Scary Comment From My 10 Yr Old
LB30
Posts: 109 Member
Just wondering if any other parents are dealing with this. My 10 year old daughter came to us a few days ago and told us that she is getting "big". At first I thought that she meant tall, mature, etc. Sadly, she was trying to tell us that she was getting fat. I wanted to cry. I was not expecting to hear about "weight worry" this early. She is about 4'9" and weighs 72 lbs.---less than our Labrador! She is a very active and healthy kid. She swims 6 months of the year (the winter months) which is 4 days per week in a pool for about 1.5 - 2 hours each practice. The rest of the year she plays outside, riding her bike, roller skating, climbing, playing tag, etc. And, she is the better eater of my two kids when it comes to a balanced diet. We don't forbid any foods, and when we explain limitations on junk we discuss how bad large doses of it are for their teeth, or their sleep, but we've never told either of our kids "they will get fat". I don't want to over-react, but if she's starting this at 10, what am I in for during the tumultuous teenage years?
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Has any of her peers pointed anything out to her? Don't sweat it too much. At that age, she is becoming aware of changes taking place with her body. Just make sure she knows she is beautiful inside and out. You are doing the right thing by teaching good eating habits. Keep making sure her self esteem is in check; 10 is an awkward age:(0
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For the last year, my daughter has been telling me I need to eat healthy food and exercise so I'm not so fat and how she wants to ride her bicycle every day so she won't get fat.
She's FOUR. Will be five in June. I feel like the worst mom ever.
I have NEVER told her that she needs to do anything so as not to be fat and I try my hardest not to mention dieting or my own issues with my weight around her, and any time she talks like this I make sure to let her know that it's not how much you weigh (she's been 95th percentile in height and weight since she was born) but that you are active and healthy and happy. And I always tell her how beautiful she is and how all women are beautiful. But I'm sure that diet talk between my (equally obese) husband and I has reached her ears, or the TV shows about people who have lost weight, or even my standing on the scale and sighing every day.... and I need to fix this.
But I have a feeling that this is going to be an issue and I need to figure out a plan right now to make sure that it doesn't turn into a huge monster.0 -
Oh; it's all over the media and small children are like little tape recorders. Mine tells me I need Life Alert because I lose my balance and have fallen a few times, LOL. It's best to walk the talk; keep healthy choices in the house. Work with your doctor, too, to make sure your blood is okay/cholesteral, etc. One of my favorite things is going for a family walk with the kids and doing something active. Then go do something on your own after so you can get that much needed Mommy time. Your daughter sounds like a very caring and loving child; keep showing her healthy examples to go on:)0
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I would definitely not ignore this--try to actually talk to her about health, and weight, and the way media influences things in an unrealistic way. Don't just tell her she is beautiful or healthy, but give her the reasons why so that she can actually understand it. It may seem weird to talk about body image and stuff with a ten year old, but it's better to give her more tools now so she can handle the pressures that she is experiencing.0
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Has any of her peers pointed anything out to her? Don't sweat it too much. At that age, she is becoming aware of changes taking place with her body. Just make sure she knows she is beautiful inside and out. You are doing the right thing by teaching good eating habits. Keep making sure her self esteem is in check; 10 is an awkward age:(
I don't know what she and her friends talk about with regard to weight, etc., at school or at swimming, but I'm sure these things come up. She was not at all clear when I asked her where that concern came from. I just worry about eating disorders. I had a friend in high school who was very naturally thin (5'4, 105 lbs, tops!) She suddenly became enamored with Karen Carpenter and wanted to look just like her, right down to the anorexia. KC died a few months after my friend first started this "skinny like her" talk and that snapped her out of it, fortunately. But ever since then, I worry about young girls who want to emulate that emaciated look. So hearing my already thin child make comments about body weight sends off alarm bells.
