My husband thinks I have gotten too muscular

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Replies

  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    I didn't read all the comments because apparently MFP is overrun by immature, sarcastic and hangry people.

    I would simply tell your husband that the same way it is hurtful to comment about how out of shape someone's body is, it's no less hurtful when someone you love makes it seem as though your appearance is turning him off, no matter what is more socially acceptable.

    When I was pregnant with my son, I looked like shrek... when my BFF was pregnant I always commented on how tiny she was and how she was barely showing! I thought i was paying her a compliment but it turns out she was really self conscious of it! Could that be his way of letting you know he notices your body changing?

    In any case, best of luck. I know I would love my husband if he was 400# if it meant he would be around longer for me and the kids. XXX
  • keepongoingnmw
    keepongoingnmw Posts: 371 Member
    I think you should give him a pass for the comment if it was the first time he said something like that. If he keeps making the comment just flat out ask him why he is not being supportive. My husband gives me a hard time about going to 5:30 am classes, then caught himself and said later that its a good thing I am doing, he just doesn't like that its inconvenient for him.

    I think its best to give people the benefit of a doubt. If he keeps it up say something. Maybe he was in a bad mood.

    I think the best response was the Dutch Oven BTW.
  • Liftnlove
    Liftnlove Posts: 235
    hmmm, how about this.... Tell him...

    "Newsflash, buddy. I'm building my body like this for ME, not for you. If you don't like it, feel free to sleep on the couch, where you can criticize my muscles ALONE."
  • MrsBobaFett
    MrsBobaFett Posts: 802 Member
    Beat his *kitten*!
  • syntaxxor
    syntaxxor Posts: 86
    Remind him: "Happy wife, happy life"
  • KickyLegs
    KickyLegs Posts: 53
    I'd be pissed. I'd probably be passive aggressive and say that someone I work with said I look great (to make him jealous).

    This is not good advice though.

    Communicate. Maybe you took it the wrong way? Or maybe he didn't realize that comment would hurt/annoy you.
  • bizco
    bizco Posts: 1,949 Member
    Tell him you're very happy with your body and how it looks. Your happiness should be very important to your husband. Ask him that... "how important is my happiness to you"? Most likely he's jealous and insecure. Reassure him. Men's egos are very fragile.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
    Punch him in the balls.
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
    Remind him: "Happy wife, happy life"

    ow this guy^ is a smart man. Genious.

    I say his self esteem is a little hurt by your progress. men have a funny way of showing thier insecurities. My husband was the SAME WAY at first. then he decided to jump on board about 4 months later. Now he gets more compliments than I do and Im invisible...lol. I woudnt get to worried about it, i would just joke around and say- the next time he comments" honey are my arms bigger than yours, lets see flex for me" lol. Dont take it to the heart.
  • supermodelchic
    supermodelchic Posts: 550 Member
    Nice soild muscle on females is sexy, maybe he is just worried that you uped your hotness factor !!!:heart:
  • tatd_820
    tatd_820 Posts: 573 Member
    Not a good feeling. I know. Mine has made several comments that I haven't liked. When I want to do the gym in the evenings because I missed the morning it's like he has a problem with it. The other day he told me that people ar going to think I'm arrogant because I take pictures of myself! Really? I finally feel GOOD and you tell me I am arrogant! Awesome support right there, buddy. He does give me good compliments too. So I try to ignore the ugly ones and appreciate the good one. If it gets too much for you, a long talk should be had so you can discuss what is bothering you and him! Best wishes!
  • action_figure
    action_figure Posts: 511 Member
    I agree that communication is important, but I can't get over that headlock and a noogie comment. That was freaking hilarious!
  • jez4ever
    jez4ever Posts: 190 Member
    0_zps31263159.jpg


    Do what IVANA would do...
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
    My husband has started commenting on how muscular I have gotten. I really like my new body. My body fat percentage is in the high ideal range and I still have at least 5 lbs to lose to get to my BMI. I have always been on the muscular side for a female and when we got married I was thin and muscular. How should I respond to his criticism?

    What exactly is he commenting?

    Too often my wife will take something I say as criticism when it's nothing more than just a blanket observation.
  • B_Town154
    B_Town154 Posts: 13 Member
    My husband has started commenting on how muscular I have gotten. I really like my new body. My body fat percentage is in the high ideal range and I still have at least 5 lbs to lose to get to my BMI. I have always been on the muscular side for a female and when we got married I was thin and muscular. How should I respond to his criticism?

    Take him to a WWE event. Tell him your applying afterwards.

