correcting form? Technique? what to say?

3foldchord
3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
in Fitness and Exercise
I probably already know the answer just wanted some feedback.....
(situation story followed by my question at the bottom- if you want to skip the background info)

here is the situation. My husband almost never exercises or works out. thinks walking from his car door to his office door is plenty of exercise and the best way to do sit ups are in bed because they are easier and 'protect his back'
from time to time he has worked out with me. Then tell ME why his wacky methods are the best way (when I have been doing all the research and reading)
I always end up mad and frustrated because I am trying to do everything with 'good form' and have researched techniques and the such.. he jumps in does everything all higgity-wiggidy, says "it works better for him that way" and I get upset and don't want him working out with me. I usually don't say much of anything after an initial comment of how I am doing things. I do end my workouts pretty quickly and leave the room though sometimes.

I know my form and technique aren't perfect and maybe my resources led me the wrong way about reps and timing. and I should just be happy he is joining in the workout. but I guess I can't get past myself.

Anyway. I have doing some 'free style' lifting. just to get accustomed to weights, form, etc..... and have decided to do StrongLifts 5X5. I try to rarely say anything to him, but he has been promising me for a year he will workout more, exercise with me, etc.

So I told him I was going to try an actual program for weights, and asked if he wanted to join me. but now regret iit, because I will go in too it thinking "He is joining me doing the Stronglift 5X5, because that is what I said he agreed"
but he will go into thinking he will of around and do everything his own special snowflake way. AND I will get upset.

I am tempted to tell him he either does the program with me or goes and works out on his own.

**THE QUESTION*** SO- How would you handle it?
Would you just be glad your significant Other is with you doing something with the weight bar? or would you expect them to actually stick with the program if they are working out with you?

(I figure I should just be glad he's willing to do something that resembles exercise with me but I know I will be all frustrated and annoyed.)

Replies

  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I'm curious to see responses since my husband has terrible form. His heels come all the way off the ground during squats. He says he can't do it any other way.

    So far I am biting my tongue. I said something once and it didn't have an effect (didn't upset him but he didn't make any changes). I do try to talk about what I'm doing to improve my form and asking him to watch for specific things for me, but I don't say anything about his.
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
    It sounds more like a relationship issue.

    I'd talk to him, though in regard to form, perhaps hand him the book to read. Maybe even pull up some exercise videos to look at together.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    I'm curious to see responses since my husband has terrible form. His heels come all the way off the ground during squats. He says he can't do it any other way.

    So far I am biting my tongue. I said something once and it didn't have an effect (didn't upset him but he didn't make any changes). I do try to talk about what I'm doing to improve my form and asking him to watch for specific things for me, but I don't say anything about his.
    Do you worry about him getting injured due to bad form?
    I'm afraid Brian will end up throwing his back out or something.

    but for now I'll do the same, bite my tongue. maybe one day he will decide to read up. But for now he says all those people are just after your money and making things up...LOL. and maybe he'll stick with the program this time! I shouldn't jump the gun.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    I'm curious to see responses since my husband has terrible form. His heels come all the way off the ground during squats. He says he can't do it any other way.

    So far I am biting my tongue. I said something once and it didn't have an effect (didn't upset him but he didn't make any changes). I do try to talk about what I'm doing to improve my form and asking him to watch for specific things for me, but I don't say anything about his.
    Do you worry about him getting injured due to bad form?
    I'm afraid Brian will end up throwing his back out or something.

    but for now I'll do the same, bite my tongue. maybe one day he will decide to read up. But for now he says all those people are just after your money and making things up...LOL. and maybe he'll stick with the program this time! I shouldn't jump the gun.

    I worry a bit, but he has friends he lifts with on the boat and I'm hoping if one of them helps him with his form he'll listen better.

    I'd love to know from a guy what type of approach would be well-received. Since I'm new to lifting myself I don't really feel like an authority on the subject. I don't get irritated with mine though. I said what I wanted to say about it and after that I figure it's up to him.
  • wswilliams67
    wswilliams67 Posts: 938 Member
    Find a good certified trainer and have him/her go over good form. You could also try searching YouTube for lifting instruction videos.

