Criticism vs Shaming

Bullying is never ok. I am glad that, Cherie Steffen lost weight and got healthier and I am happy she has made a career of helping other people, she understands what its like to need to lose a great deal of weight and what it's like to be ridiculed for it. But, it could have easily gone the other way and it could have even resulted in suicide with just a little more having gone wrong in her life. When people make comments like that they really have no idea how they are going to be taken. Reactions can range from the person using it as motivation (and they may or may not succeed at losing weight), to they get severely depressed and pack on more weight, or they become violent and punch you in the face (saw it happen once, it was my sister, she isn't the one you know what I mean). I am not advocating those reactions at all, not even the one where you are motivated. When someone bullies you it's not about you, it's about them. If someone says something like that to me I would look them in the eye and say "Wow, nothing gets by you does it?" and I would probably add a few more comments of my own. Last time someone said something rude like that to me he cried uncle and I am not kidding.

I am not saying that we should just ignore whats going on around us either. I have talked to all three of my children about our weight and our health issues. One of them doesn't need to lose weight at all, but she eats horrible food on a daily basis. One needs to lose about 20 lbs she thinks she needs to lose 50 and she also eats horrible food. One of them gets it and she actually started working on this a few weeks before we had that talk. She is using Weight Watchers online and going to the gym on a daily basis, she has about 80 lbs to go. Ironically when she gets fit she will be healthier than her sisters if they don't change what they are eating. None of my children thought that I said anything mean to them and they get what I am saying, but 2 out of the 3 just aren't ready to make any changes yet, but I am confident that their sister who is providing a great example to follow will motivate them to eat better.

People are going to do what they want to do. I try not to judge OUT LOUD...but of course in My head I am doing a LOT of stuff. Like I will see someone and they may shake their heads at an overweight person, BUT I say to Myself, "If I had that FACE (of the judging person) I would NOT come out of the house, or get out of bed in the morning." Or My goodness, she has NO azz or hips, or WOW how can she wear that short skirt with those SKINNY legs. If I see an old man driving a sports car, I will think, "Dish Rag." If I see a guy with too much muscle, I think " I wonder if he knows the sun is bigger than the earth?" or I have never seen a "muscle man" who has a bulge in his pants crotch.

I think like this...many people think these and worse things. We ALL judge, most have the kindness NOT to speak it out loud because we NEVER know how we may HARM someone or know what stage of "recovery" they are in, for Anything! In other words, some people are NOT KIND (unless it is seen of others/Hypocrites) and they go out of their way to make SURE that others HEAR their "hate" or unkind words.

We live in a Shame Based Society, and that My friends is the topic of which THOUSANDS of books have been and are written about! i wish we lived in an AFFIRMING Society, but we do not. Shame is the reason for most, if not all of humanity failings...yes SHAME, it is VERY DEEP; ask any good Psychology or Sociology Major!

Some people just make me shake my head.

I used to find it funny when kids in school would try to "bully" me by calling me fat. In high school I just would look at them and say "My God, you must be a genius!" or in a classroom once where a boy called me a fat *kitten* in front of the whole room and they all just turned to look at me, I got up, ran to the bathroom, came back and said "Oh my God, I am fat! How could I not have known?!"

Of course not all children are as brilliant and as cunningly quick-witted as I am, so a teacher saying something about their weight can be majorly embarrassing. Are the kids probably making fun of them for it? Yeah. But you get used to that. A teacher saying it? You don't expect that, and as well you shouldn't. So yes, crossing the line. Of course, that's just assuming the teacher was like "Hey fat *kitten*" when the kid came in. I know none of the details of this story and don't care to read them. So, that's just my opinion.

If you are fat and you know you are fat it should NEVER surprise you when someone calls you fat. If you could read thoughts your feelings would be hurt non stop walking around in this world. Just cuz ppl dont say it out loud when they see a fatty thats the first thing they think...oh my garsh look at that fat slob.

I am sorry that you have such a low opinion of yourself. I read your profile info. It seems that you think all fat people are slobs like you . News flash....they are not. I certainly am not. There are many reasons for a person to be fat, some of them psychological, some physical. When a person grows up in a shame based household, almost any critical thing that someone says to them is perceived as more shame. How does a school child learn to roll with the punches when they have this shame inside themselves?

It's not that I am thin-skinned at all. I just believe a person's body is their own private business and no one has a right to comment upon it, unless asked. And I mean all comments, good as well as critical. My husband never commented when I got fat and he didn't comment when I got thin. It was MY business, not his.

