Okay, I'm a big baby.

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ItsAliciaMarie
ItsAliciaMarie Posts: 130
in Motivation and Support
Warning. Self pity-ing ahead.




I need to vent about what is happening right now. I am so frustrated. Everyone I talk to knows that I have joined Farrell's eXtreme Bodyshaping, and that I have a strict meal plan that I make for myself as well as a six days a week workout plan. They all know that I paid quite a bit of money for it, and I do not want to waste my money (or time) by not following everything to a T.

With that in mind, why does everyone want to screw my plans up? My boyfriend, who I love (so no comments about dumping him) and live with is supportive of my decision to drop all of the extra weight I've gained and is happy that I am motivated to do better for myself. But just SAYING you're supportive does not mean anything. With my program, I have one free day to eat and DRINK anything I would like. Today is not my free day and my boyfriend knows this. He also knows that I work until 10pm tonight, and need to be in my workout class by 5:30 am. I would like to come home get my food logged, and go to bed. Instead, I get a call on my way home from work saying he would like me to pick him up from the bar. Whatever, I'm the one that is not allowed to drink Friday nights, not him. I have no problem picking him up. But when I go in the bar to get him, all of our friends and my boyfriend are telling me that I "suck" or that I'm "no fun" anymore because I am not out tonight. If I wanted to go out on a Sunday night and asked all of my friends to come, they would say no because they have to work the next day. I would not badger them and make them feel like working is a bad thing. I honestly feel like everyone hates that I am trying to make myself a healthier, happier person. I ended up leaving the bar (without my boyfriend) and now am stuck at home waiting until he is done hanging out with everyone so I can pick him up.

Why is it that I am so proud of myself and my accomplishments, but no one else sees what I am doing for myself? Does ANYONE else have problems like this? I don't know what to do anymore.... this is the most un-motivating thing I have ever encountered.
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Replies

  • mdelcott
    mdelcott Posts: 529 Member
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    Go to bed and let him find his oun way home. Tomorrow is a new day :) The only person that needs to be proud of you is yourself.
  • GiveTheGeniusACookie
    GiveTheGeniusACookie Posts: 23
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    When you stop relying on others to acknowledge your accomplishments but reward yourself as you see them, this will no longer be such a depressing issue for you. They didnt cheer you on when you got unhealthy so why expect them to cheer you on when you get healthy. Other than that if self-congratulations isnt enough for you..........find new friends.
  • aleesh_
    aleesh_ Posts: 137 Member
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    Go to bed and let him find his oun way home. Tomorrow is a new day :) The only person that needs to be proud of you is yourself.

    Right? OP you are a much nicer gf than I am! I would be like 'screw you I'm going to bed' and turn off my phone :p
  • ItsAliciaMarie
    ItsAliciaMarie Posts: 130
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    When you stop relying on others to acknowledge your accomplishments but reward yourself as you see them, this will no longer be such a depressing issue for you. They didnt cheer you on when you got unhealthy so why expect them to cheer you on when you get healthy. Other than that if self-congratulations isnt enough for you..........find new friends.

    I understand what you are saying... but I am not looking for them to congratulate me... I am simply just looking for them to be okay with the new choices I am making .
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    just break up.
  • keithmustloseweight
    keithmustloseweight Posts: 309 Member
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    Sounds like you want some attention.
  • GiveTheGeniusACookie
    GiveTheGeniusACookie Posts: 23
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    When you stop relying on others to acknowledge your accomplishments but reward yourself as you see them, this will no longer be such a depressing issue for you. They didnt cheer you on when you got unhealthy so why expect them to cheer you on when you get healthy. Other than that if self-congratulations isnt enough for you..........find new friends.

    I understand what you are saying... but I am not looking for them to congratulate me... I am simply just looking for them to be okay with the new choices I am making .

    Why do they have to be okay with your life change? Obviously they could care less since you are the one at home and they are all living it up having a blast at the bar. I mean look at it through their eyes if you really want to know how they feel. For all you know they could be like....wow shes such a drag I hate this stupid life change she is doing it is totally ruining our friendship. I think you need to meet them halfway. Just because you think you cant partake in drinking and so on doesnt mean you cant participate in the activity of hanging out. It is all about priorities. You cant have it both ways.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    That completely sucks, and I agree with your analogy about asking people out on a Sunday night. My only other .02's:

    People in bars are not at their most tactful, respectful, or responsible. Ignore the heckling, take the car keys from your BF, and tell him to catch a cab.

