im a mess and im scared
layswhyfe
Posts: 2
When i began i was 182- the highest i have ever been in my life. I kept putting it off, but now i cant, im going to visit my family over the summer, and that is going to be the biggest nightmare of my life. I just don't know what to do. My parents are making me go, and i know if i go all my family - uncles and aunts and cousins and family friends and church gossipers, all they will be talking about is my weight, the whole entire time, the fat jokes, the advice the everything, its going to be terrible, absolutely horrifying, and painful and i have a lot, and i mean alot of family. I dread this so much, but im running out of time, i wish i had known a year ago that we would be going. i only have 2 months now, and i tried for three weeks to reduce my calorie intake but i broke about 3 days ago, currently i eat like crazy feel really guilty and go run for 30 min. but ive gained 2 pounds back from what i lost. Currently i am 175. And even though i can be strong, i know after hearing from everyone talk about me for two months straight that i will end up crying like a baby at night when nobody sees because i dont want anyone knowing that im hurt. All the girls in my family are skinny, im the fattest, i would do anything to have some more time, i just dont want to go. I wish God would give me the strength, but i just cant stop eating. Ill stop for one week, and then crash the next. I just cant do it, and im about ready to give up just let them make fun of me. Ill just have to close my eyes and ears. I hate this so much.
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Replies
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Don´t give up!! When I first started to count calories, all I could think of was food and what to eat when. Now I feel much more relaxed about it. I don´t mean to offend, but I´m sure they have other things to talk about. Sure, there might be some comments, but I doubt it will be all that bad. Try to relax- I know it´s a lot easier said than done- and show them that you are a clever, relaxed and attractive woman. Use your time to get to know people, talk to them, listen to them. And it´ll all be over before you know it. Keep you head up high.
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you've already lost a lot of weight! stay strong, eat at a REASONABLE diet and work out. In two months you can totally lose another 10lbs, maybe even more in a safe and healthy way and then you will feel GREAT even if you're not at goal weight and hopefully feel confident enough to face them. Family can be the WORST with that sort of thing. But at 175 you are NOT morbidly obese, you are not a 300 lb person with illnesses who has trouble getting around, you are a young woman who wants to get into better shape and there are FAR WORSE positions to be in. In fact, many people on this site have it much worse! You can do this!! Don't starve yourself, eat healthily, and work out. You'll start to feel great before you know it.
Good luck!0 -
Start again - don't give up. Log your food, walk/run - anything to break a sweat. You won't meet your goal in 2 months but you could meet it in 6 months!
Hold your head up high and if they are mean to you, ignore them and go for a walk/run.0 -
Hi,
I know feeling judged is hard, especially when it is family, the ones that are suppose to love and care for you.
Make a list of all the great things about you ... school or work achievements, hobbies, charities you help with etc.
Put it up somewhere and focus on who you are.
When you focus on and accept who you are you can be more positive about yourself.
Share these things with the family and the weight will be less of an issue for them and for you.
Also if you do this you will be less stressed and will binge less.
Where are you going on holiday? Are there places to visits and things to do? Do some research. You don't have to spend all your time with family. Plan visits to places and get some space from family. You may even have fun!
Take care of yourself. Good luck!0 -
all they will be talking about is my weight, the whole entire time, the fat jokes, the advice the everything, its going to be terrible, absolutely horrifying, and painful
Sometimes if we feel guilty we can project those feelings onto others and imagine how they may react to us in a worst case scenario. In cases like this it can be helpful to face our fears and hopefully find that others can be more accepting and suppportive than we predicted. But if this fear is based in a reality of how your family relates to you then I would avoid seeing them until you feel more confident about yourself. However well meaning, their attempts at helping make you feel ashamed. You don't deserve that.
Currently you seem trapped in a viscious cycle of restriction and eating in response to your emotions. To break this link it would be useful to invest some time in learning other ways of coping with the feelings that trigger excessive eating. This website has links to self help programmes (under Overcoming Disordered eating) that have an evidence base of effectiveness in learning new ways of thinking and behaving which can help to break out of these cycles. But remember, if you want to do this it should be for you, not your family
.http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm0 -
You can do this hun, you have already lost 7 pounds and thats a good start. Just keep logging everything you eat, if you can plan in advance then you will find that your choices of food will be better. Exercise when you can. Do some measurements now and in a few weeks you could see a difference in your body shape. Dont give up, remember your doing this for you and not for what people might say. just think if in 2 months your another 7 pounds down but have also lost inces then it will well worth it. Good luck. 0
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I was 158 lbs at my best and after getting sick and becoming bedridden for 7 months my weight shot up to 195 lbs. That was now 3 years ago and to put this in perspective I am 5'1. Currently I am 184 lbs. and though I am not loosing much weight I am loosing size. Though I hold the weight well I am the largest in my family and have been working hard at it now for 9 months. Though I am hefty it helped me appreciate other aspects of myself. Rather than thinking how everyone was seeing me for how heavy I am I decided to wow them with personality. I know it sounds corny but wow did my life change. When people see a fun loving, laughing intelligent human being who can hold a conversation and have some fun they do NOT think...wow she is smart but fat...It's all on how you present yourself.
