NON-FOOD/FITNESS ADVICE NEEDED
MeIShouldB
Posts: 578 Member
in Chit-Chat
OK guys, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and it seems in the last year ALOT of people have been asking when we are going to get married. (Seems like they should be asking when we are getting engaged instead since they are 2 different things, let's not skip steps). His doctor asked, his coworkers, my friends, certain people in my family, his sisters, even my tutor from college. This is the problem:When people ask, I don't know what to say other than "that's up to him, he has to ask". But the more people ask the more uncomfortable it has started to make me. It's like they are saying, "dang, still not yet?" I don't want him to feel pressured and I don't want to be either, I want him to do it when he is ready. I know if I request that people stop asking me, they will jump to the conclusion that something is wrong. How can I diplomatically get people to stop asking without sending the wrong message?
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Replies
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Does he know what you want to get married?
If he does, and he still hasn't asked ... "he's just not that into you".
Why waste years of your life on a guy that has no ambition to create a future with you?0 -
Does he know what you want to get married?
If he does, and he still hasn't asked ... "he's just not that into you".
Why waste years of your life on a guy that has no ambition to create a future with you?
Yes, he knows. We have talked about it. But LOL that's not true, both parties have to be ready. Just because a person isn't ready to ask you right away just because they know you want it doesn't mean they are not into you.0 -
It's been three years, darling. If he had any desire to marry you, he probably would have at least proposed by now.
You asked for advice! Don't be so defensive.0 -
Does he know what you want to get married?
If he does, and he still hasn't asked ... "he's just not that into you".
Why waste years of your life on a guy that has no ambition to create a future with you?
What if he's incredible in the sac?
OP, dont sweat it, maybe he just needs to figure some things out and then he'll get down on one knee for you if its meant to be. If its not, then there are other people out there0 -
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It's been three years, darling. If he had any desire to marry you, he probably would have at least proposed by now.
You asked for advice! Don't be so defensive.
LOL he was 23 when we started dating. He's 26 now. Everybody doesn't make moves on the same clock. And that "purpose to me when I want it or you must not like me" mindset is what gets women single when they don't have to be. You can't have your stop-watch running. A marriage will never work if either party feels they were strong armed into it.0 -
I think ya'll might be missing the point of my post. I'm not trying to get advice about him proposing. I'm not worried about that part. I'm looking for advice on getting people to stop asking when it's going to happen.0
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How can I diplomatically get people to stop asking without sending the wrong message?
Lie.0 -
If you find out please let me know. Been together 4 years and the pressure that the poor guy is put under. Every Christmas morning our family wait to see if there is a rock on my finger lol. He bought my dad for a game of golf when he visited and it kicked into over drive asking him in front of my dad so did you ask him. I think it is because I am the youngest of 3 girls(they are 10 & 11 years older than me) so have been married & has children a long time now. We could of spent our savings on a ring 2 years ago but took a year off to go travelling instead which has seen us moved to Australia permanently(from Ireland) We talk about getting engaged/marriage etc just in no rush at the moment. Some people get caught up in the excitement of a engagement I know with my family it's because they adore my boyfriend and want something to celebrate. It is embarrassing when people keep asking but i would just laugh it off.. Will happen when you two are ready not other people.x0
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It is "everyone else's" business because why? And you are unable to tell them, "It's none of your business!" because why? Are you seeing a theme here? Neither of you should get married because of outside pressure. If it's time and you are both ready, then you'll do it. If not, then forcing it isn't the answer.0
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How can I diplomatically get people to stop asking without sending the wrong message?
Lie.
LOL I'm a terrible liar0 -
(this is for SwimFan)
What do you think, smartass?
I'm basing my opinion on what she is telling us. If she doesn't want to take my advice, I really don't care. But when you post asking for advice, you should understand that you will get a lot of varying opinions - because everyone had a different upbringing, has different morals, etc - and when you totally disregard an opinion, what was the point of posting in the first place? Or are you just posting to hear what you want to hear? In this case, maybe this girl just wants to be reassured ... but that isn't going to fix the problem now is it?
it's just my experience that if a guy really wants you to be his wife, he will "put a ring on it" as my girl Beyonce said.
If marriage is a huge priority for you, find a different guy. End of story. If you're happy being complacent and living your life by someone else's game plan, I guess stick with it! Good luck either way.0 -
would it be too rude tell people to mind their own f*cking business? if he already knows you want to eventually be married and he wasnt scared off by the idea, then hes probably just waiting for the right moment. dont let other people put pressure on your relationship and enjoy the happiness you have already found
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People do it to me some times, personally I don't give a crap.
You are young, I have no clue why people even ask anyone under twenty-five.
Really though, just shrug it off and if it really ticks you off, say something funny, but sarcastic.0 -
:laugh: I love MFP0
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It's been three years, darling. If he had any desire to marry you, he probably would have at least proposed by now.
You asked for advice! Don't be so defensive.
LOL he was 23 when we started dating. He's 26 now. Everybody doesn't make moves on the same clock. And that "purpose to me when I want it or you must not like me" mindset is what gets women single when they don't have to be. You can't have your stop-watch running. A marriage will never work if either party feels they were strong armed into it.
So true!