Thanks for the comments everyone. :flowerforyou:0 -
Maybe show her some of the photoshop websites, so she realizes that women actually have pores, wrinkles, arm creases, and flabby bellies, etc. and that the images pushed on her aren't real.0
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That's tough and I can relate as my 8 year old daughter has initiated similar conversations in the past. There have been a few times when she'll say she thinks she's fat and has actually cried over it. Breaks my heart! The crazy thing is, she's right in the middle of the growth chart and there is nothing overweight or fat about her. She's also a healthy and active kid. I try to emphasize that she is a healthy weight and has body can do so much (swim, dance, jump rope, hula hoop, etc.). At her last check up, I had the doctor go over the growth chart with her and confirm to her that she is indeed in a very healthy weight range and that she was not to think she was overweight.
I am also very mindful to never comment that I am eating healthy and exercising because I want to be thin or don't want to be fat; it's always about being healthy and fit. I have to get after my husband every now and then though because he is overweight and will occasionally comment on it in front of the kids. I think kids, girls especially, are sadly going to get the message through the media or their friends or whatever that thin is better. All we can do as parents is to model our own healthy lifestyles, emphasize health and fitness over weight loss and thinness and instill positive body images in our kids.0 -
My 5 year old talks about eating lots of fruit and drinking lots of water because that's healthy. We envourage healthy eating, and don't ban anything from her (apart from the obvious like alcohol and caffeine!) but do limit things, explaining that some foods are lovely and great to have BUT too much of them is unhealthy. I make a real effort though not to say they will make us fat.
I am currently losing weight and actively eating very carefully in order to do so, and to help control by blood sugar, having been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. I tell her that I forgot to eat healthily for a while, and now I must eat EXTRA healthily for a while to make up for it, until things have balanced out. Then I will eat normally healthy, though I will always need to be careful about how much sugar I can eat because my body isn't very good at dealing with sugar. She knows I keep a food diary on MFP and I have told her we have to think a bit about how much energy we eat in our food as eating too much is unhealthy, but I try hard not to make a big deal of it. And when she asks why I exercise so much I simply tell her it's to be healthy - she knows from school that exercise is healthy. I really hope I'm not setting her up to have a distorted view of nutrition and fitness. Nothing suggests there is a problem so far, but keen to hear what other people say/do.0 -
It might be a good idea to introduce her to weight and height percentiles for her age. When I was 10, I thought I was chubby because I weighed more than my friends. Of course, I didn't think about how much taller I was than them! Show her where she falls on that chart, and she'll have a better idea of where she is.0
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The idea about charts might be a good idea. When I was about 12-15 I was bigger than most of my friends, and yes I as a bit fat, but not too much With hindsight I can see that they were probably tending towards being malnourished (thigh diameter pretty much the same as ankle), but I thought they were normal and I was a freak. So I gave up trying to be more healthy as I knew I would never be as thin as my friends. It might have helped if I'd known what healthy was and that there is a range.0
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Please bear in mind that pre-teens gain weight and tend to become chubby as their bodies prepare for the growth and changes that occur with puberty. Also keep in mind that schools and day care are required to provide healthy meals and tell the kids about healthy eating0
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I think there's a big difference between teaching kids to follow a healthy lifestyle and teaching kids that they need to be skinny. By your post it seems that you've been doing is ensuring that your daughter knows how to lead a healthy lifestyle and that she is also doing this. Unfortunately society poisons kids minds into making them believe being "big" is bad. I'm guessing that maybe these could just be early puberty changes, though. When I was that age I changed very quickly, and judging by how active you said she is, this is probably what shes going through. Now the important thing is to just let her know that it's normal. Turn her concerns about "getting big" into awareness about her health, not her appearance.
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Thanks everyone for the great advice. I had a discussion with her in the car on the way home from school about food explaining to her why I do what I do (in case I'm the culprit) as well as how we differ, i.e. activity level, age, and body type. And I explained that she is a growing girl. Her weight is going to increase as it should. So is her height. And, if she continues with her swim team, her muscle mass will, too. She looks healthy, she eats healthy, she IS healthy. And, she's in my kitchen eating some Easter candy. LOL0
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I obviously dont have a ten year old kid, but i know me and my friends at primary school were very fashion conscious and weight conscious. The school had to put in place a policy of checking everyones lunch bags, as we all used to throw our sandwiches away. And i was called fat on numerous occasions. Even as i think back as an adult i cant remember where the worries initiated but by the time i was 12 i had developed bulimia. I think, for me , at that age , what my peers opinions of me were mattered more to me than my parents telling me i was beautiful etc....i always thought parents had to say that. If she is swimming also she will be seeing alot of other females bodies and may be comparing herself../.i dont know if that is the case, im just trying to think where the worry could be coming from. And yes puberty changes.
