If you've already lost a lot of weight,

Amy_B
Amy_B Posts: 2,317 Member
edited September 21 in Health and Weight Loss
do you view larger people in a different manner than you presume others view larger people? Let me explain my thinking so my question makes sense. When I was bigger, I used to worry about what people thought of me because of my weight. Now that I've lost a lot, I don't feel that way anymore. When I look at bigger people now, I am not disgusted or anything. I understand because I was once there. Instead I think about how they can lose weight too (if they want to). I never say anything unless asked because I figure that would be rude, but I would gladly share my experience (and do sometimes).

I hope this makes sense. :smile:
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Replies

  • freehold1979
    freehold1979 Posts: 27
    I'm still a big but shrinking person. It kind of depends on the situation. I work in a hospital and see alot of overweight people. The ones I know who don't want to do anything about it yet complain upsets me because I knkow what its like to be the fat person in the bunch. And it really upsets me when I see the younger generations who don't care about what they put in their bodies or realize our bodies have to last us a lifetime. But I try to educate everyone as much as possible along the way.
  • Lisa0711
    Lisa0711 Posts: 1,405 Member
    I know what you mean. When I was at my heaviest I just felt like people were watching my every move. I didn't even want to eat in front of anyone because I felt like people were judging me. Now that I've lost about 50 pounds I see other people who are heavier but I don't judge them or think any of the things about them that I once though of myself (and assumed others tough of me as well). It's amazing how critical we can be of ourselves sometimes!
  • keith0373
    keith0373 Posts: 2,154 Member
    This must be a female thing. I almost ever notice what someone weighs. I never even noticed when my wife got up to what was an uncomfortable weight for her. She still looked good to me. Admittedly, I have noticed the difference now that she has dropped 30 lbs.
  • Cytherea
    Cytherea Posts: 515 Member
    I definitely think that people who have been there won't judge a person like someone who has never been there might. So while you guys may not be judging the heavy people, that's because you DO understand! Whereas someone who is skinny or average and never had any weight issues might. A family friend even confessed to me that when we first met (almost 2 years ago now), she was probably trying to take the butter away from me even though I didn't know it/realize it. She is a very tiny person (107 lbs.) and very, very fit. It came up because we talking about how I have lost some weight and am still actively trying to lose more. Which is great, and now we are on the same page (I obviously know I need to!) so we can talk about these things, but her saying that was confirmation for me that normal sized people DO look at heavier people and think things like "they don't need to eat that" etc.
  • urmyeffinstar
    urmyeffinstar Posts: 57 Member
    When I was a larger size, I felt like everyone was judging me for the way I looked and what I was wearing. Now I am still overweight but only about 15 pounds away from being a healthy weight for my size and I STILL feel like people judge me for what I am wearing or how I look but I don't judge anyone who is bigger than me. What someone weighs doesn't really affect the way that I think or feel about them. Unfortunately I know there are people out there who have lost the weight and judge people who haven't yet and that bothers the heck out of me.
  • keith0373
    keith0373 Posts: 2,154 Member
    urmyeffinstar, I think anyone judging you is probably giving you a good grade! Don't sweat it!
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    This must be a female thing. I almost ever notice what someone weighs. I never even noticed when my wife got up to what was an uncomfortable weight for her. She still looked good to me. Admittedly, I have noticed the difference now that she has dropped 30 lbs.

    Honey, is that you??? Ooops, thought it was husband, sorry. :laugh:

    Thank God my spouse never cared about my weight. He asked me why I was on a diet :heart: he is either the smartest guy on the planet or completely clueless :laugh:
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    I don't care about others weight, but THEY seem to think I do! I have had coworkers turn their styro boxes away from me when I sit at the table. I could care less, so cant be putting off a vibe..............so now I aske what they are eating and ask to taste a bite.
  • 25anniversary2011
    25anniversary2011 Posts: 123 Member
    I have lost 66 lbs and want to loose another 50 so I've lost weight but am still overweight. I notice overweight people more now than I did before I lost some weight myself. I tend to look around them and see how others react and wonder if that's how they reacted to me before my 66 lb loss, but even still now.

