Unsupportive Friends and Coworkers
kerndog87
Posts: 22 Member
Is anyone else having trouble dealing with unsupportive people around them. I am trying really hard to be very strict with my diet and exercise right now and everyone around me keeps trying to get me to cheat. My BF is constantly offering me food that he knows I shouldnt eat, as well as making me feel guilty when I don’t want to drink (waste of calories if you ask me). Then all of my coworkers are always saying things like what’s wrong with going to McDonalds with us just this once. If I gave in every time someone said just have this one thing it’s no big deal I will never reach my goals!!! They don’t mean to be bad influences on me but they really don’t understand how hard it is to say no when you are being hounded like that. I am so frustrated with everyone around me!!! Any suggestions on how to deal with the bad influences around you because I am ready to just shut everyone out put my head down and just go this alone!!!
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Replies
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I am curious to see if anyone replies. Other than the people here, I have no support at all. It is like the skinny ones do not understand the the heavy ones do not want you to become skinny. Confuses me.0
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Unfortunately in the world we're in now, this is the norm. It irritated me at first too but then I realized that I'm the one changing my food intake, not everyone else, and I cannot force them to change. I've started compromising, one drink with a friend of something low calorie (rum & diet coke is only 60 cals) or look up a restaurants nutrition facts before going and pick the best choice you can. I'll always be exposed to temptation, I just needed to learn how to handle it, usually through planning it ahead of time. Good luck!0
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Stop telling people you're trying to lose weight. They don't torpedo you if they don't know.0
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I hate to use the word 'Schadenfreude' but it really is like that.
People really love to see other people in bad straights so they can say "look how great I'm doing" when really they're just negative idiots.
It's happens to everyone trying to improve. Haters gotta hate.. So.. Appreciate! (or whatever)0 -
Just say no and keep saying no.
I saw very early in my work career, that when food was put out, it was the HUGE people that ran for it.
That was a lesson I never forgot.0 -
My co-workers heckle me about eating healthy when they all eat fast food and a lot of sweets. At the end of the day though, I am the one becoming healthy while they are not. I just let it roll of my back, and always bring my lunch. Eventually they quit asking me to lunch. Tell them you are trying to be healthier rather than lose weight. Also, when you start losing weight and your clothes start coming loose, you will know it was worth it!!
My fiance is also becoming healthier, so I do not have advice about that.0 -
.....They don’t mean to be bad influences on me but they really don’t understand how hard it is to say no when you are being hounded like that. I am so frustrated with everyone around me!!! Any suggestions on how to deal with the bad influences around you because I am ready to just shut everyone out put my head down and just go this alone!!!
They may not mean to be a bad influence BUT they are. Frenemies in the shape of Chocolate Brownies, Cheesecakes and Beer. The skinny ones have no idea how hard it is for us to lose weight OR they dont think we will stick to it anyway. The fat ones may be secretly jealous OR might just not want to lose a fat buddy.
I have lost 46 pounds in a year. In the first few months, people kept urging me to have stuff I didnt want to. I just said no. I didnt care if they were butt hurt or mad. If they werent going to be supportive of me, I wasnt going to care for their feelings. A year later, it is less frequent. I simply stick by my guns. I make exceptions, but I make them when I want to. Not because someone is influencing me to.
Stick to your guns. Dont fall prey to the devil.0 -
I have friends that invite me out all the time and they know I'm dieting, I don't think they mean to be unsupportive, it's just a change for them to accept like it was for me. So when they ask me to lunch it's because we always go together so I say sure I'll go but we have to go somewhere I can get a salad or chicken breast and usually that works out. If they are unwilling to compromise then I can see maybe feeling they aren't supportive but just realize you have decided to make a healthy change for the good and they just may need to adjust. Hopefully they will come around and start realizing you feel unsupported. Have you told them you feel that way though?0
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Hi sounds like they may be scared or jealous of your new attitude. tell them thanks but no thanks and that you are NOT on a diet you are changing your life and lifestyle, your not telling them what to eat or not so they shouldn't be doing it to you. It will get easier I promise. Try to avoid the situations with those people if you can, if not stick to your guns on it.
They'll soon get bored when they see you transforming before their eyes and they be wanting to know how you did it.
Sometimes this lifestyle change also means we lose people from our lives but I have found that though initially it may hurt, your life is richer without them.