As for losing the weight stress causes retention of weight as it make you lethargic, eat more - as it can be a stress relief due to some of the chemicals that are released and change the mood you have and how you present yourself to people. Rather than stress, shake it off do the best that you can and if you need someone to talk with have a buddy who is willing to have you call them out of the blue to to vent off some steam.
You are a strong woman as it takes a strong woman to not just be unhappy about there weight but actually try and do something about it. Nothing lasting is ever built in a day. If this is the path you want to take just take it. The fact that you can go to your family reunion and say yes I was 182 but I have been working hard and now I am this... will make you feel awesome. You also may not drop the pounds quickly but your body will look like you have.
Done give up love as once you do then you are the one loosing out. If your family can not appreciate you...screw them....you can not choose who your family is but you can choose who your friends are. Besides...1 day out of the rest of your life is peanuts. Stick it in there face that you are a proud woman who is working hard to make herself a better person!
Cheers from Canada!0 -
Just start again, be strong and use self control....you can do it...fight it & it will get easier, have faith in yourself and everytime you reject something that you are tempted with you will be proud of yourself and seeing those results will be worth it:0
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Keep working at your weight loss but if I were you I wouldn't go. The added stress of this clearly isn't helping you.0
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They won't be talking about your weight the entire time. You need to realize this. It's good you want to make a change and be healthy but lets be realistic. It's your insecurity. Yes, someone may say something(rude as that is) but no one is going to dwell on this 24/7. Just keep eating healthy and exercising while you are there, go for a run or walk when you get up if there is no gym access. No one is going to say anything bad about someone who watches portion size and gets up and goes out and exercises every day. I mean, how many of them are going to be doing the same?0
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You say that you KNOW this, that, and the other thing will happen, but your fears may be blowing the whole thing out of proportion. If people say rude things, tell them it hurts you; it does not help you. Meanwhile, do the best that you can. Changing your habits and losing weight is hard. Most of us struggle through a lot of bad days.0
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Chin up, little flower! :flowerforyou:
It sounds as though you are surrounded by a perfect storm of negativity!
I do not know why people can act so ugly. You may not have the power to change how they act.
You DO have the power to change how YOU REACT.
Eleanor Roosevelt said "nobody can humiliate you without your consent."
Think about it. It's true.
Nothing anyone says to you has the power to hurt you UNLESS YOU GIVE THEM THAT POWER.
You need to decide that what people, including your family, think of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
What do they have to do with who YOU are, who YOU want to be, who YOU are deciding to become?
No more than I do, and I'm a perfect stranger.
Reach inside. It's there. Look at yourself as though you are your best friend, or perhaps a little child who you are protecting.
If there are jokes or mean things said, look at the person saying it as though they are babbling gibberish and go about your business, impervious.
You can really choose to do this! It takes practice, but once you realize that the power of how you react lies solely with you, IT FEELS WONDERFUL!0 -
Dont start again! This is a journey, a long one! If you love your food like most of us do then it's never going to be easy, but with small, sensible steps you can make a long term difference. Giving your self a goal and putting your self under SO much pressure is just a sure fire way to crack. You are never going to get down to your target weight in such a short amount of time, so just stay calm, go there with your head held high knowing that you are working on it. Use this visit as a landmark, so that the time you see them after that they are all like "look how much weight she lost"
Small, realistic steps, one day at a time x
Sophie x0 -
Shame on them! Truth is ,we are harder on ourselves than other people are on us....Most people have plenty to take care of in their own back yards but it's easier to be mean to other people ..........Be yourself, smile and be pleasant and if anyone asks you about your weight either walk away or ask them "why do you want to know"?0
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Calm down, relax.0
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Chin up, little flower! :flowerforyou:
It sounds as though you are surrounded by a perfect storm of negativity!
I do not know why people can act so ugly. You may not have the power to change how they act.
You DO have the power to change how YOU REACT.
Eleanor Roosevelt said "nobody can humiliate you without your consent."
Think about it. It's true.
Nothing anyone says to you has the power to hurt you UNLESS YOU GIVE THEM THAT POWER.
You need to decide that what people, including your family, think of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
What do they have to do with who YOU are, who YOU want to be, who YOU are deciding to become?
No more than I do, and I'm a perfect stranger.
