My worried hubby .

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Replies

  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    WOW! Simmer down. It sounds like YOU are the one projecting YOUR issues onto others...
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    My wonderful hubby of over 30 years has asked me if I am going to leave him after I loose this weight I just looked at him and said WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING ? I would never think of leaving him .Do people really leave there spouce after loosing weight ?:huh:

    some people change, regardless of whether they lose weight or not.

    And sometimes, a relationship already has problems, regardless of whether they lose weight or not. Weight loss can sometimes be an excuse to create a seperation that was already building.
  • iAMsmiling
    iAMsmiling Posts: 2,394 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    Her husband is pissing YOU off and you say HE has issues????
    Obviously someone did you dirt, but that's no reason to project that behavior on to everyone else.
    Get help and get over it.
  • TheRealJigsaw
    TheRealJigsaw Posts: 295 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    It sounds like you have your own insecurity issues to deal with
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
    Do people really leave there spouce after loosing weight ?:huh:

    For a lot of people, their relationship was really over before anyone was ready to admit it. One person will devote himself or herself to self-care and health, and they find the confidence it takes to leave their spouse or partner. So, yes, it happens. I don't think it happens in the cold, mean-spirited way people want to imagine it does.
  • LauraDotts
    LauraDotts Posts: 732 Member
    As soon as my weight loss really started to become noticeable some men started telling my husband that he better watch out because I was going to be hot. Fortunately that didn't affect his trust in me or his support for me but it did upset him.

    I'm not sure who they were insulting more, my husband or me. Neither my morals nor my love for my husband is imbedded in my body fat.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    I'm in my 40's and started a bit of a mid-life crisis last year. Lots of things to that, but I know since getting back in shape my wife has asked if I thought about having an affair, leaving her, etc. I think it is natural. Best we can do is confide in them the reasons being healthier is important to us and support them in their journey's as well.
  • jalloggio
    jalloggio Posts: 141
    My wonderful hubby of over 30 years has asked me if I am going to leave him after I loose this weight I just looked at him and said WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING ? I would never think of leaving him .Do people really leave there spouce after loosing weight ?:huh:

    I fellow trainer at the gym had a client once who's husband made her quit her pt sessions because he was worried she would cheat on him with the trainer. It was sad because this girl was making incredible progress. I guess her husband had some insecurities and this was how he dealt with it. It happens a lot I'm glad my wife and I are on the same page.
  • Nikki31104
    Nikki31104 Posts: 816 Member
    My boyfriend of 9 years has said the same thing to me. My aunt's boyfriend has said it to her as well. I would never think of leaving my honey. But I think once they see us looking better and feeling better they get worried. Just let him know that he is important and you are not going anywhere.
  • PattiBear85
    PattiBear85 Posts: 24 Member
    My mom did it to my dad. But my Dad was a bit oblivious till the day she left, trying to keep the house afloat. .:ohwell:
  • dondimitri
    dondimitri Posts: 245 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    Wow.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    That happens but tender reasurance will get him over this. My husband thought that i would run off the fir st time i got to 130 but he got over it once he saw the changes in himself :)
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    You need theraphy im not kidding this sounds unhealthy
  • pspetralia
    pspetralia Posts: 963 Member
    Just reassure him you are doing it for the both of you so you can have a longer healthier life together :)

    Best answer!
  • livingfortheone
    livingfortheone Posts: 273 Member
    Back in my first marriage, my then wife was worried about me joining a gym and getting buff. She said that she didn't want other gals looking at her man. Well, the long and short of it was, she ended up leaving anyway. And I never set foot in a gym so as not to upset her.
    Now it's a new day and a new way. I'm dropping pounds, I have weights to lift at home and a new wife. So. hopefully, in time, I'll be able to present HER with my new body to do with as she pleases.
  • LoonaAdl
    LoonaAdl Posts: 12 Member
    Married 32 years and you still keep your husband on his toes enough to have him ask you this?

    Well done!!

    You're obviously got someone who loves you through thick and thin there ;)

    He sounds like a keeper. Tell him a random woman off the internet thinks he sounds lovely ...


    I agree!
  • dreamypone
    dreamypone Posts: 15
    I agree with above posts saying that you should just reassure him and even ask him if maybe he wants to join you on your journey. I would imagine saying something like "I have loved you for x amount of years through thick and thin, and I still love you, my love isn't stored in my fat so I am not going to burn it off as well. "
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    Oh for the love of gravy, calm down.
    This is a woman who has been married for 30 years, and seems quite happy. A spouse can and will get insecure when such a change is made, it's certainly not a crime.

    OP just reassure him. Keep showing him love.
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
    I can't wait to lose these last 10 pounds. Then I'm gone baby!! He won't know what hit him.
  • Springfield_Rocks
    Springfield_Rocks Posts: 289
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    the-greatest-reaction-of-all-time-.gif-Imgur.gif
  • angieleighbyrd
    angieleighbyrd Posts: 989 Member
    my husband had the same fears but I never knew it until about a month ago. I asked him if a year ago when I said I wanted to do this if he thought I was serious or not. He said he had 2 thoughts, one was that I wasn't going to stick to it, and the other was that I was going to end up leaving him.

    I proved him wrong on both thoughts. :smile:
  • empot
    empot Posts: 30 Member
    Think of it in the reverse, if he was taking care of himself and starting to see physical benefits, how would you feel? I bet you would be so proud of him, find him attractive and feel a little bit jealous and left behind. As long as he is a generally good husband overall, being insecure isn't a sign of a bad husband but honest insecurity. I went through it with my husband and he always wanted me to get healthier and feel great about myself, he was just feeling left behind. Keep reminding him you love him and you want to be the best version of yourself so that you can be all the things you and your family deserve and because you love them. Then understand his process (he may be a few month or even years behind you) but it is his journey and this is yours. Just be a support just like you needed. Plus, it will be really fun when you can throw each other around :), who needs a new fun when you can have even more fun with the partner you have and love!
  • gracielynn1011
    gracielynn1011 Posts: 726 Member
    My hubby has said the same thing a few times. Each time he says "You're just getting slim to go find a new man.". my answer is always that I don't need a new man, I would rather keep the one I got. I picked a winner the first time.

    He says he's joking, but I think hearing my answer always makes him happy.
  • FlyEaglesGuy
    FlyEaglesGuy Posts: 436 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    Ditto
  • Mlkmaid
    Mlkmaid Posts: 356 Member
    Some me get really threatened by it. Other women can to. Many wil resort to sabotaging your efforts. My mother-in-law does that constantly.
  • Wuggums
    Wuggums Posts: 339 Member
    At least he came out and asked her about it, instead of acting douchey and controlling and accusing her of stuff she isn't doing. Which happens a lot with insecure guys who worry about this.

    Amen! For almost 17 years, I had never been called "beautiful", "sexy" or anything of the sort. For the last three years I still haven't been called those things, but I have constantly been accused of cheating because he suddenly feels I'm worthy of male attention. I've tried every trick in the book - telling him how much the accusations bother me, trying to motivate him to get healthy with me, etc - but it hasn't worked. I've finally realized he needs to get over his insecurities on his own and I need to do what it takes to make "me" happy.

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