Yes my opinion of myself is so low HA! I dont know how you got to that conclusion my profile is anything but an advert for low self esteem. Mental status is not a reason to coddle ppl. It should be dealt with not swept under the rug. You can deny it all you want but that kid is getting shamed daily by other peers while all the adults around him/her cant do anything about it. teachers cant get involved because parents today have perfect angels and their kids never do wrong. Parents do nothing because they use excuses like financial situations that prevent proper diet. It is a vicious cycle of not taking responsibility and being accountable for your own actions. And yes a persons body is theirs to do what they wish with. If I see someone tattooed to the hilt and piercings everywhere I think it is awesome they can express their self so bodly and still manage to hold a job and contribute to society. But when it has come down to affecting society and where their tax money goes because ppl would rather cont to get fat and be irresponsible and EVERYONE else has to pay for their fat *kitten* because they have so many medical issues, then yeah I have the right to say something. Also it is freedom of speech like I said before if you dont want the chance of being called fat......dont be fat. Your mentality is why everyone gets trophies even the losers lol.

I don't think shaming is productive at all. Shame and desperation make people buy into stupid fad starvation diets so restrictive they give up and gain their weight back and then some. Shame skews your relationship with food so that starving is righteous and the inevitable binging that follows brings on such self-loathing that you give up hope. Shame makes you feel trapped and helpless in your own body. Shame makes you unable to bear the thought of exercising publicly.

Lack of self educating and exploration cause the above. Quit blaming shaming for the reason ppl diet wrong or stay fat. It is a choice they make because they are not shown the correct tools or for that matter they dont ask. If you are stupid enough to buy into unhealthy ways of losing weight than you dont have the knowledge you need to accomplish your goals. If you dont have the mental capacity to know right from wrong on as simple a subject as your own diet and your over all physical health you arent armed with the proper knowledge and medical professionals help to get you where you should be. And most importantly if you continue to stay unhealthy and use these excuses and blame others shaming you then there is no hope for you, you are where you want to be. Maybe when you start caring about your body and mind and stop caring about what others say or think about you you will see a change. If you dont love yourself enough to be a better version of you then dont be surpried when ppl cont to call you fat. PERIOD

I'm on the fence about the calling fat people fat statement. But then again, I hate when people call me too skinny, or I should go eat a cheeseburger...but somehow the latter is perfectly acceptable. I think it someone asks me, straight up "Hey do you think I'm overweight/or getting fat" then yes, I will tell them and provide support and ways to improve. But I can't just call someone out for that, I feel that is rude and not my place to say.

I agree and it works both ways with me...if I see a fatty first thing I think is gross put down the donuts. If I see a skin and bones I think gross eat a freakin donut. Auto go to that person having an ED. I never said this train of thinking is right I dont know that person for all I know they could have cancer or some other things wrong with them. But thats what I auto think. Neither is acceptable until you have full info why that person is like that. But if it is for selfish reasons then they better be ready to be called out on it

The only people who fat shame are flat-out ignorant and need to mind their own business. If someone is unhealthy, and they're not a very close family or friend, you have NO right to stick your nose in.

The student knows she is fat and will do something about it if she wants to. Some know-it-all hag of a teacher putting in her two-sense, isn't going to make a difference. People lose weight when it is personally their time to do so. Students go to school to learn, so unless it was a health teacher and she talked to her in private as to not embarrass her, then that teacher is stepping out of line and needs to find a new career. Stick to what you're paid to do.

I agree- is it okay to tell a smoker that they need to stop smoking when you hardly know them? No, it's their choice and their life.

Fat prejudice is really the last form of prejudice allowed. And with obesity rates climbing, I don't think it will be accepted for too much longer, as many fat-shamers grandchildren have a very good chance of being fat, which will change their outlook when it's someone they love/know.

You are a spuriuos genius SMH I havent met one person who fat shamed anyone and had a low IQ. You must not know many black ppl or gay ppl. They get the poop end still and for the foreseeable future. As far as fat shamers grandchildren...I would think they would want anything BUT their grandchildren to be fat and would do everything they can to prevent it. The only way you have a good chance of being fat is if you are selfish,greedy and blame for everything under the sun. Let me guess you vote everyone wins and gets a trophy too? :laugh:

I don't think anyone needs to tell anyone else that they're fat/obese. It's very obvious to other people and to the person being told this.

Hmm, this is not always true. I had someone recently tell me that she told her Dr to stop telling her to lose weight because it upsets her and she's healthy anyway.

She is obviously overweight, her Dr is trying to give her advice and she's telling him she's ok. Not really someone that recognises what's happening with her body imo.

I will be glad when "bullying" stops being the word people use whenever anyone says anything rude, obnoxious or just not in line with the opinions of another. Someone making one insensitive comment to another adult isn't bullying.

I will be glad when "bullying" stops being the word people use whenever anyone says anything rude, obnoxious or just not in line with the opinions of another. Someone making one insensitive comment to another adult isn't bullying.

^^^^^ yes


ps grow some skin ppl sensitivity is over rated...try honesty (better results)

Pointing out the obvious is sometimes necessary. I honestly didnt really know I had gotten fat until people started pointing it out. I still saw that same 110lb girl in the mirror.