Fearful for what my friends will say.
katekross
Posts: 463 Member
Feeling really awful-- warning this is a complete rant but I'm feeling horrible about this situation.
So my best girlfriends just asked me to come over tonight and have a little get together with them.. pretty low key. I would normally be there in a heartbeat...but not anymore. It sounds so mean, but I love my friends. They do not care about their bodies and will eat whatever they want. I recently just got a personal trainer, and I'm so committed. I am considered pre-diabetic, so it all comes down on my health. Being with my friends, I feel comfortable about my body because we have similair bodies. When I'm not with them I feel like **** and I'm super self-conscious. I've got 63 pounds to cut lose and it's not a healthy environment to be in. I would love to tell my friends why I do not want to come over. But, I'm really struggling about how to tell them that this is not an ok environment. I do not want them to be cut lose from my life, but they need to be respectful of my new lifestyle, and I don't feel that's what will happen. HELP!
So my best girlfriends just asked me to come over tonight and have a little get together with them.. pretty low key. I would normally be there in a heartbeat...but not anymore. It sounds so mean, but I love my friends. They do not care about their bodies and will eat whatever they want. I recently just got a personal trainer, and I'm so committed. I am considered pre-diabetic, so it all comes down on my health. Being with my friends, I feel comfortable about my body because we have similair bodies. When I'm not with them I feel like **** and I'm super self-conscious. I've got 63 pounds to cut lose and it's not a healthy environment to be in. I would love to tell my friends why I do not want to come over. But, I'm really struggling about how to tell them that this is not an ok environment. I do not want them to be cut lose from my life, but they need to be respectful of my new lifestyle, and I don't feel that's what will happen. HELP!
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Replies
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Just be honest with them. Tell them that right now you're focusing on you, and you don't feel like you have enough self-control not to indulge like you used to.0
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Just be honest with them. Tell them that right now you're focusing on you, and you don't feel like you have enough self-control not to indulge like you used to.
Your photo is very fitting to this very topic
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people, (family and friends) get used to us the way we are, they don't like change. So sometimes they sabotage our diets! They are not being mean, but they are afraid we will change, and sometimes they don't even know they are doing it. good luck to you, because it's hard to make changes especially if you're going against the flow.0
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Or you could go and not eat the crap food that is going to be there. You are going to find yourself in social situations during the next year that are going to place you in the midst of tempting food. You are going to have to learn how to be around it without making a big deal that you are "on a diet". If this is a true change for the better in your life, then don't give up on your friends who have been with you through thick and thin. My suggestion would be:
1. Eat a healthy meal before you go over (for example 4-5 oz grilled chicken, 1 cup green vegetables, 1 cup fresh strawberries)
2. Go for a 30 minute walk earlier in the day so that you have extra calories to spend on food while you are there.
3. When you are these look at all the food choices they offer, pick 1 item, take a small serving and nurse it for the evening.
4. Don't harass your friends about their food choices, when you start losing weight, if you don't make a pest of yourself your friends might be motivated to ask what you are doing and want to start to make changes themselves, but this is their choice not yours.
They can be a good friend to you while you lose weight and you can be a good friend to them by not cutting them out of your life while you improve your health.0 -
you have to be able to control yourself in these situations. go hang out with your friends. Have a good time. control yourself.0
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That's the thing, its so new I don't know my limitations as of yet. I will debate. Thanks.0
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I will never cut out time with friends or family just because I am trying to lose weight. I would prefer to learn how to deal with those situations as I wouldn't not spend time with them because they eat differently than me or don't have the same goals.
Eat something before you go so you aren't hungry. Bring a fruit and veggie tray with you to snack on.0 -
That's the thing, its so new I don't know my limitations as of yet. I will debate. Thanks.
would they be supportive of having healthier snack options tonight? If not, eat before you go.0 -
I will never cut out time with friends or family just because I am trying to lose weight. I would prefer to learn how to deal with those situations as I wouldn't not spend time with them because they eat differently than me or don't have the same goals.
