A little sad about this conversation...

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jennylea16
jennylea16 Posts: 97 Member
in Motivation and Support
I was reading some success stories here last night and there was a woman in a bikini and my daughter (she's 7) looked and ask if I was going to look like that. She knows I've been going to the gym. I asked her if she wanted me to and she said yes. :( I said you're supposed to love me no matter what I look like. And she said of course I do I was just wondering if you were going to look like that. I said I don't know, it's about getting healthier and not what I look like. She gave me the yeah, I know, I was just wondering if you were going to look like that and back to bed she went. I don't think she likes that she has a fat mommy or is embarrased. I never wanted to be the fat mommy. :(

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  • mygrl4meee
    mygrl4meee Posts: 943 Member
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    I personally don't think a 7 year old is old enough to have a complex about having a Mom that is big. Maybe your self esteem is bad and your daughter is picking that up. Or she is just curious about your workouts and how you might change.
  • WaimanaloMan
    WaimanaloMan Posts: 165 Member
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    Kids, especially the very young, don't see things the same way we do when we get older. I can appreciate you might feel a little hurt at what she said, but try not to take it to heart.
  • Linli_Anne
    Linli_Anne Posts: 1,360 Member
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    If you've been open and honest with your daughter about why your changing your activity level and eating habits, and along the lines mentioned to lose weight/be a healthy weight she is probably trying to figure out what a healthy weight is. Kids don't naturally notice people's size/weight as flaws etc. and her comment was not likely meant to be hurtful but she is just trying to see what you mean by healthy weight because she has never considered you anything else.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    I think she was just being curious.
  • MaryB2
    MaryB2 Posts: 331 Member
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    I feel bad for her. I'm sure the comment about that she is supposed to love you no matter what made her feel guily. That wasn't a fair thing to do to a 7 year old.
  • bumchicken
    bumchicken Posts: 11
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    I think you did well to say that it's about being healthy and not about what you look like. It's so easy for a mother's dieting habits and eating hangups to diffuse passively to a daughter and become disordered eating.
  • larryjbird
    larryjbird Posts: 6 Member
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    I think kids generally don't like their parents to change. Or at least like to have some advance warning about what that change will entail.

    Maybe it's just my kids... But I know my 6 year old in particular is mildly unsettled even when I get my hair cut or colored. Like others said, I bet your daughter is just curious and wants to know what to expect.
  • Mom4Liz
    Mom4Liz Posts: 55
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    I don't think she's embarrassed or judging you. At 7 she's probably old enough to realize the lady in the success story was working out and eating right and now she looks like that. If she is aware that you have change your eating and exercise habits she's probably just curious if that will be your end result too. The comment that you are supposed to love Mommy whatever she looks like was probably unwarranted and might have made her feel guilty for asking you an honest question. It's hard to be a Mom and maybe you are feeling a little sensitive about your body. Keep you head up high Mommy and treat yourself the way you want her to treat herself one day. Kids are always watching.
  • bmqbonnie
    bmqbonnie Posts: 836 Member
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    When I was that age, the only reason I thought my mom was fat was because she kept saying she was.
  • cleback
    cleback Posts: 261 Member
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    I feel bad for her. I'm sure the comment about that she is supposed to love you no matter what made her feel guily. That wasn't a fair thing to do to a 7 year old.

    ^^^ This. I'm sure she was just curious. But kudos to you for saying it's about being healthy, not what you look like. These are the attitudes she'll pick up when she starts caring about weight herself.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
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    Kids are affected by things like that earlier than you might think. My mother weighed about 300 pounds at the time, and I remember not wanting her to wait with us at the bus stop when I was quite young (maybe even as young as 7) because I didn't want all the other kids to see how fat she was.
  • sugboog29
    sugboog29 Posts: 630 Member
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    I think she was just being curious.

    ^^This. My mom has been overweight my entire life, but not once was I ever embarrassed by her weight. Both of my sisters are as well and they have never embarrassed me because of their weight...other things maybe, but not their weight! She's just a little girl and curious...that's how kids are!
  • jennylea16
    jennylea16 Posts: 97 Member
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    Thanks to those of you being supportive. I don't think she was in any way trying to be hurtful. It was just hard. And when I said hey, your supposed to love me no matter what I look like I was tickling her and doing it in a teasing way.
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
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    Kids don't have filters for their conversation; if it's in their heads, it just comes out. I think she was probably just curious and wants to know more about how it all works.
  • MeganG12345
    MeganG12345 Posts: 66 Member
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    I feel bad for her. I'm sure the comment about that she is supposed to love you no matter what made her feel guily. That wasn't a fair thing to do to a 7 year old.

    This. My mother used to do crap like that to me all the time when I was little (ask what I thought and then make me feel guilty about the answer) and it made me feel terrible. Please don't play mind games with your 7 year old.
  • momwhosbusy
    momwhosbusy Posts: 154 Member
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    In general kids like to know what to expect so I would have to side with the people saying she's just curoius.

    My 9 yr. old son told me about a year ago that I should try and get on the Biggest Loser...I was a little taken back, I had already lost 40 lbs and lookin' pretty good! I asked him why he thought that and his reply was "because you like to exercise" (with the duh mom, what did you think kinda look on his face)
  • Toomanytwinkies
    Toomanytwinkies Posts: 42 Member
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    I feel bad for her. I'm sure the comment about that she is supposed to love you no matter what made her feel guily. That wasn't a fair thing to do to a 7 year old.

    ^^^^^
    Agree (not trying to make you feel bad though)

    A child's self esteem is still being formed at this age. I think the best thing to do was make a joke about it. My son (he is 8) told me my butt jiggles when I walk up the stairs. I laughed and told him that was what I was aiming for. (It bothered me but I would never let him know that.)
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    I was reading some success stories here last night and there was a woman in a bikini and my daughter (she's 7) looked and ask if I was going to look like that. She knows I've been going to the gym. I asked her if she wanted me to and she said yes. :( I said you're supposed to love me no matter what I look like. And she said of course I do I was just wondering if you were going to look like that. I said I don't know, it's about getting healthier and not what I look like. She gave me the yeah, I know, I was just wondering if you were going to look like that and back to bed she went. I don't think she likes that she has a fat mommy or is embarrased. I never wanted to be the fat mommy. :(

    If those are the images she is seeing you look at as a goal, she is picking it up and just verbializing it. Probably heared or saw you talking or looking at that before. Might check what you are modelling for her. I see others mention that she is 7 and doesn't fully grasp things, which is true, but you can always take those moments to teach her the improtance of staying healthy, active, and overcoming obticles that arise. Of course, tempered for a young mind (nothing too serious or deep).

    I know I had the same issue recently with my two boys and they started calling others (not even in that bad of shape) fat. I found it was my undoing and what they heard me say and saw me looking at. I took some time to talk about health, fitness, mind/body/spirit, and remaining positive to help yourself and others.

    Good luck.

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