Criticism vs Shaming

I'm on the fence about the calling fat people fat statement. But then again, I hate when people call me too skinny, or I should go eat a cheeseburger...but somehow the latter is perfectly acceptable. I think it someone asks me, straight up "Hey do you think I'm overweight/or getting fat" then yes, I will tell them and provide support and ways to improve. But I can't just call someone out for that, I feel that is rude and not my place to say.

The only people who fat shame are flat-out ignorant and need to mind their own business. If someone is unhealthy, and they're not a very close family or friend, you have NO right to stick your nose in.

The student knows she is fat and will do something about it if she wants to. Some know-it-all hag of a teacher putting in her two-sense, isn't going to make a difference. People lose weight when it is personally their time to do so. Students go to school to learn, so unless it was a health teacher and she talked to her in private as to not embarrass her, then that teacher is stepping out of line and needs to find a new career. Stick to what you're paid to do.

I agree- is it okay to tell a smoker that they need to stop smoking when you hardly know them? No, it's their choice and their life.

Fat prejudice is really the last form of prejudice allowed. And with obesity rates climbing, I don't think it will be accepted for too much longer, as many fat-shamers grandchildren have a very good chance of being fat, which will change their outlook when it's someone they love/know.

Nobody except for close family should be giving advice unless the person has specifically asked for help. I have someone I work with and I know she thinks I am overweight (she should have seen me when I obese) and tries to make comments eg 'This is why you are overweight' or 'You need to get some exercise'. She doesn't even seem aware that she is being rude. If she had seen me five years ago when I was huge she probably would have been disgusted.

I used to get teased at school for being fat and this never inspired me. If anything it was the opposite and made me turn to food.

I was aware that I was overweight; I didn't need anyone to tell me. I also honestly don't care how overweight someone chooses to be (unless government healthcare in the USA happens, not fond of possibly having to pay higher taxes to take care of someone's problems they created on their own.)

You are aware government funded healthcare IS supported by tax dollars, right? I support Universal healthcare, I'm just wanting to make sure we're on the same page.

The context of the comment wasn't given about the teacher and student. Was it a health class (a perfectly okay environment to talk about the ill effects of obesity, as long as it's done so objectively and respectfully), was the student even American? As someone else pointed out, many other cultures see "you're too fat" on the same level as "you have lint on your shirt" (more or less. you know what I'm saying - they're pointing out a problem you may want to fix). Did the teacher have any right to be rude?Absolutely not.

There's also a difference between shaming someone for being a fattie and sitting down with a particular student who may have weight issues and voicing your concerns in a supportive manner. Yes, I WOULD do that with someone who tanned too much, smoke too much, or drank too much (and I have. It resulted in one of my best friends attending AA, and now she's been 3 years sober and better off for it). It may surprise you, but teachers don't go into teaching for the money. They care about their students. Not saying every teacher is even close to perfect, but again, context is key and I feel like we weren't given any.

Also, I'm kind of amused at the people who say it's no place for the school to voice concerns over weight issues, and then turn around and complain that public schools need to practically babysit their precious little snowflakes for them ("help you with homework? You were supposed to learn that at school!" "Why didn't the school teach you about how to do taxes or do your laundry?... It's not MY place to make sure you grow into a well adjusted, functioning adult or anything! ")

I am aware, and I am against government funded healthcare.

I also speak of all the ppl and their kids on welfare. They get medical insurance as well and I see them in front of me at market loaded full with 2-3 carts of pure crap and then they pull out their food stamp card . You mean I have to pay for them to get fat then pay for them when they are sick from it? HA! I should be able to say whatever I want to them and I do. Thank goodness for freedom of speech

Am I the only one that doesn't see fat people and think they're a slob, or see a muscular guy and think he is stupid, or see someone in a skirt and think how they could bother to come out into public because they have "skinny legs"? Really, does anyone else not do this? I may have my judgments from time to time but I certainly don't sit there and put down other people in my head.

People that are constantly putting down other people usually do so because they are insecure in themselves and often make fun of people for something they are jealous of or what they see in themselves that they don't like. Seeing a fat person say how someone that is fat is a pig is just reflecting their own opinions of their own self onto someone else. Saying a muscular guy is stupid is a judgement based on the fact that the person judging is probably not very muscular. The person making fun of someone for being too skinny probably wishes they were skinnier. It's simple psychology, really.

Am I the only one that doesn't see fat people and think they're a slob, or see a muscular guy and think he is stupid, or see someone in a skirt and think how they could bother to come out into public because they have "skinny legs"? Really, does anyone else not do this? I may have my judgments from time to time but I certainly don't sit there and put down other people in my head.

People that are constantly putting down other people usually do so because they are insecure in themselves and often make fun of people for something they are jealous of or what they see in themselves that they don't like. Seeing a fat person say how someone that is fat is a pig is just reflecting their own opinions of their own self onto someone else. Saying a muscular guy is stupid is a judgement based on the fact that the person judging is probably not very muscular. The person making fun of someone for being too skinny probably wishes they were skinnier. It's simple psychology, really.