Charlie0 -
My 8 year old sees my husband and I counting calories and making healthier choices. She occasionally will say something about herself getting fat. I always redirect her and say that God made us in all shapes and sizes. I reiterate that the important thing to remember is that we make healthy food choices and get plenty of exercise.0
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Please make sure to ask is any of her peers have made comments to her. Coming from a recovering EDed person.0
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Bump to read later as I have a similar issue with my 10 year old.0
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Could it be that she is developing earlier than her friends at school and maybe she or others have noticed and mentioned the changes in her body? I would tell her every day how beautiful and healthy and strong she is and reinforce the positive messages. I have 3 boys and my middle child is such a picky eater we have even had referrals from the school nurse due to him being underweight, we are on the opposite end but I truly understand as a parent that you are concerned. Best wishes and good luck with everything,0
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Sadly this is not unusual at all. Girls today are exposed to a ton of media - even in households where media is limited. I would recommend a program like Girls on the Run. I work for this program and I love it. Partly because it helps girls dissect the media. Another one of the many benefits of the program is the girls get to spend quality time with positive women who reinforce the positive messages we all want for our daughters. When I was young, I was a gymnast for a long time and was very uncomfortable with how thin and shapeless I was even at 16. One of the things that I remember helping me was being around awesome women outside of my family. I remember thinking that my family loved me too much to tell me the truth about my appearance. :flowerforyou:0
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Since I have been in my health trip, my 7yr old told me one day "I wish I had a skinny tummy like those in TV" As important it is to teach our children about health, it is also important to teach our children to love them selves, and how they look is fantastic.
I don't want my son to wish to look like some else but I do like the fact that he makes healthier options because he understands the unhealthy side of things.
I told him not to wish to look like them because I think he is absolutely beautiful how he is right now.0 -
I would definitely not ignore this--try to actually talk to her about health, and weight, and the way media influences things in an unrealistic way. Don't just tell her she is beautiful or healthy, but give her the reasons why so that she can actually understand it. It may seem weird to talk about body image and stuff with a ten year old, but it's better to give her more tools now so she can handle the pressures that she is experiencing.
good advice
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I would just keep reinforcing that she is beautiful then change subject so she doesn't think attention is gained thru weight/dieting etc. Encourage her to keep healthy and fit and eat healthily as a family. Good luck!0
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Sorry guys, but i'm confused. Why should you avoid telling kids that too much junk food makes you fat? It's true! And being fat is bad -- like way worse than not sleeping well from a sugar rush. I mean, being fat kills people. Statistically, your kids are more likely to die from diseases caused by getting fat than virtually anything else. Why not just share all the neat stuff you've learned about healthy dieting, BMR, RMR, how to avoid starvation mode, bring them on your next trip to the nutritionist......I know you are parents and apparently there is some rule that you are only allowed to tell kids sayings off hallmark cards, but I found it really confusing at that age to have mixed messages like that.0
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When my daughter was in pre-school she had a teacher who was obese. She never heard comments about weight at home about her or anybody else. We talked about some food being 'junky' because it didn't have anything the body needed to stay healthy, and we talked about other foods being 'real' food because it helped the body stay healthy.
One day she came home with the pronouncement that she never wanted to get fat. That triggered an on-going discussion about weight. My personal philosophy is that if you are eating a healthy diet, are able to physically do all the things you need and want to do, and are getting regular exercise, what you weigh is what you weigh. Over the years I have made it a point to point out how magazine depictions of women are distorted and faked. I made it a point to talk to her about my belief that dieting is a waste of time, and the changes I was making to my eating habits because I felt they needed to improve. I did not discuss the fact that I had a BMI that put me in the obese category, but I talked about how I needed to get more exercise for my health. I did what I talked about; I improved my diet and I get more exercise. The side benefit has been that I have lost weight, but that is not the major focus of our conversations.
