Hubby called me "obsessed"

luly727
luly727 Posts: 202 Member
edited September 21 in Motivation and Support
I just had to blog/post and i guess vent. I think I have done very well for the first time in my life by sticking to this healthy eating routine. I have NEVER been able to stick to any diet for more than a few weeks. I have been on this plan for a little over 3 months now.
I count calories, log everything, read labels etc. I have my routine and I know exactly what I am going to eat, how to prepare it etc,
Hubby has sorta jumped on wagon ( he is NOT overweight) but wants to cut back on fat and salt since Heart disease runs in his family. He doesnt give me support as far as saying that I look better, he can see some changes etc nothing..but he does eat what I cook and complains alot of times.

Last night we had left over sliced Turkey Breast and a large salad. That was fine for me and filled me up. He ate it complaining, and then ate my low fat snacks all night long after dinner. He had a pudding cup, a Fiber One bar, some pretzels, and some Fruit and nut trail mix !! I just spent $250 for the months grocery shopping and he has managed to go thru alot of what I buy. He sat down the other night with a bag of Lays Fat Free Potatoe chips and ate it all. And still managed to shout out " I am freakin HUNGRY, I wanna eat"

I told him that I was NOT going to make gravy, potatoes and junk every night and he knows how to cook and can cook for himself if he wants, but I was not going to fall off wagon and will keep on cooking healthy food. He went nuts. Says I am obsessed and that I need to make more things for him to eat at lunch and dinner etc etc etc . I tried to explain that I have to follow the low fat, low cholesterol, low salt diet and that it doesnt give me much room for variety , he doesnt understand.

And Maybe I am obsessed with what I eat now, and insist everything be low fat & healthy, but I am doing this for me, NOT HIM, and i cant get it thru his head that I refuse to cook stuff that I can not eat. When he is perfectly able to go and cook stuff for himself if he wants stuff loaded with sauces and gravy etc. I am not going to do it. I will not fail this time..
I cook Spaghetti with home made tomatoe sauce and turkey, I make grilled fish, grilled chicken, potatoes roasted with Spray Olive oil, lots of veggies, stir frys, occasionally a small steak ( lean and grilled). There is fat free cheese, turkey slices, roast beef slices, tuna, Low fat mayo, fruit, jello etc in the fridge for his lunch and he says there is nothing to eat here except my stuff :(:(.
I admit that I am not real imaginative when inventing recipes, but its not like I serve the same thing every night :(

IDK what else to make, but I know that I will not give in and eat stuff that will make me gain back what I have managed to take off...so he better hold on for the ride, I have 30 lbs more to go !!!

Replies

  • TruSunshine
    TruSunshine Posts: 178
    Doesnt this just drives you nuts?!?!?!? :explode: I understand exactly what you mean, but like you said, "He better hold on for the ride, or He can cook for himself" I couldn't have said it better myself!!! :drinker:
  • CreativeRedhead
    CreativeRedhead Posts: 2,166
    Hmmm sounds like he needs to cook his own dinner. I've lost tolerance for those who can't cope with the changes I'm making. He should most definitely be on your side and showering you with support. It's good to vent especially about spouses. Hahaha! My husband is driving me crazy right now....refusing to work out and he still eats out! He sneaks fast food while he's out running around. I think you should lay it down for your husband and tell him well either you eat what I fix or cook it yourself. You should keep your focus and achieve your goals.:flowerforyou: Wish you luck!!!
  • ErinSarah12
    ErinSarah12 Posts: 16 Member
    Good for you for sticking to your guns! It can be extremely difficult when your partner is not making the same lifestyle change that you are. My DH is very healthy, but he eats to gain weight (well, muscle mass) while I eat to lose! Often, it's more about not liking change (especially in our partners!) rather than not liking the food you make. Maybe try taking some of his favourite "bad" foods and finding healthy alternative? For example, my DH loves mashed potatoes, but I make it now with acorn squash (or half squash, half potato), or I just take a controlled portion out for myself, and let him go to town and get rid of the rest :laugh:

    If you're looking for new recipes, I use http://recipes.womenshealthmag.com/homepage.aspx and http://www.recipezaar.com/ because you can filter by health concern (low fat, low cal, low carb, healthy, etc...).