For me its not a dig or put down just a clear observation. I have many times stayed on the observation and had thoughts like...wow she has a pretty face I bet she would be super uber hot if she wasnt fat. So dont mistake someones observations as judgements or a reflection of their self worth.

Edit: BTW if you are seeing muscular guys and the 1st thing yo think is they are stupid...seek help :laugh:

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I love when fat ppl say they are healthy or big boned lol

I think if you don't have anything positive to say don't say anything! People that are overweight know that they are overweight. They don't need someone else telling them. I think the best way to lead is by example. I've successfully lost 56 pounds this time. I've been here before...and hopefully this will be the last time ...no more yo yo ing...for me. But when I weighed more I didn't need my mother ( or anyone else) telling me I was fat. There was (of course ) a medical reason for it but over eating made the medical issue of being diabetic . Eating way too much sugar, artificial sweeteners and processed food only complicated the issues to the extreme point of needing insulin to stay alive . Do I wish I had taken care of my issues sooner you bet...but there is no use crying over spilled milk . We each have to make our own choices regarding our health. Sometimes we can help others make better choices but in our society with junk food everywhere it takes a personal commitment to just say NO and choose to eat a healthy diet free of junk food.

Plenty of people thought it was wrong for the teacher to make the comment - but there plenty of others who feel that it wasn't bullying and that overweight/obese people should be shamed or bullied into losing weight.

The problem with bullying or shaming people into losing weight is that poor self-esteem or other emotional problems are often at the heart of a great many people's over-eating issues. Adding to their poor self-esteem doesn't help them, it simply confirms all the nasty things they're already thinking about themselves.

The times in my life when I've really got down to losing weight (like now) have been times when I've been feeling confident and positive and had a lot of non-judgemental support. The times I've holed up in my house like a hermit, stuffing my face, have been the times when I've been at my most unhappy - anyone attempting to 'shame' me during those times would have only driven me to be even more self-destructive with food and drink.

^^^^This^^^

I don't know the exact context of the original comment or what the story was about, but in general, I think the biggest problem is that there is such a negative stigma attached to being fat. Being overweight doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong with you. Fat is just another adjective to describe your body. So if you're calling someone 'fat' with the intention of telling them something is wrong with them, then yes, absolutely, that is body shaming, and that's not right. "Hey, I think your weight might be affecting your health" and "Hey, your weight is affecting the way you look in those clothes" are two totally different statements. The first might show concern and the second just shows you being an ignorant, superficial, judgmental *kitten*.
Not to mention, to be able to sit there and "coach" other people on how to exercise and how to eat right is a totally privileged position. If you have access to open, safe outdoor spaces and an actual grocery store where you can buy fresh produce, you're in actuality extremely lucky.
So, there's that to kind of put things in perspective.

"Hey, I think your weight might be affecting your health" and "Hey, your weight is affecting the way you look in those clothes" are two totally different statements. The first might show concern and the second just shows you being an ignorant, superficial, judgmental *kitten*.
Not to mention, to be able to sit there and "coach" other people on how to exercise and how to eat right is a totally privileged position. If you have access to open, safe outdoor spaces and an actual grocery store where you can buy fresh produce, you're in actuality extremely lucky.

Same as saying you are fat just in a beating around the bush way......and as far as privileged positions of "coaching" we all do it on a daily basis with our BFFF's by motivating them to exercise or make better eating choices. Exercising and groceries have nothing to do with "luck" you either do what you need to do or you make excuses to stay where you are.

The only people who fat shame are flat-out ignorant and need to mind their own business. If someone is unhealthy, and they're not a very close family or friend, you have NO right to stick your nose in.

The student knows she is fat and will do something about it if she wants to. Some know-it-all hag of a teacher putting in her two-sense, isn't going to make a difference. People lose weight when it is personally their time to do so. Students go to school to learn, so unless it was a health teacher and she talked to her in private as to not embarrass her, then that teacher is stepping out of line and needs to find a new career. Stick to what you're paid to do.

I agree- is it okay to tell a smoker that they need to stop smoking when you hardly know them? No, it's their choice and their life.

Fat prejudice is really the last form of prejudice allowed. And with obesity rates climbing, I don't think it will be accepted for too much longer, as many fat-shamers grandchildren have a very good chance of being fat, which will change their outlook when it's someone they love/know.

I am sorry you are so embittered by this. I believe that people who are self injuring DO need to be told they are doing so -- whether it is drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, shopping, etc. - in a voice and style that they need in order for it to sink in. Are we ultimately responsible for other people's choices? ABSOLUTELY NOT. But, if we refuse to say something to somebody we love, and they continue to indulge in those destructive habits, then we are enabling them, period.

