Feminine Problem

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Replies

  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,443 Member
    Nevermind the expense, if you leave a tampon in for less or more than the recommended time, you can get Toxic Shock Syndrome, which of course is fatal. You are supposed to leave your tampon in even if you pee, unless you are a beginner when it comes to wearing tampons. But if you have been wearing them for a while, you should follow the recommended time, even if that means leaving your tampon in when you pee.

    you can't get toxic shock syndrome from leaving it in for *less* than the recommended time. It's a risk if you leave it in for long enough for a certain kind of bacteria to grow and multiply. It's not that different to why you shouldn't leave food at room temperature for more than a certain length of time. Body temperature is the ideal temperature for bacteria growth, so the longer you leave a tampon inside you the more chance bacteria have to grow and multiply, and just like with food left at room temperature for too long, once the bacteria multiply to big enough numbers, they can make you very ill. Except with food that's been left at room temperature too long you can throw it away and won't get sick unless you eat it.... a tampon is already inside you so if the bacteria multiply to big enough numbers to make you ill, you will get ill. So basically, never leave a tampon inside you for long enough for bacteria to multiply that much, i.e. not longer than 4 hrs.

    leaving it in for less time will not make you ill. it is a waste of tampons though.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
    OP, how about you ask your super hot BFF about it?
  • amy_lynn_522
    amy_lynn_522 Posts: 55 Member
    this cracks me up. i had no idea that there was such a lack of education for women regarding tampon use. i guess i had to read about it from a book, though...definitely not taught in school. those kotex commericals make more sense now.

    the only thing that girls are taught is "Have a happy period"

    feck whoever came up with that motto (probably a man), I doubt girls are jumping for joy while wearing WHITE PANTS and shouting, "YAY! I have cramps!" "yay! I have PMS!" "yay! I have aches and pains and feel so tired!" "yay! I have a migraine and can't bear to go outside!"

    and cups are where it's at. If they gross you out, then you have no business having kids, their puke, pee, and poop are substantially grosser than a monthly period, and you should be WASHING your hands after using the washroom anyway, rinsing under water for 3 seconds is not 'washing' your hands.

    Ok, am I the only one who doesn't know what a menstrual cup is? Can someone please explain? Thanks.
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
    tumblr_luubp8X9191r2quf2.gif

    I'm sure I'm going to see this in my sleep now.
  • SlickFootAnna
    SlickFootAnna Posts: 611 Member
    "So one of the many new devices I purchased for this trip was a Diva "Moon Cup". Since feminine hygine supplies would be hard to come by and waste-producing, I opted instead to buy a thing like a Barbie Deluxe Toilet Plunger, and stuff it up my hooha.

    The theory is that the cup catches your pan drippings, and you empty it a couple times a day, washing it with hippy soap, and reinserting. It presupposes you are enough of an Earth Mother to be OK not only with your monthly outpourings, but also with generally fossicking around in your flaps. Now, I am no stranger to gore. Nor am I squeamish about my delicate rose of delight, except that I have no such illusions about it and indeed am always reminded of nothing so much as stuffing an oddly-warm raw turkey. So, when after several weeks of teasing, the Period Fairy threatening to postpone the Communist Invasion until I was actually getting on the plane (I was about ready to scream and cry at some hapless unwary male just as a sacrifice to appease her) at last I greeted the rosy-fingered dawn and set about embarking on my new life as a eco-friendly Diva.

    The Moon Cup comes in two sizes; Size A, for youthful nymphs under 30 who have never given birth and have silken tresses and tinkling laughs and are all size 0, and size B, for Big Ol' *****es like m'self, who have either spawned, or are so old (ie over 30) that they might as well have been poppin' them out like Duggar Donuts, because their sugar walls are now echoing corridors full of cobwebs and slackness. Of course the packaging phrases it more nicely, but I was miffed to see that despite having never replicated, I was still doomed to the Big Gulp size because of my age alone.

    So, chalice in hand, fingers washed, and let's fold that thing like a taco (no, not THAT thing, the other thing!) and cram it up where only one man has gone before and even then not for a damn long time even when he WAS still around. I'm sure I imagined the rusty creaking sounds as I tried to shove something which was larger than anything previous (with the exception of various medical speculums which, I believe, were constructed by the same person who designed the Montlake Drawbridge)into the Gaping Maw.