    For example, we went out to eat yesterday evening and while we were waiting outside for some family members to show up, an overweight woman (probably at least 300lbs) and her husband, boyfriend, not sure, walked by us to enter restaurant. I noticed her and thought to myself, wow, if I had not started my weight loss journey, that could of been me in 6 months!

    We entered restaurant as they were walking her to their table. As they walked in front of a man and his 2 sons (think they were his sons) they all looked at her butt and looked at each other and laughed. One boy even made a "disgusting" face. My heart ached for her and wondered if that's they way they would look at me if I was to pass in front of them also.

    The comments are correct as far as "if you've never been there, you judge so much more then if you've walked in those same shoes".
  • funkyspunky871
    funkyspunky871 Posts: 1,675 Member
    I've still got a long way to go, but yes! I feel and think the same way. I hate to admit it, but I used to think that about other big people even before I lost 46 pounds. I think maybe I've just gotten angry. I used to think horrible words towards others who were even smaller than me! I'll say that I think it has gotten better though now. I was afraid that losing weight was going to.... promote a hatred towards "fat" people, but it really is better now. Every now and then I'll pissed off for no reason towards my family, but that's more personal. They're eating themselves to death and don't seem to care that I've lost weight.

    I know where these people are coming from though. I feel so guilty seconds after thinking anything about them. I've been tormented my entire life for my weight. I would never intentionally hurt somebody after what I've been through.
  • funkyspunky871
    funkyspunky871 Posts: 1,675 Member
    I definitely think that people who have been there won't judge a person like someone who has never been there might. So while you guys may not be judging the heavy people, that's because you DO understand! Whereas someone who is skinny or average and never had any weight issues might. A family friend even confessed to me that when we first met (almost 2 years ago now), she was probably trying to take the butter away from me even though I didn't know it/realize it. She is a very tiny person (107 lbs.) and very, very fit. It came up because we talking about how I have lost some weight and am still actively trying to lose more. Which is great, and now we are on the same page (I obviously know I need to!) so we can talk about these things, but her saying that was confirmation for me that normal sized people DO look at heavier people and think things like "they don't need to eat that" etc.

    Oh my God. I'm so guilty of that. "You don't need to eat that." Oh, no. I say that all the time to my family. It just slips out. I feel horrible. :frown:
  • bigwigbob
    bigwigbob Posts: 2
    It's funny. I feel like I judge people more now that I have lost weight. It isnt that they are large. it is that they are unhealthy. So when I see a large person ordering a double quarter pounder and large fries, I just want to go up to them and ask them why they would do that to themselves.
  • keith0373
    keith0373 Posts: 2,154 Member
    I definitely think that people who have been there won't judge a person like someone who has never been there might. So while you guys may not be judging the heavy people, that's because you DO understand! Whereas someone who is skinny or average and never had any weight issues might. A family friend even confessed to me that when we first met (almost 2 years ago now), she was probably trying to take the butter away from me even though I didn't know it/realize it. She is a very tiny person (107 lbs.) and very, very fit. It came up because we talking about how I have lost some weight and am still actively trying to lose more. Which is great, and now we are on the same page (I obviously know I need to!) so we can talk about these things, but her saying that was confirmation for me that normal sized people DO look at heavier people and think things like "they don't need to eat that" etc.

    Oh my God. I'm so guilty of that. "You don't need to eat that." Oh, no. I say that all the time to my family. It just slips out. I feel horrible. :frown:

    Family is a different matter. One of my 4 kids tends to over eat and we have to limit her. Me had to put a key lock on our pantry because she would sneak out food at night. All 4 would rather sit on the couch all summer than move at all. They are all 13-16 years old and I will make them get up and move or tell them to put down the bag of chips.