I have an alcoholic brother who nearly died from his disease. He has been an alcoholic for years and years and years, and his wife enabled this behavior by continuing to buy him and bring him alcohol, while she drank alongside of him and they enjoyed all the partying they did. Well guess what? After a 4 month hospital stay that included a 3 week medically induced coma for detox, a series of strokes/apraxia, the inability to eat, drink or talk for nearly a year later, SHE decided he had become too big of a burden to help anymore, so she basically told him she's done with him. I feel that, had she DEMANDED he get help for his situation before it got worse, then maybe their lives would have turned out better.

My husband smoked for years, and I despised it. For years, I would say nothing about it, because I didn't want to appear to be "nagging". Well, I knew a lot of the anger he was directing at me over small things was due to his anger and failure over kicking his habit. One day, in a fit of rage, I told him that "if you want things to change, than freaking STOP SMOKING! Quit whining and JUST DO IT!" He finally heard what I said and admitted that he needed to do something about his problem. He quit the next week and has never gone back.

Call me cold hearted, but people with addictions NEED to have someone in their life strong enough to look them dead in the eye and say "YOU HAVE A PROBLEM AND YOU NEED TO CHECK YOURSELF OVER IT". This mambsy-pambsy refusal to tell it like it is is ruining our country's youth because there is more concern over "hurting feelings" and "bullying" than a good, old fashioned "GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER" wake up call.

I will be glad when "bullying" stops being the word people use whenever anyone says anything rude, obnoxious or just not in line with the opinions of another. Someone making one insensitive comment to another adult isn't bullying.

^^^^^ yes


ps grow some skin ppl sensitivity is over rated...try honesty (better results)

I'm not saying no one has the right to have hurt feelings, and I understand that many people are very sensitive. It just isn't bullying.

A teacher should never tell a student she is fat. If a teacher is that concerned about a student's weight, she can do a couple of things. 1. Mention it to the school nurse and have the nurse evaluate if there is a health issue. Then the nurse can contact the parents 2. Decide to have a class lecture on healthy eating and exercise for the entire class, never addressing the child in question specifically.

I also call BS on coaches who believe they need to shame their players into performing better. To me it's the same logic. You can motivate people without shaming them, especially children.

As a health teacher, it is in my curriculum to teach about healthy eating and nutrition. While I do not call out any student for being overweight, and trust me, I have a few overweight students in my class, I WILL emphasize the importance of eating a balanced diet, stick to the calorie levels kids this age should be consuming, and inform them of the amount of calories, sugar, sodium and fat there are in local fast food restaurants. They LEARN this information so they can make better choices. But, the choice to eat what they eat remains entirely up to them -- and I do not "shame" anyone. What I hope to have happen is what happened last year with my students: "Wow, there are 37 teaspoons full of sugar in that Sonic fruit smoothie!" "Wow, there are 850 calories in that one slice of loaded pizza!" "WHOA, one BK whopper with cheese, large fry and large coke is nearly an ENTIRE day's worth of calories!"

That's what they learn -- and no one is shamed in the process.

any suggestions for getting to NOT reach for a second cupcake for dessert? Spring musical. parents cook for kids between afternoon and evening rehearsal. Fat girl has 4 cupcakes after eating the salad and pasta and veggies...

A teacher should never tell a student she is fat. If a teacher is that concerned about a student's weight, she can do a couple of things. 1. Mention it to the school nurse and have the nurse evaluate if there is a health issue. Then the nurse can contact the parents 2. Decide to have a class lecture on healthy eating and exercise for the entire class, never addressing the child in question specifically.

I also call BS on coaches who believe they need to shame their players into performing better. To me it's the same logic. You can motivate people without shaming them, especially children.

As a health teacher, it is in my curriculum to teach about healthy eating and nutrition. While I do not call out any student for being overweight, and trust me, I have a few overweight students in my class, I WILL emphasize the importance of eating a balanced diet, stick to the calorie levels kids this age should be consuming, and inform them of the amount of calories, sugar, sodium and fat there are in local fast food restaurants. They LEARN this information so they can make better choices. But, the choice to eat what they eat remains entirely up to them -- and I do not "shame" anyone. What I hope to have happen is what happened last year with my students: "Wow, there are 37 teaspoons full of sugar in that Sonic fruit smoothie!" "Wow, there are 850 calories in that one slice of loaded pizza!" "WHOA, one BK whopper with cheese, large fry and large coke is nearly an ENTIRE day's worth of calories!"

That's what they learn -- and no one is shamed in the process.

any suggestions for getting to NOT reach for a second cupcake for dessert? Spring musical. parents cook for kids between afternoon and evening rehearsal. Fat girl has 4 cupcakes after eating the salad and pasta and veggies...

Put a sign One cupcake per person. Being a teacher you cant really say no more you are already fat because parents would flip a lid over their precious snowflake. Your hands are tied so if you really care that much, think of things ahead of time to prevent these issues. It isnt your responsibility but I know as a teacher you have to shut up about alot of things which is total BS.