Overeaters Anonymous: Food and Family

Hi, my name is Azadi and I'm a recovering bulimic

Yeah, I kinda like starting my posts with that. Hope it's not too annoying.

Came back today from 4th of July weekend with my extended family on my dad's side. That meant staying at Grandma's lots of time with my sister, barbecue at my uncle's, small cousins who might say or ask anything...

Here are some of the more priceless moments:

5-year-old cousin: Cousin Azadi, do you have a husband?
me: no...
cuz: Do you have a boyfriend?
me: no...
cuz: Do you have ANYTHING???

8-year-old cousin: (looking at me with my iPod) What're you doing cousin Azadi?
me: Well (*thinking about how I believe in being honest with children*) I'm writing down what I'm eating in a food diary.
cuz: Oh. *goes over to table of various family members and says very loudly* Azadi's writing in a food diary!

Grandma: Do you want anymore food?
me: No grandma, thanks.
Grandma: Are you sure? There's so much left!
me: I'm sure, thank you. I'm finished. Really.
Grandma: Okay... but I have to clean out the refrigerator. Are you sure you don't want anymore?
me: I'm really not hungry anymore grandma, I've eaten plenty, but thanks.
Grandma: Okay... but are you sure...?

Then of course there was the fact of Sunday... and the assumption that everyone would be perfectly happy having a big brunch and then big barbecue, with no clear meal distinctions. Cause, you know, in my family, you just eat when food is put in front of you.

Anyway... there was a time when this would all drive me really really insane, make me angry, upset, send me sulking to a room alone, make me want to just gobble down food without limit and/or purge. Honestly, I was amazed and impressed with myself.

My calorie count was way over goal, but my calorie count isn't my bottom line. My bottom line is 3 reasonably timed/spaced meals, no bingeing, no purging, no killing anyone. Reasonable portions, no seconds, no snacks. I advocated for myself... I was careful with my breakfast, eating only enough to satisfy me physically, though it was the kind of breakfast I could have easily binged on (many favorite foods), I laughed at my young cousins' innocence, I asked to please be allowed to make myself a lunch out of what was ready at 1 pm (a few hours still before the actual barbecue was scheduled), held off from eating a subsequent meal until 4, though food started coming off the grill around 3:15, resisted the temptation of snow cones and pretzels at the fireworks.

I went off alone when I had to, not to hide, just to take some breaths. I texted my sponsor, I left some voicemails for OA fellows, and repeated to myself "It doesn't matter what the rest of them do, I have a program, and I'm sticking to it." I made a decision to enjoy myself, to be happy, not to stress, and to focus on being a cousin (cousin-ness is very important in my family).

I got to talk to my aunt last night until quite late... she has lyme disease and feels very depressed and lonely a lot of the time, and feels like her whole life is spent online talking to other lyme patients. I was able to talk to her about the similarities between having lyme disease and having an eating disorder, in terms of stigma and politics, and the feeling of loneliness and the need to maintain anonymity and secrecy sometimes about the condition. It was like talking to an OA fellow and it felt good to be able to be there for someone. Nice reminder about how important service is to this process.

Anyway, I just wanted to share here what I felt to be a big accomplishment: I survived the weekend with my abstinence intact.

Anyone want to share about their weekend? Challenges? Triumphs? Learning experiences?

Thanks for listening