Your thoughts

I think that there are plenty other females in the world to chill with.. The married ones shouldn't be an option...

Wait, so... does this mean that women who are married aren't allowed to have male friends?


"Wow, you're a really cool person and we have a lot in common -- oh wait, you have a husband? LOL NVM WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS. YOU'RE TIED DOWN SO YOU'RE NO LONGER AN OPTION TO BE MY FRIEND."

Am I the only one who finds that just slightly ridiculous? Men and women can have platonic relationships. Even if they are both heterosexual, it doesn't mean that they're going to end up in bed together.

NOT AT ALL.... I am not married and I chill with pleanty of married men... What I am trying to say is... Trying to go out on a DATE with a married person you have just met as the very first option is a NO NO... Come on now, conversate get to know the person first.... Just straight taking a person out to a freaking concert (where ever) spending money on the person... :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: That's a date and that's not cool.. I am a female with lots of male family members and friends... I know how they think...

There is no such thing as an innocent opposite sex friend (unless someone in the mix is gay, obviously.)

I do not agree with this at all. I have had plenty of innocent friendships with heterosexual men. I never developed feelings for them and they never developed feelings for me. If we get along and have things in common, why should our genders and sexual preferences interfere with a perfectly normal friendship? Not every woman eventually develops feelings for every man and not every man develops feelings for every woman. That thought process is just silly.

Ditto.

There is no such thing as an innocent opposite sex friend (unless someone in the mix is gay, obviously.)

I do not agree with this at all. I have had plenty of innocent friendships with heterosexual men. I never developed feelings for them and they never developed feelings for me. If we get along and have things in common, why should our genders and sexual preferences interfere with a perfectly normal friendship? Not every woman eventually develops feelings for every man and not every man develops feelings for every woman. That thought process is just silly.

Ditto.

You cherry picked the absolute to argue with a straw man. OF COURSE that argument is silly. It is also not my argument.

OF COURSE not every man and every woman who go to lunch will develop love or even just sexytimes feelings.

But, every time you go out with a man not your husband and connect and talk, just the two of you, you roll the dice. Because love or attraction COULD happen. And once you take the baby step of just lunch, the next one is easier. I have seen it happen in SO. MANY. MARRIAGES. Not every lunch leads to infidelity, but if you value your marriage MOST, why roll the dice on it?

I have opposite sex friends, of course. But I see them as a couple or in a group.

First off to the op, if you get on well with her, you may get on well with the husband as well as often will have similar personailty, so maybe extend the offer to her and her husband as well, then if he decides he isnt interested etc, at least he knows you were not excluding him.

As for the people saying men and women can't just be friends, don't be so small minded. Of course they can, 3 of my closest friends are women and I am a straight guy. Sometimes in some friendships feelings might develop for some people but that doesn't mean they always will or thats what the plan was in the beginning. and believe it or not guys don't have just one thing on their mind the whole time they're around women, intelligent plutonic conversation is often all that is wanted. Besides some of the best relationships are built on friendships.

My personal opinion is that people who say that it is impossible to have these friendships don't trust themselves to be able to have these type of friendships with nothing more, so just assume that noone else can do so either.

So I ask all of you, what if she was not married and did not have a bf?

Different set of rules entirely

Yes and no. If asking her with entirely platonic intentions then asking her both times isn't likely to be that different. Only difference is out of respect for her OH and relationship could just ask him or at least acknowledge him when asking.

If it's platonic married/single/in a relationship make no difference. At some point it comes down more to the trust in the relationship than the external friend.

From the sound of your post you're not friends with this female if you just found out things you had in common. Unless you're friends with her AND her husband I wouldn't tread on that territory. If my husband came home and said he just met some woman at the grocery store and she wants to take him out to a concert because they found out they have things in common I'd be quite put off.

If it was a mutual female friend who did the same thing I would have zero problem with it.

This.

Friendships to me are automatic and just happen. If you're putting a concentrated effort in to developing a relationship with someone new (thinking about how to contact them, how to handle other relationships they have) you're already crossing over the friendship line to at least the point where you're banking a future prospect "just in case."

I invited a male friend of mine to come do a 5K mud run & obstacle course. Its in May and I am super excited that a friend is coming with me ot share in the fun. I really couldn't care less if he was male or female. I also don't care that my husband goes to the movies with his friend thats a girl. They're friends, thats all.

So I ask all of you, what if she was not married and did not have a bf?

Different set of rules entirely

Let me know....lol

Oh, I think you already know...