    Is there any way you can work out later? Working until 10 PM and having a workout class at 5:30 (I think, I can't see OP anymore) leaves you very little time for sleep. Sleep is extremely important for weight loss (in addition to all the normal stuff you need sleep for.)
  • Textmessage
    Textmessage Posts: 387 Member
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    Were they all drinking when they said you're no fun? If that's the case, I'm pretty sure that's what any drunk friend would say and not mean it as seriously as you took it.
  • wendybird5
    wendybird5 Posts: 577 Member
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    Your friends got used to you hanging out with them and drinking with them and they got comfortable with that routine, but now you've changed the dynamic and they aren't used to it. You aren't a big baby. They are for expecting you to not change. Stick to your guns and don't get frustrated. Or invite them out for a Sunday night and when they say no, tell them how they are no fun and boring.
  • the_naP
    the_naP Posts: 2
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    That's pretty typical for folks that aren't currently on a diet / plan / whatever. Just let it roll off your back, if you're happy with what you're doing, why care about what they think? So you're 'no fun' for a few months, big whoop. I'm in the same boat - my friends like to party - a lot - and so do I. However, I need to get healthier, and this is just a decision I've made. When they give me gruff about it, I make a crack about them acting like high schoolers and thinking that peer pressure is going to do anything to me. After all, I know in the end the comments that are made are in jest, and they don't really think that I suck. They think it sucks that we can't all get smashed together, but they still like me. Which is fine.

    Another way you could handle this is to switch your off day to Friday, or Saturday, or some other non-workday for you, and then you can still hang with your friends for a night, and then get back on plan the next day like you're supposed to. Or, are you stuck on a M - Sat plan for another reason?
  • LadyTigressDiane
    LadyTigressDiane Posts: 15 Member
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    the other posts are right that it is all about how you feel ... not everyone else

    when you change your lifestyle to incorporate an exercise program ... something has got to give ... your boyfriend is missing you

    sometimes it's difficult balancing your life when you have to commit so much time to training

    I used to not see my friends 4 to 5 months when training for a 1/2 marathon because I would have to go bed early for training in the morning ... they understood.

    However I have done my training when I was dating and he resented that I wouldn't go away on the weekends ... I needed at least one weekend day to work out with training gal friend...

    it will get better when you achieve your goal and are in maintenance

    p.s. I do go the bars, I don't drink anything but a diet drink however I do get a cardio workout with live music rather than at the gym ..

    be proud of yourself ... and just let the other stuff slide off your back ...
  • paintlisapurple
    paintlisapurple Posts: 982 Member
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    Some people are all for someone losing weight until they realize how much work and dedication it entails. Besides, if he (they) were at the bar, they probably weren't thinking with completely clear heads. My husband is constantly eating "goodies" and tries to ply me with them. I just tell him that if he wants my azz to get stuck going through doorways I'll gladly join him in pigging out all the time. LOL (He's a sweetheart, but has a sweet tooth.)
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
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    Okay, everyone may see this different, but TO ME... this is how I see it. YOU HAVE TO LIVE. You need to find something that can relate to YOUR LIFE. If you have one day a week you can eat & drink whatever you want.. why not make it on a Friday Night? Or a Saturday Night? Even if its late.. goto the bar after work & hang out with your boyfriend & friends until last call.. thats better that sitting at home doing NOTHING &sulking & being mad isnt it?? Not to mention.. WHY is your man at the bar when you arent? I dunno, but we dont do this in my relationship. *shrugs*

    Anyway.. apparently, THIS isnt working out for you. You cant have such a "STRICT" as you put it.. diet.. no matter HOW much it cost.. if it DOESNT WORK. Who the hell is happy here? NO ONE! Make some changes! NON DRASTIC!

    Switch out some fruit for sugary breakfast cereals or treats... pack a salad & an apple for lunch.. add in a lean protein like a grilled chicken breast.

    MINIMUM of 8 glasses (8 ounce each) of water a day.. if you can get more.. DO IT! I aim for 16 per day!

    have an under 550 calorie supper.. toss in a few snacks of however much fresh fruit or fresh veggies you want in the day.. enjoy a late night snack under 250 calories of whatever you want.

    MOVE. its simple. 2 15 minute walks briskly during the day.. A 30 minute brisk walk after your supper. a good hot shower before bed and at least 8 hours of sleep.

    Its truly THAT simple!

