When your boyfriend is super skinny?

hiimanupa
hiimanupa Posts: 53
in Motivation and Support
My boyfriend is over 6 feet tall and weighs 160lbs. I'm significantly shorter than him at 5'1" and weigh about 110lbs, but am quite curvy.

I know this is a result of that stupid "men must be bigger" mindset, but yesterday night he pointed out that my butt and thighs look very "powerful", and that they may even be larger than his (in a very loving way... he honestly does seem to think these qualities of mine are nice). It turns out that our butts are the same circumference, and my thighs are a bit bigger. Also, my chest is only an inch smaller than his. I know it shouldn't matter, but it just made me feel very fat and unfeminine. I guess I was already quite hyperaware of other things, such as how I can pick him up and what not, so this just contributed to it.

Do any other ladies have experience with this? He honestly does tell me that he loves me as I am all the time, but this minor thing for some reason bothered me a lot. How do I avoid feeling like this? Also, how do I stop stressing over the fact that he's not that much larger than me?
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Replies

  • SweetestLibby
    SweetestLibby Posts: 607 Member
    Yep. I'm 5'4'', 122 lbs but very muscular. My boyfriend is 6'5'' and just under 200. He's a runner and my muscle definition is stronger than his. At first it bothered me that I looked more "manly" than he did but I'm comfortable with myself and how I look. It helps that he thinks I'm beautiful as I am and he lets me know it. Ultimately it was when I started to think about how I wanted to look and what made me happy that it stopped bothering me. I like my muscles; I worked damn hard to get them!
  • Laura8603
    Laura8603 Posts: 590 Member
    Men can be so clueless in their choice of words. My bf told me I have very large hands. Ummmmmmmmm..... honey, women do not like hearing things like that. We're supposed to be "dainty" lol.
  • hiimanupa
    hiimanupa Posts: 53
    Thanks guys. :-) Silly, but part of the reason this bothers me so much is because I'm usually known as that small girl, even when I weighed nearly 130 lbs. I never really thought much about it, sorta took it for granted, but the way my boyfriend says certain things makes me feel not so small at all... and I guess I don't like it.

    Haha, he said I have large hands too. *sigh* In response, I told him he had a little butt, which, to be fair, isn't that nice either.

    I don't even have more muscle definition than him!! Argghh. Like, I have no visible muscle definition. :-P Oh well.
  • kr1stadee
    kr1stadee Posts: 1,774 Member
    Next time he says your legs look powerful, tell him his legs are dainty and cute! See how he likes it! lol
  • 1223345
    1223345 Posts: 1,386 Member
    Well, a nice, powerful rump has always been a very attractive feature as far as I have ever heard. I tend to get kind of annoyed when I weigh the same a man who is about my height yet he looks like bean pole and I look like jabba the hut. Men tend to be more muscular and muscle takes up less space than fat.
  • StephanieCo3
    StephanieCo3 Posts: 122 Member
    I outweigh my boyfriend by like 30 lbs. I feel so fat!! He always calls me sexy and beautiful and tells me I don't need to lose weight unless I want to. I know he's rather skinny and a bit insecure about it (he's 5'6 and 126) but I think he looks great, I've always been attracted to smaller guys though I've always dated men that were at least 50 lbs heavier than me. On the one hand though, having a skinny boyfriend motivates me to reach my goals. My ex was super harsh about my weight. When I was thin, he complained I didn't have enough boobs and when I was heavier and had boobs I was too fat. But he was much fatter than me throughout.

    So anyway I stress over that I'm bigger than my bf, but I know I love the way he looks and I know he's attracted to me. Plus, he's fit enough that we get to do all sorts of activities that my other heavier boyfriends were too unfit and uninterested in.
  • freelancejouster
    freelancejouster Posts: 478 Member
    please, you're tiny! Big butts are wonderful and men are known for having tiny little butts and legs anyway. I'm 5' 4", boyfriend is 6' 0-1" ish, and I'm only ten pounds less than he is. My butt is probably twice the size of his and he practically worships it, hahah.

    Edited for a typo - it's early.
  • MLeigh18
    MLeigh18 Posts: 120 Member
    I'm 5'9 145 pounds, my husband is 6'1 160. I call him Gumby. I have a bigger waist, chest, rib cage, thighs, calves, and wrist circumference than he does. The only thing he beats me on his biceps and butt, that's only because I have a very very flat small tiny little almost nonexistent butt. Even when I was deadlifting and squatting at max reps three times a week.

    Though I can't pick him up, because he is pure muscle, no he doesn't workout anymore, he just doesn't have any body fat on him (yes this pisses me off more than ANYTHING else in the world considering he eats Taco Bell AT LEAST THREE TIMES A WEEK. Son of a *****. ha!)

    But it's just something you learn to love and/ or deal with. I'd rather have my husband be 6'1 160 than 6'1 260. That's how I have to look at it every day it bothers me. I honestly don't think we'd be married or even lasted in a that long of a relationship if he were overweight because I like to stay active, I like to go hiking, walking, biking, camping, crossfitting, etc. And if he didn't like to do all that stuff with me, then I probably would have left him for someone who did. Oh wait! That's exactly how I ended my last relationship and how i met my husband! HA!
  • Athena53
    Athena53 Posts: 717 Member
    DH is 6'2 and I'm 5'7 so if I ever outweighed him something would be very wrong, but he has to work to maintain weight because of some meds he's on that depress his appetite. His waist is 34 inches! So, although I don't outweigh him, I probably have bigger thighs and a curvier rear. It doesn't bother me at all. He likes the way I look. So do I.
  • hiimanupa
    hiimanupa Posts: 53
    StephanieCo3, your ex sounds like an *kitten*! I'm sorry! That's why he's your ex. Smart woman. Also from your profile photo, you seem quite lean.
  • lizp114
    lizp114 Posts: 202 Member
    Men can be so clueless in their choice of words. My bf told me I have very large hands. Ummmmmmmmm..... honey, women do not like hearing things like that. We're supposed to be "dainty" lol.


    I love this comment, so true, lol. As you can tell from my pic my hubby is skinny and I'm on the thick side. He likes a female with a thicker build so he's kind of against me losing weight (he doesn't want me to loss my hips and booty lol) But honestly you shouldn't let it bother you he loves you and is with you because he loves you and he must love your appearance as well, men sometimes don't word things the best way so don't read too much into it or let it upset you.
  • hiimanupa
    hiimanupa Posts: 53
    MLeigh, hehehe good for you for being so strong!

    I'm sure you could pick up your husband. My boyfriend is 160 as well, and I pick him up by wrapping my arms right under his bum and then lifting by using my back and hips.
  • lilred806
    lilred806 Posts: 195 Member
    My husband weighs less than me and is taller. My husband doesn't like thin frail looking women. I think your boyfriend finds your shape attractive. Relax and enjoy his compliments. Different people find different things attractive. You may value being small and maybe he values your strength.
  • hiimanupa
    hiimanupa Posts: 53
    lilred, you're right... and it's stupid that I place so much value on being small, I think. lizp, that's true as well; I try not to read into these things, but I really am a creature of memories and what not. I tend to dwell on the past unnecessarily.
  • oh_em_gee
    oh_em_gee Posts: 887 Member
    My bf weighs in at 180 and is 6'3. I'm 10 inches shorter and 10 pounds heavier. He said I'm not fat, just "big", not realizing that big is just as bad. Ouch! 10 pounds to go until I weigh less than him though!
  • hiimanupa
    hiimanupa Posts: 53
    oh_em_gee, you go girl. I'm sure you can do it. Boys are absolutely silly.
  • Yasmine91
    Yasmine91 Posts: 599 Member
    Aww bless. Yeah my bf is 6ft 2 and weighs about 12stone and I'm 5ft 8 and I weigh 14st 3lbs. But he loves that I'm bigger than him, he's the type who likes having a more stronger and dominant female. Sometimes I feel more masculine but since losing weight I feel better.
  • hiimanupa
    hiimanupa Posts: 53
    Yasmine, isn't it sometimes a bit annoying that to a lot of people, big = manly and small = female? It obviously needn't be the case.