Remember IT's NOT A DIET IT's A LIFESTYLE CHANGE FOR THE BETTER!!! and NEVER deny yourself anything you'll only crave it more just have it in moderation and good luck x :happy:0 -
I wouldn't say you are trying to loose weight either. I'd say you are a nutritionist and that you refuse to eat anything processed, etc.0
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You just have to be honest with those people. Tell them they aren't being respectful to what you are doing. As far as the BF, not much positive to say about that one and how he is treating.0
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I have one friend thats really bad and negative about my journey but thats mostly her jealousy. I used to think my dad was unsupportive because he'd make fun of what I was eating all the time. It dawned on me that he wants me to continue and is one of my biggest cheerleaders. I have been on a self pity trip recently because i need surgery on my hip. He has yelled at me for eating the ****ty food that will make me fat again and yelled at my sister who told me my stomach wouldnt hurt so much if I eat something other then veggies sometimes. It felt so good to hear him say to her (she could stand to lose pounds as well her health is at risk) "stop it your sister is doing amazing on her diet even if I can't stand the smells of her cooking"... LOL
thank you Dad!
Find your support in the people who are cheering you on and ignore the haters and delete them from your FB!0 -
I hate to use the word 'Schadenfreude' but it really is like that.
People really love to see other people in bad straights so they can say "look how great I'm doing" when really they're just negative idiots.
It's happens to everyone trying to improve. Haters gotta hate.. So.. Appreciate! (or whatever)
Did not know there was a name for that.
Just remain focused on your goals. Real friends will be there for you.0 -
I'd like to agree with you that they aren't doing it intentionally... but who knows. Some folks absolutely DO it intentionally because your success terrifies them.
I have a pretty down-pat system of handling these situations.
1st time - Thank you, but no. I'm very focused on my goals right now and that just doesn't fit into them. I know you understand and want to support me, so I appreciate the offer, but have a good time without me. Or... want to go to the gym with me instead?
2nd time - I appreciate your offer and know you're not trying to derail my efforts. I'm very much on track right now and anything off my plan for this week could really jeapordize my success. Thanks for your support, but have a good time without me.
3rd time - I think I've mentioned this before, but your continued offers of (insert offense here. It could be "going to McDonalds," "Bringing me cupcakes," "Offering me candy") are making it more difficult for to me to stick to my plan. Please stop. I know you only want what is in my best interests, and right now - that's to support what I'm trying to accomplish.
4th time - I've said this before, but now I must insist - STOP (insert offense here). If that's not something you can do, please tell me now... and we can figure out how that's going to affect our relationship.
And yes, I've ended relationships with folks that continue to be a barrier or don't REALLY want and demonstrate that have my best interests at heart.0 -
It's sad, cause we try very hard to do our best but people around us don't help or support. Almost seems like some would like us to fail in order to make themselves feel better.
You can do this!, don't let them get you down, you know what you are worth..0 -
I totally know where you're coming from! Everyone around me is so unsupportive except my boyfriend. You need to find that one person who'll keep you up through your bad days. And yeah, everyone on MFP would love to be that person! I know I would
People are just jealous that you're making a lifestyle change and they aren't. They're jealous of your motivation, of the fact that they're too lazy, and that fact that you're going to look amazinggg. Just keep pushing through the bad days.
And a tip someone told me, is that if someone offers you unhealthy food, tell them you already ate or that you're full. That way, you don't have to explain that you're eating healthier.0 -
Strangely I've found colleagues and friends very supportive, maybe it's a bit different in the UK or just my colleagues and friends, no clue which. And McDs, etc, is not so much part of the culture here, it's more pub food and I can usually make a healthy choice and stick to water instead of beer. Must be difficult though with people trying to wean you off your diet, I truly sympathise. I do a lot of business travel and am subject to a lot of entertainment, restaurant and hotel meals, but somehow manage, and never seem to get people trying to tempt me with unhealthy stuff or desserts, etc, most seem quite interested in how I achieve a weight loss and ask calorie values of certain foods, etc.0
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Yes, stop telling people. I just smile and say "no thanks" or "oh gosh, I'm so full right now" or "I brought my lunch today".Stop telling people you're trying to lose weight. They don't torpedo you if they don't know.0 -
I wouldn't say you are trying to loose weight either. I'd say you are a nutritionist and that you refuse to eat anything processed, etc.
I don't tell people a damned thing. I'm not going to make excuses or justify why I'm not doing things the way they do. I just tell them I don't want that cake someone brought for so and so's birthday.0 -
I know its hard but some things that are helping me are:
1) I do the grocery shopping, not my boyfriend
2) I get up in the morning and make my lunch and if they want you to go to McDonalds, take your lunch with you
3) I get on the scale once or twice a week and really take a look at my self naked in the full mirror every day (I know this may sound like too much info but it reminds me what I am doing this for)0 -
If your friends don't support you, then they aren't friends, in the truest sense anyways.
And co-workers, I see co-workers as competitors.0 -
Just politely turn them down and no explanation needed. Most important of all, don't feel guilty about it. We will always have people in our life that will be unsupportive or will find a way to get in our way to accomplish our goals but just focus on what we're trying to achieve. Just stay true to your commitment to become healthy because you're doing great. Don't waste all that hard work just so you can make other people happy :bigsmile: I think if you turn them down a few more times, they'll get the hint.0
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Yup... I've been dealing with this from some coworkers. I also like to save money which is another reason I don't like to go out to eat. I just say "thanks, but I actually brought my lunch today." I will go out to lunch with them though, maybe every 3rd or 4th time they ask.