    I ate a ton when I was a teenager, but lived on a Tobacco farm, played everyy sport that I could with my friends, and ran track and cross country. Calories weren't an issue for me until I was much older.
  • LastFighter
    LastFighter Posts: 175 Member
    I still admit I judge people in certain situations, which I shouldn't. My weight gain is mostly from not having discipline well my wife was pregnant ( i have 3 under 3 ). It irritates me to death when you see someone using a "fat man" scooter, drive into a fast food place and order a meal for 2. I always wanna congratulate an overly obese person for having the courage to work out in a gym, or walk but feel it would be inappropriate.
  • blondageh
    blondageh Posts: 923 Member
    I don't judge people about their weight, but when I see a really big girl, I constantly ask myself, is that how big I am? Was I that big before I started my diet or even worse? I wonder how tall she is and how much she weighs? I always want to know if that is what I look like. I am horrible about doing it on the biggest loser. I watch the contestants and think, wow, I weight more than her but she is huge!! Then I get a reality check and realize...so am I.

    I try not to worry about what other people think. I did that for so many years, I would lock myself in my house and just eat.
  • blondageh
    blondageh Posts: 923 Member
    Oh and PS, I do judge people who are on those motorcarts at Wal-mart. Before I lost weight, I had a HELL of a time shopping. It hurt my back just to stand. But I refused to get on one of those carts because I was just too fat. Last weekend, I was in Walmart and every which way I turned their was someone blocking my way on those stupid carts. The only reason they were on it was because of their weight. I do have to say then and there I got judgey and annoyed beyond belief. A couple of these women were smaller than me, but still too lazy to walk in the store. So, I retract my earlier statement. When I see crap like that, I do judge.
  • chandnikhondji
    chandnikhondji Posts: 136 Member
    I have lost 100lbs but i still have 200lbs to go, so i cannot say that i am not HUGE anymore. But knowing how people can lose the weight if they want, because i made it, makes me think different about stuff i hear from those who want to lose, but do it wrong. Like a friend of me says "This game is a great diet because i forget to eat" or my mother who says "not having money is good because then i eat only half as much and sometimes nothing and i can lose weight."

    It is not that i look different at the people, maybe that happens when i start to become thin, but with being still over 400lbs that is not now *lol* But i get angry at misinformation about how to lose weight, that i believed myself before i started here.
  • DeeDeeLHF
    DeeDeeLHF Posts: 2,301 Member
    Three thoughts:

    First, I am so grateful that although my husband LOVES my new body and what it can do he LOVED me at my heaviest as well!!! What he really likes is my new found confidence.

    Second, my sister and I have this thing...when we are in public together, we sometimes ask each other, "So, does my butt look like that?" "Am I that big?" Bottom line...we are both insecure about how we look. It isn't really a judging comment but a "self" comment.

    Third,. Last night my husband decided we should eat out for dinner. So the younger kids and my husband and I went to this diner near the beach. This place is known for its incredible bakery! They make their own bread and the desserts are incredible. Our table was near the door and the place was packed! Out of the 50+ people who walked in I only saw 2 people who were not overweight and many who were very overweight. What was startling was the number of families whose parents were obese and so were the children. I don't normally think or judge people but last night it was right in front of me playing out like a bad movie. I wasn't judging people individually rather I found myself pondering our obsession with food as a nation.

    As for my family, we bought one dessert to take home for later and then split it among 6 people. (I had one measured teaspoon)

    D

    Oh,, one last thought. I do believe that others think I am judging them. I have friends or acquaintances that you can just see them squirming when they say, "hey, you look great!" I share with them that it has been a long hard process and didn't happen overnight and that I needed to be in a better place in my life mentally for it to finally work for me. I encourage them that their season will come when they are ready but in the meantime to love themselves and to accept that this is just where the Lord has them for now and then I just try to really love them.

