Some folks take the family thing too far

I'm not real close to my distant relatives, no particular reason it's just we have nothing in common other than we're related.

I get it all the time (and we're talking about a STEP grandparent in my case) I do not like this woman, every time I see her I get the knife in the back about being single and not having kids because all of my cousins (and now my sister) do. She does not get that this hurts me because it's not that I don't want marriage and kids, I do, but if I can't find a guy that's interested in me, there is not a lot I can do about it (I've tried dating sites-on which I get the scammers, I tried a matchmaking service- not even close to being matched with someone that was interested, my friends don't know anybody to try to set me up with) so I'm out of luck. She doesn't get that it is torture to go to family gatherings and see the two cousins that have two kids each, the one cousin with nine kids (yes, I said nine... and they're not done yet) and now my sister with my nephew, I literally cry for days up to these events, dread going, upset the entire time I'm there, and cry for days when I get back.
Why do I go? Because I get the "family" card or the reminder that my grandfather is not going to be around much longer... and I have a huge guilty conscience... I'm doing my best to distance myself, my family is starting to make it much easier since they seem to suddenly be incapable of planning things far enough in advance that I can get the time off (and they are getting to where they assume that I can just take time off whenever I want so I will be there) doesn't work that way with my job, I've got another coworker to consider because of our on call coverage schedule, we make plans around when we are not on call, and don't change the schedule unless we absolutely must. Their luck ran out after this weekend

Relations by blood do not have to be family necessarily, tell her/him to shove it.

This exactly. Many of the most important people in my life are not blood related at all!

She probably just wants you there for the money in the card! Greedy people. If she's never been there for you, find other things to do on the wedding day. Sorry, plans!

i get that a lot since my daughter was born. we stopped going to a couple of big extended family functions because there are a good dozen people there who still think it is acceptable to smoke in the house. my daughter has asthma, and is a bit fragile in general, so we don't go to things like christmas, where we can't be outside in the fresh air, at least away from some of it. They seem to think I turned my back on them and theirs, or that i want nothing to do with them. I have to look out for my kids and keep them from harmful things like smoke as much as I can. we still see these people in the summer but avoid the indoor get togethers so they can think what they want. being a family means you do what you can to strengthen each other, not make some members sick.....have i repeatedly gone off about the smoking thing to them? yes, and they just don't get it, so we just don't go

Is it open bar? :drinker: How big is the cookie table?

Don't feel obligated to go - she's probably feeling obligated to invite you from the sounds of it.

If you get an invitation RSVP that you will not be attending. No explanation required.
As for your grandmother tell her the truth.

I missed my sisters wedding to go to the beach, in my defense, she planned a last minute wedding when I was scheduled for the beach and she was supposed to stay home with my son.....Yeeeeaaaahhhhhh lolol

I'm with you. The only people in my family I "show up for" are my parents. Because of this, I've been blamed for ruining family holidays, causing "huge rifts" and hurt feelings. This from people who c all me up on Christmas to scream at me. :noway:

I don't get the blood-responsibility claim. This was a huge issue in my marriage. My partner is someone who believes family trumps everything. So when their mother was sick they dropped out of school, moved out of state, left me home to take care of things and went bankrupt taking care of her. Did I mention that this is the same mother who would drop him off as a kid with her friends and then take off for weeks at a time to go on vino induced benders?

This marriage ended for sooo many reason.

Blood-shmud. I say build your own family!

For me, family isn't about blood. Family are the folks that are there for you, want the best for you, are at your side when you need it. I am a strong believer in treating people the way they treat you.

100% agree with you. Without going into too much detail, I have an extremely tumultuous relationship with my Mother. At 33 years old, I finally decided the stress and conflict that she adds to my life is just not worth it to me. I have very little interaction with her at this point. She lives less than a mile away, and even though she and I don't get along, she makes no attempts to see her grandson's who are 3 and 8 y/o. It's sad really.

If theys want to be your family, they have to behave as family.

I've cut out vast swaths of my family. No phone calls, no cards, no letters. Nothing.

Family isn't always family.

I've cut out vast swaths of my family. No phone calls, no cards, no letters. Nothing.

Family isn't always family.

Same here. Maybe not vast swaths, but definitely members. Just not worth it, at all.