My husband thinks I have gotten too muscular

lwright311
lwright311 Posts: 69 Member
in Motivation and Support
My husband has started commenting on how muscular I have gotten. I really like my new body. My body fat percentage is in the high ideal range and I still have at least 5 lbs to lose to get to my BMI. I have always been on the muscular side for a female and when we got married I was thin and muscular. How should I respond to his criticism?
«13

Replies

  • wldrose75
    wldrose75 Posts: 128
    Communication, communication, communication. I think you two need to sit down sometime when there are no other distractions (kids, ringing phone, job stress, etc) and simply talk. Ask him what his comments on your muscles mean to him, why he feels the need to comment so frequently, if he finds it unattractive, whatever. Maybe he is simply having a hard time wrapping his mind around the changes in your body, not necessarily that he dislikes it but you're not the wife (physically) that he's grown used to. Maybe its more. He may not even be aware of how his comments sound to you or that they make you feel attacked, defensive, put down, or whatever your feeling. Share with him why you've lost weight/gained muscle (health, more self confidence, what-have-you) and why its important to you. Also, stress to him how much his support and admiration and love mean to you.

    I know that it can be hard if your SO isn't as into you changing as you are. My BF is attracted to "fluffy" women. That's what he got with me 5 years ago, and now I'm changing things up on him. Thankfully, he wants me to be around and us to be together for a long, long time and knows that its more likely if I lose weight and get healthier so he's being very supportive. I was somewhat concerned about his feelings so I simply asked, and what he told me is, "you're still you, and I love you." I'm sure your hubby feels the same way. He probably just doesn't know to express it.

    Good luck. And great job on your weight lose so far.
  • Rose_bee
    Rose_bee Posts: 226 Member
    Perhaps he's just jealous?

    I know my own husband would be happy for me that I feel better about my body.

    It's your body. You're the one who has to live in it.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,415 Member
    Pictures or it didn't happen.



    You know how to deal with your husband...........!?
  • Elby0030
    Elby0030 Posts: 32
    Challenge him to an arm wrestle for marriage supremacy
  • DavPul
    DavPul Posts: 61,406 Member
    Impossible to seriously give advice on someone's marriage with these little snippets of information. You know the man better than we do. Personally, if I was doing something I liked doing then I would continue. Quite often the people making untoward comments just need time to adjust to the new you. And if they don't, whatevs.

    But I have no answer as to how you should deal with him. He's your husband, how do you usually deal with him? This can't be the first time you didn't see eye to eye.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    You should tell him to hit the gym and put on some more muscle since he's feeling so threatened.
  • RandiLandCHANGED
    RandiLandCHANGED Posts: 630 Member
    Pictures or it didn't happen.



    You know how to deal with your husband...........!?
  • ottermotorcycle
    ottermotorcycle Posts: 654 Member
    you should probably use your muscles on him.

    i mean seriously, how on earth is it his place to tell you not to be strong? because he thinks it's not /feminine/ enough?
  • Surisaddai
    Surisaddai Posts: 142 Member
    My husband has started commenting on how muscular I have gotten. I really like my new body. My body fat percentage is in the high ideal range and I still have at least 5 lbs to lose to get to my BMI. I have always been on the muscular side for a female and when we got married I was thin and muscular. How should I respond to his criticism?
    My first thought was that he must be feeling intimidated. Maybe he is one of those that is worried that people are going to think "she is with him?" I would suggest asking him to join you in your workouts :D
  • redraidergirl2009
    redraidergirl2009 Posts: 2,560 Member
    Beat him up. Show 'em who's boss.
  • Mummyadams
    Mummyadams Posts: 1,125 Member
    That's sad, but .... as long as you are loving your new shape I wouldn't let it worry you. Why not buy some yummy lingerie and show him just how sexy that 'muscular' body is!
  • bbydl64
    bbydl64 Posts: 30 Member
    So kick his *kitten*


