Okay, I'm a big baby.
Options
Replies
-
When you stop relying on others to acknowledge your accomplishments but reward yourself as you see them, this will no longer be such a depressing issue for you. They didnt cheer you on when you got unhealthy so why expect them to cheer you on when you get healthy. Other than that if self-congratulations isnt enough for you..........find new friends.
I understand what you are saying... but I am not looking for them to congratulate me... I am simply just looking for them to be okay with the new choices I am making .
Why do they have to be okay with your life change? Obviously they could care less since you are the one at home and they are all living it up having a blast at the bar. I mean look at it through their eyes if you really want to know how they feel. For all you know they could be like....wow shes such a drag I hate this stupid life change she is doing it is totally ruining our friendship. I think you need to meet them halfway. Just because you think you cant partake in drinking and so on doesnt mean you cant participate in the activity of hanging out. It is all about priorities. You cant have it both ways.
THIS IS REDIC! They are HER FRIENDS!!!!! THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO SUPPORT HER! OF COURSE she wants SOME sort of support from them.. some sort of acknowledgement! She needs support and is quite fragile with this unsteady relationship between her and her weight! A simple "Hey, we understand.. you are doing great! We are here when you can be with us" Would have probably been all she needed at that point, instead of a "you are a drag!" I totally disagree with this post!
Friends dont have to coddle you because you decided to make a change that they may or may not agree with. Obviously they arent her friends. Like I stated in an earlier post....get new friends. I do know from experience though that if you totally turn your world upside down and dont make the effort to meet a "friend" halfway and it has to be your way or the highway by expecting everyone to stop their life because they know you cant drink on Friday......you arent a good friends. You dont have to drink to hang out, if you lack self control and are too selfish to just hang out because you HAVE to drink you are too selfish to have friends anyways.
I guess I was not making much sense. I do not expect them to stop what they are doing because I am not able to go out with them every time they do. I do not only drink with these people. Some of them have I have been friends with for 15 years, and we have been through the good and bad.
I know that I (and them) have to get use to this life change. I also understand that I do not have to drink to hang out, I was NOT saying that I was upset that I couldn't drink. I was upset that I had to be to class at 5:30 this morning, and that my boyfriend was not considerate of the situation and that my friends did not understand that I could not stay out and have a few with them. I have before, and will again, go out to a bar with my friends and not drink. Just not when it's 10:30 and I have to be to class in 7 hours. I have self control, and I am trying very hard NOT to be selfish. I know that I am making the lifestyle change, not my friends or my boyfriend. This is why I still picked up my boyfriend and did not make him find a way home. I do not in any way see how that is selfish.0 -
When you stop relying on others to acknowledge your accomplishments but reward yourself as you see them, this will no longer be such a depressing issue for you. They didnt cheer you on when you got unhealthy so why expect them to cheer you on when you get healthy. Other than that if self-congratulations isnt enough for you..........find new friends.
I understand what you are saying... but I am not looking for them to congratulate me... I am simply just looking for them to be okay with the new choices I am making .
Why do they have to be okay with your life change? Obviously they could care less since you are the one at home and they are all living it up having a blast at the bar. I mean look at it through their eyes if you really want to know how they feel. For all you know they could be like....wow shes such a drag I hate this stupid life change she is doing it is totally ruining our friendship. I think you need to meet them halfway. Just because you think you cant partake in drinking and so on doesnt mean you cant participate in the activity of hanging out. It is all about priorities. You cant have it both ways.
THIS IS REDIC! They are HER FRIENDS!!!!! THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO SUPPORT HER! OF COURSE she wants SOME sort of support from them.. some sort of acknowledgement! She needs support and is quite fragile with this unsteady relationship between her and her weight! A simple "Hey, we understand.. you are doing great! We are here when you can be with us" Would have probably been all she needed at that point, instead of a "you are a drag!" I totally disagree with this post!
