It makes me uncomfortable when...

When people are uncomfortable, they say strange things. At least, that's been my experience - and I'm guilty of it, too. I say the most awkward things when I'm uncomfortable.

Sometimes, it's also about the elephant in the room. If your friend perceives themself to be hefty and you to be healthy, maybe they prefer to draw attention to it themselves, rather than waiting for it to be done for them. Go on the attack instead of being attacked?

I agree - we should not talk smack about ourselves ... but it happens. Good for you for trying to be a good friend.

I don't know exactly what was said to you, but it could be very much that the person just doesn't see themselves the way you do. My BFF is my appointed "chaperone" for buying clothes. I need a chaperone because I don't see myself any differently than I did 75 lbs ago. I see it some in pics, but not even a little bit in the mirror. So I need a chaperone to help pic out clothes and tell me what fits and all of that (sad, but very true). My BFF is gracious enough to go through this drama everytime I need clothes for something. I will also mention that my BFF has always (for the 12 years I've known her) been a very healthy weight & size.

So at a recent shopping excursion, I had to buy pants. We picked up a bunch in a bunch of sizes and headed off for the drama of the fitting room. I started with the size 10-even I could tell that was too big. So I went to the 8. They fit kind of weird but that must be right, because I don't understand how I could fit in an 8, there's no way I could fit in something smaller. So I go out to my chaperone who tells me to go back in and try the next size down. I told her, in complete honesty, that there's no way my fat @ss is going to fit in a size 6. My friend just replied, well my fat @ss certainly doesn't fit in a size 6, but yours does, I'll go get a 4 just in case.

Did I intend to insult her? Nope. I just honestly don't see myself as anywhere near her size. I see myself infinitely larger. I would never have thought that I wore a smaller size than her. It's still ludicrous to me. I didn't set out to insult her or anything of the sort. In fact, I'm still convinced that one of us is wearing pants that have the wrong size tag. And IMO, my @ss IS fat, hers is not.

I find that when people do this part of it is a cry for help. I hate just offering advice though, so I usually just say something about taking baby steps and how it adds up. I also add that there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who loves herself for who she currently is.

The last sentence is basically shaming her for having low self-esteem (beautiful women love themselves, she hates herself, what does that make her?). Wouldn't really go that route either, tbh.