    Just kidding!
  • BoiNeezy
    BoiNeezy Posts: 227 Member
    Sometimes us men get jealous when the wife looking 2 good
  • mkcmurphy
    mkcmurphy Posts: 438 Member
    Communication, communication, communication. I think you two need to sit down sometime when there are no other distractions (kids, ringing phone, job stress, etc) and simply talk. Ask him what his comments on your muscles mean to him, why he feels the need to comment so frequently, if he finds it unattractive, whatever. Maybe he is simply having a hard time wrapping his mind around the changes in your body, not necessarily that he dislikes it but you're not the wife (physically) that he's grown used to. Maybe its more. He may not even be aware of how his comments sound to you or that they make you feel attacked, defensive, put down, or whatever your feeling. Share with him why you've lost weight/gained muscle (health, more self confidence, what-have-you) and why its important to you. Also, stress to him how much his support and admiration and love mean to you.

    I know that it can be hard if your SO isn't as into you changing as you are. My BF is attracted to "fluffy" women. That's what he got with me 5 years ago, and now I'm changing things up on him. Thankfully, he wants me to be around and us to be together for a long, long time and knows that its more likely if I lose weight and get healthier so he's being very supportive. I was somewhat concerned about his feelings so I simply asked, and what he told me is, "you're still you, and I love you." I'm sure your hubby feels the same way. He probably just doesn't know to express it.

    Good luck. And great job on your weight lose so far.

    My first impulse was to react more snarkily, but this is pretty great. FInding out what the core concern is is best, and, in terms of long-term health of your relationship, a great hallmark of responding-not-reacting. Good luck!
  • mkcmurphy
    mkcmurphy Posts: 438 Member
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  • doc800
    doc800 Posts: 148
    Well, just smack him around and tell him now he gets no allowance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • sechadyl
    sechadyl Posts: 28 Member
    He could be insecure, he realizes you look much better and if HE notices, he knows other men do too.
  • plynn54
    plynn54 Posts: 912 Member
    Its YOUR body do what feels best for you!
  • JJordon
    JJordon Posts: 857 Member
    He needs to MAN UP and get into the gym. Word.
  • Suzanne106
    Suzanne106 Posts: 149 Member
    I don't think you should be asking others about your marriage/husband. I certainly don't think others should give you advise! These comments for the most part are NOT helpful and extremely negative. Work on your own marriage. Good luck
  • iggyboo93
    iggyboo93 Posts: 524 Member
    Thank you to Eekasmouse and some of the others who gave serious comments. I do believe my husband speaks without thinking sometimes. He is very jealous of the attention I get now. I have discussed why I am doing this with him but I think he forgets. My reasons are that I want to be around for a long time for him and our 3 children. Recently several relatively young people in our community have dropped dead suddenly and it was a real wakeup call. I mostly wanted sympathetic comments from others in my situation. Didnt really expect so much negativity and sarcasm. Although I did find the headlock and noogie comment funny.

    Don't know your hubby but he may be worried that he'll lose you (side note: congrats on the 41 lbs weight loss - that's awesome). Our former next door neighbors were both overweight. The hubby started eating better and working out. Truth - he turned into a beef cake. She didn't appear to take his transformation so well. I saw her eating burgers in her car in their driveway before she went into the house. It was really sad seeing this because when I would talk to the hubby while we were both doing yard work it was obvious he loved his wife a great deal. They moved away and I always wondered how things are going for them.
  • KickyLegs
    KickyLegs Posts: 53
    I just talked to my husband over dinner about your topic. He said your hubby kind of sounds like a prick and he would never say that to anyone......(I'm not saying he's a saint, just repeating his words, that's all).

    I still think talking to him about how you feel is best. I just wanted to add that my ex-boyfriend thought women with muscles (like, strong looking women) are super hot (and since I was a bean pole/skinny nothing at that time, I had conflicting thoughts about my physique).

    So, I guess everyone has an opinion. As long as you love yourself and you are proud of your progress, who cares!
  • gracielynn1011
    gracielynn1011 Posts: 726 Member
    Beat him up. Show 'em who's boss.

    ^^ Yep. ^^ My hubby is always saying I'm going to get too strong and he's afraid I might beat him up.

    In all seriousness, I think he is trying to tell me that he doesn't want me to get too muscular. So I told him today it is really hard for women to get "too muscular" and I would be toned and firmed but not so muscled to intimidate his manly-ness. He laughed at me, but I think he did feel better. I would suggest a heart to heart with the hubby about his concerns and your feelings.

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