    ditto
  • cryswest57
    cryswest57 Posts: 141 Member
    I'm so sorry that anyone would tell you to divorce your husband over something like this. Our society anymore... Anyways, I agree with the first person who commented. Just tell him how you feel. We say stuff to our spouses often without thinking how it would affect them which is probably what he did to you. I'm sure he finds you beautiful though. None of us are perfect. Just have a heart to heart with him about how you feel. We need more committed, strong marriages who don't give up.
  • eekasmouse
    eekasmouse Posts: 3
    When I got super fit at age 30, my husband at the time, (who was not working out and was getting heavier) used to make little side comments like that, and would ask things like "what, are you going to try out for the olympics?" and made fun of me. I thought he would / should be proud of me for being in the best shape of my life and not looking like the mother of 2 big boys. Silly me. I listened to him, and I stopped exercising every day, felt guilty about it when I did. Then the inevitable happened, I got out of the exercise habit, slowly gained a few pounds here a few pounds there. Now at age 53 I am borderline obese and trying everything to lose it, but have only lost 3 pounds since December. I hired a personal trainer to get me on track again, work out with her 3 to 4 times a week, but I have a long tough road ahead of me. I wish, oh wish, that I had not allowed his comments to impact how I worked out. We ended up divorced because his negativity didn't stop with the criticisms about my exercise. But if I could turn back time, I would have kept up my fitness and not allowed his insecurity or jealousy or whatever it was to change me. I hope you will do what makes you happy, and if that is being muscular, then your husband should love you anyway. If he doesn't support you in your efforts, then perhaps there are other things wrong with the relationship that need addressing. But trust me, I highly doubt it has anything to do with your being too muscular and perhaps has to do with his own body image.
  • RainHoward
    RainHoward Posts: 1,599 Member
    I'm so sorry that anyone would tell you to divorce your husband over something like this. Our society anymore... Anyways, I agree with the first person who commented. Just tell him how you feel. We say stuff to our spouses often without thinking how it would affect them which is probably what he did to you. I'm sure he finds you beautiful though. None of us are perfect. Just have a heart to heart with him about how you feel. We need more committed, strong marriages who don't give up.
    You need to have your sarcasm detector checked, pretty sure it's malfunctioning.
  • skinnybunny_x
    skinnybunny_x Posts: 449
    Your husband is a terd. If he can't be happy for you, he is just insecure, probably not happy that you get more male attention, and jealous of the fact that you are motivated and have reached your goals.
  • sandiki
    sandiki Posts: 454
    Beat him up. Show 'em who's boss.

    This^^^

    But in all seriousness... i'd inquire as to why he feels tis way. How do you feel about how you are looking?
  • Going4Lean
    Going4Lean Posts: 1,078 Member
    My husband has started commenting on how muscular I have gotten. I really like my new body. My body fat percentage is in the high ideal range and I still have at least 5 lbs to lose to get to my BMI. I have always been on the muscular side for a female and when we got married I was thin and muscular. How should I respond to his criticism?

    I do not understand.
    What exactly did he say that was negative about you being muscular ?
  • btoeps74
    btoeps74 Posts: 167 Member
    "How should I respond to his criticism? "

    Headlock and a noogie lol
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
    Pin him to the ground and tell him that if you wanted his sh** you'd beat it out of him.
  • Warchortle
    Warchortle Posts: 2,197 Member
    Sorry for my French.

    He can eat a ****.
  • jstar54321
    jstar54321 Posts: 15 Member
    Tell him to start lifting.
  • GiddyupTim
    GiddyupTim Posts: 2,819 Member
    Try telling him to shut up !
    Whose body is it, anyway?
  • __Di__
    __Di__ Posts: 1,658 Member
    Just break up.

    Gather you're joking.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
    Perhaps he's just jealous?

    I know my own husband would be happy for me that I feel better about my body.

    It's your body. You're the one who has to live in it.

    yeah, he's probably jealous. :noway:
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Commenting isn't negative, unless they are negative comments.
    A good example would be "honey, you are too muscular for my tastes"
    A bad example would be "wow, look at those muscles".

    Men say what they mean.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
    Does he even lift?
  • vlmay1955
    vlmay1955 Posts: 100 Member
    He is (I think) pretty obviously jealous. I lift a lot and have gotten pretty muscular. My husband FREQUENTLY states to anyone who will listen how proud he is of me and how I am (his words) "100 lb. of pure muscle." I am definitely NOT, but if he wants to tell everyone I am, I am sure not gonna complain! He lifts too and so is sort of in competition with me, and he appreciates the work it takes to become muscular. My advice (since I of course don't know your husband I could be all wet) is to try and get him to compete with you to see who can muscle up more.
  • tolygal
    tolygal Posts: 602 Member
    I would just smile and say thanks. And then, several years from now, when he asks for your help in opening a jar of pickles, you can smile again. And then in a few more years, when he asks for you to help him get up from the chair, you can smile again..... and so on...
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    Tell him, "Don't hate the player. Hate the game."

    Do what's best for YOU! You feel good. You look good. Why on earth should he stifle you? He is lucky his woman is fit and strong. I'm sure you'll continue to progress and drop more body fat and get even more spectacular. Let him watch it happen.

Categories