I'd suggest simply saying, "when we're ready". Anything beyond that is no one's business but yours. If they ask anything beyond that just smile politely and change the subject.0 -
Well if he loves you and you love him... Why does it matter what anyone else thinks? Other people's opinions of you isn't going to change your relationship. They can 'think' all they want, but at the end of the day, it's only your feelings that count. You'll get married, erm.. engaged, when you're ready, not when anybody else is ready. Just tell them 'when we're ready'. It's as simple as that. What people think is their problem, not yours.0
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If you find out please let me know. Been together 4 years and the pressure that the poor guy is put under. Every Christmas morning our family wait to see if there is a rock on my finger lol. He bought my dad for a game of golf when he visited and it kicked into over drive asking him in front of my dad so did you ask him. I think it is because I am the youngest of 3 girls(they are 10 & 11 years older than me) so have been married & has children a long time now. We could of spent our savings on a ring 2 years ago but took a year off to go travelling instead which has seen us moved to Australia permanently(from Ireland) We talk about getting engaged/marriage etc just in no rush at the moment. Some people get caught up in the excitement of a engagement I know with my family it's because they adore my boyfriend and want something to celebrate. It is embarrassing when people keep asking but i would just laugh it off.. Will happen when you two are ready not other people.x
Sounds familiar. He and my parents love each other. His parents both died when he was young so he looks to my parents like his second parents and the truly treat him like a son, very sweet. Thanks for your reply0 -
She isn't asking how to get her boyfriend to propose...0
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(this is for SwimFan)
What do you think, smartass?
I'm basing my opinion on what she is telling us. If she doesn't want to take my advice, I really don't care. But when you post asking for advice, you should understand that you will get a lot of varying opinions - because everyone had a different upbringing, has different morals, etc - and when you totally disregard an opinion, what was the point of posting in the first place? Or are you just posting to hear what you want to hear? In this case, maybe this girl just wants to be reassured ... but that isn't going to fix the problem now is it?
it's just my experience that if a guy really wants you to be his wife, he will "put a ring on it" as my girl Beyonce said.
If marriage is a huge priority for you, find a different guy. End of story. If you're happy being complacent and living your life by someone else's game plan, I guess stick with it! Good luck either way.
Funny 0 -
She isn't asking how to get her boyfriend to propose...
This!0 -
I usually reply with "and lose my freedom!?" when people ask me.0
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(this is for SwimFan)
What do you think, smartass?
I'm basing my opinion on what she is telling us. If she doesn't want to take my advice, I really don't care. But when you post asking for advice, you should understand that you will get a lot of varying opinions - because everyone had a different upbringing, has different morals, etc - and when you totally disregard an opinion, what was the point of posting in the first place? Or are you just posting to hear what you want to hear? In this case, maybe this girl just wants to be reassured ... but that isn't going to fix the problem now is it?
it's just my experience that if a guy really wants you to be his wife, he will "put a ring on it" as my girl Beyonce said.
If marriage is a huge priority for you, find a different guy. End of story. If you're happy being complacent and living your life by someone else's game plan, I guess stick with it! Good luck either way.
I feel like you must have married young and quickly, because you fixated on one part of the post. The part that wasn't even the question. Seems like you are trying to reassure yourself about something more than me.0 -
She isn't asking how to get her boyfriend to propose...
This!
THANKS!0 -
It's been three years, darling. If he had any desire to marry you, he probably would have at least proposed by now.
You asked for advice! Don't be so defensive.
LOL he was 23 when we started dating. He's 26 now. Everybody doesn't make moves on the same clock. And that "purpose to me when I want it or you must not like me" mindset is what gets women single when they don't have to be. You can't have your stop-watch running. A marriage will never work if either party feels they were strong armed into it.
So true!
I'd suggest simply saying, "when we're ready". Anything beyond that is no one's business but yours. If they ask anything beyond that just smile politely and change the subject.
Great advice! Thanks0 -
just say when the time is right and leave it at that..0
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It's been three years, darling. If he had any desire to marry you, he probably would have at least proposed by now.
You asked for advice! Don't be so defensive.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait one second there, Honey. When did three years become the breaking point for love and commitment?! My husband and I dated 4.5 years before engagement, another year and a half passed before our wedding and we have been married for three years now. Spoiled that theory.
To the OP, try to shrug it off. My response was something to the effect of 'When we're ready.' followed by a smile and a change of subject. My husband and I discussed marriage but just because we were talking about it, didn't mean it had to happen OMGRIGHTNOW!. Try to remember that people generally don't mean to be offensive, they just want to see you happy or think they are making small talk 0 -
I was with my husband 5 years before we got engaged. Now we have been together nearly 15 years. Trust me, he's into me.
I'd just tell people that we'll get engaged/married when the time is right. Oh and don't think it stops there. Once you're married it will be 'when are you having kids'. Get used to it and develop some standard blocking answers...0 -
It's been three years, darling. If he had any desire to marry you, he probably would have at least proposed by now.
You asked for advice! Don't be so defensive.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait one second there, Honey. When did three years become the breaking point for love and commitment?! My husband and I dated 4.5 years before engagement, another year and a half passed before our wedding and we have been married for three years now. Spoiled that theory.
EXACTLY!0 -
I was with my husband 5 years before we got engaged. Now we have been together nearly 15 years. Trust me, he's into me.
I'd just tell people that we'll get engaged/married when the time is right. Oh and don't think it stops there. Once you're married it will be 'when are you having kids'. Get used to it and develop some standard blocking answers...
Love this LOL. And you know what, I'm sure that's true. And coincidentally only 1 of the people that have asked are married. I think that's odd.0
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