My husband sometimes offers me junk food, sometimes I'll just have a bite of what he's having or I tell him to get it out of my face lol. Stay strong. Most people wish they could have that will power, and I think that is why they react the way they do.
Good luck!0 -
They don’t mean to be bad influences on me but they really don’t understand how hard it is to say no when you are being hounded like that. I am so frustrated with everyone around me!!! Any suggestions on how to deal with the bad influences around you because I am ready to just shut everyone out put my head down and just go this alone!!!
I disagree. The more I'm badgered to do something I don't want to do, the stronger my resolve becomes. When my foot goes down it stays down and the more you try to change my mind the more firm I become. If you set cookies out and walk away, it's only a matter of time before I'm enjoying them. If you badger me about eating those cookies, I'll be in your face backing you down.
In the end, it's not their jobs to be supportive. It's your job to stick to your guns.0 -
I am curious to see if anyone replies. Other than the people here, I have no support at all. It is like the skinny ones do not understand the the heavy ones do not want you to become skinny. Confuses me.
I agree completely! This site is pretty much the only support I have. One of my coworkers has become down right hostile towards me! It really confuses the heck out of me...lol. The majority of my real life friends are over weight and I guess they hate to see someone doing something that they should be doing as well. I have given up on them, and I do not get invited to lunch any more either. That is absolutely OK with me! I bring my lunch or grab Subway and carry on with my day!0 -
Tell them that if you gave in every time someone said "Just this once", you'd be giving in 20 times a week. You're saving it for something you REALLY want.
Also, you CAN get healthy or lower calorie things at fast food restaurants. You should do some research ahead of time for restaurants your friends and coworkers frequent.0 -
Is anyone else having trouble dealing with unsupportive people around them. I am trying really hard to be very strict with my diet and exercise right now and everyone around me keeps trying to get me to cheat. My BF is constantly offering me food that he knows I shouldnt eat, as well as making me feel guilty when I don’t want to drink (waste of calories if you ask me). Then all of my coworkers are always saying things like what’s wrong with going to McDonalds with us just this once. If I gave in every time someone said just have this one thing it’s no big deal I will never reach my goals!!! They don’t mean to be bad influences on me but they really don’t understand how hard it is to say no when you are being hounded like that. I am so frustrated with everyone around me!!! Any suggestions on how to deal with the bad influences around you because I am ready to just shut everyone out put my head down and just go this alone!!!
When a coworker gets upset that you won't go to McDonalds with them, offer them a bite of your salad. When your BF gets mad about you not drinking, offer him some water. When your friends are upset that you won't eat what they're eating, invite them over for a meal and make the most insufferable, healthy food that you can. Maybe it would help to SHOW them you won't cheat, rather than keep saying it 0 -
I am curious to see if anyone replies. Other than the people here, I have no support at all. It is like the skinny ones do not understand the the heavy ones do not want you to become skinny. Confuses me.
I agree completely! This site is pretty much the only support I have. One of my coworkers has become down right hostile towards me! It really confuses the heck out of me...lol. The majority of my real life friends are over weight and I guess they hate to see someone doing something that they should be doing as well. I have given up on them, and I do not get invited to lunch any more either. That is absolutely OK with me! I bring my lunch or grab Subway and carry on with my day!
If your coworker is being downright hostile to you, tell him to go screw himself. He probably feels inferior because you're taking steps to better yourself. A true friend or just a nice person WANTS you to be your best, even if they feel inferior or threatened. How petty of them all. Good for you for letting those kinds of friendships fall by the wayside.
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I hear that wholeheartedly my friend.
My office is FULL of skinny people that can eat whatever they want and never gain an ounce. They order pizza or chinese every day, run down the street to the local wing joint, to McDonalds or Chipotle, and I sit here at my desk with my grilled chicken salad and weep.
But, we are in this together, and this is why MFP is so essential to our success. You can always come here and bounce those problems off of us and we are here for you.
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They don’t mean to be bad influences on me but they really don’t understand how hard it is to say no when you are being hounded like that. I am so frustrated with everyone around me!!! Any suggestions on how to deal with the bad influences around you because I am ready to just shut everyone out put my head down and just go this alone!!!
I disagree. The more I'm badgered to do something I don't want to do, the stronger my resolve becomes. When my foot goes down it stays down and the more you try to change my mind the more firm I become. If you set cookies out and walk away, it's only a matter of time before I'm enjoying them. If you badger me about eating those cookies, I'll be in your face backing you down.
In the end, it's not their jobs to be supportive. It's your job to stick to your guns.
Oh don't mind me... I'm just one of the annoying Cookies that Joe's talking about... Mwaaah :bigsmile:0
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