does wt loss put some people in ***** mode?
jdm1954
Posts: 14 Member
Both my wife and I are trying to make some better choices when it comes to weight and diet. The difference makes me feel alot better with some weight off and energy levels up. It seems to have made her into a moody grump. She has lost about 10lbs in a month but seems to resent me losing alot more than her. When I bring up that she will use a treadmill about 2x a week for 20 min and I am at the Y for about an hour a day 6x a week so maybe I deserve better results, it seems to make matters worse. I'm glad she's dropping the weight. Just wish she would drop the attitude. Do others have mates or find themselves moodier while on this journey?
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Replies
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This is normal. It seems unfair, she's trying hard and not dropping as much as you. Tell her that men lose weight faster than women. Tell her that she's doing great.She has lost about 10lbs in a month but seems to resent me losing alot more than her.
Oh boy, this is a bad strategy. Don't turn weight loss into a household competition. Don't compare your effort to her effort. Try encouraging her instead. You deserve better results? What about what she deserves? She deserves your complete and unconditional support.When I bring up that she will use a treadmill about 2x a week for 20 min and I am at the Y for about an hour a day 6x a week so maybe I deserve better results, it seems to make matters worse.0 -
Agree with the above. Don't make it into a competition, also try not make it seem like you want hr to lose weight.0
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Is she eating enough? Competition is good. I even offered to pay for my husbands pedometer so that he may join me in this journey. But he refused. Maybe re-*kitten* how you approach her with your results and only mention it when she asks?0
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When I bring up that she will use a treadmill about 2x a week for 20 min and I am at the Y for about an hour a day 6x a week so maybe I deserve better results, it seems to make matters worse.
I mean this in the nicest possible way, :flowerforyou: but...you dumb@ss. Did you really think that belittling her efforts and pointing out how much awesome you are was going to motivate her? :noway: I'd be feeling resentful too if you were rubbing your progress in my face. :grumble:
She's lost 10 lbs in a month. That's freaking amazing. How about you applaud her progress, highlight her successes, and tell her how proud you are of her for making healthy changes?
Maybe she doesn't feel like she has the time to go to the gym 6 times a week. Is there anything you can do to help at home (chores, child care, meal prep, etc.) to open up her schedule so she can take more time for herself?
Also, is she eating enough? If she's feeling like she somehow has to try to compete with you, she may be overcompensating by not taking in enough calories or by eliminating/restricting certain foods, which can definitely affect mood.
Be more supportive, dude.0 -
I do say I am proud of her and 10lbs is amazing. we keep food diary's and I beleieve she is eating way too little but cant seem to convince her that maybe more would be better. I also repeatedley tell her about the unfair men/women weight loss speed. She's smart and knows this but it still seems to grate her She has a desk job and mine is also more physical-another +- when it comes to loss. She says she feels better, but I wish she seemed happier with her progress0
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When I bring up that she will use a treadmill about 2x a week for 20 min and I am at the Y for about an hour a day 6x a week so maybe I deserve better results, it seems to make matters worse.
Well I'm shocked this made it worse. :noway: :laugh:0 -
Try to get her to read this post
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/952996-level-obstacles-lose-weight-target-fat-easy
PS 10lbs a month for a woman is excellent and right on target for sustainable weight loss that she can keep off.0 -
I agree weight loss has put me in 5* mode. I've never felt better.0
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Men and women lose weight at totally different rates. What may be causing her moodiness, is she is trying to cut too many calories from her diet at one time. So she may feel deprived. She needs to aim to lose 1 lb per week by cutting calories from her diet, by working out more; or a combination of the two. Her choice really.
You need to try to motivate her to keep it up. Maybe invite her to go to the Y with you, and lift some weight instead of just doing cardio. Or just invite her on a walk with you, if she doesn't want to lift weights with you. Get her out of the house.
I can tell you that your wife is likely frustrated at the fact that you are losing so much more than her, but that's natural. I know that it's frustrating for me, that my husband can eat whatever he wants, and I have to watch every little piece of food that I put in my mouth, yet he lost about as much weight over the last few weeks as I did, and he really didn't need to. He went from 6'1" and 195 lbs to 187 lbs. I just looked at him and said, "Bite me!" But at the end of the day, he walks a lot in his job (>10 miles/day), and then usually comes home and walks up and down our drive way looking for rocks. I could walk that much and still not lose weight and be able to eat whatever I wanted to! It's just the difference between me and him, but sometimes it gets me down,0 -
I mean this in the nicest possible way, :flowerforyou: but...you dumb@ss. Did you really think that belittling her efforts and pointing out how much awesome you are was going to motivate her? :noway: I'd be feeling resentful too if you were rubbing your progress in my face. :grumble:
Be more supportive, dude.
