"Trying" is not a goal

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Replies

  • ericaavin
    ericaavin Posts: 26
    Thanks, I think this is very well written!
  • Lib_B
    Lib_B Posts: 446 Member
    This is a positive post, but like most things, even this doesn't apply to every situation. In the past, I've gone into this weight-loss thing with the attitude "This is it! I've got this! I'm so doing it this time!", and for some reason, that sort of thinking does something to my mind, and I start self-sabotaging. This time, I've gone into it telling myself that I'm ready for a change, and I'm going to do my best to do my best -- I'm going to try. I'm not going to fool myself into believing there's no possibility I'll fail. There is. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen, but the possibility is there. I can tell myself it isn't, but I'd be lying. That may sound self-defeating, but for me, it makes sense. Face the reality and try to overcome. That sounds pretty powerful to me.

    Success at trying leads to doing. It's all semantics, really.

    This is me to a 't'. I'm a perfectionist and when I finally gave myself permission to 'fail' -- meaning not doing it 'perfectly' as i had defined - i stopped 'failing' and ending up in a cycle of self sabotaging binge behavior. i am better off with try. i get the premise of what you are saying and i agree the SMART goals are good tools to have in your toolbox, but for some people, 'trying' is better than the all or nothing behavior that they are working to overcome. it's taken me 15 years of varied levels of success and disordered eating to realize there is no 'fail' when it comes to food. just good choices and not-so-good choices that you have to face everyday and sometimes you are going to indulge, and that's ok as long as you don't let your one 'fail' be an excuse to continue failing.
  • theskinnylist
    theskinnylist Posts: 286 Member
    Love this.

    Printing and putting on the fridge! Fiance and I will benefit greatly from this.
  • lintino
    lintino Posts: 456 Member
    I quit smoking 13 years ago. Up until then I had 'tried' many times. I finally gave up on trying to quit, and just quit. Haven't touched one since. Last summer I told myself I was going to do the insanity program over the winter. I didn't try Insanity, I DID IT.

    I stopped smoking 21 years ago. It took me 3 years to accomplish that goal. I never stopped "trying". Each time I failed I learned something from that failure. I finally was able to put it all together and reach that goal.

    I'm not so sure "trying" is so bad if we gain knowledge about ourselves and what works for us. If I set a SMART goal and fail and apply that title of "Failure" to myself I am done. I think many women feel this way. I am not motivated by someone screaming in my face about what a mess I am. I tend to agree with them and then I am done. Of coarse I did not have the years of team sports that many younger women have these days.
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    Love this.

    Printing and putting on the fridge! Fiance and I will benefit greatly from this.

    Ooooh, does this count as being 'published'? My wife is always lording it over me that she's been published eight times (well, not lording over me, but she has been published), and it'd be nice to have a come back :laugh:
  • jade2112
    jade2112 Posts: 272 Member
    I was at a lecture and the subject was addiction. The psychiatrist giving the talk said he's found that there is a list of "bull****" words. Two are "I'll try". He said these words actually tell him the patient has no intention of doing what needs to be done such as quit drinking/drugs, eat better and exercise to lose weight, etc.

    I can't remember the whole list but now I say "I'll do it" instead of "I'm trying."
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    I just posted this on another thread, but thought it deserving of a wider audience. I see a lot of people talking about 'trying'. I can't help but think of trying as being the language of someone who expects to fail. Anyone can try, and if you mentally set your goal as 'trying', then you let yourself off the hook. "Ah well, I tried."

    In business we're taught to set SMART goals - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timely. For my weight loss and fitness goals, I personally focus on the first three. Make your goals specific, measurable and attainable.

    Goals like these will lead to success (your actual goals may vary, I made these up randomly) :

    "I will keep a detailed food diary for the next year, and will log everything honestly"
    "I will consistently eat below my calorie needs until I reach my goal weight of 155 pounds"
    "Once at my goal weight, I will consistently eat within +/- 100 calories of my TDEE, and continue track my weight"
    "I will consistently eat at least 5 portions of fruit and vegetables every day"
    "I will do a 30 minute cardio workout 3 times a week, and build and maintain the ability to run 5km in 25 minutes"
    "I will do one hour of resistance training 3 times a week, and get and stay strong enough to deadlift 300lb"

    Goals like these will not :

    "I will get fitter" (You get fitter after every workout, so you could quit after any workout and still succeed)
    "I will get in shape" (What shape? What do you actually want to be able to do? How will you know when you meet your goal?)
    "I will eat better" (Better than what? Does better actually have to be 'good', or just not as bad? Only gaining 1 pound a week is better than gaining 2, after all)
    "I will try to be better" (Trying is for people who expect to fail. We can all succeed at 'trying' with very little effort)

    can I just add that if you phrase them with "I am" it takes your goal into the present tense.... "I will" is the future tense, you can procrastinate with "I will"............. "I am" is now, which adds immediacy to your goal. Compare:

    I will work out with weights three times a week and I will be able to bench my bodyweight
    v
    I am working out with weights three times a week and I can bench my bodyweight

    I will eat 100g of protein every day and I will gain 5lb of lean mass by the end of the year
    v
    I am eating 100g of protein every day and I am gaining 5lb lean body mass by the end of the year

    - by phrasing it in the present tense, you're putting your goal into the here and now, which gives more impetus to the fact that you're making the changes now, they're not changes that you will make in the future.
  • saralayne42
    saralayne42 Posts: 27 Member
    Bravo, sir. I just had this very same conversation with the hubs. "I'll try" - those words get me a little hot under the collar. Don't try. Just do.
  • oboeing
    oboeing Posts: 1,816 Member
    thank you for this. a friend recommended this thread, and he's right. it's exactly what i needed to hear.
  • Zomoniac
    Zomoniac Posts: 1,169 Member
    On that note I should probably thank the OP. I can't thank you enough, to be honest. You inspired my MFP blog I started this morning. You gave me the slap in the face I needed, a will to change.
  • Djproulx
    Djproulx Posts: 3,084 Member
    ( "Trying" is not a goal) and "Hope" is not a strategy.
  • pdehoog
    pdehoog Posts: 27 Member
    thank you for this. a friend recommended this thread, and he's right. it's exactly what i needed to hear.

    I second that! This is exactly what I need to hear.
  • wrests
    wrests Posts: 84 Member
    Don't be a try baby, be a do baby!
  • jerryallegood
    jerryallegood Posts: 31 Member
    "Do or Do Not, There is No Try" Yoda teaches Luke

    Goals must be measurable and attainable.
    I will, not I will try.
    If you are not sure you can do it, choose something you can do as an intermediate goal. Then do that which you can.
  • EmmaKarney
    EmmaKarney Posts: 690 Member
    Great post.

    There is no reason why anyone can't succeed at weightloss. I heard "I tried calorie counting, it didn't work for me" the other day - trabslated - "I wasn't committed enough to change my eating habits forever because I still want to eat a bunch of junk food and booze"
  • marcelle65
    marcelle65 Posts: 12 Member
    This is excellent! I've started to realize that since I stopped saying "I'm trying," I feel so much more empowered. I am finally not "trying," I am "doing," and I am DOING it 100%. Everything you said makes so much sense; I really hope people will read it and take it seriously. If it's okay with you, I'd like to post it on my Facebook page for my friends to see.
    congratulations for achieveing and i am also finding confidence in myself and feeling very empowered, i have been on diets for the last 40 yrs, and i have never felt so confident in achieving and succeeding xmx
  • marcelle65
    marcelle65 Posts: 12 Member
    well said, has made me think and evaluate how i live my life xmx

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