Friends dont have to coddle you because you decided to make a change that they may or may not agree with. Obviously they arent her friends. Like I stated in an earlier post....get new friends. I do know from experience though that if you totally turn your world upside down and dont make the effort to meet a "friend" halfway and it has to be your way or the highway by expecting everyone to stop their life because they know you cant drink on Friday......you arent a good friends. You dont have to drink to hang out, if you lack self control and are too selfish to just hang out because you HAVE to drink you are too selfish to have friends anyways.
I guess I was not making much sense. I do not expect them to stop what they are doing because I am not able to go out with them every time they do. I do not only drink with these people. Some of them have I have been friends with for 15 years, and we have been through the good and bad.
I know that I (and them) have to get use to this life change. I also understand that I do not have to drink to hang out, I was NOT saying that I was upset that I couldn't drink. I was upset that I had to be to class at 5:30 this morning, and that my boyfriend was not considerate of the situation and that my friends did not understand that I could not stay out and have a few with them. I have before, and will again, go out to a bar with my friends and not drink. Just not when it's 10:30 and I have to be to class in 7 hours. I have self control, and I am trying very hard NOT to be selfish. I know that I am making the lifestyle change, not my friends or my boyfriend. This is why I still picked up my boyfriend and did not make him find a way home. I do not in any way see how that is selfish.
YOu could have saved gas and had fun if you had just stayed. Also would have prevented your friends from being Judgy McJudgers. Makes no sense to go home and them go back to pick him up. I am going to have to go with an earlier poster and agree this may be a cry for attention. Good luck to you on your issues I hope the best for you.0 -
Wow, couple of really harsh responses on here. Way to judge and be mean to someone who's asking for assistance, people.
That being said, friends (especially party friends) always have a hard time dealing with change, especially if it's at a level that they're not ready for yet. If you want to be responsible and better yourself, and they still just want to party and have fun, they are going to make fun of you to try to keep you from changing away from what they're comfortable with. If they can't respect that, even for a short period of time, then the best thing to do is distance yourself until either they accept it, or you find new friends who are supportive of you.
Every single time I have made a huge lifestyle change, there have been one or two friends who are willing to talk it out and stick around. Everyone else just made fun of me, or tried to get me to abandon my plans so that they didn't have to face the fact that they weren't growing up at all. Keep the ones who support you, and let the others go. Remember the good times, and move on.
My 2 cents.0 -
When you stop relying on others to acknowledge your accomplishments but reward yourself as you see them, this will no longer be such a depressing issue for you. They didnt cheer you on when you got unhealthy so why expect them to cheer you on when you get healthy. Other than that if self-congratulations isnt enough for you..........find new friends.
I understand what you are saying... but I am not looking for them to congratulate me... I am simply just looking for them to be okay with the new choices I am making .
Why do they have to be okay with your life change? Obviously they could care less since you are the one at home and they are all living it up having a blast at the bar. I mean look at it through their eyes if you really want to know how they feel. For all you know they could be like....wow shes such a drag I hate this stupid life change she is doing it is totally ruining our friendship. I think you need to meet them halfway. Just because you think you cant partake in drinking and so on doesnt mean you cant participate in the activity of hanging out. It is all about priorities. You cant have it both ways.
THIS IS REDIC! They are HER FRIENDS!!!!! THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO SUPPORT HER! OF COURSE she wants SOME sort of support from them.. some sort of acknowledgement! She needs support and is quite fragile with this unsteady relationship between her and her weight! A simple "Hey, we understand.. you are doing great! We are here when you can be with us" Would have probably been all she needed at that point, instead of a "you are a drag!" I totally disagree with this post!
Friends dont have to coddle you because you decided to make a change that they may or may not agree with. Obviously they arent her friends. Like I stated in an earlier post....get new friends. I do know from experience though that if you totally turn your world upside down and dont make the effort to meet a "friend" halfway and it has to be your way or the highway by expecting everyone to stop their life because they know you cant drink on Friday......you arent a good friends. You dont have to drink to hang out, if you lack self control and are too selfish to just hang out because you HAVE to drink you are too selfish to have friends anyways.
I guess I was not making much sense. I do not expect them to stop what they are doing because I am not able to go out with them every time they do. I do not only drink with these people. Some of them have I have been friends with for 15 years, and we have been through the good and bad.