LOL! ^^ This. It's not the weight loss putting her in ***** mood.0 -
When I bring up that she will use a treadmill about 2x a week for 20 min and I am at the Y for about an hour a day 6x a week so maybe I deserve better results, it seems to make matters worse.
Dude.....sometimes the smartest thing to say is nothing. Been married for 25 years and counting. That is experience talking my friend.
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When I bring up that she will use a treadmill about 2x a week for 20 min and I am at the Y for about an hour a day 6x a week so maybe I deserve better results, it seems to make matters worse.
Ouch! It really made matters worse huh? I'm not surprised :huh: ...I would have been pretty upset had my hubby said something like that to me! My hubby can work out when he gets home from work...but I'm busy cooking dinner, washing dishes, folding laundry, etc to work out that long every day.0 -
I was mislead. I thought this was a post about how weightloss makes one horny. I seriously need a decoder for ***** words.0
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I was mislead. I thought this was a post about how weightloss makes one horny. I seriously need a decoder for ***** words.
:laugh:0 -
I sometimes find when I put too much pressure on myself and restrict my eating too much, I also turn into a grumpy cow. Working in some regular treats and making sure I always eat most of my calorie allowance cheers me right up!0
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I was mislead. I thought this was a post about how weightloss makes one horny. I seriously need a decoder for ***** words.
hahaha I thought the same thing.0 -
Well, you seem to be in full-on ***** mode. So yes, it can certainly have that effect.
Be nice to your wife. Encourage her, love her, and stop gloating about the fact that you've lost more and all the reasons why.0 -
Aside from what the previous replies have already said, if she is cutting carbs, or is in the process of removing herself from a sugar or caffeine addiction...yes, her mood will likely be foul for a while. It took me about 3 months to not feel bitter about not having a brownie and a Diet Coke when I was feeling stressed. Try to focus on the positives (10 pounds is FANTASTIC!!) and help her avoid the triggers that might have previously sent her to the soda shop/bakery whatever, and that might keep some of that resentment at bay.0
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I thrive on being competitive. If you are indeed working harder and mention it because she is whining about slower progress she needs to get with the program. If she can work just as hard as you to get the greater results you are getting than she needs to own it and stop whining about it. Men do lose faster generally than woman though but that should motivate her to work harder than you. It is a competition and she is being a sore loser. Instead of taking this as a positive and using it to be better she is choosing to be a grumpy whiny b*****. This is only hurting her in the long run. Also sounds like she is setting her self up with an excuse to give up as well. Call her out on her shiz make her own it.0
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When I bring up that she will use a treadmill about 2x a week for 20 min and I am at the Y for about an hour a day 6x a week so maybe I deserve better results, it seems to make matters worse.
Ouch! It really made matters worse huh? I'm not surprised :huh: ...I would have been pretty upset had my hubby said something like that to me! My hubby can work out when he gets home from work...but I'm busy cooking dinner, washing dishes, folding laundry, etc to work out that long every day.
I do all those things you do and I still have plenty of time to work out. He could just as easily make excuses like he had to WORK all day and when he gets home is too tired. If you are in a healthy relationship you shouldnt have to walk on egg shells EVER. I am still pisse dmy old man didnt tell me how fat I have gotten, but now I know it is because he knew it would lead to healthier eating lol he hates that HA!0 -
My husband and I are both trying to lose weight. We have learned, without question, that the best strategy is to just quietly support each other, and generally keep our efforts separate. Encourage, sure. Share successes, sure. Compare stats, discuss strategies, or give each other tips? Not a chance. I don't know what it is about married couples losing weight (and maybe not all couples are like this), but it's definitely a touchy subject. Different things work for each of us. Our approaches to working out totally different, our food needs are different, and our results are different. Our bodies are different. Comparing what we are doing (even in a non-competitive way) just isn't constructive and ends up leaving one or the other of us irritated.
