Who farted?
Replies
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Gas is something I have always had i admit it. Less now that I know dairy was my enemy, but before that I was trying to give a speech in Debate class and had to bend over. I have never farted so loud in my life. I was so humiliated it took all my will power to go on. Some how I managed an A lol0
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In 5th grade.. during a test..
I dropped my pencil, bent over to get it and one ripped.. I was sooooo embarrassed!0 -
Oh a smelly note.. My bf loves to let off some nasty ones AS SOON as we wake up. I am gagging as we get dressed.
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My hubby does that in the morning sometimes and then sings "get your motor running!" Makes me laugh every time. :laugh:0 -
The best story i have was a few years ago when my brother bought a fart machine. For some reason we decided to put the noise part in his pants and have him walk the streets ahead of us while e decide who he was gonna 'fart' around. (Giggling about this as I type
Some of the best ones:
1) [good] We were walking through the store where we bought the machine and my bro walked through a group of older ladies. Dad pushed the button and it let out a juicy one. A few snickered. Most looked appailed
2) [better] Walking down the street and the broster walks by these really cute girls.. As he was walking up to them he was looking back pleading with his eyes for us not to push the button. Which made us do it. He "let out" a huge drawn out fart, he then grabbed his butt and high tailed it into the public bathrooms a few feet away. Girls were laughing hysterically.
3) [best] We were walking down the opposite side of the street where two seriously burly biker type guys were sitting on a bench chatting. My brother quite obviously stood to the right of the bench.. "let one rip" and walk away As the rest of my family passed (grams, grams, ma, pa and me.. We heard them say.. " Did that seriously just happen... The little s%&* just bombed us... What the heck" They looked really pissed and aeriously disgusted so we had to stop and let them know what really happened. We were all laughing hysterically as we walked away leaving the guys in tears and with side splits from laughing so hard. Was a great day.
Oh a smelly note.. My bf loves to let off some nasty ones AS SOON as we wake up. I am gagging as we get dressed.
OMG - I am crying at my desk - laughing so hard... :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Whoever smelled it, dealt it.
I have to admit.....I have actually kept silent on many occasions to prevent hearing the above statement. It always ends the same way. The smellers have that ew omg wtf did you eat look and the one who dealt it is smirking ear to ear trying not to bust out laughing waiting for the chance to say it. :laugh:0 -
Yes I am 36 and I still giggle when I talk about farts. Same when I hear them. So if you dont mind my belly is full and I could use a good laugh. What's you funniest fart stories? No holds barred PLZ and TY :laugh:
I will start.............
I love to do a silent but deadly walk by in the grocery store and walk up 2-3 rows lol Than back track and go in circles to see how long it lingers and who blames who for the dirty deed. IK IK shame on me
Farts are fscking hilarious! I'm 36 and I'll never NOT see the humor in flatulence.0 -
Gas is something I have always had i admit it. Less now that I know dairy was my enemy, but before that I was trying to give a speech in Debate class and had to bend over. I have never farted so loud in my life. I was so humiliated it took all my will power to go on. Some how I managed an A lol
:laugh: :sad: :laugh: :sad: :laugh:0 -
lol my boyfriend sometimes farts when he squats during weight lifting. i think it's cute. i fart when i laugh sometimes.
my dog loves to crop dust me. sometimes when i feel a big one coming i walk over to his bed and aim it at him. but he likes it, he always sticks his nose up and takes a big whiff.0 -
I was 14 and at cheer practice. We were sitting around, discussing something. I tried SO HARD to hold it in. It was painful. But I couldn't hold it and a little one escaped, audibly. Imagine about 15 other 14-15 year old girls bursting into fits of squeals and laughter, which made me start to giggle, which made me lose ALL control of the remaining gas.
More squeals. More farts. This went on for about a minute. The longest.minute.of.my.life.
