Parent advice on babysitter etiquette

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Replies

  • MRATL70
    MRATL70 Posts: 23 Member
    As the father of an almost-14 year old who babysits, I think you were correct in addressing your issues / concerns with the babysitter first and not her mother. At some point kids need to learn to be accountable to someone other than their parents. Often times this is a coach on a sports team, for instance. I see the parents who hire baby-sitters in a a similar light... the best thing they can do is set clear performance / behavior expectations and if/when those are not met, deliver the message clearly to the babysitter.
  • sizzle74
    sizzle74 Posts: 858 Member
    Oh and if I told my babysitter no computer time while my child is awake, I shouldn't have to lock it and she better stay the eff off of it and pay attention to my child.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Please... don't be THAT lady. There's nothing worse than babysitting for someone who feels the need to question ones every move. If you have a computer rule, lock your computer. Toy being broken? Why would you even bring that up?

    I remember being 14 watching other peoples kids and feeling like I was being told on by their kids for everything I did - AND I WAS A GOOD KID! Would you be reacting this same way if it was her mother that had done those things? My bet is no.

    She explained why she was bringing the toy issue up. She said her son has a habit of mistreating that certain toy and she wanted to be able to correct him.


    Thank you, LittleMiss.

    I also talked about the computer thing a bit, too, though I'll add that there's never been an issue with her using it outside of my rules in the past and I'd hate to have to lock it when I know she doesn't have one at home to use online if a simple reminder would suffice. It's not an issue of mistrust. I trust her implicitly. It's just about communication. When I sat as a young teenager, I always made sure to give the parents a rundown anything that happened out of the norm. I don't think that's too much to ask.

    Incidentally, if my friend had been sitting I'm 100% sure she would have mentioned the broken toy. And I didn't intend to reprimand the sitter, just a very friendly reminder and getting more info about the toy. Also, I didn't question my son about what she did. He mentioned it to me in casual conversation, which is why this is all happening a week after the fact. Ideally, I would have noticed the broken toy and been able to find out the story the same day she babysat.

    I think your BF just misunderstood where you were coming from. I think maybe she thought you were saying that her daughter was on the computer and not watching him so the toy got broken. I think that is probably why she got all defensive and stated that the girl shouldn't sit for you anymore. Because it was coming off as if you felt like you couldn't trust her.
  • laurynwithawhy
    laurynwithawhy Posts: 385 Member
    I agree that you should talk to the girl. You are paying her - not her mother and she is basically an employee. However, I don't think a call is really necessary - I would have just pulled her aside quickly to remind her of the rules the next time she came over to babysit. That way she wouldn't feel as attacked and she would know that you still want her to babysit and still trust her. I wouldn't ask her side - 3 year olds are unreliable and so are teenage girls. Just remind her of your expectations and move on. If you notice a pattern of this behavior, then find a new sitter.
  • PBsMommy
    PBsMommy Posts: 1,166 Member
    Please... don't be THAT lady. There's nothing worse than babysitting for someone who feels the need to question ones every move. If you have a computer rule, lock your computer. Toy being broken? Why would you even bring that up?

    I remember being 14 watching other peoples kids and feeling like I was being told on by their kids for everything I did - AND I WAS A GOOD KID! Would you be reacting this same way if it was her mother that had done those things? My bet is no.

    I AM THAT LADY and this is why...

    When it comes to my child, I question a lot of things. Not because I am paranoid, but simply, just because I want to know.

    We actually switched day care because of this reason. Right now, when my child is at an age where she can't really respond to my questions of her day, I rely solely on the people watching her. If they don't communicate with you or have no clue what is going on, you are most likely not going to know.