My methods won't necessarily work for every child because there are other factors that just what one parent does and each child is different, but it seems to have worked for my daughter. At 17 years old, she seems to be free of concern about dieting and her weight.0 -
Sorry guys, but i'm confused. Why should you avoid telling kids that too much junk food makes you fat? It's true! And being fat is bad -- like way worse than not sleeping well from a sugar rush. I mean, being fat kills people. Statistically, your kids are more likely to die from diseases caused by getting fat than virtually anything else. Why not just share all the neat stuff you've learned about healthy dieting, BMR, RMR, how to avoid starvation mode, bring them on your next trip to the nutritionist......I know you are parents and apparently there is some rule that you are only allowed to tell kids sayings off hallmark cards, but I found it really confusing at that age to have mixed messages like that.
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I know at that age i knew all the 'hallmark card' comments were BS anyway...0 -
Everything is moving down the line faster now. I teach middle school and I've had several sexually active 11/12 year olds, it's crazy. And I think a big difference is that tv shows used to promote being healthy- characters would talk about eating all your vegetables so you'll grow big and strong, now it's all about not being fat (totally for vanity purposes not health). I think that if instead of using the negative terms like fat, you can just start promoting being healthy with her. Encourage her to ride her bike so she'll be healthy, let her help make food choices that are going to be more healthy, etc.0
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Sorry guys, but i'm confused. Why should you avoid telling kids that too much junk food makes you fat? It's true! And being fat is bad -- like way worse than not sleeping well from a sugar rush. I mean, being fat kills people. Statistically, your kids are more likely to die from diseases caused by getting fat than virtually anything else. Why not just share all the neat stuff you've learned about healthy dieting, BMR, RMR, how to avoid starvation mode, bring them on your next trip to the nutritionist......I know you are parents and apparently there is some rule that you are only allowed to tell kids sayings off hallmark cards, but I found it really confusing at that age to have mixed messages like that.
I agree with you. I think kids should know what food does to their health. That there is good food and bad food.0 -
Could it be that she is developing earlier than her friends at school and maybe she or others have noticed and mentioned the changes in her body? I would tell her every day how beautiful and healthy and strong she is and reinforce the positive messages. I have 3 boys and my middle child is such a picky eater we have even had referrals from the school nurse due to him being underweight, we are on the opposite end but I truly understand as a parent that you are concerned. Best wishes and good luck with everything,
This is a valid issue. I developed very early and often felt I was fat. But I wasn't at all - I just had boobs and an *kitten* much earlier than my peers.0 -
Do you think she is overweight? If not then tell her she may be about to grow taller, a good thing. If you do thing she has a few extra pounds then it is up to you to buy less junk foods in the house, and fill the gaps with healthy foods at meal time. A10 year old should be free from worry about such things, she is active and with less high calorie food as treats her weight will correct itself without putting her through any drama.0
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Has any of her peers pointed anything out to her? Don't sweat it too much. At that age, she is becoming aware of changes taking place with her body. Just make sure she knows she is beautiful inside and out. You are doing the right thing by teaching good eating habits. Keep making sure her self esteem is in check; 10 is an awkward age:(
I don't know what she and her friends talk about with regard to weight, etc., at school or at swimming, but I'm sure these things come up. She was not at all clear when I asked her where that concern came from. I just worry about eating disorders. I had a friend in high school who was very naturally thin (5'4, 105 lbs, tops!) She suddenly became enamored with Karen Carpenter and wanted to look just like her, right down to the anorexia. KC died a few months after my friend first started this "skinny like her" talk and that snapped her out of it, fortunately. But ever since then, I worry about young girls who want to emulate that emaciated look. So hearing my already thin child make comments about body weight sends off alarm bells.
Thanks for the comments everyone. :flowerforyou:
Okay, you just said that she "became enamored with Karen Carpenter, right down to the anorexia"....that's not good and a huge red flag. She needs a reality check before she starts walking down that road. Unfortunately, not sure what resources are at your disposal, but really watching her eating habits and possibly talking with (or having her talk with) a counselor might be something you need to look into.0
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