    As for an approach, go to him with concern for him injuring himself. Avoid any ego-bruising. Don't tell him he's doing it 'wrong', but that there's another way to do it that will avoid injury risk and let him see better results.

    I know with my wife, she thinks all my guidance is 'bro science' and made up even though it is all based on experience, research and professional trainer tips. Unless our gym's trainer backs me up, she has a hard time believing any tips I give her.

    Bottom line, you aren't going to be able to force him to do anything and trying to do so is going to kill your relationship. He has to get to a point where he's had enough and wants to make the change for himself. That's when all the resistance and excuses will stop.

    Lead by example as well. Do YOUR thing and with good form and he'll see the results.
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
    You know amber, I let my heels off the ground once when I was squatting, and I rolled over forward with 200 pounds on my neck.

    So how do you tell a dude he's doing it wrong in a way that he'll react well to? Depends on the guy. Some of us need to get injured first. Have him read starting strength and tell you what it says because it's just all man stuff. Tell him what is happening when he does it wrong (shot your hips, now you're lifting with your back). Have a personal trainer tell him. Etc.
  • jkojbell
    jkojbell Posts: 3
    Bodybuilding.com would be a good resource. They have an example video for just about any exercise you could want and lots of good programs when you are ready to mix it up.
  • jgcurry3
    jgcurry3 Posts: 172 Member
    Hand him a book or let a trainer talk to him. Ive been giving my family advice on what to eat and how to workout and get started and maintain but nothing worked until one of my sisters picked up a book from my shelf.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    You know amber, I let my heels off the ground once when I was squatting, and I rolled over forward with 200 pounds on my neck.

    So how do you tell a dude he's doing it wrong in a way that he'll react well to? Depends on the guy. Some of us need to get injured first. Have him read starting strength and tell you what it says because it's just all man stuff. Tell him what is happening when he does it wrong (shot your hips, now you're lifting with your back). Have a personal trainer tell him. Etc.

    Yep. On both counts.

    I suggest searching Mark Rippetoe on Youtube. Or better yet, finding his DvD package. You won't find better form instruction in my experience, even from the majority of hands on personal trainers out there.
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
    Find a power lifting trainer to show BOTH of you proper form.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    THANKS ALL for your thoughts!

    Bottom line, you aren't going to be able to force him to do anything and trying to do so is going to kill your relationship. He has to get to a point where he's had enough and wants to make the change for himself. That's when all the resistance and excuses will stop.

    Lead by example as well. Do YOUR thing and with good form and he'll see the results.

    yep. I know that is how it is. He needs to want to learn the proper way, until then there is no getting him to read or listen or go to a trainer. A- I don't want him to end up injured. we aren't spring chicks anymore, not quite as resilent as we used to be...LOL and B- it kinds seems like wasted time to do something wrong over and over... but I guess if you think it is right, then you don't think it is wasted time.

    and the 'lead by example and he'll see good results"---- well, it's been 21 years of marriage, but he is finally eating a bit healthier, and actually trying a few reps of what I do from time to time.. so maybe it is finally sinking in...

    I have mentioned in the past that I am concerned about his health and want him around and able to play with grandkids with me. (he's 8 yrs older than me, so sometimes I get that thought about him going first while I am still young(ish)....
    he is skinny (but not the healthy skinny) so he thinks he is fine. (he had a heart attack 10 yrs. ago)

    But he did sit next to me tonight as I was reading Stronglifts5X5 and watch a few vids I pulled up for a barbell row (I didn't know what it was) **PROGRESS!!
  • KBjimAZ
    KBjimAZ Posts: 369 Member
    I'm curious to see responses since my husband has terrible form. His heels come all the way off the ground during squats. He says he can't do it any other way.

    Heels coming up while squatting is generally a sign of a lack of mobility in the hips.

    Otherwise, spouses working out together isn't for everyone. If you want his/her form corrected, buy them some sessions with someone certified as a gift.

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