I need support and I am afraid, really, really scared.....

Seems like there is part of you that is ready to change. Now get the other part of you kicked into gear. GO SEE THE DOCTOR!!!! IT will be embarassing, yes, but it will be so informative and you will probably leave out of there ready to do something about your health.
High blood pressure is no joke, also SLEEP APNEA is no joke and if you are morbidly obese, you have a high chance of having this issue. You will change your life with a sleep study and a cpap. My husband was 440lbs, and since the cpap he has dropped to 360 in just a few months. He's probably had sleep apnea for years and never knew it.

High blood pressure, sleep apnea, diabetes, all medical conditions that can be reveresed by diet and exercise. When I say diet I don't mean starving yourself. I mean a real change in your life that is sustainable. I started out 345 and I am down to 297. Still have over 100lbs to lose. Still see that number and get angry that I let myself get that big. But it all started with a visit to the doctor and for him to tell me to do something about this now, before I end up in a box.

I have a step daughter who lives with us that i have to be a role model for. I do not want her hating herself when she gets older, and I do not want her to have our lifestyle when she gets older. She will never say her being overweight was our fault. I will not let that happen. I was pregnant and lost the baby,, probably because I am so overweight. That in itself is something I will never let happen to me again.

Find your motivation, it isn't always those shining faces infront of you. All to many times I have heard, "You think my kids would be motivation enough for me". They probably are but you need a kick in the *kitten*, and the fear put in you first . Add me I am honest, i log everyday and you will see I mess up from day to day. But I am clinging to this change I see in myself. YOu can do it, You will do it, and you will look back on this and think how silly it was to be afraid of going to the doctor.

When I read this I thought it was something I would have wrote. It sounds just like the way things have gone for me over the past few years. I need to drop about 110 lbs. and I just started today. Everything you said is almost identical to my story, but what i encourage you to do is go to the doctor, even though it is scary and you are afraid of what they are going to tell you, you still need to do it. I felt the same way, but I went recently and my blood pressure is very high and I was so tired of being tired, I did not know what to do. So the outcome was not only did I have high blood pressure, I found out there is medical reasons behind the way I have gained wt. and the way I have felt over the last few years. The good thing is the doctor can help me with these issues and get me back on track. You don't have to feel this way. The doctor actually gave me this website and we are going to use it as part of my treatment. We can do this together. I would like to add you guys as a friend, because you all are so helpful. This is the first time I have been to the site, but I already feel like the support is here.

Have a good night!!

Don't worry! I am sure the damage is irreversible. Before you start working out again, you should pop in to your Family Doctors to get a physical. If your worried about what they may say, remember they are there to help. Look at the bright side, your Dr. will probably be happy you have decided to take control of your problem (If any). As soon as you start getting back into positive habits, you will have way more energy and determination to continue with your lifestyle change. :flowerforyou: I honestly dislike my annual physical as well, but I just see it as what areas I need to improve on to stay healthy. So don't be scared, start one day at a time.

Sounds like you're rallying a great group of ladies for support on here. That should definitely help. I don't have alot of success with weight loss. So you may not view my opinion as credible as some others. However, your statement, "through a very bad emotional trauma" is what caught my attention more than anything. I just want to say to you....be kind to yourself. Emotional trauma is horrible. It scars just as much as physical trauma. Treat yourself well.

Hi there! First of all be proud of yourself that you took the first step to losing weight...which is coming on here. Second of all, stop being afraid. Fear will do nothing for you. All it does is hold you back from the things you dream about or want. Third, go to the doctor. It doesn't matter if you are scared of what he will tell you. He will give you a physical and blood test and let you know where you stand health wise. Then you can set out a battle plan to fight any issues you may have. Losing weight will probably take care over 90% of the issues you have described in your post.

It will not be an easy road. All of us fight hard when it comes to losing weight, gaining weight, staying fit or gaining muscle. But you can do it. Deep down you are strong and you have to dig deep and grab hold of that strength and hit it hard. You can do this! And don't forget you have children. Not only are you doing this for yourself, but also for them. They need their mother to be strong and healthy.

Please add me on your list. I would love to help you on this journey. I only started in January and MFP has been such a great help. There are a lot of wonderful people here. Good luck, and stay strong!

Lizabeth-
You are frightened, and I can appreciate your concern, it is hard to face weight gain and feel fatigued - I imagine you feel over whelmed by it all too. Facing this problem head on with your doctor I think will be easier to do than you realize, especially if you are ready to admit that you need help and feel anxious about it, and ready to do something about it... I think it is when we are in denial that frustrates a caring doctor - but you haven't even seen your doctor yet, so I think they will be relieved to see you come in. Fear makes us put off things that we do not want to face which has consequences, and you are on the path of wellness by coming here and talking about your fear. It takes courage to face your fears, so I am proud of you! Lastly, I think we need to cut ourselves some slack - we are women and there is a lot of focus on prepubescent body image in my opinion, and the stress of our world, coupled with process foods and dining out, technology has many, many people struggling with weight - you are not alone, and I think you can tell that you are not alone when we realize how many people are using mfp - because loosing weight is hard, and we need each other - hang in there - please call your doctor - I think you will be glad you did!

You can do it! Just take each day little by little and I promise you can do it. I was scared and seta measly goal of losing like.. 20lbs at first, and now looking back I think it's silly that I was so nervous! You will get there one day with determination

I started my journey by seeing my doctor and having a complete physical done. You should do the same, and talk to your doctor about everything you have posted here.

I read a blog called 300 Pounds Down. It is written by a women who was over 400 pounds. She ended up having weight loss surgery but that is not the whole story. She started exercising for 30 seconds a day. Each day she added a little extra time. A few weeks ago she ran a 5K with her brother. Her story is amazing. Check it out, http://www.300poundsdown.com/. She inspires me to keep trying and not to quit. You can do this, your kids need you! Keep trying and don't give up.

