you need to assume he is and treat him like one. Withhold judgment till you've got more to go on than a glance and a 'hello'.
ps. Thanks for the assumption of our good characters
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Wow. A guy looks in your direction at the gym then comes over to say hi and you're all talking about macing him. Glad I don't go to your gym, I'd be terrified for my safety.
You know, if you really aren't interested in meeting the people in your building, it is possible to turn someone away without freaking out or resorting to violence.
I was thinking the same thing, but wanted someone else to say it first.. haha
Unfortunately, guys have it easier safety-wise in the world. Although I totally appreciate your friendly humor on this topic, and know that you are probably "the good guys", I have to side with the woman here. We are the ones who have to be constantly aware of our surroundings, who is looking at us funny, and where the nearest escape route is. And yes, I am one of the "paranoid" ones. I have taken many years of self defense, and my personal view (along with every male instructor I've ever had) is that, you are either paranoid/prepared, or a victim. Its extremely unfortunate that the world is like this for women, but it is a fact.
So, all that aside, I say, absolutely trust your instincts on this one, rearrange your schedule, and don't hesitate to bring a workout buddy (preferably your boyfriend) along. Hopefully creepy dude will clue in.
I used to teach a women's self defense class a few years ago. In addition to the martial arts instructions, we had counsellors come in and talk to the students every month or so. One of the best pieces of advice that she presented is something my girlfriend lives by these days:
"Be proactive"
Basically, she got at the point that if you're afraid of something or someone for the reason that it/they might startle or be in a position to sneak up on you, take control of the situation and assess the threat on your terms. Applying that to this situation, I would recommend that if you see him in the gym eyeing you out again, YOU approach him this time instead of worrying about what is going through his head. You will be in control of this situation and you can ask what you want to know. Speak to him and find out what it is he's looking for. If he's just looking for a workout buddy, you would've maced the poor guy for no reason. If it's a girlfriend, kindly tell him that you're not available and leave it at that. If it's something creepy, he will be intimidated by you approaching him and will probably not return. Honestly tho, if he lives in the building he's probably not going to "*kitten* where he eats" by hurting you.0 -
sorry, but better safe than sorry. especially late at night--no one needs to become a statistic. the original post has so many layers that throw up large red flags to female readers. guys don't get it unless they've had a female relative experience the same thing. most men will never be put in a situation like that. you go with your hunches. and you need to believe it happens just like it was posted and not dismiss it out of hand. it's a lot more common than you know.0
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That reminds me so much of this one guy that hit on me a while back at the gym I go to. I was quite obviously a fresh piece of jail bait for him. I think he told me that he liked my style (whatever that meant), would always smile and say hi to me every time he came near me, check me out from across the room, he told me I looked like I had lost weight, and he even expressed his feelings of sorrow and self-pity after finding out that I was engaged. He was every bit of a creeper if I've ever known one. He was only a few inches taller than I am (and I'm short), very stocky, and he was maybe Indian or something and didn't speak very good English. He wasn't even attractive. I would purposely avoid going near him at all costs. He freaked me out, even being around him in a busy gym during the day. I wish men would realize that we don't go to gyms to meet guys. I would love to meet guy friends, but for some reason I only attract the ones that wanna "hit that".
I agree that having a guy ask you your workout schedule in a small gym late at night when it's just the two of you can be creepy, and I agree with the other posters who say trust your instincts without being paranoid.
But saying that someone is creepy because he is only slightly taller than you and doesn't speak good English is kind of unfair. Yes, women need to pay attention and be aware of their safety. But just because a guy looks at you, smiles at you, and/or dares to talk to you in broken English in a busy gym during the day does not make him creepy. Give him a break! Did you ever think how hard it must be for guys to have to always be the ones to approach women? Many think the gym is a "friendly" place where they can meet like-minded people who are also interested in working out.
Sorry to be harsh but I would hate to walk around in life thinking that every guy who talks to me is out to get me. If you're not interested, say so nicely and move on with life.0 -
Hi Jenni,
Yuck to that guy. I would avoid going to the gym alone at night because that guy creeps you out - that reason alone is good enough. Always ALWAYS follow your instincts!
HOWEVER - believe what I am about to tell you, because I am TWENTY years older than you and I know what I'm talking about:
Women get hit on all the time no matter what they're doing or how they look. Almost every single man on the planet will think you are into him if you are at all nice-ish. You can be in line at Burker King with your children, pregnant with twins, wearing a moo moo, no makeup, and if you smile at a man, he WILL think he has a chance with you and he will probably go for it.
That guy at your gym is probably thinking you're the girl of his dreams. (But of course, he is CREEPING YOU OUT so no reason to ignore that instinct.) MOST guys are creepy and not cute. Its FANTASTIC when the guy is CUTE, tho! ((THus, your boyfriend!))