Eat something before you go so you aren't hungry. Bring a fruit and veggie tray with you to snack on.
I certainly do not want to cut out time with my friends. THis is why I was afraid to post this, because I look like a really bad friend. I'm not.0 -
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have some friends that are really supportive and those who think it's funny to eat junk with me around. I chose very wisely who i hang out with and when. I agree with the previous posters who said be honest. Believe me some people have laughed at me, like it's a joke when I tell them why I am hesitant (when I am honest)....these types are just ignorant. I have to say though as a yo-yp dieter I am trying new thinking. Instead of avoiding these situations I prepare better for them. I watch what I eat all day, get in a good workout, and eat before I go out. This is reality, that we will be in situations that we can't control, around foods we would love to scarf down, and around people that haven't yet adopted a healthier lifestyle. That is my challenge, to not avoid but deal with them. GOOD LUCK!0
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That's the thing, its so new I don't know my limitations as of yet. I will debate. Thanks.
would they be supportive of having healthier snack options tonight? If not, eat before you go.
No WAY!! They will always have **** for snacks.0 -
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have some friends that are really supportive and those who think it's funny to eat junk with me around. I chose very wisely who i hang out with and when. I agree with the previous posters who said be honest. Believe me some people have laughed at me, like it's a joke when I tell them why I am hesitant (when I am honest)....these types are just ignorant. I have to say though as a yo-yp dieter I am trying new thinking. Instead of avoiding these situations I prepare better for them. I watch what I eat all day, get in a good workout, and eat before I go out. This is reality, that we will be in situations that we can't control, around foods we would love to scarf down, and around people that haven't yet adopted a healthier lifestyle. That is my challenge, to not avoid but deal with them. GOOD LUCK!
Thank you SOOOO MUCH!! This was extremely helpful I do need to be honest with them. Thank you 0 -
I drink 2 large glasses of water before going to a "dangerous" food situation or restaurant. Sometimes I'll serve drinks/food to others instead of drinking/eating myself. I get the smallest plate I can find and put a little bit of everything on it. When asked about it, I say that 1) I'm not feeling hungry, 2) feeling a little nauseated, 3) just ate a meal (accidentally), 4) have something at home to eat.0
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why would you want to pass on spending time with your friends. Personally I would just ask them to have healtier options too or just bring snack i want to eat with me. Seriously you can not expect others to change their ways for you but you can control what you eat.0
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You dont look like a really bad friend, you just look like a person who wants to make changes, IS making changes but looking for a way of coping with a situation you know you are going to be facing - very sensible hun!!
I would eat something healthy before I go / make sure I did an extra workout to remind myself what I am doing and why (things like soup are good and filling) so I don't feel v. hungry and then have a v. little bit with my friends and keep my munchies under control (and be super good the following day if needed)
Show them you mean business!! I hope they are good friends who will support you.
Good luck!0 -
I drink 2 large glasses of water before going to a "dangerous" food situation or restaurant. Sometimes I'll serve drinks/food to others instead of drinking/eating myself. I get the smallest plate I can find and put a little bit of everything on it. When asked about it, I say that 1) I'm not feeling hungry, 2) feeling a little nauseated, 3) just ate a meal (accidentally), 4) have something at home to eat.
Thank you so much 0 -
So, my friends and I are similar and some of us are on different levels of how committed we are to losing weight.
I'm good most of the time, but some weekends I cut lose and I drink too much and eat chips or whatever.
Sometimes I don't. For *me* It's more important to live my life than alienate myself.
AT fisrt when I'd go to a party and not drink people thought it was weird, but the trick is to not bring attention to it.
another girl in our group is in the same place as me weight loss wise (we have about the same left to go) and she'll go out with us and make a big deal about what's on the menu and REFUSES to drink anything and is super weird about it.
aaaaand we all talk about it when she's not around because she acts like a crazy person.