    Keep it up! :flowerforyou:
  • mjday2000
    mjday2000 Posts: 1
    Im so lucky that my spouse and kids eat what I cook. I do make some things for them for dinner that I don't eat ie white rice if I make grilled teryaki chicken or rolls for them that I dont eat. Have you read the book The Eat Clean Diet Recharged by Tosca Reno? It might give you some more ideas for recipes and such.
  • msciccone1
    msciccone1 Posts: 288 Member
    I have made changes too and while my husband also eats what I make including salads there are days that he wants a Bolivian dish (I am Bolivian, he is not) which always includes rice, potato, meat, etc. I will not say no to him because I don't have the willpower to hold on the portions or just eat something else. That isn't fair. He does cook often cause we both work full time but isn't marriage about compromising? Compromise to make each other happy whether its cooking a "bad" food once a week, etc. Otherwise this isn't going to go well... Just a thought :flowerforyou:
  • miqisha
    miqisha Posts: 1,534 Member
    Wow you are doing good on your journey.....You need to update your photo :smile: ......

    Continue the good work
  • anikab
    anikab Posts: 150 Member
    I agree! My brother told me the other day that I'm 'obsessed' with 'this weight loss thing' but he's skinny and can stuff his face without worry! It pissed me off because it's like hey, I'm sorry I have to take extra steps to lose MY weight, but I resent being called obsessed. SORRY I want to eat right *eye roll*
  • luly727
    luly727 Posts: 202 Member
    Thanks ! I will check out the website and the book :)
  • LisaKC
    LisaKC Posts: 328 Member
    You are not obsessed. You are focused on reaching a very important goal. Hang in there, and take care of yourself. I am spoiled to have a very supportive husband now, but my first one was not. Do what you need to do for yourself, and let hubby reacquaint himself with the stove.
  • angelascott919
    angelascott919 Posts: 178
    It is hard not having the support you need. Don't let him get you down and give up.

    My suggestion is this...

    When you do your grocery shopping buy small things for him. If he likes things like hot pockets, frozen pizza's, something he can eat and fix for himself. Of course this does mean you have to stay stong and not eat them yourself. If he feels that everything in the house if for him, designate him a shelf in the freezer and fridge/pantry for his food.

    Oh and of course you are obsessed... obsessed with living. So many people do not understand that it has nothing to do with your size as much as it does with your health and we are tired of being tired all the time. You only have to report on yourself, if others want to eat junk food let them, it will catch up with them eventually.

    Good Luck and I hope this helps.
  • anderson8480
    anderson8480 Posts: 28
    Don't let him get to you... keep up the good work!
    You should check out eatingwell.com. They have a lot of great recipes that are under 500 calories and they are still good to where people who aren't dieting will eat them too.
    Good luck!
  • ZebraHead
    ZebraHead Posts: 15,207 Member
    Sorry - just realized I didn't belong in here. :noway:
  • BarbieCat1
    BarbieCat1 Posts: 82
    I have a thought or two for you...

    Some husbands/significant others get worried when they see their partner losing weight and getting fit. It makes them uneasy and a bit paranoid, fearing they might lose you if you become too desirable. They may try to undermine and sabotage your journey to fitness, without realizing what is making them act or feel like that.

    In a case like this, you might reassure him that you're doing this FOR HIM too, as you want him to be proud of you and be the very best you can. You might also hint that being trim may make you feel sexier... with all that implies :wink:

    Until he comes around to feeling less threatened, try making him extra portions of the healthy food you eat, and giving him an easy to fix or serve supplement. to the meal, such as some dinner rolls, a single serving desert, something like that. Tell him you know that as a man, he needs a little extra.