The scariest step is the first one you take. After that just keep moving forward! But you have to make the first step by seeing a Doctor and then making the decision to change your life (you can do that by taking one step at a time.) You can do it and there are plenty of supportive people on MFP that are willing to help. Look at all the people who replied to your posting Good luck hun it'll so be worth it in the end.

Sounds like you're rallying a great group of ladies for support on here. That should definitely help. I don't have alot of success with weight loss. So you may not view my opinion as credible as some others. However, your statement, "through a very bad emotional trauma" is what caught my attention more than anything. I just want to say to you....be kind to yourself. Emotional trauma is horrible. It scars just as much as physical trauma. Treat yourself well.

I counted 49 replies in the first hour, and most of the replies are very detailed and heart-felt. I have to say, though I'll leave the encouragement up to y'all who may have your own experiences similar to the OP, this support is pretty awesome to see.

I started after I ended up in the hospital and was diagnosed with diabetes. You DON'T want that to happen to you. I could kick myself for letting things get that bad. But that's in the past now. I took control and life is good again. And don't let mean people take your accomplishments away from you. Its THEIR problem....don't make it yours. If you have to, keep what you do to yourself....except for here. This is a great place for support. Share with people who care and understand....and the rest can go to blazes.

You asked if any of us started our journey by seeing an MD; yes, but not the way I wanted to. After the heart attack 9 months ago I not only saw my Dr, but my brand new, never-had-one-before cardiologist. You don't want to get started my way, trust me!

I set goals; 100 lbs in 2 yrs or 5 lbs in 1 month; anybody can lose 5 lbs! Trust me, if I could do it as much as I love food, anyone can,,,,see the Dr on your own terms then go for 5 lbs at a time.

The power to change lies within you. If you believe you can, you will. Take one day at a time and one meal at a time. None of us got here overnight and we won't attain health overnight. Cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself. Look forward and not back. I too was staring down a 150 pound weight loss mountain. I too never started because it just seemed too much to conquer. So, I finally set small goals, e.g., lose 10 pounds and I didn't give myself a time limit.

I lost 75 pounds, felt great, got complacent and then regained it.

Recently, I started over, because I told myself that I can start over. And that is the beauty of it. You can start again at any time.

Now 54 pounds are gone and I am slowly working my way down (goodbye 300s, look out 200s and onederland I have you in my sights at all times). Some days I lose. Some days I gain. I try to reflect on what I ate and how much I moved and then I move on and try to make better choices. I no longer allow myself to turn a bad day into a bad week or a bad month or a bad year (which was my pattern in the past and that resulted in the loss and gain of several hundred pounds over a lifetime). Take small steps.

First, see the doctor. HBP is no joke. It is called the silent killer for a reason. Fat or thin, if you have HBP you can go at any time. Why not take care of yourself first by taking care of your HBP? Your kids will thank you and you will have one less thing to worry about and that could motivate you.

Second, make sure you don't have other metabolic problems that are preventing you from losing weight or that might be contributing to your gain.

Third, find a plan that works for you. I actually find that having 2-3 plans that work for you is great and when fatigue sets in after several weeks or several months, you have a new plan to switch to. The reality is that folks like us who struggle with our weight will ALWAYS have to be on a plan whether to lose or maintain.

Fourth, write down EVERYTHING that you put in your mouth. Tedious? Yes, but remarkably helpful.

Fifth, always have a snack with you and a bottle of water. Also, don't deny yourself. Build in your favorite treat. I eat 2 small squares of Dove dark chocolate with almonds almost every night. It is my celebration for getting through another day of good food choices and I don't feel deprived. I also have learned to reward myself with non-food items. Why not think of something that you really want and get it once you lose 20 pounds? If you are a visual person, string beads or paperclips for every pound lost. I found the paperclip chain (with a colored paperclip at every 5th pound) quite motivating.

Sixth, drink lots of water (and green tea, if you can tolerate it). Remind yourself that between meals drinking water (or a hot liquid) will help you to wait.

Seventh, eat 5-6 times a day. It seems counter-intuitive since we have been programmed to try to eat less and less in an endless battle to lose weight, but now that I am eating 5-6 small meals a day (about 1600 cals) I find it easier to lose. It takes work, planning and getting used to, but you will get there.

Eighth, start moving. Find something you love. Swimming (once we get over the bathing suit thing) is great, no impact exercise. Dance in you living room when no one is watching. Do what you can for as long as you can. Do it several times a day until you can start lengthening each session. If you can only walk for 5 minutes at a time. Do it 6x/day. It is still 30 minutes and all movement helps in the beginning. You will be surprised how quickly your body adapts. It is very resilient once it is treated well.

Ninth, plan you meals. Tedious? Yes, but it helps to keep you focused. Will you stray occasionally? Sure, but it is easier to get back on track if you know what your next meal is and you aren't searching among the enticing things for something to eat. Do the same when you eat out. Search the menu online and know what you will eat before getting to the restaurant. Staring at the menu will only be tempting if you are not prepared. Also, be demanding about how you want your food prepared when you eat out. Ask them to cut the oil, salt or butter if that is what your plan calls for, but don't cut out all fat because our bodies need it. Go for healthy fats.

Finally, stay on MFP. The folks here are awesome, inspiring and honest. I am new to this site, but is has done wonders for me in the last two weeks and I will be her for a long time to come. It also helps me to remember that I am not alone because millions of people are fighting the same battle that I am.

Good luck. You are worthy of this journey to better health. And if I haven't said it already, forgive yourself and only look forward.