Why do people say things...

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MandyKayFrench
MandyKayFrench Posts: 69 Member
in Motivation and Support
that are so incredibly mean?

So there was a luncheon at my client today, they brought in fajitas from my absolute favorite Mexican place (Ted's, for the OK MFPers). Well, I had done some research and decided a small serving of chicken, a lot of the veggies, small servings each of the beans and rice and then a small spoonful of the queso (because I love it so much that to deny myself any would be mean). To save calorie space, I completely dismissed tortilla or chips.

I eat my first small plate and wait and chat for a little while and decide I'm still a little hungry so I go back and get an even smaller serving of chicken and veggies and beans. I know it was a lot of calories but I got up early and did Insanity so I had some extra to spare.

I sit back down with my second plate and my staff, sitting next to me says "Well Mandy, whatever happened to your whole weight loss plan? Going back for seconds eh?"

Considering I had tried so carefully to put together a decent and small plate, and was foregoing things I would normally binge on, I had been secretly telling myself I was doing okay. So I was FLOORED by the jibe and the small snicker that came with it. I'm trying to consider the fact that he's from a different culture and so maybe he didn't realize how insensitive it sounded but MAN it hurt. :cry:

We need to be more careful as human beings with what we say to each other.

Replies

  • ErinGiam
    ErinGiam Posts: 396 Member
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    I couldn't agree with you any more!
    They probably didn't even realize how mean it sounded because they aren't in the same situation as you. But kudos to you for planning ahead and knowing exactly what you could/couldn't eat! Sometimes its hard to resist temptation but you did awesome :smile:
  • lutzsher
    lutzsher Posts: 1,153 Member
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    I find that MANY people just do not use their brain at the same time as their mouth! Should this person ever say anything about your food intake, diet, or weight again I would politely inform him that "it is not o.k. to comment on a woman's weight or diet unless you are married to her and being supportive". Don't wait for a reply, just walk away with your head held high.

    I work in radio and we are constantly getting junk brought to the station . . . cake, pizza, donuts, cookies . . . you name it . . . my staff is always amazed that I can say NO all the time but thankfully I have a great supportive group around me.

    You are doing GREAT, so f*&% the insensitive people and their comments!!!
  • pagraber
    pagraber Posts: 5
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    Technically speaking, people are mean for any number of reasons. Often it's due to low self esteem and is an outlet to help them feel better about themselves (If I point out your flaws I don't have to focus on my own). Other times it's ignorance. In this case it could be culturally driven ignorance to where he doesn't realize that what he said could be mean. Where I get in trouble is when I try to be funny and it bombs....particularly with people that you don't know well or in a work environment people need to think twice before they speak. Often this is accentuated when a male is in the presence of someone they find attractive...I think it's in our genes to activate the idiot button at that time.

    So no matter the group this guy was in, it's all on him and reflects HIS issues or ignorance. Obviously you had thought everything out and were under control so his comment had no basis. :happy:

    Now if you had a Large Oreo Blizzard in your hands and he made the comment, he would still be mean, but may have a point.:huh:
  • jdsouthernbelle
    jdsouthernbelle Posts: 274
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    I would have told that jerk that it was none of his business and noted the SMALL plate. People need to realize where their place is in this world and be more supportive of others.

    Keep your chin up....you did great for doing your research!
  • david1956
    david1956 Posts: 190 Member
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    He finds something about what you're doing threatening most likely, his hang-up.

    One of the strangest co-workers I can recall used to say a lot of things that implied to me that he issues about his own body, yet when it got to discussions about gyms he'd do stupid mimics of body-building poses and have a totally cynical sneer on his face. Really weird, but everyone thought he was a **** quite honestly.

    Normal people will be respecting your efforts, forget the others.
  • questionablemethods
    questionablemethods Posts: 2,174 Member
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    Oh wow! I would have LOVED to give that person a piece of my mind.

    The fact is, so many people think that you need to eat like a bird to lose weight but they really have no notion of how many calories they put in their mouths on a regular basis. You could have come back with "I know exactly how many calories this meal is and where it fits into my plan. Can you say the same? No? Then shut up."

    GEEZ! What is wrong with people? I feel your frustration. The truth is that it is none of their dang business. Your fabulous new body will be all the proof you need that you know what you are doing!
  • Behavior_Modification
    Behavior_Modification Posts: 24,482 Member
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    People are so IGNORANT!

    I'm sorry to read that this happened to you today.
  • MandyKayFrench
    MandyKayFrench Posts: 69 Member
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    The fact is, so many people think that you need to eat like a bird to lose weight but they really have no notion of how many calories they put in their mouths on a regular basis. You could have come back with "I know exactly how many calories this meal is and where it fits into my plan. Can you say the same? No? Then shut up."

    This is pretty much exactly what I did!! Well, sort of. In a completely taken-aback and off my game kind of way. I pointed out the approximate serving sizes I had on my plate and noted that the queso was a splurge item that IN NO WAY compared to the huge piece of Cheesecake Factory cheesecake he had on his THIRD plate.

    Thank you so much you guys - I felt so terrible after that and was trying hard not to beat myself up over it after I left and I feel so much better now having read (and giggled over) your reminders and support. I am so glad I have MFP to help me through these 'people are IDIOTS!' moments. Before I would have told myself maybe he was right, I'd screwed it up and always would and I'd go buy myself some ice cream.

    Instead, I'm lacing up my shoes for a 2.5 mile run before dinner. So TAKE THAT staffer!!
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    I just had a medical emergency........which lead to them finding and repairing a congentital heart defect from birth.

    I am not looking forward to going back into the office and hearign the first "Well I might as well eat 25 chicken wings........she is always walking and eating hummus and carrots and look what happened to her!!"

    People are stupid................including myself at times in my life.

    I hope you can move past this and celebrate that you are AWARE of your eating habits and changing them. HIP HIP HOORAY!!!

    Jeannie
  • lawkat
    lawkat Posts: 538 Member
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    He might have thought by making a comment about having a second helping that he was helping you by thinking about how much food you are eating and doesn't want to see your weight loss become derailed. He might not think he was intentionally being insensitive, and maybe he was only looking out for your best interest, it just didn't come out that way. That is one way to think about it.
  • proudarmywife49
    proudarmywife49 Posts: 34
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    How are you doing a 2 1/2 miles run after insanity? I am so sore i can't think about running.. cleaning and vacuuming my house today was enough on my sore muscles!

    So sorry that person had to be mean! That was very uncalled for!

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