Just don't act like a crazy person. Don't be all "I can't eat cupcakes because I'm trying to lose weight." or "how dare you not have carrots for me?!!?!"" hehehe
Since you're starting out and if you feel like this event will be far too tempting for you, just pretend your sick or something. Or go an do your best and learn from it.
Until you figure out how to balance your lifestyle you can't expect your friends to balance it too.
You'll eventually figure out how to go to hangouts and what to do to be able to enjoy them. ie: what you can afford to snack on or drink versus your exercise for the day, etc.0 -
You dont look like a really bad friend, you just look like a person who wants to make changes, IS making changes but looking for a way of coping with a situation you know you are going to be facing - very sensible hun!!
I would eat something healthy before I go / make sure I did an extra workout to remind myself what I am doing and why (things like soup are good and filling) so I don't feel v. hungry and then have a v. little bit with my friends and keep my munchies under control (and be super good the following day if needed)
Show them you mean business!! I hope they are good friends who will support you.
Good luck!
FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO GETS IT!0 -
So, my friends and I are similar and some of us are on different levels of how committed we are to losing weight.
I'm good most of the time, but some weekends I cut lose and I drink too much and eat chips or whatever.
Sometimes I don't. For *me* It's more important to live my life than alienate myself.
AT fisrt when I'd go to a party and not drink people thought it was weird, but the trick is to not bring attention to it.
another girl in our group is in the same place as me weight loss wise (we have about the same left to go) and she'll go out with us and make a big deal about what's on the menu and REFUSES to drink anything and is super weird about it.
aaaaand we all talk about it when she's not around because she acts like a crazy person.
Just don't act like a crazy person. Don't be all "I can't eat cupcakes because I'm trying to lose weight." or "how dare you not have carrots for me?!!?!"" hehehe
Since you're starting out and if you feel like this event will be far too tempting for you, just pretend your sick or something. Or go an do your best and learn from it.
Until you figure out how to balance your lifestyle you can't expect your friends to balance it too.
You'll eventually figure out how to go to hangouts and what to do to be able to enjoy them. ie: what you can afford to snack on or drink versus your exercise for the day, etc.
Thank you
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Personally I would eat a HUGE salad with protein before going and bring a healthy snack that you can have with. Even if noone else eats it.
Some party tips I try to follow when dieting:
1. Bring some thing healthy to share
2. Eat a huge low cal meal before leaving
3. Always have a huge glass of water in my hand so I can sip when I want to munch
4. Chew a really strong gum (or use listerine strips) so food tastes bad.
5. Pick one small "cheat" food to enjoy while there. Try to eat it later in the evening....so when you want to munch you can remind yourself that its ok to have a small portion and you will enjoy it later.0 -
A lot depends on how you think they'll react. If you show up with a fresh veggie tray and your consumption of the food they have there is 1/2 a slice of pizza, one glass of wine and plenty of water and veggies, will they ignore it? Tell you how great you're doing? Or harass you to eat comparable to what they'e eating/drinking?
If you think they'll try and sabotage you, that may be a tougher decision. You could, of course, leave at that point. If they'll ignore you or even compliment you, then it may be easier to use moderation. I hope you've got that kind of friends.0 -
I don't get it.
Go. Enjoy yourself. Log your food. Stay in a calorie deficit.
Just don't go and be the girl stuffing Cheetos down her face while everyone is worrying if there's going to be any food left for them.0 -
Or you could go and not eat the crap food that is going to be there. You are going to find yourself in social situations during the next year that are going to place you in the midst of tempting food. You are going to have to learn how to be around it without making a big deal that you are "on a diet". If this is a true change for the better in your life, then don't give up on your friends who have been with you through thick and thin. My suggestion would be:
1. Eat a healthy meal before you go over (for example 4-5 oz grilled chicken, 1 cup green vegetables, 1 cup fresh strawberries)
2. Go for a 30 minute walk earlier in the day so that you have extra calories to spend on food while you are there.
3. When you are these look at all the food choices they offer, pick 1 item, take a small serving and nurse it for the evening.
