Most I've ever weighed, Bloated, & Scared......

Get rid of your "all or nothing" mentality. Little changes will add up to big results if you keep them up!
Good luck!
Edited to fix spelling.

As others said, "All or nothing" isn't helpful. Relax and go for eating healthy one day at a time. Forgive yourself if you have a "bad day"...just don't give yourself the excuse of giving up because you weren't at 100%. None of us are. Once you begin feeling better and you drop some weight, it helps with the motivation...but you have to take the first step.

And if the tiredness continues, check into sleep apnea. Extra weight can bring this on and you feel drained even after you "think" you slept well all night. Sometimes it goes away once the weight drops.

I think consistent logging is a huge key to defeating "all or nothing." You can watch the trends and averages of your food intake instead of only responding to the emotional stuff that happens when you eat something unhealthy or don't exercise. Successful weight loss is about changing your habits, and that takes time. Logging gives you a clear picture of what your habits actually are, and that information gives you the ability to see what things work, and what don't. Without the logging, you have to trust your emotions and memory, both of which are notoriously unreliable.

A good strategy is to set some initial goals that you are confident you can reach. Examples:

I will log every single thing I eat, no matter how I feel about it.
I will do some kind of exercise every day. If this means it's bedtime and I haven't done it, I'll stretch for 20 minutes.
I will drink 8 glasses of water per day.
I will eat a vegetable with every meal.
If I want a snack, I will drink a glass of water first.

Like the others have said, if you try to change everything all at once, or if you think there are only 2 options- "perfect" and "out of control" then you are setting yourself up to fail.

Pick a few things you can do, and prove to yourself that you can make changes. Then pick some more. You can do it!

Edited for clarity.

Absolutely what the others have said. Work on the "all or nothing" part. That is the problem. You need to make some real, long-term/permanent changes to have success, but you don't have to go extreme, you don't have to torture yourself and you don't have to give up the things you like. Stop going on diets.

Start off simply. Log your food if you're not already. Log everything. Weigh and measure your food to get the most accurate counts. Have a look at what you're eating and see where you can make small, sustainable changes in order to meet your calorie goal. Set a moderate calorie deficit (ie. I wouldn't set MFP to lose 2 lbs a week at this point - try 1 lb a week for now.) Tweak your diet so that you meet that goal. If it's too hard, change to 0.5 lbs a week. You can always change things later, but slow and steady is best.

Try not to look at foods as "good" or "bad". Don't be over-restrictive. Some people choose to completely revamp their diet overnight and cut out foods or food groups, but imo that's a really bad idea if you're a chronic yo-yo dieter. You want to make changes so small that you hardly notice them, yet big enough to make a difference. Don't cut out your favourite foods otherwise you'll probably soon find that you want to give in/give up/fall off the wagon in order to indulge.

Look at the concept of "cheat days" and whether that would help you. Works for some people, not others. I never had them regularly, I just made sure to eat foods I like every day. For example, I eat chocolate every day and through the week I'll have plenty of pasta, cheese, bread, butter, wine etc. Nothing is off limits, just small enough portions to fit in to my calorie goals.

There is a lot you can do to change your diet over time, but I would take it slowly to start with, and make one or two small changes at a time. I started just aiming to meet my calorie goal and moved onto trying to get more protein each day. Later, I focused on increasing fibre and certain micronutrients. Rome wasn't built in a day though, and you're trying to create a lifestyle you can live with forever, so only make the changes that you can sustain.

Look back at the hundreds of times you've done this before, and look at what made you give up before. Did you get bored of the diet you put yourself on? One thing you might consider is taking regular "diet breaks" - for physical as well as psychological benefits. http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/fat-loss/the-full-diet-break.html

If you can, get more active and exercise. Log your exercise and eat (at least most of) those calories back. Consider whether strength training is something you're interested in. It's great for helping you to maintain lean mass (eg muscle) as you lose weight).

Try not to get too hung up on the scale. Treat it as a useful tool to measure progress, but not the be-all and end-all. Tape measurements and progress photos can be very helpful, and very motivating when you get to a point where the scale isn't moving as you would want it to.

As for the "all or nothing" thing - if this is a big problem for you, you might want to look into cognitive behavioural therapy. This is something you can do yourself from self-help books and has useful techniques for changing those kind of unhelpful thinking patterns. You say you've always been an all-or-nothing dieter, but it hasn't worked for you up to this point has it? That should be enough motivation to try to do things differently. Food is not the enemy; no one food will make you gain weight or stop you from losing weight. You *can* eat anything in moderation - you may not choose to in the end, but you can. A nutritious, well-balanced diet is a good thing, but one cookie or pizza will not derail you. One day of poor eating will not derail you, any more than one day of good eating will make a fat person thin.

Being overweight doesn't make you a bad person, or less of a person than anyone else. Over-eating doesn't make you a bad person either. Try to work on those feelings of shame and guilt; they may seem appropriate, but they will not help you reach your goals.

You may have days when you feel like you are taking backwards steps, but you just need to make the decision to keep moving forward regardless. If you feel like you've slipped up, just try to look at the bigger picture, forgive yourself, and move on. Right then and there, not "tomorrow", not "next week", right then.

I think we might be twins!!!

I've done the same thing as you all my life, but I'm the only one in my immediate family with a weight issue. My grandfather was diabetic, and I have a pre-diabetic condition.

Knowing what to do and being motivated to do something are two different things. My biggest recommendations would be to log everything - become the master of food journaling. Also, find a nutritionist. They know things that are helpful to people losing weight. One told me to focus on lean healthy proteins, and the fats/carbs will take care of themselves. I've found that to be pretty accurate. One other thing would be to find a therapist/counselor - preferably one who understands the journey you're on.

Those are the things that have probably helped me the most on my journey, and I'm just over 1/2 way there (I have about 112 more that I want to lose).

Start with little changes - tracking how far you walk and increase from there. Adjust how much water you are drinking. DO things you know you will have success at and then start on some of the harder things - eating less, leaving the table before you are "too full".

Just stick with it. What state and city are you in? Find people to walk with and talk with about your weight loss journey - I have found this to be very helpful.

Debbi

The posters above have already covered most of what I would say. I struggle with binge eating too. What I found really helpful was reading "Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us" by Michael Moss. It helped me see how absolutely revolting processed food is and how aware the people making it are of the effects on health and eating behaviors - it's literally engineered so that you don't get full.

Perfection will always be a recipe for failure. All that's necessary is to try and then to evaluate what you could do better. Little steps. Keep in mind that eating a donut and then binging for the rest of the day is kind of like accidentally dropping your phone and then smashing it to smithereens.

Best of luck. You've got this - you just need to take it a step at a time.

You only fail when you quit trying.

Did you get that from somewhere? I love that quote!