You guys, I'm truly terrified.

bbygirlx
bbygirlx Posts: 12
in Introduce Yourself
All the cookies, cakes, pizzas, chicken nuggets, mcdonalds, burger king, fried chicken, greasy subs and much more couldn't ever make me feel better deep inside. I get stressed, angry, sad, overly happy or just any feeling and I run to the food. It cures my boredum while I eat it, or my anger because it tastes good and I enjoy it. But later? It tears me down even lower. I am so insecure. Soo insecure. It makes me insecure all the way around. Insecure when it comes to myself in general, my relationship, even friendships. Even walking by a stranger is an uneasy feeling.

I'm allowing eating to take over my life. I let my partner disrespect me and tear me down even further because I don't have enough respect and love for myself. But I ask myself "How could I?" How could I seriously love myself if I don't even try? I notice when I try harder and do what I need to do then I get further with myself. I appreciate myself, stand up for myself and feel great. So now you're probably thinking "Why are you posting this if you found the solution to your problem?" But I guess because I need people in my life that understand me. That get what I'm going through. That can stand by my side. I'm not saying listen to me cry and whine all the time because I ate a piece of chocolate cake or a couple slices of pizza, because hell.. I'm going to eat it often regardless (staying in macros of course, if i can gain that control.) And i'm sorry i'm on a forum on here complaining but really I've just come to an understanding with myself that .. I don't appreciate myself and I don't deserve to until I make an effort.

I've stopped getting many hours at work but haven't been applying for jobs, i was almost complete with my GED but still didn't finish it (stopped studying for about a month and a half now.) I've been taking care of my daughter, laying around the house, hanging out with friends, maybe going to the store to get household items and food. But other than taking care of my daughter and shopping? I haven't been doing anything else important. I'm sorry i'm rambeling on. Maybe i should be writing this in a diary instead of on the internet but it's how i feel and i'm hoping some people understand where i'm coming from and will be my MFP friend. All I'm saying is FOOD IS TAKING OVER MY LIFE. And I can't let it anymore. I have to fight this addiction. It's not fair to myself or anyone else.

Replies

  • GracefulDancer4Christ
    GracefulDancer4Christ Posts: 419 Member
    we are very similar to one another in that regard. I was very scared at first with this as well. they have a group here on mfp called food and feelings. this is a really helpful place to go. I undereat but food takes over my life jsut the same I am always thinknig about it. when I deprived myself from it I would binge the next day to make up for it. I am taking a christian based class to help me deal with this. I am eating more and feeling a lot happier. just know you are not alone. I understand completely. I relate to the insecurity also as well.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    See a therapist. Seriously.
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
    You've identified the problem, the next step is to take action.

    I can identify with food addiction and binge eating, and I think you'll find many on here have/had the same issues. It's definitely not an easy process to break away from it, but you can do it if you put your mind to it, but I also don't wonder if perhaps you should talk to your doctor, as it sounds like you may be depressed. Sometimes it's hard to discern which is the cause and which is the effect, so above all, I really recommend you talk to your physician about what you're going through and what kind of changes you want to make.
  • cwaters120
    cwaters120 Posts: 354 Member
    I felt this way too for a long time. The one thing I discovered the hard way: Only YOU can decide when you are going to make the changes that are necessary. You have to find the "want to give a crap" that's inside you. Do you want your daughter growing up knowing the you NOW or the you that you can BE? Do you want her to follow in your footsteps because its all she knows or be a determined young lady who goes after what she wants because THAT is all she knows of her mom? Do you want your daughter to stop doing something because she deems it too much work when she doesn't feel worth it or kick butt and not let things stop her, knowing she is worth it?

    If you SERIOUSLY want to change things and SERIOUSLY want to put in the work, send me a friend request and I will help where I can. If its support, a listening ear, a recipe makeover, a suggestion - whatever, I can help if you truly want to change it without excuses.
  • bbygirlx
    bbygirlx Posts: 12
    Dang, does it really seem like I need therapy? Then maybe I do. :/
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    Dang, does it really seem like I need therapy? Then maybe I do. :/

    Most people could benefit from a few sessions with a therapist. It isn't a big deal. You have developed a really unhealthy relationship with food and with yourself. Seeing a therapist is taking charge of your life. There is nothing wrong with it.
  • BernadetteImproving
    BernadetteImproving Posts: 14 Member
    Hi, you are not alone. I have battled binge eating for most of my adult life. Keep trying every day and slowly you can turn it around. Find the positive things in each day, even small things and stay away from negative people. Believe me, I work with some people who say things like, "Today is going to be a horrible day." They are stuck in their misery and it has nothing to do with me. That is not my reality for each day. It is great that you are on this web site. Keep trying and take care of yourself.

    --Bernadette
  • mjeischen
    mjeischen Posts: 3
    Dang, does it really seem like I need therapy? Then maybe I do. :/

    Most people could benefit from a few sessions with a therapist. It isn't a big deal. You have developed a really unhealthy relationship with food and with yourself. Seeing a therapist is taking charge of your life. There is nothing wrong with it.

    It doesn't hurt to have someone to talk to with an objective opinion. While yes your relationship with food and issues with yourself are clearly an issue . . . A therapist can help you work through those things and get to the root of the problems. Being aware makes you that much stronger to take it all on.
  • nancyscott7921
    nancyscott7921 Posts: 5
    You can do it! Have faith and believe in yourself, as you are worth it! Just take it one day at a time, sometimes even one hour at a time. Baby steps will get you there. My motto is "every day I wake up breathing is a great day, not matter what else happens that day". About 8 years ago I was in counseling with a therapist for depression and I believe she saved my life. It helps to talk things out, whether it is about food, relationships, etc. I keep a daily food and exercise journal. Every bite gets written down. I make myself be accountable to me, as overeating is my fault, my choice. I want to get healthy and be able to walk without my thighs rubbing together. So every bite is a reminder that I want smaller thighs!
  • Frank_Just_Frank
    Frank_Just_Frank Posts: 454 Member
    Agree with Contrarian, a therapist could help you out. I don't know why there's a taboo against speaking to a professional who's specialty is helping people with emotional issues on a confidential basis.

    My appetite can go crazy too. Prt of the solution was changing eating habits and another was changing my behaviour in other ways that had nothing to do with food. I found things that relieved my boredom. Sometimes that boredom comes because you're avoiding doing things you're afraid to do. You have quite a journey ahead of you, congratulations on taking action.

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