cut off contact with family with the least amount of drama?

I think telling them serves no purpose but to cause drama which it looks like OP is trying avoid. Just slowly phase them out. Answer the phone less and less, don't go to family gatherings as much. Eventually you'll not have to deal with them and it will appear that you guys just grew apart instead of it being a consious decision on your part:)

This works. We call it "minimizing" the relationships. Just be oh so very busy all of the time. Working, with friends, alternate holiday plans and then play dumb whenever they actually get in touch with you. Impossible to carry on a one-sided relationship so they will tire.

I have a "less than functional" family of origin as well. While they were not overtly abusive, I can't say much more about them, especially my parents/step-parents.

I do have a sister that I get along with, although sometimes that relationship is difficult for me, because our parents really set us up for conflict and competition for most of our lives. Our relationship consists of monthly (or so) phone calls and maybe a visit every other year. We are friendly to each other when we're together.

As far as my parents, I have found that over time I have just faded out. I just let the calls get further apart, moved far away and stopped visiting, and generally don't pursue contact with them.

I'm not sure of the circumstances, and whether your family would agressively pursue you and insert their presence in your life, but moving away and cutting down the contact is a great way to "fade away" without a lot of drama.

I can remember when I was a kid I would think, "Someday, I'm going to move far away and never come back." Eventually, I did and I'm not one bit sorry.

i'm so sorry that you had to go through this. your family is supposed to be your support system, and they have broken that.

i do agree that distance would be safer and healthier for you emotionally, as well as seeking counseling advice to talk out your feelings. however, i also think you should at least let your feelings be known.

if confronting them face to face is unsafe (fear of them lashing out in anger) you may want to put your thoughts and feelings down in writing. i'm talking actual paper, not an email. you can let off emotion through the physical act of writing and it also tends to be more sincere to the recipient; more serious and important because you took the time. neither you nor they can heal and move past this if you don't tell them calmly how this affects you. it is possibly that they may still blow you off or spew hurtful words and threats. they may not care or see that what they have done is wrong. fine. let them refuse to accept it. YOU will be better for it because you gave them the chance. better still would be if they actually are enlightened by this and want to change. if that is the case, keep the distance. ask them to seek counseling with you. let them earn your trust again.

i suggest this because if you do just lock them out and disappear, not only will they never recognize that it was THEM that drove you away and therefore will never change, YOU will also struggle with moving past that hurt. it can follow you and eat at you for years, and do you really want that kind of past to restrict your future happieness?

above all, be safe. if anything, talk a friend or a safe family member into being a moderator until you make your decision.

OP- just leave. Eff the lot of them. Family is more than blood. You are NOT a coward and you don't owe them a thing. And this is coming from a person with a large, supportive bunch of blood relatives.

Don't be a coward. Tell them. Then get some distance to allow everyone to cool off. Don't slink away. Take what they have to say. Recognise where their coming from and don't let their anger dictate your reaction. This is your life.

If they want to be in your life and your prepared to make an effort then they'll be apart of your future.

These arnt just any people. You really only have one family

"Family" doesn't mean squat if they beat you and treat you like a non human. I am blessed to have a lovely family, but I can empathize with someone who doesn't. Leaving a situation like the OP's without a word is very courageous and not the least bit cowardly. Please, consider the situations of others before declaring "but's it's your family, you owe them."

Lol good lord. You need to learn to quote accurately.
I want the OP to fully realise the totality of what their suggesting. I know abuse. And I know forgiveness too.
If the OP needs to walk away for safety then so be it
If there's another way then I think it's worth trying

But that's just my two cents.

Don't be a coward. Tell them. Then get some distance to allow everyone to cool off. Don't slink away. Take what they have to say. Recognise where their coming from and don't let their anger dictate your reaction. This is your life.

If they want to be in your life and your prepared to make an effort then they'll be apart of your future.

These arnt just any people. You really only have one family

"Family" doesn't mean squat if they beat you and treat you like a non human. I am blessed to have a lovely family, but I can empathize with someone who doesn't. Leaving a situation like the OP's without a word is very courageous and not the least bit cowardly. Please, consider the situations of others before declaring "but's it's your family, you owe them."

Lol good lord. You need to learn to quote accurately.
I want the OP to fully realise the totality of what their suggesting. I know abuse. And I know forgiveness too.
If the OP needs to walk away for safety then so be it
If there's another way then I think it's worth trying

But that's just my two cents.

I can quote JUST fine, thanks. Forgiveness is overrated.

To any future posters...not sure why, but OP has deactivated their account. So don't know if they'll even be reading any further comments.