It seriously made its way into our end of year "yearbook" of sorts, for the cheer squad. The "Remember Whens" is the section it was called. Lots of lovely memories from our year of cheering together listed on the page. Until I saw "Remember when...Carol farted"
That was over 20 years ago, and I still squirm at the awful memory. I share with you today. You're welcome. :blushing:0 -
I hate when I have a lot of built up gas at work and I try to let it out in small whispers so no one notices, but it builds right back up to 100% pressure soon thereafter.
So then I go to the restroom, go to the last stall, and point my @$$ toward the tile wall and let it HOWL. Those are the farts where you feel your lower abdomen deflate and it smells like hot sulphur.
HAHAHAHA! :laugh: "let it HOWL"0 -
Whoever smelled it, dealt it.
Denied it, supplied it :bigsmile:0 -
My boxer that we lost recently was the champ. It was vile, I think there was a skunk in her family tree.
Now the odds are it would be my husband or my middle son. They are very talented in that area.0 -
The best story i have was a few years ago when my brother bought a fart machine. For some reason we decided to put the noise part in his pants and have him walk the streets ahead of us while e decide who he was gonna 'fart' around. (Giggling about this as I type Some of the best ones:
1) [good] We were walking through the store where we bought the machine and my bro walked through a group of older ladies. Dad pushed the button and it let out a juicy one. A few snickered. Most looked appailed
2) [better] Walking down the street and the broster walks by these really cute girls.. As he was walking up to them he was looking back pleading with his eyes for us not to push the button. Which made us do it. He "let out" a huge drawn out fart, he then grabbed his butt and high tailed it into the public bathrooms a few feet away. Girls were laughing hysterically.
3) [best] We were walking down the opposite side of the street where two seriously burly biker type guys were sitting on a bench chatting. My brother quite obviously stood to the right of the bench.. "let one rip" and walk away As the rest of my family passed (grams, grams, ma, pa and me.. We heard them say.. " Did that seriously just happen... The little s%&* just bombed us... What the heck" They looked really pissed and aeriously disgusted so we had to stop and let them know what really happened. We were all laughing hysterically as we walked away leaving the guys in tears and with side splits from laughing so hard. Was a great day.
Oh a smelly note.. My bf loves to let off some nasty ones AS SOON as we wake up. I am gagging as we get dressed.
OMG - I am crying at my desk - laughing so hard... :laugh: :laugh:
I had a fantastic Abs workout that day. My family has always found flactuates funny. 0 -
This story always brings me to tears when I think abou it.
My husband was painting some apartments in Atlanta and had just ripped a big one in the hallway. This old lady came out of her apartment, scrunched up nose looked around and then looked at my husband and said "Is that yo scent?" My husband very calmly said" no way mam, it's that guy in the apartment next to yours. He just walked through the hallway and went in his apartment". She shook her head and "that man is so nasty!"0 -
Ok I was 41 weeks pregnant and just wanted to have the baby already! So my husband being the wonderful man he is took it on himself to give me an orgasm. Well he succeeded but at that time the baby shifted and I had no control over anything.:blushing: well we had our son 10 hours later but it has been 3 years and I still haven't lived that down.0
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Mine was about 2.5 years ago when me and my boyfriend (now husband) sat at the dinner table with his family for his fathers birthday. It was a short loud fart. My husband thought it was the chair, so made a joke and asked me if I farted. I turned blood red and just looked at him with big eyes. He then realised I did actually fart and apologised profusely while the others - including me laughed histerically. It was the first time I met his family as well.0
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My cats used to rip some rank ones when we brought them home for the first time. It was the crappy dry food they were fed at the rescue we adopted them from. Once we switched the food up, their gas went away. But man, did they rip some terrible ones!0
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Mine was about 2.5 years ago when me and my boyfriend (now husband) sat at the dinner table with his family for his fathers birthday. It was a short loud fart. My husband thought it was the chair, so made a joke and asked me if I farted. I turned blood red and just looked at him with big eyes. He then realised I did actually fart and apologised profusely while the others - including me laughed histerically. It was the first time I met his family as well.