    Having questions and reminding your sitter or daycare about your and your child's preferences are not always about scolding someone and telling them they are wrong. Sometimes that is needed info or helpful info.
  • drchimpanzee
    drchimpanzee Posts: 892 Member
    Well, most of my babysitter etiquette comes from porno movies so take this with a grain of salt, but yes, it is in fact OK to get it on with the baby sitter provided you're only paying her for watching the child and not for sex.
  • Biitchstix
    Biitchstix Posts: 41
    In my opinion parents need to stop acting like they are the highest form of authority in any and all situations. If your friends daughter is 15 then she needs to start learning how the world works outside of her family, babysitting is a job and if there is an issue in a job then that issue is addressed by the employer (aka, you). Not the parents. Your friend needs to back off or else her daughter won't understand how things work when she gets a new job and is no longer working for a family friend.
    Especially since it's such a minor issue, if he were hooking up with guys, or doing drugs in your house then I'd say it's time to talk to her mom but at it stands this is really nothing he mother needs to be concerned about since as you said yourself it's not a big deal.
  • tobejune
    tobejune Posts: 177
    A lot of really helpful responses. I see now why she reacted the way she did- I bet she assumed I thought the computer/ broken toy thing were related in the way I phrased the message when I didn't even think for a second they were.

    We talked on the phone already and cleared it all up. I'll continue to use her daughter as a sitter and just play the computer thing by ear.

    In the future with issues/other sitters, I like the idea of addressing the sitter directly, though I'll do it in person casually the next time I see them. I do think I over reacted with wanting to talk to her the same day my son mentioned the issues instead of just waiting until I saw her again.

    Thank you for your help every one :)
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
    I agree the computer issue needs to be addressed, but maybe it could have waited until you were able to speak with her in person, since you said it wasn't that big of a deal. So much can be misinterpreted via text and feelings can get hurt easily. Maybe try calling or going to see your bff in person to hash this out with both the daughter and mom? I only say mom since now she has gotten involved.
  • Biitchstix
    Biitchstix Posts: 41
    As the father of an almost-14 year old who babysits, I think you were correct in addressing your issues / concerns with the babysitter first and not her mother. At some point kids need to learn to be accountable to someone other than their parents. Often times this is a coach on a sports team, for instance. I see the parents who hire baby-sitters in a a similar light... the best thing they can do is set clear performance / behavior expectations and if/when those are not met, deliver the message clearly to the babysitter.

    Exactly! besides by the time I was 15 the only things I had to answer to my parents about were things that directly affected them/the family. If I ****ed up in real life? I'd have to deal with teachers/cops/employers etc. Which is far more effective then having everything run though mummy and daddy first, her daughter will grow up pretty ignorant if this is how she's being raised
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    Your friend was right. Her daughter is a minor, and any issues should be addressed with the parent first. If it's no big deal, then it should have been no big deal to talk with the girls mother first.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Well that was fast. I'm glad you were able to work it out so quickly. :flowerforyou:
  • lovingangel4uau
    lovingangel4uau Posts: 78 Member
    I wouldn't have mentioned anything until I had proof. Re a hidden cam. Its hard to tip toe around what you don't know to be true and not hurt anyone. Being your friend she is going to take it personal after all its her daughter. In another situation yes you would say to the sitter once you have proof though. I know its the done thing in the states to have teenagers looking after children but I cant see for the life of me why children are looking after children! I only had my close and choice relatives to look after mine. I understand that not everyone has that luxury. But to think logically children under the age of 20 (even then some) do not have the capability to always make the right decision in a crisis situation. Not to mention that sitter to be feeling guilty if something were to happen.
    I realise most of the time its an average day with no incident, fortunately or unfortunately being raised in a European environment we look to what could happen. Always be prepared and have the best situation for the best outcome.
  • breeshabebe
    breeshabebe Posts: 580
    Please... don't be THAT lady. There's nothing worse than babysitting for someone who feels the need to question ones every move. If you have a computer rule, lock your computer. Toy being broken? Why would you even bring that up?

    I remember being 14 watching other peoples kids and feeling like I was being told on by their kids for everything I did - AND I WAS A GOOD KID! Would you be reacting this same way if it was her mother that had done those things? My bet is no.

    I AM THAT LADY and this is why...

