How do i become happy in my own skin?

There's a book by Marci Shimoff called "Love for No Reason" that addresses this exact issue. Maybe it'd be worth a read. They have it cheap on Amazon.

You gotta tell yourself you can do this and then give yourself permission to make the time. Your boyfriend will completely understand if he's a good guy, and you can start small and work your way up. No matter how hectic your schedule may be, there is ALWAYS time to get healthy. ALWAYS. So tell yourself you're not gonna make anymore excuses and that you are ready to be the you you really deserve. No excuses. No delays. There is absolutely nothing standing in the way of who you want to be except for yourself and the voice in your head that's telling you that you can't.

Try to find something that makes you happy and healthy 45-60 mins a day to spend on yourself you will really be much happier once you see what you can do

Forget the concept of needing an exercise buddy. If you need a friend to even start working out, that means that you are relying on someone else for motivation so when that person can't be there for you or isn't up to it, you're back to square one. For me, one healthy step triggers a chain reaction. When I work out regularly, I tend to make better eating choices, and I also feel better about my body and myself.

Loving your body isn't something you're going to magically get in the mail one day, and it's not guaranteed once you've reached your goal weight either. It's a relationship that you have to work at developing over time. Set small fitness or strength goals for yourself. When I lift weights that are heavier than my last workout, I feel good about my body's abilities to progress and improve, and that seeps over into feeling good about my body image.

You can be your own cheerleader.

I still get a bit weirded out when I talk about myself too much....force of habit hahaha.

I know what you mean about getting depressed/unmotivated. Actually the best thing to do seems really dumb but it got me from being a complete recluse to not being able to stay indoors. You could try setting up a token economy. Basically, you reward yourself every time you do something good So for the first week I would make a note of every time I managed a 20min dance like an idiot session. I gave myself a piece of memo paper and told myself when I have 7 I would trade them in for a treat for myself. It super helps to have someone to sort of police the system. The next week I had to have 14 points for the same treat and introduced another task (seems ridiculous but it was remember to use moisturizer morning and night...I am rubbish at being a girl). The treat can be anything. I avoided food-based treats, but do whatever makes you happy. I know it seems like a silly system, but it works pretty universally. Positive reinforcement and all that.

Conflict....yep, hear you there. It must be difficult being on someone else's territory. Maybe try and talk to your bf first, and suggest that the two of you start cooking and eating together in the evening. You can then broach the issue with your bfs family by saying that you want to be a little more independent/do more as a couple. That way you're not criticizing their food choices, but you're making it clear you want a little space for certain things. Also, the easiest way to avoid bad dinners is to reverse your meal size. I used to live with people who would eat my TDEE just at dinner. So I started making a point of having a large breakfast, middle-sized lunch and then at dinner I wouldn't want to eat much so it wouldn't be so hard to say 'actually I'm just going to have a light meal, I'm still full'. No one was offended and I felt a lot healthier for it also.

Your confidence will grow the more you challenge yourself. Just don't let stumbles on the way get to you too much. Everyone stumbles.

and what about seeing someone to help with those childhood issues and help you move forward ?

It helped me

Take your life BACK! You are more than your clothes size, the number on the scale, the amount of calories in a low fat yoghurt......Your body deserves to be nourished and be strong and healthy.
These are a couple of sites I love for PROPER inspiration, As Amber says, be MORE, not LESS!

http://gokaleo.com/2013/04/10/taking-up-space/
http://prettystrongblog.blogspot.co.uk/

Have you tried strength training? For the issue of "flabbiness", that's quite a simple solution. If you're part of a gym, ask someone about helping you use the free weights section, or even the weight machines. Look into the New Rules of Lifting For Women (a book), or programmes like Stronglifts 5x5, which is free. If you don't have access to weights, you can do a lot with body weight exercises. Just google "bodyweight exercises", or check out nerdfitness.com. They have a lot of useful stuff. You don't need to lose any weight, so try not to focus on the scale, but you could really change the shape of your body and firm up with resistance exercises. It might be hard to get started, but you absolutely don't need other people to exercise with you. I don't have anyone in my family or friends that like exercising either, so I just decided to get on with it myself. You might inspire your boyfriend or friends to start getting more active with you, or it might just be your "thing" that you do for yourself.

Now, the body image stuff and feeling happy in your own skin is a lot harder. It takes work, and it takes time. I don't mean this to sound patronising at all, but you're still 20. You're very young, you're brain is still developing, and you're still not very far removed from the circumstances of your childhood. I really believe that a lot of these issues do improve with time and maturity. Again, I'm not trying to patronise you, you sound like a mature woman with a good head on your sholders - I'm purely seaking from my own experience!

If you don't get the best start in life, it can be hard to develop good self-esteem and confidence by yourself. I don't know what's gone on in your childhood, but have you had any counselling or therapy to work through some of these issues? Especially considering your history of disordered eating, it could be really helpful for you. Additionally, there are tons of books out there on building confidence and self-esteem. Maybe have a browse on Amazon and read the reviews to find a good one. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can be effective in helping you to think about yourself in different ways. If your depression is really impacting on your life, then you may need medical treatment for it, which is nothing to be ashamed of. Whether you do or not, it is something you need to be proactive about. Doing nothing tends to just make depression worse. It can be so hard to make yourself get started, but the more you do, the easier it will be.

Feeling depressed is another great reason to get more active. Exercise is very helpful for depression. If you can find something that you really love, and that you can learn new skills in, or meet goals in, that would realy boost your confidence too. Sometimes it feels like all the issues are about how you look, but sometimes if you can build confidence in other areas, it affects how you see yourself overall.

With the eating healthy - do you cook at all? That could be a good place to start. Unfortunately, people's lives don't tend to get less busy and hectic as time goes on, so I'm not really buying that as an excuse! There are lots of simple recipes that don't take very much time at all, you just have to take the time to learn how to do them in the first place. Nutrition is another thing that's important for your mental health!

Even just the act of taking care of yourself more, making yourself get out and exercise, cooking good nutritious food for yourself, making time for yourself, all of that should start to have a knock-on effect with feeling better about yourself. Try to talk to yourself differently. Stop calling yourself names (like "flabby" and "gross") and tell yourself good things about yourself - appreciate how you are taking care of yourself, and how strong you are.

And please, if you haven't already, do consider seeking professional help too. :flowerforyou: