Emotional breakdown- will it end?

I recently had to break things off with my fiance. Long story short, people change. And those who you thought wouldn't mistreat you, do. Things you thought would never happen become reality. I'm an adult, I get that.

But now I have no appetite. I am basically forcing myself to eat, which never, ever happens to me. I usually have the appetite of a 300 pound man. All I want to do is stay in bed all day, under the covers, under my pillow, with the shades drawn. I can only make it through a few hours each day without bursting into tears. When I do make it to the gym, which I've actually been keeping up with, I rock it hard. I pound it out and exhaust myself and only then I am finally able to get sleep.

I don't have many friends in my hometown because I recently graduated from college and became local again. All my friends are on the other side of the state.

What the hell is wrong with me? And when does it get better? This has made my self esteem plummet, worse than it already was to begin with. I feel hopeless. Any help? Any advice? please.
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Replies

  • Fozzi43
    Fozzi43 Posts: 2,984 Member
    I'm so sorry..all I can say is that you need to give yourself time to heal and recover. Even if its you that done the breaking up, it still hurts even if it was for all the right reasons.
    Give yourself time, beat the hell out if that pillow, it'll help and try to eat small meals of your favourite food.

    Sending you hugs xx
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    As bad and as awful as you feel right now I can pretty much promise you one thing.

    This too shall pass.

    You just take care of you, make some new friends, find a hobby you enjoy. It will be ok. Just takes time is all.
  • kmchambers64
    kmchambers64 Posts: 158 Member
    Grief is a one day at a time thing. There is no magic bullet. You put one foot in front of the other, take care of what absolutely has to be done and allow yourself time to heal. You can do it, I know because you already are by making yourself eat and exercise. Thirty years ago I broke off my engagement with my college boyfriend 6 weeks before the wedding. It was ugly, so I know a little about where you are. There is the other side of the wall of grief, and you will get there one step at a time.
  • astronomicals
    astronomicals Posts: 1,537 Member
    so who cheated on who?
  • PosterPens
    PosterPens Posts: 172 Member
    it will pass. they usually say it takes about half the time youve dated someone to get over it... but everyone is different. keep going to the gym which will inadvertently make you feel better. things happen for a reason...so dont sweat it!
  • Whipppets
    Whipppets Posts: 267
    Someday your going to think back and say.. wow I dodged a bullet and thank god for the life I am leading now.
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
    There is NOTHING wrong with you. You have taken a severe emotional blow, and it hurts. Unlike the commercials say, it's OKAY to be sad, it's OKAY to be angry, it's even OKAY to be depressed.

    Like Brett says, this will, in time, pass. Take care of yourself. Do the day-to-day maintenance to keep your health. Just like any physical injury, it will take time to recover from an emotional wound.
  • Fozzi43
    Fozzi43 Posts: 2,984 Member
    so who cheated on who?

    Stupid thing to say..can't you see she's upset? :huh:
  • SherryTeach
    SherryTeach Posts: 2,836 Member
    Yes, it does get better. Spend some time grieving, cultivating your friendships, organizing a peaceful living space. It wouldn't hurt to see a therapist, even for a few sessions, to allow yourself to verbalize your feelings to an objective listener and examine your past, present and future.
  • megan1869
    megan1869 Posts: 166 Member
    Prozac is a miracle worker. Sometimes its just too difficult to pick yourself back up and you need a little help. if things don't get better soon I'd definitely talk to a health professional.
  • SarahBeth0625
    SarahBeth0625 Posts: 685 Member
    I've been through some very stressful times and I, too, could not eat. You almost have to force yourself to do so so that you can push through. I know it's hard. Are you able to go to counseling? I don't know your situation, but we have free Employee Assistance through work, which is free & confidential counseling.

    I'm really sorry and hope that you start perking up a little.

    It definitely takes time.

    There is a life after him, and I am hoping that you will someday look back on this and smile knowing you're better off.