    When it comes to my child, I question a lot of things. Not because I am paranoid, but simply, just because I want to know.

    We actually switched day care because of this reason. Right now, when my child is at an age where she can't really respond to my questions of her day, I rely solely on the people watching her. If they don't communicate with you or have no clue what is going on, you are most likely not going to know.

    Having questions and reminding your sitter or daycare about your and your child's preferences are not always about scolding someone and telling them they are wrong. Sometimes that is needed info or helpful info.

    I would agree with knowing whats going on and asking questions. Just my opinion- I wouldn't leave my kid with a teenager/anyone thats not family. I'm THIS lady. But I hate whenever parents come in and SEARCH for things that went wrong when they do opt for a teen baby sitter.... and in the beginning of this post this is what it seemed like. For example, a 3 year old having a toy broken and questioning the baby sitter about it like it was her responsibility to make sure no toy was broken. It's like finding a tiny nic in the wall... not noticing when it happened and wondering if it was that blasted babysitter.
    The OP has since explained what she was trying to do, so it seems like she worked it out and clarified what she was getting done.
  • Im_NotPerfect
    Im_NotPerfect Posts: 2,181 Member
    We've had the same sitter for 3 years now (she started when she was 14) and we've NEVER gone to her parents with issues. Granted she has her own phone and facebook account, so I CAN contact her directly. But if we had issues, I'd still go to her directly. Her mom raised her to be a responsible young lady and if she's responsible enough to care for young children, she's responsible enough to talk to directly. I would never even THINK of going to her mom about any issues we might have. I don't think that's standard at all.
  • PBsMommy
    PBsMommy Posts: 1,166 Member
    Please... don't be THAT lady. There's nothing worse than babysitting for someone who feels the need to question ones every move. If you have a computer rule, lock your computer. Toy being broken? Why would you even bring that up?

    I remember being 14 watching other peoples kids and feeling like I was being told on by their kids for everything I did - AND I WAS A GOOD KID! Would you be reacting this same way if it was her mother that had done those things? My bet is no.

    I AM THAT LADY and this is why...

    When it comes to my child, I question a lot of things. Not because I am paranoid, but simply, just because I want to know.

    We actually switched day care because of this reason. Right now, when my child is at an age where she can't really respond to my questions of her day, I rely solely on the people watching her. If they don't communicate with you or have no clue what is going on, you are most likely not going to know.

    Having questions and reminding your sitter or daycare about your and your child's preferences are not always about scolding someone and telling them they are wrong. Sometimes that is needed info or helpful info.

    I would agree with knowing whats going on and asking questions. Just my opinion- I wouldn't leave my kid with a teenager/anyone thats not family. I'm THIS lady. But I hate whenever parents come in and SEARCH for things that went wrong when they do opt for a teen baby sitter.... and in the beginning of this post this is what it seemed like. For example, a 3 year old having a toy broken and questioning the baby sitter about it like it was her responsibility to make sure no toy was broken. It's like finding a tiny nic in the wall... not noticing when it happened and wondering if it was that blasted babysitter.
    The OP has since explained what she was trying to do, so it seems like she worked it out and clarified what she was getting done.

    I guess it really is on interpretation, because even without the OP having to clarify, I knew what she was getting at. But like I said in another post above, I also see how it could have been misunderstood.

    I also wasn't trying to sound I was saying you were wrong, just that sometimes there is more there than just them trying to blame that dang baby sitter. :flowerforyou:

    Just my opinion, if those parents you were speaking of were that paranoid, they shouldn't be leaving their kids with that person.. People like that are kind of contradicting themselves.


    Op glad you got everything clarified!
  • 1223345
    1223345 Posts: 1,386 Member
    bump
  • Jennisin1
    Jennisin1 Posts: 574 Member
    So if you get a job at supermarket bagging groceries at 16, does your boss have to call your mother to address any type of performance issues....

    Seriously, if you are old enough to be entrusted with the care of a child and paid for said services, you are old enough to have any issues addressed with you directly.

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