Also, yeah, sometimes restricting what I eat and feeling like I'm on a diet makes me cranky. I'm constantly thinking about what I "can't" have, and that tends to put me in a bad mood. That's why I'm adjusting things this time around to allow for some treats so that I don't feel deprived.0 -
How did you tell her that she may not be exercising enough? My fiance and I are doing this together as well and we have a strict only truth policy. If I'm not working hard enough, he tells me to go harder because I'm being lazy. Does it make me mad that he said that? Yes, and then I work harder because I know he's right. Yesterday we went to the gym together and he usually does 1 hour on the treadmill, while I do 30 minutes there and 30 minutes on the bike. After 30 minutes he was going to wait downstairs for me because his leg was cramping. I asked him to go on the bike instead, because it would be better on his leg and at least it would be something. He said no and started walking downstairs...so I yelled after him "Quitter!" That made him mad because I yelled it and embarrassed him, but you know what? He got on that bike and got over it.
Do you have schedules that allow you to work out together? It may motivate her to work harder. Talk to her, nicely, about developing a "truth only" policy. It may be beneficial to both of you.0 -
I mean this in the nicest possible way, :flowerforyou: but...you dumb@ss. Did you really think that belittling her efforts and pointing out how much awesome you are was going to motivate her? :noway: I'd be feeling resentful too if you were rubbing your progress in my face. :grumble:
Be more supportive, dude.
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Seriously, OP, dude, careful with that competitive nature at home!0 -
...so I yelled after him "Quitter!" That made him mad because I yelled it and embarrassed him, but you know what? He got on that bike and got over it.
Love this! I wish I had someone to call me out when I am getting in that excuses and quitter mode :laugh:0 -
Re the exercise - does she want to work out more but feel unable to, or is she just not interested? Have you asked her this? I'm not saying that this is necessarily the case in your marriage, but often the vast majority of household work ends up with the woman. Both myself and my husband work full-time - I work longer hours, as well as having to bring work home with me most days - yet I do most of the cooking, cleaning etc. If you just have work, workout, eat to think about, fitting in that workout is easy. However if you know that you have work, cooking, eating, clearing up, cleaning and workout to fit into your day, suddenly it's a bit harder to squeeze in a workout. I'm not saying it's not possible, but you're more likely to skip the workout. And resenting the person who could easily take some of that on for choosing to put themselves before anything else is easy to understand.0
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I always find time to work out too..as does his wife, just maybe not as much as he does. What I was saying was...he manages to go to the Y 6x a week, maybe she doesn't have that option??? We all need to make WHATEVER time we can, but we can't ALL get to the gym everyday. I'm more sidelined for other reasons (health) but I still manage what I can...and I'm doing ok with it.When I bring up that she will use a treadmill about 2x a week for 20 min and I am at the Y for about an hour a day 6x a week so maybe I deserve better results, it seems to make matters worse.
Ouch! It really made matters worse huh? I'm not surprised :huh: ...I would have been pretty upset had my hubby said something like that to me! My hubby can work out when he gets home from work...but I'm busy cooking dinner, washing dishes, folding laundry, etc to work out that long every day.
I do all those things you do and I still have plenty of time to work out. He could just as easily make excuses like he had to WORK all day and when he gets home is too tired. If you are in a healthy relationship you shouldnt have to walk on egg shells EVER. I am still pisse dmy old man didnt tell me how fat I have gotten, but now I know it is because he knew it would lead to healthier eating lol he hates that HA!0 -
If she does most of the housework or child work maybe she's resentful she doesn't have as much time as you do to work out. But 10lbs in a month is awesome just keep reminding her of that.0
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Obviously she needs more dark chocolate. You should bring her some. ;^) In fact, bring us ALL dark chocolate!0
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This is a perfectly good example of why husbands and wives should stay out of each other's fitness programs. It becomes a competition between them.
I work out regularly and watch what I eat. My husband does neither. Do I nag him about it? No, because it is not my issue to own. I focus on myself.
Now, if he wanted to start working out and eating better, I would offer some advice and tips, but I certainly wouldn't make it a competition. Basically because I would kick his a**, and that's a passive-aggressive way of saying "I'm better than YOU are, neener, neener, neener!"0 -
women are teh worst...amiriteguys?0
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