I know that I (and them) have to get use to this life change. I also understand that I do not have to drink to hang out, I was NOT saying that I was upset that I couldn't drink. I was upset that I had to be to class at 5:30 this morning, and that my boyfriend was not considerate of the situation and that my friends did not understand that I could not stay out and have a few with them. I have before, and will again, go out to a bar with my friends and not drink. Just not when it's 10:30 and I have to be to class in 7 hours. I have self control, and I am trying very hard NOT to be selfish. I know that I am making the lifestyle change, not my friends or my boyfriend. This is why I still picked up my boyfriend and did not make him find a way home. I do not in any way see how that is selfish.
YOu could have saved gas and had fun if you had just stayed. Also would have prevented your friends from being Judgy McJudgers. Makes no sense to go home and them go back to pick him up. I am going to have to go with an earlier poster and agree this may be a cry for attention. Good luck to you on your issues I hope the best for you.
The reason I left was because I did not want to hear my drunken friends talk about how boring I am. I guess at that point I was more willing to go home and not hear that for the whole night then to save money on gas. It would not of been fun. If I would of been there before they were drunk, it would of been okay... but by the time I got there everyone was just nagging me. I appreciate you trying to help. I am sorry that you feel like this is a cry for attention. I have obviously learned my lesson for asking for help on the support page.0 -
No, you're not a big baby. You're trying to improve yourself. When your friends and boyfriend were saying, "You suck," they were drunk at the time. As you know, inebriation drops inhibition so take that with a grain of sand and shrug it off. If your boyfriend has any patience, he'll appreciate your efforts as they begin to pay off. He might even catch some of the motivational fire.0
-
that seems really weird to me.Not to mention.. WHY is your man at the bar when you arent? I dunno, but we dont do this in my relationship. *shrugs*
Wait, why is this a problem?
Where i come from , this is a huge lack of respect.. but like i said.. "we dont do this in MY relationship." Im not judging anyone elses relationship.
no way would i want to be dragged out to the pub every time my other half wanted to go out. no way would i want to feel like i was forcing him to stay home on my account. no way would i want private time with my sister & friends to be eavesdropped on by our dudes.0 -
some people are really irritating when they drink. and once they're on a roll, all laughing at the joke, they don't even notice that they hurt other people.The reason I left was because I did not want to hear my drunken friends talk about how boring I am. I guess at that point I was more willing to go home and not hear that for the whole night then to save money on gas. It would not of been fun. If I would of been there before they were drunk, it would of been okay... but by the time I got there everyone was just nagging me. I appreciate you trying to help. I am sorry that you feel like this is a cry for attention. I have obviously learned my lesson for asking for help on the support page.
if i were you?
explain how upset you were, tell him you're not angry but in future it would be easier if he just got a taxi.0 -
Wow, couple of really harsh responses on here. Way to judge and be mean to someone who's asking for assistance, people.
That being said, friends (especially party friends) always have a hard time dealing with change, especially if it's at a level that they're not ready for yet. If you want to be responsible and better yourself, and they still just want to party and have fun, they are going to make fun of you to try to keep you from changing away from what they're comfortable with. If they can't respect that, even for a short period of time, then the best thing to do is distance yourself until either they accept it, or you find new friends who are supportive of you.
Every single time I have made a huge lifestyle change, there have been one or two friends who are willing to talk it out and stick around. Everyone else just made fun of me, or tried to get me to abandon my plans so that they didn't have to face the fact that they weren't growing up at all. Keep the ones who support you, and let the others go. Remember the good times, and move on.
My 2 cents.
Ditto this ^^ They were drunk when they were saying you were no fun. It's also often the case when someone in the group makes a lifestyle choice that differs from the pack; some people turn into idiots - I'd call it a mild form of bullying. Ignore them, and know that at the end of this 10 weeks there will be those who wished they'd done something to change their life for the better too. So much literature on changing your life often discusses dealing with the reactions of those around you, and you are often going to be bringing out other people's hidden fears and self-doubts.
