The universe is out to sabotage me.

Not sure what I can say that will help, I just didnt want to read and run. I too suffer from Binge eating. It doesn't take much for me to flip that switch from 'on track' to all out crazy binge. But I get up every day adn keep trying. I log as much as I can. Some binges I log...others I don't. I keep trying...I hope you will too.

Hugs,
Charmaine

ps. feel free to add me if you like..

Oh honey! I know EXACTLY how you feel! This past 6 months + have been some of the toughest of my life as well. I've dealt with the loss of my husbands job (and money), the death of my mother, and the loss of my daughter who chose to go live with her father because I told her something she didn't like to hear. My whole world has been turned upside down and the 25+ pounds that I had previously lost, I gained almost all back. *sigh*. So, trust me, I get it.

But, for me, I just decided I'd had enough. Throughout it all I still popped in to MFP once in a while. Never wanted to lose contact with my friends. There is a reason for that. They motivate me...especially Witsy..she's awesome. And I just got tired of being tired. And "fat". And sick all the time. I finally decided I was going to do my best to look good.

You can do this. Its great you are still here looking for help. Add me if you want...I'm a better support system now. PM me if you'd rather. But YOU CAN DO THIS!!

I'm not sure what this is worth but don't be so hard on yourself! It's easier said than done because I'm that way too. Try being a little more kind to yourself.

Did you get your vitamin D level checked? Lack of vitamin D is a cause of depression..

As for the other stuff.. just forgive yourself.. deal with the emotions and life goes on. You really need to learn to love yourself regardless of what you look like or how much you weight. You'll feel better if you do.

I feel better when I eat whole raw healthy foods.. So if you aren't get back to it, even if it's too much or not enough. You have to start somewhere..

Life is crazy... you can't control most of it.. and that's the hardest thing to learn. Do what you can with what life hands you. Everyone's life blows up in their face occasionally. It's how you deal with it that shows you and everyone else who you are.

Most important. Forgive yourself so you can allow yourself to get back on track. Nothing worth it is ever easy.

Did you get your vitamin D level checked? Lack of vitamin D is a cause of depression..

omg also this!!!!! x100.
depression leads to lack of outdoor activity and sunlight, which leads to low vitamin D, which leads to depression, which leads to lack of sunlight, which leads to lower vitamin D...
I was put on Vitamin D supplements when I started to address my issues for this very reason.

Okay, quick note- I suffer from a cyclical depression disorder (suspected bi-polar but after ten years my doctor STILL refuses to give me a diagnosis...), self harm, and EDNOS. Ergo my eating/exercise is erratic at best.

2013 has so far, in a word, been ****. It's been devastating, with family death, and it's been traumatic, with my entire family being shunned and backstabbed and basically humiliated publicly by the church we've been going to since my mum was 16. This same loving church also dropped me from a position of employment without due dismissal process and have consistently refused to give me any reasons for this dismissal, let alone any humility or compassion in dealing with me, despite the fact I am now £80 a week down (which, when you're a full time student, is a significant amount).

Needless to say, my whole routine has been shot. I was doing really well before Christmas, and this whole shebang blew up around the fourth day of January, so I've nearly undone all the work I did. I just can't get back on it. I've had about three days of consistent logging and exercise before something else happens and I'm a mess again. I will either lose my appetite completely, or go overboard and binge like there's nothing else to do.

Some days, the binging is reasonably controlled ie some bread and butter and a couple of smaller chocolate bars and a mini tub of pringles and some ice cream. Other days I will literally eat anything and everything I can get my hands on, from whole bags of vegetables to whole loaves of bread to whole family bags of crisps. These days I do not log for my own sanity. Having to log a binge like that and see THAT red number would, without exaggeration, lead me to do something bad to myself.

I don't know what to do. I feel so frustrated because I was doing so well last year, and I was ON TRACK to smash my goals, and now I'm probably not going to be even near where I wanted to be by my birthday in a month and a half. AND we booked a holiday to Spain last year when I was still 'on track' and the thought of going to a beachy resort when I'm still like this is absolutely mortifying. The doctor's not helping me (she's useless and I'm looking into switching GPs) and I can't afford to go back to my £100-an hour psychiatrist, so the mental state situation is dodgy I admit. But I need to start feeling better about myself in this journey again or I won't even stand a chance.

I have no idea what I'm expecting anyone to say. Just looking for some advice, I guess.

Sorry things are so crap for you right now. :flowerforyou:

I would try, as hard as it might be, not to think too much about the timescale of things, and that you haven't met this or that goal in the time you had hoped. It's disappointing, but in reality, there isn't a deadline for losing weight. It's a long-term (permanent really) thing, and you'll get there when you get there. Try and hold onto what you have achieved, and are achieving - you're having some good days of eating, and you're still logging in here. I know it probably doesn't seem like much, but you're doing well under the circumstances. I hope that doesn't sound too patronising, but that's honestly what I think, looking from the outside.

Is over-restricting part of your issue? Or, on days when you don't have an appetite, do you just not eat, or do you try to get your calories in anyway? Making sure you are eating enough on those days might go a little way towards reducing the binges. Might. I know it's not that simple, but worth keeping an eye on.

I would definitely get your GP switched if your current one isn't helpful. Are you able to see a psychiatrist on the NHS? I know mental health services can be somewhat... lacking. Switching GPs could help, and sometimes just being really belligerent and not taking no for an answer does the trick too. There are services out there for eating disorders, self-harm etc, but GPs aren't always forthcoming with info or referrals. Obviously if you do have bipolar, then getting a proper diagnosis would be important, and maybe a change of doc would help, since they all seem to have their different interests & specialities.

Have you had or thought about private therapy? (Not sure if you meant you were seeing an actual psychiatrist, or a therapist...) If not, that might be worth looking into. You should be able to find a decent therapist for a lot less than £100 an hour, and a lot of them have sliding scales or will negotiate fees for people on low incomes. Eating disorders and self harm are complex issues (especially with clinical disorders on top) and finding the right therapist can really be a life-saver, and is a world away from the bog-standard counselling offered on the NHS.

Have you tried CBT at all? Chances are, if you've been dealing with mental health services, that you've been offered that. It's not a magic wand for anything, but as a self-help tool, it can be quite effective, even just for keeping a lid on anxiety and irrational thinking processes. DBT is another one that can be quite good for self-harm type issues.

I don't know if any of that's remotely helpful, but just wanted to throw out a few ideas. I think you've got to look at the fact that you've got a lot going on - both with mental health issues and external events. It's hardly surprising that things would get away from you a bit. It must be so frustrating, but you haven't given up, and it doesn't sound like you have any intention of giving up. You'll get there, perhaps with a bit of time to let things settle down, and hopefully get some better support from a new GP.