    Big hugs.
  • JenRunTriHappyGirl
    JenRunTriHappyGirl Posts: 521 Member
    I went through an extremely tragic event a few years ago... my normal self would shell up and hide from the world. But, it happened at a time when I was determined to become a more mentally healthy me. So I dared myself to do something that I would never do once a week. I called a group of old friends and went out with them. I went and had an expensive dinner all by myself. (and i didnt have to share) I went out on a date with a random guy who I really did not have much interest in (it was really selfish I know but I needed it). Its really hard and there were moments when I really wanted to not do it, but I did and everytime it was like I conquered something. I think that it is great that you are going to the gym. Try and challenge yourself in a different way now.... dare yourself to do something out of the ordinary once a week. Might sound stupid or impossible, but trust me, it builds a confidence and strength in you. Good luck .... sending a friend request. Let me know if you need anything!
  • astronomicals
    astronomicals Posts: 1,537 Member
    so who cheated on who?

    Stupid thing to say..can't you see she's upset? :huh:

    Sure, but why? I think its relevant. Dont most broken engagements end in cheating?
  • xiamjackie
    xiamjackie Posts: 611 Member
    so who cheated on who?

    Stupid thing to say..can't you see she's upset? :huh:

    Sure, but why? I think its relevant. Dont most broken engagements end in cheating?


    No cheating happened, but thanks for your input.
  • xiamjackie
    xiamjackie Posts: 611 Member
    Thank you everyone else for your kind words. I really appreciate it.
  • _Pseudonymous_
    _Pseudonymous_ Posts: 1,671 Member
    I find that when my emotions start racking up and gets to be too much I take a nice long hot shower, sit at the bottom and cry. I cry until my tears run hotter than the steaming water, my stomach is sore from sobbing, my face is so red from deep soulful crying that it seems like it will become permanently red. Then I dry off, crawl into bed wtih my newly cleaned sheets, in my softest cleanest sheets and my warmest, fuzziest pajamas and I write in a jounal/diary. Or you could write a letter to the person who hurt you, or any person really and just write out every detail that's in your heart, every hurt that aches you and pour it all out on paper. When that is done put it away. The letter isn't to mail just the get what's on your heart out. Then turn on a feel good movie or read a book that does the same. I don't know if that will help you but it usually is a good step in the healing process. I call it the cleanse.

    I realize it probably seems silly but it really does make me feel good.
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
    so who cheated on who?

    ^^never been loved.
  • astronomicals
    astronomicals Posts: 1,537 Member
    address it head on or put it behind you... whatever ya do don't stare at facebook all day and look at your phone trying to predict incoming texts.. that kinda anxiety is gonna kill you.. maybe you have some family near by that are near your age... go to a concert... do whatever you gotta do to smile... hope ya feel better.. later
  • cleback
    cleback Posts: 261 Member
    I'm sorry this is a rough time for you. *Hugs* But sounds like you are doing everything right. Just need a little time. I agree-- this too shall pass.
  • abbyrae1
    abbyrae1 Posts: 265 Member
    Feeling down can be the worst! Try to keep motivated, eat when you are hungry, try to add in some time to workout, this might help boost your serotonin levels and make you happier. Also, for me, winter is a huge downer, its cold, dark, we still have snow on the ground....maybe go tanning (I know, its not good for you) but just once or twice a week, just for a few minutes, you might have a boost in vitamin D that can help pull you out of a funk.

    Also, a nice glass of wine and a bubble bath never hurts either......just try to have a good work out so you earned it too :wink:

    Things will get better, they might get worse first, but things always get better at some point. Stick it out, stay strong, you got this!
  • adorable_aly
    adorable_aly Posts: 398 Member
    It will end. But its ok to feel sad, to grieve too, its part of the process. Acknowledge those feelings. I was the same about a year ago, had no appetite, it came back eventually. I personally took the time to just figure out what I wanted and who I wanted to be. It takes time, but everyday that passes is a step in the right direction and eventually you'll look back and realise that somewhere in that time you overcame it.