    D
  • LittleSpy
    LittleSpy Posts: 6,754 Member
    Honestly, I get sad. I so wish they would wake up like I did.
    I'm generally not disgusted or anything, but my heart hurts for them. I was so unhappy when I was bigger. And obesity at that level is nothing less than suicide.
  • Amy_B
    Amy_B Posts: 2,317 Member
    Lots of good replies here. Thanks!


    I also get sad when I see overweight parents with overweight kids. My kids (the two older ones) would prefer to sit around and watch TV or play video games, but I always try to get them out and doing activities.

    My mom used to always do that thing (that annoyed the crap out of me)..."Am I THAT big?" as we walked past an overweight person. I always said "no" no matter what. Well, guess what. I lied, and she died of a heart attack at age 47. Go figure.
  • Amy_B
    Amy_B Posts: 2,317 Member
    Oh, I can't remember who said it, but I always want to congratulate people I see working out too, especially if they are on the heavy side. I drive by a walking trail on my way home from work, and I see people out walking/biking. I always wanted to yell "good job" out the window. :smile:
  • keith0373
    keith0373 Posts: 2,154 Member
    How would you guys recommend handling a teenage girl that is not an exercise fan, but will over eat any time she can get away with it?
  • Amy_B
    Amy_B Posts: 2,317 Member
    How would you guys recommend handling a teenage girl that is not an exercise fan, but will over eat any time she can get away with it?
    Find things that don't feel like exercise and do them with her (i.e. volleyball, walking, badmitton).
  • annhjk
    annhjk Posts: 794 Member
    How would you guys recommend handling a teenage girl that is not an exercise fan, but will over eat any time she can get away with it?

    first thought? Take her to the mall and walk lots :laugh:

    maybe just making walks part of what you do after a meal; suggest splitting meals; if you're at home, dish up from the stove/counter instead of having food on the table.
  • Cytherea
    Cytherea Posts: 515 Member
    Family is a different matter.

    Yes, its worse. When you are criticized all the time for everything you eat by your family, your psyche will be incredibly damaged because of it. I was always told that and trust me, it has caused almost all of my problems. If you are taking care of your kids the way you have to, that's fine, just remember what you may be doing to them. I was told all my life that I was overweight and heavy and that I needed to watch what I ate and be careful and that I'd gain weight just by looking at food. Let me tell you, all that made me think was that it was my destiny to be overweight and nothing I did would matter, so I stopped caring. I just didn't care. I ate whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. And now look where I am today because of it. I didn't even notice that I gained weight in the first place because I thought I already was that big.

    I do that thing to, where I look at people and wonder how much they weigh and if I look like that. I'm always asking my husband, which kinda bugs him, lol. But I have such a skewed body image I really, honestly, can't tell. I'm not looking or asking to make myself feel better or to get complimented, I just don't know.

    For those of you that want to say things to people you see working out or whatever... I dunno, I want to say do it! I won't go to the gym because I feel like I'm being judged. Every time I've gone in the past (which hasn't been often!) I look around and I know I'm the largest one there and the least fit, and I feel like everyone is laughing at me and thinking "why is she even bothering?". So if someone came up to me and said "good for you," I think that would make me smile and make them feel better about it that you AREN'T judging. Just my thoughts.
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
    Oh, I can't remember who said it, but I always want to congratulate people I see working out too, especially if they are on the heavy side. I drive by a walking trail on my way home from work, and I see people out walking/biking. I always wanted to yell "good job" out the window. :smile:

    Me too! Today at the beach I was thinking about what you said, so I was concious (sp) of my thoughts. My first thought was WALK!!! LOL.......she and her bf/hubs had walked to the ocean and they just stood there. I wanted to say Come on.....lets walk....it is fun!!.

    Mainly because I know how they feel, and want them to know they can feel good..........healthy and happy and it makes me sad they have not found it, but thankful that I have.
  • keith0373
    keith0373 Posts: 2,154 Member
    Family is a different matter.

    Yes, its worse. When you are criticized all the time for everything you eat by your family, your psyche will be incredibly damaged because of it. I was always told that and trust me, it has caused almost all of my problems. If you are taking care of your kids the way you have to, that's fine, just remember what you may be doing to them.