    Oh, and hide your diet food !!
  • Joscelle
    Joscelle Posts: 93
    He's an adult, he can cook what he likes. Hide your snacks. Good luck and hugs to you.
  • marlenia
    marlenia Posts: 33
    I completely understand how you feel, I have 3 sons and a husband. My family isn't as supportive as I would like them either, but I have to remind myself that my first responsibility is to take care of my family. I cook meals a lot healthier now and sometimes my husband is kicking his feet and grumbling all the way. :sad: Sometimes I eat something different than what I serve them. I think as wives/mothers we have to remember our family isn't on the same mindset as us. Little by little we can help them get on track with us by making healthier foods. Maybe you could try to cook a healthier food he likes. Have you tried to calmly express to him how you feel? Maybe you could remind him that by losing weight it benefits both of you. Good luck to you! Hang in there. Don't give up! You'll get there! :wink:
  • Corrie62
    Corrie62 Posts: 191
    Good for you. Don't forget your original reasons for beginning this journey.

    My hubby does most of the cooking. He is trying to be a bit more thoughtful in his choice of entrees, but he is not too creative. Last night was frozen pizza, and tonight will be spaghetti and meat sauce. My food choice changes have been primarily breakfast and lunch, and I work at portion control for supper. Working so far.

    As for obsession, I check with him now and then if he is still okay with the amount of time I spend thinking about food, my eating less, and time exercising. So far he says yes, and when I comment on how proud of myself I am, he says he is too. Don't know what I would do if he said that my "obsession" is interfering with the family...I guess just remind him that I need to do this FOR the family (more energy, better health, etc). My guess at this point is that any annoyance or false concern he may express is due to his own guilt in not looking after his physical fitness too.
  • Crickks
    Crickks Posts: 94
    Bumped!!
  • kicklikeaGIRL
    kicklikeaGIRL Posts: 867 Member
    I know that this can be hard. At first my husband had a hard time adjusting. But, I realized that I needed to be understanding of him too.

    (I am 24 and very active, and my husband is 23 and vey active and fit.) Just some background info, since he is not overweight, I thought I should disclaim that.

    I had to remember that men can eat more than women. My husband joined MFP with me, just so he could track what he was eating, and as he did that I noticed he wasn't getting ENOUGH on just maintaining. (He's a fit guy.) And between my goals, and eating around 1400 (before exercise), 1700-1900 with exercise, my husband was still requiring TWICE the amount of what I ate. Especially if he was exercising with me. So, while I felt full and satisfied after a 3 oz piece of chicken and a salad, my husband felt starving afterwards. After looking at his MFP diary I realized he needed more food. He didn't want to be snacking on fat free stuff (sorry no offense, but we don't eat much processed & fat food stuff-- too much preservatives for our liking). So, rather than buying crappy processed food for him to veg on, he simply asked if we could make more side dishes and maybe a little more of what we were cooking to satisfy him. So, while I would eat my 3 oz chicken and a salad, I would also make some baked potatoes for him so he could have something more to fill himself up with. I also would buy healthy snacks that were more filling and calorie dense for him (nuts, cheese, natural peanut butter, whole wheat bread) so he could make snacks if he felt hungry.

    I am not saying you need to completely cater your entire dinner to meet his needs, but adding a side dish or some extra food to help him with meeting his calories might help him not feel "abandoned" and that he still can have some of what he would eat before. Also, if you are spending $250 on healthy snacks for you, consider asking your husband what "good" snacks he would enjoy-- snacks that can be "his" snacks so that when he gets hungry he has some options for snacking. Encourage healthy snack ideas, not necessarily fat-free. Even if he wants to make a whole wheat tortilla w/ cheese & salsa as a snack between meals. Something like that. I have found that doing that has been such a great compromise.

    Try to remember that your husband does have a much higher daily calorie goal than you, and while yes, he could very well make his own food, it would probably be a much bigger adjustment and harder on him to "get on the wagon" when he feels like things have dramatically changed in the way food has been prepared in the home. I know that given the chance, my husband could proably be a good cook, but I tend to take on those responsibilities. I am not saying that it is a women's duty, I believe its different in every marriage, and it involves help and ideas from both sides. But, as the cook in my household, I try to be compromising to his needs as well. Its easy for us to think "Well, I cook so go fetch yourself your own food if you don't like it", but I try to put myself in his shoes. I was the one cooking wayy to big of portion sizes before and more crappy foods, and now I suddenly expect him to take on my new way of cooking- when he enjoyed having pizza and things every once in a while. So, I try to be understanding- it can be hard, but I feel that is what marriage is about. Hope this helps a bit!


    BTW- congrats on your weight loss!
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