Reach inside. It's there. Look at yourself as though you are your best friend, or perhaps a little child who you are protecting.
If there are jokes or mean things said, look at the person saying it as though they are babbling gibberish and go about your business, impervious.
You can really choose to do this! It takes practice, but once you realize that the power of how you react lies solely with you, IT FEELS WONDERFUL!
Reread this over and over, it is good advice.
Others are right - you are 175 pounds, that is not "fat" by any means. 175 is my goal weight! I know that doesn't help the way you are feeling, but you need to gain some perspective on yourself. Take some time and write down all the things you like about yourself. Journal them. Try for at least 50 things about you that are awesome.
If all else fails when you're with your family and they pick on you, you can have in your pocket a list of things to say back to them. Be prepared with easy quips that roll of the tongue - the more you make it seem like they are getting to you, the more they will pick on you. It's no fun to pick on someone who doesn't care and/or doesn't respond.
I suspect deep down though, it's YOU that is picking on you the most. No one can make you feel anything. If you are feeling something from someone's comments, you must already feel that about yourself and they are just pointing it out. So be gentle with yourself. Learn to love yourself. Hugs!!!0 -
You're 18-- don't go. If it's going to stress you out this much surely your parents will understand.0
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I used to be married into a similar family--*used to be.* I know that there are people like this out there and that they are every bit as mean as you are describing. Just remember that they are the ugly ones, not you.
Don't try to lose all the extra weight at once, and especially not for THEM. Eat reasonably and healthy because you are worth it. Exercise moderately to make yourself feel better. The extra weight will come off in time.
And when it boils down to it, you really don't have to spend time with toxic people. There are all sorts of reasons why you could stay home that day.0 -
Do you have to go? If so, just keep on keeping on, and plan some nice, zingy conversation enders, for when they get going.0
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oh Hunny you and the rest of the world weigh 175. I'm sure you are beautiful. You're Aunts and Uncles love you unconditionally and they too probably have to track what they're eating. You have the one up, you are young and know all about MFP and how to do it the healthy way cuz the app does all the counting for you. :happy: :flowerforyou: 0
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Don't give up!!! You can do it!! Hang onto the support here on MFP!!! Some days that is what helps me get through the day. Don't let others bother you. I know it is much better said than done!! You can do it!!!!0
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You're NOT a mess ... and any of those family members who have nothing better to do than to talk about you have their own problems. See if you can find some people to reach out to that will care about YOU ... not the size of your hips or what your hair looks like today or anything else superficial. THose family members who are treating you this way aren't anything special ... they're not rescuing hostages or writing books or inventing a cure for cancer, right? They're just getting off by bashing you ...
Find some kind things to do for yourself. Maybe it's a walk for half an hour listening to your favorite music ... that walk will calm you and be a step to being fit. Learn to throw things out ... if you want a bite of a piece of cake, take a bite and pitch the rest. Then have some salad with a hard-boiled egg.
IN a few months, you can lose some weight, but whatever you do, do it for YOU ... not your family. If you could magically lose it all, and be just the perfect weight you wanted to be, my guess is that those meanies would criticize something else about you - you'd be too thin, or not shaped quite right, or they wouldn't like the color lipstick you're wearing. SO ignore them. Your weight loss will be slow and sometimes not so steady, but find a healthy diet that nourishes your body, and some good friends who will nourish your soul, and some things to do that ignite your passion and interest and nourish your whole being. The family time will be what it is ... but those other things will help you fight back.
Good luck ...your family ought to be helping you, not tearing at you.0 -
Sweet child...listen to all of the wonderful advice above. Also - you are feeling beat down right now...but you are stronger than you know. You CAN...and you WILL....if you just take it one bite at a time.
Please hear me....you are young...but you are wise! Look at the things that you have already recognized at such a young age...
that you eat to cope with various situations. HONEY, you are not alone. Most of us on here are battling this WITH YOU!
Little changes can make a big difference...and the first little change you must embrace...
is that you are wonderfully made...
God loves YOU....AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!
The other folks have given such good advice...I'm not going to restate it...but try to take some of those tips and recommendations to heart.
You CAN be healthier for yourself...
There is an article in the message boards on emotional eating...you might pull it up for some wonderful encouragement.
Have a better tomorrow!0 -
If I'm laughing, it isn't at you. Please know that. I'm laughing because your situation reminds me so much of my vacation trip with my boyfriend's family in which his grandfather called myself and my BF fat quite seriously because we didn't look like his grandchildren who were heavily involved in sports. This is after I had been dieting for a long time. I wanted to quit right then and there. Your family reminds me a little bit of them--or I'm projecting. I'm sure they're all lovable. They just find something to talk about and might not realize what damage is being done. It's always the one that is different or just outside the room that gets picked on. Please, please don't internalize that mess.