4. Don't harass your friends about their food choices, when you start losing weight, if you don't make a pest of yourself your friends might be motivated to ask what you are doing and want to start to make changes themselves, but this is their choice not yours.
They can be a good friend to you while you lose weight and you can be a good friend to them by not cutting them out of your life while you improve your health.
This. Most of my friends moan about their size, and think it must be nice for me to not be as big as them, blah blah blah...
but when I ask them to walk with me, or come to the gym with me, they aren't even kinda interested. Somehow they don't
put together that I can eat alot (including "junk food" in smaller portions), b/c I am willing to put in the work necessary.
Show them how strong you are by enjoying yourself, but in moderation, and don't feel the need to talk about your food choices.0 -
White lies can be your friend. Be honest about your pre-diabetes and tell them that is why you can't eat their "tasty food" (don't insult their food) and you would appreciate their help avoiding it. Bring something healthy or at least less-bad.
Learning to handle public situations -- a tray of tasty appetizers at the restaurant, cake and ice cream at birthday parties, etc -- is a huge part of making this a lifestyle change, not a diet.0 -
I understand why you don't want to put yourself in a tempting situation but as others have said, we all have to learn to deal with these social situations and get through it without going overboard. I would do what others have said: eat healthy all day in advance, get a good workout in, drink lots of water, and enjoy something small while there. I would also bring healthy snacks to the gathering. Even if you're the only one eating them, then at least you don't have to be the only one not eating the whole time. Then I would have an honest conversation with them. Let them know about your health situation if you haven't already or just remind them, and let them know that eating healthy for you isn't a choice or a matter of vanity or whatever but a serious health issue and that you would love to have some get togethers with them on occasion where you don't have to worry about not giving into temptation. Let them know how genuinely scary this health situation is and how very hard it is for you not to give in right now. Sometimes friends can feel threatened, even if subconsciously, when we make changes in our lives (especially if it's changing something we've had in common like eating or drinking a certain way whenever we are with them) or don't understand why we can't just have this one night off our new habits, so if you frame it in the context of diabetes and needing to gain control of your health in a very serious way, hopefully that will get through to them and get past any of their insecurities in the situation. Maybe then you can plan some get togethers that don't revolve around junk food and maybe they will understand that it's not helpful for them to encourage you to eat junk or offer you the junk food at other gatherings.0
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Go with your own snacks and lots of water. Expect some comments and use the trust in your friendship to answer them honestly. I have been out with friends (over 20 years we've been friends) and they will comment "look at us buying junk and you sit there all skinny". I always answer that I save my "treats" for my most favored items but they should enjoy their treat too (and quickly turn the focus off me).
Give yourself some time to adjust to the changes, and give your friends time too.....maybe you will inspire one of them
I hope you enjoy yourself and feel pride when you leave knowing you took care of #1 (that would be YOU)
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Willpower.0
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Thank you for all the helpful and understanding responses 0
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If I wasn't ready to go yet, I'd make up some plans and stay home.
If I really did want to go but I was just scared, I'd eat my dinner just before heading over there, bring low-cal drinking stuff to mix, and enjoy time with my ol' ladies.0 -
.You dont look like a really bad friend, you just look like a person who wants to make changes, IS making changes but looking for a way of coping with a situation you know you are going to be facing - very sensible hun!!
I would eat something healthy before I go / make sure I did an extra workout to remind myself what I am doing and why (things like soup are good and filling) so I don't feel v. hungry and then have a v. little bit with my friends and keep my munchies under control (and be super good the following day if needed)
Show them you mean business!! I hope they are good friends who will support you.
Good luck!
FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO GETS IT!
We all get it. We all do it every single day. Or we wouldn't be here.0
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