This story reminded me of a time when I was wearing short shorts and went to plop down on our couch. As I hit the fabric my thighs vibrated together and made a nice juicy farting sound. My parents thought it was a real fart tilI did it again. And again and again and again. We were laughing so hard.. My step dad actually fell out of his recliner.
Oh the wonders of the human body (giggles)0 -
My friend and I were in a yoga class in a large gymnasium when someone at the other end let out the loudest fart I'd ever heard. It reverberated around the gym. The room was so quiet, I was bursting at the seams trying hard not to laugh (I sound like Elmo when I laugh). At one point I made the mistake of making eye contact with my friend and that was it, I started giggling so hard I couldn't get up off the floor to leave. I had to turn over and bury my face in the yoga mat for the remainder of the class.0
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excuse me :blushing:0
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My cats used to rip some rank ones when we brought them home for the first time. It was the crappy dry food they were fed at the rescue we adopted them from. Once we switched the food up, their gas went away. But man, did they rip some terrible ones!
:laugh: damn dry food.....broccoli is my dry food and I pull major RANK when I eat it :laugh:0 -
I think my classic would be some years ago, when I went to this mediumship/spiritual seminar at a hotel, run by an online forum I moderated on. We had lunch, which as I recall, included Brussels sprouts, and right afterwards, had had to sit through a 2 hour mediumship demonstration by a guy in the Uk called Ian Lawman(Did a show called Most Haunted). Anyway, I had been clenching my buttocks for the last hour of it, battling to rein in a huge amount of gas so naturally, when we got out the doors, I just let one go, and it was immensely loud. So loud, I bent over laughing, and the lady walking ahead of me(another forum moderator) stopped dead in her tracks and said 'you spoke?'. The guy who was behind her stopped also and said 'It wasn't me' and by this point, I was just on the floor wetting myself with laughter. It did turn up in conversation when we were all next in the site's chatroom, of course. My fart became a bit infamous.
The most recent occurrence was when my boyfriend and I were walking round the National Gallery in London, looking at the beautiful paintings. There was a large security guy there, and he looked so bored and was pacing about. Just as I had looked at him and looked away again, he let off the most immense fart I have ever heard. It was so loud. And he carried on as if nothing at all had happened. I mean, this thing literally vibrated, and in a famous art gallery as well. I had to turn away as I was giggling and my boyfriend was shocked he did that with all these members of public around.0 -
I remember one I did now! I farted in class, trying to make it silent. It made a sort of "pop" noise because I was in a plastic hair. I had the class with my brother. He and his friend started accusing me of farting and I tried to blame it on a button on my jeans scraping against the chair. Half the people bought it, but they were relentless. A few minutes later in the middle of a quiet assignment, his friend farted really loud, stood up and said, "THAT WAS ME." Class erupted into laughter. Good times.0
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Whoever smelled it, dealt it.
Denied it, supplied it :bigsmile:
Whoever did the Rap did the Crap 0 -
Back in high school, I had a crush on a guy in geometry class and we were working on a project together. We moved our desks right next to a window. He was sitting next to a window and I was facing the wall. I leaned in to him (was not going to kiss him) and I accidentally farted. When I did that, I immediately crossed my legs hoping that it would eliminate the smell but it didn't work. He opened the window just a little bit and I told him "Brian, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to" and he laughed it off and he told me "My farts don't smell."
I was embarrassed but I really liked him. We remain friends today but unfortunately he got married last year.
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Whoever smelled it, dealt it.
Denied it, supplied it :bigsmile:
Whoever did the Rap did the Crap
:laugh: if you sharted, you pooped and farted........................................you are walking home0 -
I just did..0
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~~giggles~~ ...my mom lives around Milton, I'll know who to look for if it happens while I'm shopping down there.... ; )0
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It makes me so happy to see this thread. xD I am such a freakin kid because still, to this day, if nothing cheers me up a good fart joke (or fart) will. xD0
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~~giggles~~ ...my mom lives around Milton, I'll know who to look for if it happens while I'm shopping down there.... ; )
You name the date and the Walmart I will load up on broccoli the day before :laugh:0
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