I'm not saying don't improve yourself either. I just wouldn't beat yourself up about those pounds even though you feel that time is choking you. Take your time and work on getting stronger rather than the numbers which vary from day to day depending on metabolic processes and rhythms. In time, if there are words, your family will end up choking on them when they see your results.
I've got another vacation with them coming up if they haven't shunned me. I am determined this go round. It probably won't matter though because of the wonder twins. (They are perfect. AP-perfect grades. Perfect shape. Kind. I reiterate perfect shape. Seriously. one of them is ten and she has defined abs. Ugh....)0 -
Some really great advice below. I don't normally respond to posts, but you start weight is familiar to me. I started at 183 pounds and over a year lost 50 pounds.
I was so scared to start but the key to success is learning to be nice to yourself and changing habits that are, yes comforting, but ultimately harmful to your body and mind. Eat healthily and use MFP, it worries for you so you don't have to. Test your fitness, run for 1 minute at a time, then 2, or dance whatever gets the blood flowing ... I managed to run my first marathon last year and at first I couldn't even jog for one minute.
Slow but steady and smile at every success that you have. It does get easier. You are seriously not alone, you are probably just more honest than a lot of other people as to how hard it can seem. IT DOES GET BETTER, THEN FANTASTIC!!!!0 -
This journey is about you and not them your the one putting in the hard work and mental effort to take back your body...Just remember your a valued person and no matter what junk people throw at you it will make you be a better person and more determined....love you! and pity the fools who try to belittle you.0
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I can relate, I am a total mess any time that I have to go be in a crowd, be it family or work functions, I fill up with anxiety because I think they will judge me for my size. I am over300 lbs and working on changing that! Some days I don't think I can do it but this site helps me A LOT! At my brother's wedding, my cousin (who's not all that skinny herself) said to me 'let's go look at the appetizers' I said OK and she snorted!!! It was so obvious she was thinking 'of course YOU want food' - things like that hold no value to my life anymore, it just doesn't matter, I'm doing this for me. I know what you are going through with the constant eating from your emotions and you just need to find a way to get it together and stay on track. Don't let your anxiety keep you from doing what you want to do in regards to getting in better shape. Keep reading the forums, reach out to your buddies on here, and most of all keep logging your food, even when you don't eat so well. Seeing what I was eating was a huge eye opener to me and even though I still have my bad days, I've been doing much better than before I found MFP. Please don't give up, and after 2 months of keeping at it, when you go see your family instead of being worried that they will make fun of you, be PROUD of yourself for what you have accomplished! This whole thing is by no means easy but it will be SO worth it!! Hang in there!0
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That's...messed up (about your cousin--maybe she was trying to build herself up in an f'd up way?). Also, very good advice.
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You don't sound very overweight (but I've been huuuge and I work in kg, so what would I know ... ) but even if you are, you are not defined by a number on the scale. You are not your weight. Like others have said, there is more to talk about than your weight. It seems like you may have self-esteem and anxiety issues - is there no part of you that would like to catch up with your family and see what they are up to?
If your family does make comments and you cry in secret, they may not realise it hurts you so much - they are family, they might think it is 'good natured ribbing'. Maybe you should burst into tears at the first unkind comment you can find, and they may spend the rest of the time being supportive and treating you with kid gloves.
Failing that, you can always trot out the old "yes, but I'm losing weight ... stupid is forever"
As for your eating, don't let others dictate your feelings or your reactions. You choose your actions - choose actions you will be happy with!0 -
I went to a family reunion two years ago and one cousin whom I hadn't met before (a good looking male about my age) made a fat-joke and referenced me. I am certain he didn't realize what he had said and I believe it was a slip up. What happened is a 5 yr old was teasing with the older cousin and said, "you sat on my truck and broke it". The older cousin said, "I don't weigh enough to break it, she sat on it (pointing at me). The little cousin then came over to me and poked my stomach and said, "I bet you weigh A LOT". I was soo humiliated, it was in front of a bunch of people (many whom I had never met). I drove all the way home immediately (8 hrs). I cried the whole way. What's worse, is that I have gained 11 lbs since that summer. So I feel for you.
Now on to your plan. You need to keep plugging away. In two months you can lose about 10 more lbs, if not more. That is a 17 lbs loss total and it is nearly two dress sizes (every 10 lbs is a size). You could always do a crash diet toward the end. I don't really advocate them, but in situations as such, if it makes you feel better about how you look, go for it. I know of a ton of them that can easily bump a few more quick lbs off you.
You have two choices, settle for how you are now, or just lose it. You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. Go for it! You'll be glad you did.0
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