Should I make a suggestion to my sister?

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mollymao
mollymao Posts: 13
in Health and Weight Loss
My sis has a lot of weight to lose (100+), and for awhile was following a (paid) program that had her cut out all dairy and gluten and do intense exercise. She has since given it up -- I think because the changes it was asking her to make were too radical to maintain.

I was thinking of suggesting that she track calories instead and check out this site, but I don't really know how to bring up a weight-loss program if she isn't asking for my advice (she isn't).

Advice please!

Replies

  • scottyg70
    scottyg70 Posts: 388 Member
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    What can it hurt? I'd suggest it. But she has to be the one willing to make the effort. As they say, you can lead a horse to water...

    I do agree with you though, that sounded like way to radical a change. She probably should start with little things. Cut down on the soda (just using it as a suggestion, I have no idea what your sister eats), eat 3 servings of vegetables a day, walk around the block. Things like that. Then as one becomes part of her lifestyle, change something else. It doesn't happen overnight unfortunately, but I think this sight will help her start moving toward her goals.
  • chunkadoo
    chunkadoo Posts: 41 Member
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    I don't think it'd hurt, but in my experience unless the person wants to lose weight/is willing to put in the effort, it doesn't do much.

    My best friend has gained about 100lbs in the past 4 years and now has sleep apnea. I've suggested a lot of things including MFP but she thinks it's all too much work and just kind of brushes it off. I hope your sister responds positively to your suggestion! I think my friend's just not ready to commit.
  • claire_donegal84
    claire_donegal84 Posts: 47 Member
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    hey, I've been wondering this for my best mate too.... she's at least 3 stone overweight and often says she should go on a diet but never does (well... she **did** do WW but gave it up). I think MFP just teaches you to make healthy choices because by logging it you have to be accountable to yourself, or your friends too if you have an open diary. I think I'm just going to say how awesome I'm finding MFP next time she comments on ''how good'' I'm being next time I see her...(I've noticeably lost a few lbs so she's bound to comment on it next time I see her in 2 weeks or so). I'll tell her about the private diary option and that she doesn't even have to have any friends on here if she doesn't want.. but can just use the app for logging a food diary. She might take the subtle hint that I think it'd be worth a try... (she's done WW before, lost 50lbs and gained most of them back when she stopped going).
    So...... Maybe you could just bring it up with your sister..say how helpful you think this app is for yourself, just big it up a bit.. she might be interested. Hard to know with not knowing you or your sister, of course weight issues can be very sensitive topics. I think just try bring it up in general chit-chat.... Good luck with however you decide to go about it - Claire :)
  • willdob3
    willdob3 Posts: 640 Member
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    I don't think it would be good to suggest she should try it. That often backfires & makes the people we are trying to help very defensive. I speak from experience - having had well-meaning people suggest I try this or that. I did not find it helpful, just upsetting. I was not ready & it I was thinking about a new diet their suggestions would make me run the other way.

    I do think it would be a good idea to tell her what you are doing, how simple it is to use MFP & how it is helping you to get good results. But do it in a way so she just hears how excited you are about it - without any suggestion she should do it. She will hear what you say & maybe check it out.

    She has to be ready to make the changes. If her last experience was awful she might not be ready to try again but you never know. If she has the info it will be there when she is ready to give it another try.
  • SuzyLy
    SuzyLy Posts: 133 Member
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    Yes, bring it up. Since I have weight to lose, and she can stand to lose about 75 lbs, about twice a month I bring it up by saying, "I'm so sick of my weight, we both have to do something," etc., etc. always bringing myself into the picture of having the same problem as her. She tends to buy TV gadgets, thinking she's going to "work out," but the only time she lost weight was when I went on WeightWatchers and she did, too, for a shorter time than I, and once when we made a deal that whoever lost the most by a certain date would owe the other a bottle of tequila (those were much younger days). I know she would get crazy counting calories, but I keep talking about MFP and give her updates about twice a week whether she asks or not. Lately, I tell her that her grandson and husband would be lost without her if something happened and she'd better do something soon. Even getting her out of the house to walk is a challenge. Fortunately, we have very open communications about anything on our minds. This is all done over the phone since we don't live near each other. Keep at her, but in a nice way.
  • ChangingAmanda
    ChangingAmanda Posts: 486 Member
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    I know it might sound weird but ask her if it's ok if you give her some advice. If she says no, then don't say anything again.

    From my own experience with myself, people could talk to me until they were blue in the face about losing weight and how to do it but it didn't do any good until I was mentally ready to make the changes.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,771 Member
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    From my own experience with myself, people could talk to me until they were blue in the face about losing weight and how to do it but it didn't do any good until I was mentally ready to make the changes.

    So much this.
  • sunshinestater
    sunshinestater Posts: 596 Member
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    I would take the tactic of talking about how it works for you and why. Pique her curiosity instead of making her feel defensive. Since she's already tried another program, it sounds like she's open to working on herself. From what you said, she failed because she couldn't maintain it. Talk about how it's easy to use the tools here and how it's so sustainable and a real lifestyle change a person can live with.
  • angelh1908
    angelh1908 Posts: 175 Member
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    Did she have any success on the paid program? If so, I would suggest MFP to her as a means to continue her progress but without so many restrictions. Even if she didn't have success with the paid program, I would still bring it up. I have an older sister, and we both go up and down in our weight. We've both agreed several times to embark on this journey together, but somewhere along the way, she gets sidetracked (mainly because her hubby isn't thinking about what types of foods he eats). Even still, if I think she's out of control and getting too heavy, I will say something to her in a light hearted and funny way. That way she can receive it better, and we both laugh about it. She eventually does the right thing, but we both have issues with consistency at times.

    Bottom line is, I love my sister way too much to let weight be a negative factor in her life. So many things can and do go wrong with our bodies when we carry too much weight. I would consider the possiblity of her living a longer, stronger, healthier life of far greater importance than how she might feel if I talk about her weight.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    Tread VERY carefully with this one. Even the best of intentions can come off as holier-than-thou and judgy. The only time I would say it's appropriate is if she brings up the subject, then you can say " just a suggestion - I've been using this site to track my calories and exercise and it's helped me a lot", answer any questions she may have and leave it at that. Don't ask her about it again unless she brings up the subject again.

    The only other time I think it's appropriate is if the person is having a lot of health problems and it's really worrying you. Even then...well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

    When she's ready, she'll do it.
  • mollymao
    mollymao Posts: 13
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    This is all excellent advice. Thank you!

    I agree that it is important to tread carefully. I am going to take the approach of engaging her interest about what I am doing personally. And then when she asks the question, I can tell her what's worked for me. Good suggestion.

    (She did have some success with the other program - about 20 pounds, I think - but it's all come back)
  • Mel2626
    Mel2626 Posts: 342 Member
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    I had someone suggest it to me and I'm so glad they did! You already know that she wants to lose the weight so it's not completely out of left field. Just let her know your thoughts that you think the last program was probably too restrictive which makes it difficult to sustain long-term. Explain how you've been using MFP and how it works so she's not too overwhelmed. Show her your experience on here and segue into having her join you. It'll be fun for her to have a buddy that knows exactly what she's doing too. Best of luck! :flowerforyou:

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