    Now, you're supposed to roll the cup up, smuggle it past the border, let it expand, then turn it clockwise (or counter clockwise, or then one way and another, stopping when you hear the click, or something...) anyway, you're supposed to be able to turn this thing like a dial in there."If the cup does not turn easily, you did it wrong" Oh, of course, I'll just grasp hold of a thing about the size, shape, and slipperyness of the pointy end of a peeled hard-boiled egg, which is now buried in the meaty folds of my innermost femininity, which, I may add, are well-sluiced with the special effects from a Quentin Tarantino film, and spin that sucker like a dredel.

    There is, also, a small stem at the base of this cup, which, being made of the same slippery silicon and about a centimeter long, is about as helpful as providing a live, untrained earthworm for a handle. More on this later.

    So, rotate this thing in situ, to ensure a good 'seal' and a comfortable fit.

    Does. Not. Happen.

    Ladies (and gentlemen, although I hope for your sake none of you gentlemen are reading this), I tried. I hauled that thing in and out of there more times, and with much less joy, than Eeyore with his birthday present, and not once could I get that thing to "turn easily". I finally gave up, since it seemed, at one point, to be "fully inflated" and more or less in the right place. Frankly I think that having left my furrow unplowed for so long, I'm not exactly the proper degree of hotdog-hallway that the instruction-writer was intending to address, but so be it. Let's give this thing a whirl, if we can't give it a twist.

    Fast forward a few hours in which I've done nothing much. To its credit, I don't feel the presence of THE CUP at all, no discomfort, not even a vague sense of "eugh" as I sometimes have when knowing all that stands between me and my khakis is a small cottony Dutch boy. In fact, I'm getting rather concerned that the Diva Cup has wormed its way in like some form of parasitic jellyfish and is now eagerly migrating up my fallopian tubes, with me all unknowing. Time to go fishing.

    And that is where I discover that, while it's difficult to try and 'turn' a Diva Cup newly lodged in your sanctum sanctorum, it's a freakin' log-fall compared to trying to recover said Cup after it has gotten comfortably settled in the downy folds of your blood-engorged tissues. Yes, indeed, if cram my fingers up there to the point of pain, I can just, tantilizingly, tickle the end of that goddamn silicone 'stem'. Grasp it? Not in hell.

    Of course the instructions say, if this happens, DO NOT PANIC. Well, thank god for that, because I was already running through the list of people I'd trust with a flashlight, a set of forceps, and an experience that would scar both of us for the rest of our lives. There were instructions for different positions, and "bearing down" and so forth, which I tried, to no avail, and I was pretty sure that my ham-fisted efforts (ahem) were just making things worse on the "swollen" front, so Diva and I took a break, and retired to our respective corners for an hour or so.

    Now I brought out my secret weapon: Beer. If, gods help me, I ever have to have a baby, I intend to be drunk off my *kitten* for the delivery, and I surely hope that the Fairy Prince Unicorn Elvis who is my chosen Babydaddy will provide a bedside IV of godly ambrosia, or at least Jim Beam. But anyway, two beers and I'm good to go spelunking in quest of the Holy Grail once more.

    Either the beer, or the break, or the combination of all of these and squatting on the bathmat like a Neanderthal crapping, finally, produced enough of that goddamn 'stem' to grab (which was good, because I was dreading having use the kitchen tongs Up There or something) and, with a surprising amount of horrible suctioning "discomfort", the invader was routed! And, wonder of wonders, it was indeed partially filled. Not filled with DELICIOUS CANDY, no, but it did seem to have been, you know... -working-, before I so rudely dislodged it from its parasitic feeding. I felt a combination of grudging respect and intrigue, as one might upon meeting a foe worthy of their steel. Provided we could agree to disagree on the whole "turn 360 degrees in place" aspect, perhaps this could indeed be a workable partnership. Better than bleeding into the Rupununi and attracting every caiman, pirahna, and candiru fish for fifty miles.