    If you want one day of "cheating" subtract 250 calories PER DAY from your diet.. that will give you 1750 + your regular approximately 1200 (minimum) which is 2700 calories for ONE day to play with. Have some drinks.. eat whatever.. if you exercise.. GREAT! thats more to play with! You can totally do this without being so damn extreme! its NOT that hard and you can do this without losing your friends, family, boyfriend and without feeling like the world is closing in on you.

    If you need some extra help.. drop me a line. I will be more than happy to help. Here is a starting point: On your days you cant go out to have fun.. invite everyone over for a dinner party. Tell them to BYOB. Have some diet cranberry juice (5 calories per 8 ounces) in a flute glass with some sparkling water, and cook a delish low calorie meal for everyone! ENJOY your friends and incorporate them into your lifestyle. If you find out they cant "be around you" without being totally shizfaced... then its time to find some new friends to hang with. I went through this, and it was the hardest thing i did... but it was SO worth it in the end. <3

    Good luck!! =)
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
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    Ignore them
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
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    When you stop relying on others to acknowledge your accomplishments but reward yourself as you see them, this will no longer be such a depressing issue for you. They didnt cheer you on when you got unhealthy so why expect them to cheer you on when you get healthy. Other than that if self-congratulations isnt enough for you..........find new friends.

    I understand what you are saying... but I am not looking for them to congratulate me... I am simply just looking for them to be okay with the new choices I am making .

    Why do they have to be okay with your life change? Obviously they could care less since you are the one at home and they are all living it up having a blast at the bar. I mean look at it through their eyes if you really want to know how they feel. For all you know they could be like....wow shes such a drag I hate this stupid life change she is doing it is totally ruining our friendship. I think you need to meet them halfway. Just because you think you cant partake in drinking and so on doesnt mean you cant participate in the activity of hanging out. It is all about priorities. You cant have it both ways.
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
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    When you stop relying on others to acknowledge your accomplishments but reward yourself as you see them, this will no longer be such a depressing issue for you. They didnt cheer you on when you got unhealthy so why expect them to cheer you on when you get healthy. Other than that if self-congratulations isnt enough for you..........find new friends.

    I understand what you are saying... but I am not looking for them to congratulate me... I am simply just looking for them to be okay with the new choices I am making .

    Why do they have to be okay with your life change? Obviously they could care less since you are the one at home and they are all living it up having a blast at the bar. I mean look at it through their eyes if you really want to know how they feel. For all you know they could be like....wow shes such a drag I hate this stupid life change she is doing it is totally ruining our friendship. I think you need to meet them halfway. Just because you think you cant partake in drinking and so on doesnt mean you cant participate in the activity of hanging out. It is all about priorities. You cant have it both ways.

    THIS IS REDIC! They are HER FRIENDS!!!!! THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO SUPPORT HER! OF COURSE she wants SOME sort of support from them.. some sort of acknowledgement! She needs support and is quite fragile with this unsteady relationship between her and her weight! A simple "Hey, we understand.. you are doing great! We are here when you can be with us" Would have probably been all she needed at that point, instead of a "you are a drag!" I totally disagree with this post!
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    Not to mention.. WHY is your man at the bar when you arent? I dunno, but we dont do this in my relationship. *shrugs*

    Wait, why is this a problem?
  • michellekicks
    michellekicks Posts: 3,624 Member
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    I'd be less worried about your friends and more worried about your boyfriend... you're only going to hang out with him 1 day a week now? Because hanging out more would mean he's going to eat food and drink drinks that aren't on your plan?

    A lifestyle change has to be exactly that. Are you never going to go out impromptu with friends ever again? Are you only going to socialize on cheat day forever? If that doesn't sound reasonable, the plan you're trying to work isn't that reasonable either.

    No one around you should have to change a thing for you to do what you need to do. If they do, you may just find that relationship just isn't going to work out. You have to make people a priority too... they have no reason to stick around for you if you give them nothing of you and your life.

    I'm not trying to sound harsh... but I want to see everyone succeed at weight loss and not lose their friends and their partners in the process.

    In the end, though, friendships are going to change, ebb, flow... every life change brings about changes in friendships. Do what's important to you. Those who are with you for the long haul will tough it out. Those who aren't, won't.
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
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    Not to mention.. WHY is your man at the bar when you arent? I dunno, but we dont do this in my relationship. *shrugs*

    Wait, why is this a problem?

    Where i come from , this is a huge lack of respect.. but like i said.. "we dont do this in MY relationship." Im not judging anyone elses relationship.

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