    I got a lot of suport from family and rebuilt my life. One of the best things that came out of my experience was realising how amazing they are and how lucky I am to have them. Seek out support, you'd be surprised how many people will help if you just ask.

    Focus on doing things you used to enjoy, taking time to relax and de-stress, work out if you can (it really helps) and have fun!

    I'm in the mental health field so maybe this is a bit out there for you but I found that learning mindfulness (the mindful way through depression is really good) really helped me cope with a lot of things. Deep breathing also helped when things just got way too much.

    Good luck :)
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
    address it head on or put it behind you... whatever ya do don't stare at facebook all day and look at your phone trying to predict incoming texts.. that kinda anxiety is gonna kill you.. maybe you have some family near by that are near your age... go to a concert... do whatever you gotta do to smile... hope ya feel better.. later

    too late. go away.
  • astronomicals
    astronomicals Posts: 1,537 Member
    so who cheated on who?

    ^^never been loved.

    I asked the question because you don't handle guilt and anger the same way. Someone has to be the realist.
  • soundjunkie
    soundjunkie Posts: 41 Member
    I went through this in a blind-sided divorce of my mate for 17 years. I thought the world was ending. Did the same thing. Slept all day, sobbed like child, didn't eat. Lost 30 pounds in one month. Who needed fitnesspal? A friend forced me to join a gym. Things changed. I met women that ran circles around my ex. Was it over in a month? No, took months and pills and therapists and gym workouts and friends. It WILL end and you WILL realize how much happier you are to be rid of your ex.
  • sjhalida
    sjhalida Posts: 15
    Everyone has offered great advise but I just wanted to second what someone said about seeing a counselor if possible. I was very much against doing so and thought it reflected badly on me but finally got to the point with a family situation where I felt like I had no other option. I only went about 4-5 times but just to have an unbiased 3rd party tell me what I was doing was right and that I was still a good person helped a ton!!! If at all possible, I would suggest it to anyone going through a very stressful time.
  • TerriAnne53
    TerriAnne53 Posts: 197 Member
    sorry for what you are going through. been there, done that. it was not easy. emotions are high, crying lots and at a loss of what to do, can't sleep, etc. etc. but I got over it and it is now a closed chapter of my life. believe me it will get better for you. You need to get on with your life now. make sure you eat healthy and do things. I hope that you can accomplish this soon, as life will get better. good luck my girl.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
    so who cheated on who?

    ^^never been loved.

    I asked the question because you don't handle guilt and anger the same way. Someone has to be the realist.

    There are different and more acceptable ways of asking that question than the way you did. Plus, it is the OPs business and the fact that she didn't disclose the reason in her post would indicate that she doesn't want to. Have some decorum.

    OP, I have no great advice, other than there are many, many people that have or will go through the same thing. They all get through it and so will you. Cheesy I know, but time really is the best healer.
  • annepage
    annepage Posts: 585 Member
    Restating the obvious here, but sounds like depression. The gym sounds like it's been a great coping mechanism and I'd continue with that (if possible-go more often-just be careful not to injure yourself). It's disappointing when 'time' seems like the best solution, but hang in there. It will get better as long as you keep going. When you feel like you have to cry though, do so. Better to let it out than keep it in.
  • By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
    ~Confucius
  • Lind140
    Lind140 Posts: 140 Member
    I'm so sorry for your problems, may I suggest you make an appointment with your
    family doctor? If he or she is someone you can talk to, just lay it all out there. They
    can determine if you might need short term medication help or maybe a few visits
    with a therapist to help with the emotional issues. I did both about 6 years ago
    and it was a very good decision. I learned that I was letting the situation control my
    life and was ruining it. The pain does ease, so focus on several visits a week to work out
    and don't overdo, just focus on a good workout plan and sick with it. The exercise
    was one of my best outlets for frustration, and you're doing something positive
    for yourself.
    Good luck and God bless!
    Linda