odd behavior advice

Options
maestrachistosa
maestrachistosa Posts: 202 Member
in Motivation and Support
hi there. no, this has nothing to do with weight loss, i just need some advice. i live in a condo, which has been idyllic for the past 3 years. last week at a board meeting, the topic of my downstairs neighbor came up. he's young, probably in his late 20's/early 30's, and up to this point, he has been friendly. we smile and wave at each other, even when we are driving by each other in the car. about 2 weeks ago, he started exhibiting some strange behaviors: sitting by the pool and rocking in a chair for long periods of time at odd hours. he also has begun wandering aimlessly around the complex, and in the parking area. i have also noticed (since i am above him and my balcony overlooks his patio a bit) that his patio is now littered with empty food containers, dirty dishes, some clothes, and other random things (it was never like this before). and, now when i see him, he doesn't acknowledge me at all, like i am not even there. obviously something has happened recently that has caused this change. i would like to be sensitive, but am frankly more concerned with my own safety as well as that of other residents. no, he hasn't done anything violent, but this recent and bizarre change in behavior concerns me greatly. any advice?

Replies

  • robin52077
    robin52077 Posts: 4,383 Member
    Options
    He sounds clinically depressed. Maybe he has always had issues and just went off his meds...or maybe he has recently had a traumatic event that triggered it. Did someone close to him just die? Did he just get dumped/rejected hard? He could even be suicidal.
    Perhaps you could say something to him next time you see each other in passing...smile, look concerned. Be like "hey is everything all right? You seem down lately." Or something like that...
  • 90066
    90066 Posts: 24
    Options
    Preface it with introducing yourself, say that as a neighbor you understand the importance of respecting his privacy, but you have noticed . . . and then tell him what you just said and that you hope he's okay.

    At that age it's probably a relationship ending. A kind word from a stranger can make a big difference.
  • amysj303
    amysj303 Posts: 5,086 Member
    Options
    Since you aren't close, it would probably be strange to say something, ask if he's depressed or if something is wrong, he might be mentally ill, off his meds, I mean, we can't know anything. I am not sure it is in your best interest to befriend him since we don't really know his state of mind and you have to live above him-you own this place, and so does he own his? that makes the situation more fraught. I don't know why I'm responding, I clearly don't have anything helpful to add. I mean, you could try and enforce in HOA code he might be in violation of, but that won't really help, since your problem isn't really the messy patio. I can appreciate your helplessness in this situation.
  • KaeChelle
    KaeChelle Posts: 576
    Options
    It doesn't sound as if he's doing anything to cause harm to others, so unless he shows signs that he might, I wouldn't be concerned. It sounds more like he is depressed like the others said. Perhaps there has been a recent change in his life.
  • bjberry
    bjberry Posts: 665 Member
    Options
    Saying, "Hi." or very general conversation is a good start. Help him realize he is not alone by just including him in a daily wave, etc. Asking how he is doing is nice and general.
    If you are going to tell him what you said in your blog, maybe you should have a friend quietly in the background.
    Maybe I am a wimp, but it is good to be careful.
    Best wishes in this situation.
  • Johnnyswife
    Johnnyswife Posts: 1,447 Member
    Options
    Preface it with introducing yourself, say that as a neighbor you understand the importance of respecting his privacy, but you have noticed . . . and then tell him what you just said and that you hope he's okay.

    At that age it's probably a relationship ending. A kind word from a stranger can make a big difference.
    Bring him something, like cookies, or a meal or something. A nice gesture, and some concern might make a difference to him during a difficult time.
  • LisaKC
    LisaKC Posts: 328 Member
    Options
    @Maestra, no new advice to offer. Just wanted to comment on what a caring, attentive person you are. Reach out to your neighbor. Just noticing that people are having a tough time makes a difference. Peace.
  • snoopypet
    snoopypet Posts: 6
    Options
    Lots of good advice here. I asked my daughter her take on this. She's been known to give a lot of people advice. Should be the next Dear Abby. So I was curious what she would say. She immediately assumed he was renting the condo, not owning and said you should ask the landlord to talk to him...in a how's it going kind of way. When I told her I thought he owned the condo she kept with the same advice but perhaps someone from the board or other 'male' who has seen him around a lot. She felt that if he took such a quick 360 that he could be on drugs and that you shouldn't put yourself in an unprotected situation. So as her mother, I was very impressed with her view. In this day and age, along with possibility of drugs and depression also fits in possible unemployment that could cause such a change. Good luck. It is very perceptive of you to notice these changes when so many are just so wrapped up in their own life that they fail to notice the world around them. I hope all works out well for him.
  • maddox22
    maddox22 Posts: 91
    Options
    I agree with snoopypet that you should probably not approach him alone. He could be depressed; however, as she points out, he could also be having drug problems. Also, mid-20s is an age when certain other mental illnesses (such as schizophrenia) can first manifest themselves, and some of the things you describe are consistent with those conditions. I think it is admirable that you are concerned and it definitely shows how caring you are. But, considering that you don't know him well, it is probably a good idea to be careful. I think saying hello and talking to him in a public place where others can see you is fine; if he is depressed, showing him that you have noticed and are concerned can be helpful for him. But you should probably not knock on his door or (certainly) enter his condo by yourself. I'm not trying to freak you out, but I acted as a community assistant in grad school and some of the trainings we went through were pretty thorough...and I figure it's better safe than sorry.
  • thumper44
    thumper44 Posts: 1,464 Member
    Options
    1. Why did his name come up at a board meeting?

    2. Something tragic happened in his life. He could possibly be doing drugs now because of it trying to numb the pain or forget about things.

    3. You could try and talk to him and say hi. Chances are he might not want to talk to a stranger about his problems.

    4. If you told him you noticed that something happened and you were wondering if he's ok. (Just think if a man was asking a female, she would think she's been stalked)

    I would try to talk to another male in the building that might know him, but then again some males talk to and open up to females alot more than another guy.

    Good luck, and your a special person to be caring for a stranger like that.

    A lot of people in this society would just ignore him and/or make fun of his activities (just like people make fun of people at the gym)

Categories