As for your boyfriend, he may be finding it hard to adapt to your new choices. Educate him on the right way to behave!0 -
They are drunk and in mob mentality mode. I'm certain they are fully supportive of you during the day and probably a little envious of your determination.0
-
I understand what you mean but it is just something you will have to deal with. Myself and my boyfriend work weekends nothing to do with losing weight but our friends and family nag us to come out every Friday and Saturday yet there is no way they will come out during the week on our days off because they have work the next day even though they work in offices get to sit with a hangover and have to be in work for 9am while both of us stand all day and deal with customers face to face and my boyfriend can start work at 4am. We used to do it but now we suit ourselves. Don't worry too much about them you keep doing what makes you happy
I don't understand the one, long, rambling sentence in here.0 -
Heck, say "Don't be jealous because I'm gonna be hotter than you!"0
-
I'd be less worried about your friends and more worried about your boyfriend... you're only going to hang out with him 1 day a week now? Because hanging out more would mean he's going to eat food and drink drinks that aren't on your plan?
Why is HE needing to eat/drink anything on her plan for her to lose weight? this makes no sense to me?
My husband and children do not eat anything on my plan.. yet ive lost nearly 52 pounds.
Am i missing something? or are you making the same point as I am? Maybe im just sleepy. LOL
I was saying he shouldn't have to change what he's doing. There should be a sarcasm smilie. IMHO she shouldn't expect her boyfriend isn't going to maintain the very same social life that he did before she changed her mind about what she's going to eat and drink. FWIW, he may also, at some point in the future, make significant changes to how he wants to live. He might decide he wants to quit drinking entirely and live a dry life for example. We all make our own decisions but we can't always expect the other people in our life to join us.0 -
I understand what you mean but it is just something you will have to deal with. Myself and my boyfriend work weekends nothing to do with losing weight but our friends and family nag us to come out every Friday and Saturday yet there is no way they will come out during the week on our days off because they have work the next day even though they work in offices get to sit with a hangover and have to be in work for 9am while both of us stand all day and deal with customers face to face and my boyfriend can start work at 4am. We used to do it but now we suit ourselves. Don't worry too much about them you keep doing what makes you happy
I don't understand the one, long, rambling sentence in here.
Please remember English is not everyones first language. How sad.0 -
alcohol always equals idiotic comments in my experience!! Pay them no mind but talk with boyfriend away from his buddies and sober. It took a longgggg time for my friends and family to accept my choice not to drink anymore. I caught all kinds of grief because they viewed it as me putting them down for continuing to drink, even though I never said a word.. ever...hang in there, it is their issue not yours to deal with.. you are taking care of YOU and you need to stay focused and proud of that.
Women in particular do not put themselves first, we are programmed from birth to "take care" of everything and everyone. When we break out of that ( very unhealthy) pattern it is frightening and sometimes threatening and people react.... stay true to you!!0 -
I'd be less worried about your friends and more worried about your boyfriend... you're only going to hang out with him 1 day a week now? Because hanging out more would mean he's going to eat food and drink drinks that aren't on your plan?
Why is HE needing to eat/drink anything on her plan for her to lose weight? this makes no sense to me?
My husband and children do not eat anything on my plan.. yet ive lost nearly 52 pounds.
Am i missing something? or are you making the same point as I am? Maybe im just sleepy. LOL
I was saying he shouldn't have to change what he's doing. There should be a sarcasm smilie. IMHO she shouldn't expect her boyfriend isn't going to maintain the very same social life that he did before she changed her mind about what she's going to eat and drink. FWIW, he may also, at some point in the future, make significant changes to how he wants to live. He might decide he wants to quit drinking entirely and live a dry life for example. We all make our own decisions but we can't always expect the other people in our life to join us.
I never said anything about him changing what he is doing. If you look at the OP it actually says. That I had no problem picking him up because I was the one that can't drink on Friday nights, not him. So I don't understand why you are saying that I am expecting him to do what I am doing. I am not in any way expecting him to change who he is.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392.1K Introduce Yourself
- 43.6K Getting Started
- 259.9K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 403 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 998 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions