No support
amber0600
Posts: 13 Member
Sorry I know this is supposed to be positive thinking about our life changes but I am going insane. I need to vent. Don't read it if you don't want to. But I think everyone I know including my husband is determined to drive me crazy. I try to stock the fridge with health foods and he fills it with soda and cookies. I try not to eat within three hours of bed time he has pop and candy on the night stand. I try not to snack in between meals. (other than my two fruit/vegie snacks) he is munching on chips and bags of popcorn while i'm cooking and after dinner while i'm cleaning. I really wish I had someone here who believed in what I was doing instead of criticizing me all the time. My Father acts like I am killing myself for vanity, My sister comes over and eats during my workouts and makes derogatory remarks which are not helping just because she is angry that I am no longer eating 1200 Calories per meal like her. I have one of those friends who weighs 90lbs and eats non stop when I"m around. And the one friend who actually has an interest in dieting as well just calls me fat *kitten* every time I eat even if she was the one who spawned the binge... I think I may scream sometimes. And any time you mention something about "oh sorry i'm on a diet" or you slip that you have been exercising. Or even just ordering a salad instead of A large fry. People treat you like you are up on your high horse and are trying to become "One of those People" Why can't my family and friends just accept that I want to be healthy. I come from a long line of 250-350 lb women. I don't want to be one of them.
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Replies
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Don't tell people you are on a diet. Just say you are trying to eat healthier. Don't talk about diet, healthy eating, exercise, etc with people. I find it tends to just create issues sometimes.
For your husband, unfortunately you can't make him not consume pop and chips and cookies and whatever else he eats just because you aren't eating them. It's all willpower.
Don't talk to your father and sister about your weight loss or new habits if they aren't supportive. If I had a sister that acted like yours I wouldn't allow her over if she's going to make comments.
I hate to say it but true friends won't call you names. It might be best to stop spending time with the friend that calls you names and is not supportive.0 -
I am sorry to hear what should be your support system really isn't. They are clearly threatened by you and their own inner guilt at not having self control and not trying to make a positive change in their life. See it as a twisted compliment if you can.
I am also sorry to hear your husband isn't supportive. He must be pretty big himself if that is how he eats... just do your best to ignore it and aways you can log on here to a very supportive community at any time! Just keep your phone or laptop close by
I think the best thing to say isn't that your dieting, but that you're trying to be healthy and want to be good to your body. If they will give you crap, you should dish it out to them too. Tell them how bad their eating habits. Tell them that they're fat shi*s and need to manage their weight too. It's harsh but they are simply asking for it if they're being so horrible.
I guess I am one not to take crap from anyone. I get my partner on the other end of the spectrum to yours - he teases me (lightly) whenever I eat sweets! He laughs at how much pleasure I get out of it, but I just remind him that I will have bigger guns than him in no time (6'2 and only 145lb)... he is starting to feel bad watching me go to the gym whilst he loses muscle if anything.
don't let it hold you down. Use it to give yourself strength! Feel free to add me if you need someone to talk to, I may be a lot younger but don't let that deceive you
Jess0 -
I am sorry you are going through this and as the above said friends dont speak to each other like that. Keep focused on your goals. Please dont let the negative people in your life stop you from doing something you really want and that is eating right, exercising and becoming healthy. It seems the ones spewing hatred might be a little jealous at your motivation. I dont understand why they would attach when you are trying to change your life for the better. Keep at it girl!!0
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I am so sorry that you aren't getting support on this journey! It is one of those things that makes it alot easier to succeed. What it boils down to though is your motivation and what you want. If you want it bad enough, you won't let those people hinder your success. I have been there... I had just posted on another forum yesterday about my husband not wanting to be on this journey with me and he did the same things as yours is doing now. Eventually, after seeing my success and how much more engery I have now that I have started to lose weight, my husband is on board. He asks questions about how he can be healthier. You just have to lead by example and go after what you want. If people don't accept that, that's their own problem. You know that you aren't hurting yourself and that you are trying to make life better for yourself!
Don't let anyone get you down! You are worth it and deserve to do this for yourself. :flowerforyou:
Melissa0 -
You are going to have to rely on MFP for your support from the sounds of it.. I would imagine if you come from a long line of heavier women your family doesn't see the point. All you can do, is try to stay focused on your new goals and tune them all out. Easier said than done. I'm married to a guy who is 6'4" 190lbs and can eat all day everyday with no gains. He has great metabolism. He doesn't ever go out of his way to flaunt his choices but some days it's just aggravating to me. I'm 54 and lucky to eat 1700 calories per day plus 5 one hour work outs a week to maintain my loss. It's a choice, and some days it's just easier than others. Hang in there!0
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Ugh that stinks! It's terrible to feel like your loved ones don't have your best interests at heart, but it's THEIR issue, not yours. I'm sure they feel threatened and maybe they feel like you're judging them now that you've made a change and they haven't. When I'm not feeling good about myself, it's easy to think that people are looking down on me or the choices I'm making (that I know deep down are not good for me). So my discomfort with them is really just a projection of my own insecurities and choices. I'm sure that's all that's going on here. Try to just keep your head down, do your own thing, and hopefully they'll see that your journey isn't about them, it's about you.0
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My husband is the same way. He won't exercise, and he snacks all the time. I just don't let it get to me. I make sure that he buys snacks that I don't like. and I stay away from the diet sodas that he buys. It's hard to say no, sometimes, but I can't change him, I can only change me. I go walking with my daughter and/or my friends, and try to cook healthy for us. But most of the time, I cook something healthy for me and my daughter, and he eats whatever he wants. It's all mind over matter.0
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First off, this isn't just an area for positive thoughts. This is where you go for support and motivation when you need it. We're all in this together and we're here for you.
Have a sit down talk with your husband, after the kids are in bed. Tell him how hard this is for you and ask for his assistance. Emphasize that you want to be healthy so you can have a long and satisying life with the family. Some people think that when their partner slims down they're looking for someone else, so reassure him that this isn't the case.
It may be that your new, healthy way of cooking isn't satisfying for him. If this is the case let him cook once or twice a week and fit it into your meal plan. Maybe he can grill lean meats and vegetables while you make the salad. Put a side dish on the table once in a while that you won't indulge in but is fine for him and the kids.
You can try to talk to your sister but it probably won't go anywhere. Sibling relationships rarely change not matter how mature we think we are. My sisters and I are still hashing out arguments from 40 years ago.0 -
I had some of the same problems when I had my weight loss back in 2010-2011 (before gaining it back). My bf wasn't really supportive and mostly criticized my new habits and made many of the same comments as your friends & family. Now we are BOTH on this weight loss journey together and it's definitely a whole new attitude from him. I think the biggest help was my friends who I could share in this success and the struggles of losing weight. If you have those friends or family that DO support your healthy lifestyle choices, utilize every chance you can to keep them included in it. I lucked out that many of my co-workers are fitness freaks and a couple were also trying to lose weight. MFP also is a HUGE help as everyone here is or has been in the same boat on the same journey. Good luck in finding your inner peace and remember, it will get better. Just find those who WILL support your journey and keep them close!0
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I'm sorry you feel so alone. Have you considered checking out a gym, maybe like Curves? The motivation & support from staff and clients there are awesome! There are all ages & sizes of women at Curves. Just a suggestion! Hope you find peace and support.0
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OMG! My boyfriend sighs when I make a healthy meal he doesn't like. He grabs fast food and has a huge sweet tooth! However, he wants me to be heavier! But he never puts me down or makes comments, instead he tries to sabotage my diet by asking if I want fries or pizza and jokingly says he's going to put butter in the lettuce! I just take it as a compliment, because that must mean it's working! LOL
Just know you are healthier and will live a long life. And like others said you may have to reach outside of your family and friends you have now and join a group and make new friends with similar interests.
Good job, lady!0 -
Sorry I know this is supposed to be positive thinking about our life changes but I am going insane. I need to vent. Don't read it if you don't want to. But I think everyone I know including my husband is determined to drive me crazy. I try to stock the fridge with health foods and he fills it with soda and cookies. I try not to eat within three hours of bed time he has pop and candy on the night stand. I try not to snack in between meals. (other than my two fruit/vegie snacks) he is munching on chips and bags of popcorn while i'm cooking and after dinner while i'm cleaning. I really wish I had someone here who believed in what I was doing instead of criticizing me all the time. My Father acts like I am killing myself for vanity, My sister comes over and eats during my workouts and makes derogatory remarks which are not helping just because she is angry that I am no longer eating 1200 Calories per meal like her. I have one of those friends who weighs 90lbs and eats non stop when I"m around. And the one friend who actually has an interest in dieting as well just calls me fat *kitten* every time I eat even if she was the one who spawned the binge... I think I may scream sometimes. And any time you mention something about "oh sorry i'm on a diet" or you slip that you have been exercising. Or even just ordering a salad instead of A large fry. People treat you like you are up on your high horse and are trying to become "One of those People" Why can't my family and friends just accept that I want to be healthy. I come from a long line of 250-350 lb women. I don't want to be one of them.
Well first of all, you are absolutely fantastic for taking control of your life and making changes to better yourself! In my honest opinion, they are afraid of change, they don't understand why you feel the need to change, maybe it makes them feel that they aren't good enough. BUT, that's not what's important here. YOU are making the change for YOURSELF! You realize that you don't want to be unhealthy, living with numerous health conditions that you could avoid. Stick to what you're doing, find some people that are on the same track as you, to support you and you can support them. Even if it's just on here. You'll know that you can come here and vent, talk with people about how good you're doing and celebrate goals that you reach. When your family and friends see that you haven't given up, that you're reaching goals and surpassing them, I would bet they will congratulate you too and hopefully follow suit to a healthy life!0 -
This is horrible, Amber. A good social support system can help with weight loss but from what you describe the opposite is also true. Look out for yourself and focus on yourself. Never mind these people around you and their comments. They clearly don't understand what you are doing and why. Go it alone if you have to. I did, and this was at a time when the internet didn't exist so I had nothing like myfitnesspal for support. Come here if you need help, because WE UNDERSTAND and WE SUPPORT YOU.0
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So sorry you're having to go through this. I've actually been reading through a lot of people's stories on the boards recently, and if there's on thing I can say to you, it's this:
DO NOT give up!
There are so many that quit at the first stumbling block. You can do this! I sincerely believe that knowledge and awareness is the biggest and best part of this journey, and now that you are aware of what you DON'T want to become--keep at it. I promise that when you reach your goal you will be so glad you did, and that will out weight any of the bad you are experiencing right now : )0 -
Sad to say there are probably an awful lot of people in the same boat as you Amber. Similarly when I tried to give up smoking, my smoking friends made things much harder for me by teasing and smoking around me . I think the problem is as the saying goes 'misery loves company'. They are just worried that when you succeed they will feel even worse about themselves than they probably already secretly do.
Don't let them change you. Change yourself and be strong to who you want to be.
Jacqui0 -
My husband is an ex super jock so he has actually almost caught up to my weight. He went from 260 to 220 I went from 210 to 200 He doesn't even diet. I have tried explaining to him his weight loss is probably due to the use it or lose it rule with muscle. Cause his stomach is getting bigger and his arms and legs are getting smaller.
My sister has been at her job for a few months now and has lost 24lbs and dropped to a size 6 Once again, that doesn't mean her stomach couldn't use a diet. I eat the meats and veggies when i cook but leave the mac and cheese and rice for him and the kids. I have tried cooking an all healthy meal before and he pushed away his plate without trying anything and ordered pizza. Like I said I am pretty much alone here. Though my son likes my healthy foods.0 -
I would have to agree with some of the responses I have heard. If there are people who are being mean or unsupportive to your cause, then they don't really need to be a part of your life right now. Maybe you can come back and revisit relationships with them. Maybe they will change. Most do not. As far as the hubby, yeah, you can't do much about that. Try to encourage him to eat healthier, and get involved with exercise, but you can't really do much more than that. The rest, kick them to the curb for now. Best of luck to you and your journey here. I wouldn't put up with anyone calling me a fatass.0
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I just have to say one more thing, rather unhelpful! I would kick my husband's *kitten* into the middle of next year if he pushed away a meal that I made. Not just because of the disrespect that shows toward me (in front of the kids) but because I cook it you damn well eat it, that goes for everyone at the table. Oh that boils my blood! Does he see pictures of himself from the younger years of being leaner? Maybe that might help him to see what he's doing to himself by eating badly and not being active.0
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I want to make sure this doesn't sound mean.
There are going to be people who criticize you. some of them do it no matter what you do. for short just call them 'haters'
Haters don't like to see people succeed. It makes them feel bad. And because they're really small people they don't even want to see people trying to succeed cuz that makes them feel bad. Them hating on you has more to do with them, has little to do with you.
I wish you were getting more support.
BUT
Your biggest supporter needs to be yourself. I find that this is my biggest issue - and now that I've figured that out I can do this by focusing on the little things I'm accomplishing. Ate healthy - awesome. good job. Feel a craving and wanna 'cheat' on diet? remember eating healthy. remember losing a pound and how it made you feel
hater hates on you? (you can't make it - why even try - i haven't noticed you lose any weight... blahblahblah) then go back to the little accomplishments you have made.
A huge part of the lifestyle change that peopel make when they decide to become healthy happens inside - and the above is part of it. If the people around you are haters then its even more important that you give yourself the support you need.
You are an awesome person for gritting this out and keep on going. Remember that.
ST0 -
This is exactly why I don't tell people what I'm doing! They try to make it hell on anybody that is doing well. Just because they're "smaller" doesn't mean they're healthier. I wonder how clogged their arteries are getting from all the processed junk they're eating. One thing I’ve learned is I can only control myself, so try not to focus on what they’re eating. I know it’s hard because they can down whatever they want, but in the end you’re going to be the healthy, active, and strong person. I’m happy to hear your son likes the healthy food!0
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Thank all of you so much for your motivation and support. I have had these thoughts about these people a few times. It made me feel like a small person thinking I needed to get rid of my friends (and some family) because they don't agree or support my lifestyle change. It makes me feel much better that everyone seems to agree that they are helping to hold me down. And as far as me being my biggest motivator thank you. I know I am the one with the will power its not like they are forcing me to be like them. I do need to quit with the attitude of oh well I already had this so today is blown. Thank you all I will keep up the hard work. Now if I could just get my husband to get up with the children so that I can go take the dog on walks in the am. I have noticed I feel better the earlier I get up. Might have to start trying to sneak out.0
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You can do this, look at all the people that have faith in you!
2 old sayings come to mind -
With friends like that, who needs enemies, and.. keep your friends close, you enemies closer.
You know they are just jealous, right? That you have all the willpower, and they don't?
Do it for YOU Amber, you have all the support on MFP that you don't have at home0 -
Who does the grocery shopping? If you do just be sure not to buy any junk and maybe your good eating habits will rub off on your husband.0
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Who does the grocery shopping? If you do just be sure not to buy any junk and maybe your good eating habits will rub off on your husband.
I actually tried that he pouted for an hour cause I didn't get him anything. I came home with $100 worth of snacks it was just healthy stuff not chips and cookies and such. I ended up getting sent back. I did get him to eat a turkey burger but he pouted the whole time.0 -
I feel very similar to you. This morning I ate oatmeal for breakfast while my husband made me cook him two grilled sausage-egg-and-cheese sandwiches. I've always been a good cook, and I'm trying to eat healthier, but my husband doesn't want me to give up the not-so-healthy food he's used to.
Not to mention we are living near my husband's family, and they all weigh over 200, love things like pie and chicken fried steak, and don't care about all the health problems they have as a result of being so big. I carry my 30-lb child around on one hip like it's nothing; everyone else complains I'm going to hurt myself.
We're going to a chicken fried steak dinner tomorrow, and I know my mother in law will feel butt hurt if I don't stuff myself with dinner and then explode out of my pants with dessert. It's a hard life.0 -
Did I mention I'm trying to kick a Mountain Dew habit while he brings me a Mountain Dew from the fridge?0
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Who does the grocery shopping? If you do just be sure not to buy any junk and maybe your good eating habits will rub off on your husband.
I actually tried that he pouted for an hour cause I didn't get him anything. I came home with $100 worth of snacks it was just healthy stuff not chips and cookies and such. I ended up getting sent back. I did get him to eat a turkey burger but he pouted the whole time.
I really mean no offense by this, and I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but why is he acting like a child? He is perfectly capable (I'm assuming) of going to the store and buying his own snacks. And I think that he should be grateful that you cooked him anything at all, instead of pouting about it.
I would sit down and talk to him and your friends about it, just once and be very direct and clear, that you are doing this for your health and your life, not for fun and not for vanity. Let them know that you are doing this with or without their support, but with would be a whole lot easier. I'm making a big assumption here but you seem like the kind of really nice person who gives in when her husband pouts or brushes it off when your friend makes a mean comment. I think you should stand up for yourself and make your feelings known. It might help the people in your life take your journey a bit more seriously.
ETA: I just re-read my comment and it sounds kind of mean, which I didn't intend. But I think you are doing a great job of trying to get healthy and you deserve to have the people in your life support you as well. Good luck!!!0 -
Sounds like they're jealous because you're doing something positive for yourself, something that maybe they wouldn't have the will power to do.
You're husband should be supporting you which isn't an easy or natural role for men in my experience lol... you need to sit him down and spell it out for him and if he loves you he will tone down the pigging out and start helping you achieve your goals0 -
Do what you need to for you...no need to explain...people will adjust0
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I call them "toxic" people and out of my life they go - don't let the door hit you in your huge behind
Surround yourself with people who appreciate you, eating healthy is a lifestyle, not a diet.0
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