    But not without some boundaries first. I tied a ROPE to that stupid stem this time."
  • SatchGallamax
    SatchGallamax Posts: 549 Member
    When I do the other thing? Yes. But, not #1

    Oh, you mean poop? Definitely shouldn't be putting tampons in that end...
  • emtjmac
    emtjmac Posts: 1,320 Member
    Wait... How did you...? How does it...? Doesn't it... what?

    30d9bwk.gif
  • trixiemou
    trixiemou Posts: 594 Member
    Have to say, there have been no guys comments on here, they usually like to take a sneak at an obvious female thread..... are they just a little freaked haha...
  • misskerouac
    misskerouac Posts: 2,242 Member
    There are diagrams and everything (in case reading is hard), including how long to keep it in and how long not to keep it in, including warnings. Sorry, but my mom never sat me down and showed me how to use one, she would only get me pads. So when I was on my on, I bought tampons and figured it out. It was awkward the first time with the string hanging out my nose for a few hours until I finally read the instructions and looked at the diagram instead of just guessing.

    even WITH the diagram I remember a lot of trial and error of how to get it to feel comfortable.
    My mom had a hysterectomy right after me, so by the time I hit puberty she was like "um, we didn't have tampons...I don't know what to tell ya"
  • jasmine_noel
    jasmine_noel Posts: 62 Member
    Nevermind the expense, if you leave a tampon in for less or more than the recommended time, you can get Toxic Shock Syndrome, which of course is fatal. You are supposed to leave your tampon in even if you pee, unless you are a beginner when it comes to wearing tampons. But if you have been wearing them for a while, you should follow the recommended time, even if that means leaving your tampon in when you pee.

    Uh, you got that one backward, hon. Longer than recommended = TSS
  • trixiemou
    trixiemou Posts: 594 Member
    just missed yours, brave very brave, haha
  • misskerouac
    misskerouac Posts: 2,242 Member
    When I do the other thing? Yes. But, not #1

    Oh, you mean poop? Definitely shouldn't be putting tampons in that end...

    LOL, I have a bruised rib right now and that made me laugh so hard and then wince in pain ha ha ha
  • babydiego87
    babydiego87 Posts: 905 Member
    Wait... How did you...? How does it...? Doesn't it... what?

    30d9bwk.gif
    The *kitten* is not in the *kitten*.
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
    "So one of the many new devices I purchased for this trip was a Diva "Moon Cup". Since feminine hygine supplies would be hard to come by and waste-producing, I opted instead to buy a thing like a Barbie Deluxe Toilet Plunger, and stuff it up my hooha.

    The theory is that the cup catches your pan drippings...

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Best read in ages...
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,419 Member
    I'm just glad your username's "FireEngineRed" with a thread like this.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,500 Member
    So.

    Who'd like to talk about feminine freshness now?

    Anyone?

    not with a person named "jam"k.....

    no thanks.
  • seena511
    seena511 Posts: 685 Member
    Teach us what they should? What, to read the instructions on the box?

    I love making fun of girls who grew up with a single dad who have honest legitimate questions. I am so cool.

    You got me there. That was exactly my intent. In fact, I search MFP for the girls who grew up with single dads just so I can make these kinds of posts. I'm not sure what having a single dad has to do with reading, though.

    can you like post a pic of whatever tampon box you have that suggests this?

    So I see that I may have confused you by typing "on" instead of "in". I apologize. It should have said IN the box.

    that was probably it...we've already established that i don't read well...
  • jamk1446
    jamk1446 Posts: 5,580 Member
    Wait... How did you...? How does it...? Doesn't it... what?

    30d9bwk.gif
    The *kitten* is not in the *kitten*.

    Um. It doesn't really go in either of those places.
  • babydiego87
    babydiego87 Posts: 905 Member
    Wait... How did you...? How does it...? Doesn't it... what?

    30d9bwk.gif
    The *kitten* is not in the *kitten*.

    Um. It doesn't really go in either of those places.
    Wtf? :laugh:
  • ZoeLifts
    ZoeLifts Posts: 10,347 Member
    "So one of the many new devices I purchased for this trip was a Diva "Moon Cup"....

    OMG, I literally have tears running down my face. Thank God I have my own office or else my coworkers would think I am mad. Thank you for this, this is the funniest thing I have read in a very, very long time!