    Its never the food that is the problem. It is the food combined with a lack of exercise. She is atheletically blessed, but unwilling to work at anything for long. You just can't do both if you are a certain body type.

    One of our daughters can eat anything she wants, the other 2 have to be more careful. One of them knows this and the other one has to be limited externally. I am not talking about normal eating here, I am talking about sneaking into the pantry after dinner and dessert and eating a family sized bag of cheetos while hiding in your closet, then blaming it on someone else. She has been like this since she was a baby and is just now, at almost 14, learning some impulse control. It is just part of the lessons for a child that is willing to get in any kind of trouble to do what she wants to do at any given moment and willing to blame the results of her actions on anyone other than the person who's actions truely led to those results.

    Maybe she will hate me for it later, but I know of no other way to teach her what she needs to know and be fair to the other kids when she is making things harder for everyone. After many hard years , things are getting better!
  • Cytherea
    Cytherea Posts: 515 Member
    Its never the food that is the problem. It is the food combined with a lack of exercise. She is atheletically blessed, but unwilling to work at anything for long. You just can't do both if you are a certain body type.

    One of our daughters can eat anything she wants, the other 2 have to be more careful. One of them knows this and the other one has to be limited externally. I am not talking about normal eating here, I am talking about sneaking into the pantry after dinner and dessert and eating a family sized bag of cheetos while hiding in your closet, then blaming it on someone else. She has been like this since she was a baby and is just now, at almost 14, learning some impulse control. It is just part of the lessons for a child that is willing to get in any kind of trouble to do what she wants to do at any given moment and willing to blame the results of her actions on anyone other than the person who's actions truely led to those results.

    Maybe she will hate me for it later, but I know of no other way to teach her what she needs to know and be fair to the other kids when she is making things harder for everyone. After many hard years , things are getting better!

    Well, that's certainly a unique situation. I mean, I used to sneak food and eat it upstairs in the bathroom sometimes, but nothing quite like that! I hope that she won't hate you for it later; I hope that she learns and it works. Obviously she needs to learn these things before she is out on her own! Best of luck, I mean it. I don't even know how I'd begin to deal with that kind of situation.
  • Amy_B
    Amy_B Posts: 2,317 Member
    Family is a different matter.

    Yes, its worse. When you are criticized all the time for everything you eat by your family, your psyche will be incredibly damaged because of it. I was always told that and trust me, it has caused almost all of my problems. If you are taking care of your kids the way you have to, that's fine, just remember what you may be doing to them.

    Its never the food that is the problem. It is the food combined with a lack of exercise. She is atheletically blessed, but unwilling to work at anything for long. You just can't do both if you are a certain body type.

    One of our daughters can eat anything she wants, the other 2 have to be more careful. One of them knows this and the other one has to be limited externally. I am not talking about normal eating here, I am talking about sneaking into the pantry after dinner and dessert and eating a family sized bag of cheetos while hiding in your closet, then blaming it on someone else. She has been like this since she was a baby and is just now, at almost 14, learning some impulse control. It is just part of the lessons for a child that is willing to get in any kind of trouble to do what she wants to do at any given moment and willing to blame the results of her actions on anyone other than the person who's actions truely led to those results.

    Maybe she will hate me for it later, but I know of no other way to teach her what she needs to know and be fair to the other kids when she is making things harder for everyone. After many hard years , things are getting better!
    You do what you have to do. She'll thank you in the long run.
  • Tamishumate
    Tamishumate Posts: 1,171 Member
    YES! all the time! I Want to tell them they dont have to be overweight and unhealthy, that they can do it too! I want EVERYONE to feel as wonderful as I Do. AND, I want them to know that it is possible, even when you weigh over 300 pounds, its possible to get healthy!!
    I do want to tell them, But like you, I think it would be rude unless asked, :flowerforyou: I so want to though
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