Trust me, tho, when you're 42, in line at Burker King with your children, pregnant with twins, wearing a moo moo, no makeup, and some guy smiles at you, it will MAKE YOUR DAY! ;D0 -
...and also, for what it's worth: Only Players know how to hit on women and not seem creepy about it.0
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I would also say trust your gut. Get your boyfriend to come with you occasionally, especially if you go at night or in the evenings. Hopefully just seeing you with another guy will make him back off. I also like Bear00's idea of being proactive. Talk about your boyfriend and mention that you live together.
He may be a well meaning guy that's just nervous/creepy, he may have asperger's, he may be a REAL creep- ya never know. So, be cautious but don't let him ruin your work outs
I think often guys don't realize what women have to deal with- from unwanted advances to sexual comments from strangers.0 -
Another reason why I am loving a female only gym....no weirdness or creepiness
Me too!!0 -
I'll be the 3rd to agree and I'm a girl:laugh: Plus the fact that it could be he wants to have the place to himself to workout, that might be a possiblity as well, just a thought:flowerforyou: Sounds like maybe you should stick to working out before 7pm and ignoring anyone that comes up to you. I think it's important to consider your safety but not every guy or girl that comes up to say hello is a killer or rapist.Wow. A guy looks in your direction at the gym then comes over to say hi and you're all talking about macing him. Glad I don't go to your gym, I'd be terrified for my safety.
You know, if you really aren't interested in meeting the people in your building, it is possible to turn someone away without freaking out or resorting to violence.
I was thinking the same thing, but wanted someone else to say it first.. haha0 -
:laugh: I'm sorry but this cracked me up, it seems a bit harsh and I'm not a guy, can't even imagine how a male would view a comment like this!:ohwell:MOST guys are creepy and not cute.
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WHATEVS.
Its not harsh. Its harsh to TELL someone that they are creepy and NOT cute.
You can't tell me that you think more than 50% of the population is appealing to YOU. This girl is 23, so most of the population is NOT in her "target dating pool demographic". Every guy over 30 who hits on her will seem "creepy" and "not cute" to her. Most guys are over 30.0 -
Have a friend, or your boyfriend go to the gym with you. It isn't a good idea to be alone in a room that anyone can access. Especially that time of night. Good luck0
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As a female, going out for a walk alone or to the gym alone can be a sort of scary event. Having had strange men pull up to me alongside a vacant stretch of road now twice while I was out for a walk, it's hard not to think the worst. Why else would a stranger do that? I would definitely say go with your gut instincts on this one girl and just stay alert. You shouldn't let this discourage you though. Just go at different times to make yourself feel comfortable. It's difficult to know others intentions. :flowerforyou:0
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I agree with the guys... and Becca. Imagine that, Becca! I'm not naive in the least... and I do give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm very non-judgemental of people until they give me a reason either way.
I'm sorry that you felt threatened, but you really didn't have a reason other than a gut feeling. Sure, female intuition and so on... but to the point where you were considering violence? Just be careful of the aura you put out there hon.0 -
I’m amazed at all the supportive comments and equally amazed by the negative ones. I wish that my boyfriend could come to the gym with me but he lives an hour away from me and I don’t go to the gym when he visits. My sister and I go together sometimes but not all the time. I’ll just play around with my schedule and see if I can go during more crowded times. In retrospect I wish I had asked the guy why he was asking. Hopefully I won’t get the chance… I really liked your post BrattyLori and it made me giggle. There’s a guy at my local Fridays that flirts with me (even in front of my boyfriend :noway: ) and yes it bothers me that he does that but he doesn’t give me those bad vibes like the guy at the gym did. In that case I’m able to just take the compliment and move on.
Dom_m’s comment of “is it possible to turn someone away without freaking out or resorting to violence” really baffles me. When did I ever say that I was mean to the guy? I was perfectly polite to him and the part about macing him was only an option if he tried to grab me which he would have deserved. There is nothing wrong with being prepared for the worst.0 -
See, I don't think that checking to know where your mace is in case you need it is "considering" or "resorting to" violence. It's being prepared for the unexpected. If someone is making you uncomfortable or creeping you out, you need to respect your intuition. It's not like they were best friends and her snubbing his advances, for lack of a better term, was going to break anyone's heart or cause great emotional damage. However, if she ignores her instincts and he does turn out to be freak? Yeah, I'll take rude over that any day.I agree with the guys... and Becca. Imagine that, Becca! I'm not naive in the least... and I do give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm very non-judgemental of people until they give me a reason either way.
I'm sorry that you felt threatened, but you really didn't have a reason other than a gut feeling. Sure, female intuition and so on... but to the point where you were considering violence? Just be careful of the aura you put out there hon.
No, most guys aren't stalkers or serial rapists/killers in waiting. But perhaps it's better not to wait until it's dark and you're alone in the gym with the woman before approaching. It's also possible to catch her attention and ask those questions outside her personal space. And since the OP admitted to having a somewhat paranoid personality, I'm sure her personal space is much broader than most.
It's a difficult, difficult situation. But if he makes her that uncomfortable, then the chances for any kind of friendship coming out of this is pretty slim. Better safe than sorry.
/ stepping off my soapbox...0
This discussion has been closed.
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