    Also, you're not necessarily bigger than him. Just weigh a smidge more. My butt is a ton rounder than my bf's, but his hips and everything else are still quite a bit wider than mine.
  • cjh022
    cjh022 Posts: 88 Member
    I'm 5'10" and my fiance is like 5'10.5", he has always been really lean and muscular but weighs 150 soaking wet with jeans on lol... I used to outweigh him by about 20lbs before we both started working out (him to gain and me to lose). Because we are so close in height I have to work extra hard if I want to weigh less, but even if I weigh less my thighs, butt, chest will always be larger than his! Only his arms are bigger because of his muscles :love:

    Its always hard for me being tall and being "bigger" than him even when I am in good shape but I'm working on that!
  • hiimanupa
    hiimanupa Posts: 53
    cjh, I am envious of your tall problem. I think that if I had the same sized butt as my boyfriend but then was as tall as you, I'd have less of a complex about it right now lol.
  • leantool
    leantool Posts: 365 Member
    my hubs got smaller feet than mine and we are almost same height(i'm only 1.5"shorter) ,so i wear flats and my feet look like canoes!never mind, just chill!!
  • LovelyLaura2321
    LovelyLaura2321 Posts: 56 Member
    i am 100 pounds bigger than my fiance! it's really hard at times, but i'm not nearly as self-conscious as i used to be. i'm perfectly comfortable with him, but i still worry what other people think when they see us together.

    i think for you it's really important to realize that your body shape and size is completely different that your boyfriend's body shape and size, and while they may be the same or different, it really means nothing if you have the same amount of inches around your waist or butt or chest. try not to compare yourself to him or anyone else for that matter! you are your own person and are lovely!
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    My goal is to be just as strong or stronger than the guys I date. I want to pick them up, and spin them around while laughing maniacally. I want them to be worried.
  • cleback
    cleback Posts: 261 Member
    My goal is to be just as strong or stronger than the guys I date. I want to pick them up, and spin them around while laughing maniacally. I want them to be worried.

    AHAHAHA! Too funny!

    To the OP, my husband is skinny too. 5'11" and 135-140 lbs. Even with counting calories, I'm also pretty sure I eat more than him (he has an excuse for that, though-- stomach issues). It's pretty strong motivation to stay in shape and not overeat! Fortunately, he's a smart guy and keeps any snarky comments to himself. :-)

    I, on the other hand, always try to sneak him a fattening snack... lol.
  • nytefalle
    nytefalle Posts: 63
    Up until two weeks ago, my husband hadn't exercised since he left the military (over 5 years ago). He's 5'10" and 183# to my 5'6.5" and current 196#. He'd lost 7# since he started loading heavy stuff for people at Lowe's and regained a 6-pack. I sort of want to throttle him, but my hands don't fit around his neck anymore :wink:

    He talks about me being bigger than him and my giant butt without thinking for a second it could give me a complex. He likes the butt and he refuses to see that he's buff in the same way other people can't believe they're really smaller after losing weight. I still hit him when he makes a, "you're bigger than me" crack with my "massive" arm.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Marginally douchey of him to say that. You are young, either he will grow up or you will find someone with more people smarts.
  • sunsnstatheart
    sunsnstatheart Posts: 2,544 Member
    It sounds to me like that was his own insecurity poking out and that, if anyone, it is him that needs to change.
  • hiimanupa
    hiimanupa Posts: 53
    He talks about me being bigger than him and my giant butt without thinking for a second it could give me a complex. He likes the butt and he refuses to see that he's buff in the same way other people can't believe they're really smaller after losing weight. I still hit him when he makes a, "you're bigger than me" crack with my "massive" arm.

    See? I'd find stuff like this to be problematic. That's really quite rude, but it's good that you are well tempered enough to not create problems out of it lol.

    Haha, my boyfriend is awesome otherwise-- actually, he usually points out that I'm super small and does random stuff like carry me up the stairs and stuff. It *is* honestly all my fault for generating this sort of a... thing out of nothing.
  • seanezekiel
    seanezekiel Posts: 228 Member
    Your boyfriend is very small. You cant compare. Its not fair to yourself. He no doubt feels a bit insecure for not being masculine. It goes both ways.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    I don't care what size you are. You are a beautiful girl. Your boyfriend said something silly and awkward, and as long as he loves you and finds you beautiful, it doesn't matter.

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