MY HUSBAND LIKES ME FAT....MAJOR SABOTAGING!!!!
Michelle2W
Posts: 163 Member
I've been married for over 22 years and have been overweight for the majority. My husband is fit, in the Air Force and runs and trains for 1/2 marathons. He ran four 1/2 marathons (13.1 miles each) in 120 days! I've lost about 20lbs from exercising and changing my eating habits. Hubby is deliberately going out and buying all of my old favorite foods like, Swedish Fish, Oreos, MdDonalds, ice cream and today 32 brownie bites! I'm trying my best not to take one bite of those brownie bites!!!!! Why would a spouse, not want their spouse to lose weight??????
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Replies
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Is this his normal way of showing his affection for you, or has he just started doing this since you have lost weight? If it is the first answer, then he is probably just clueless and is just wanting to do something nice for you. If it is the second scenario, then perhaps he likes you a bit 'softer', and is afraid you will lose too much weight. He also may be afraid that if you lose weight, you may be tempted to look elsewhere. SO many possibilities, so the best thing would be to just flat out ask him. Again, he may just be clueless, and not realize what he is doing. Many guys are. Even the most intelligent ones!0
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What does he say when you ask him?
Sometimes when a loved one makes a change, even a change we agree she needs, it causes anxiety and people act in strange ways that are counterproductive in an attempt to make everything go back to normal. We're strange creatures.
I would just tell him that you love him bringing you thoughtful things, but that you would appreciate it if he limits it to one treat a week (if you can handle the treats in moderation) in portion control. A single serving pack of Oreos on a random Wednesday for instance. If he wants to lavish you with treats more than that, ask him to get creative with foods that won't get you off track. Instead of bringing home candy, maybe he can bring home some kind of fancy dinner platter that the two of you can enjoy together.0 -
Debbie ,no it's not his normal way. He usually doesn't even go grocery shopping. Lately, he'll stop by the store or a fast food place, bring it home and ask if I want some. Even when I ask him not to. Everyone's telling me I'm losing weigh and he's acting like he can't tell.0
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What does he say when you ask him?
Sometimes when a loved one makes a change, even a change we agree she needs, it causes anxiety and people act in strange ways that are counterproductive in an attempt to make everything go back to normal. We're strange creatures.
I would just tell him that you love him bringing you thoughtful things, but that you would appreciate it if he limits it to one treat a week (if you can handle the treats in moderation) in portion control. A single serving pack of Oreos on a random Wednesday for instance. If he wants to lavish you with treats more than that, ask him to get creative with foods that won't get you off track. Instead of bringing home candy, maybe he can bring home some kind of fancy dinner platter that the two of you can enjoy together.0 -
Congratulations on the twenty pounds! Way to go!
I agree with the other replies.
If you have a supportive marriage, Your hubby probably doesn't even realize what he's doing.
Talk to him. Most of show love with food. It's a natural loving touch. Show him the new "treat foods" that you allow yourself. A nice treat for me is fresh fruit.
If he wants to show the loving tlc things.. Try Flowers or a card. That way hubby still does the nice loving touches but stays away from food.
My husband isn't the supportive type and brings home every wrong food in the book. It made me stronger and more determined not to touch the foods he brought home.
You got this girl!0 -
What does he say when you ask him?
Sometimes when a loved one makes a change, even a change we agree she needs, it causes anxiety and people act in strange ways that are counterproductive in an attempt to make everything go back to normal. We're strange creatures.
I would just tell him that you love him bringing you thoughtful things, but that you would appreciate it if he limits it to one treat a week (if you can handle the treats in moderation) in portion control. A single serving pack of Oreos on a random Wednesday for instance. If he wants to lavish you with treats more than that, ask him to get creative with foods that won't get you off track. Instead of bringing home candy, maybe he can bring home some kind of fancy dinner platter that the two of you can enjoy together.
He said his not.
I just won't eat any of those brownie bite!2 -
Tell him that if he really loves you he will realise being fat is not healthy! Doesn't he want you around for a long time?
Make him eat the brownies!0 -
I watch what I eat and I workout just about every day of the week. My husband is overweight, eats whatever he wants and never exercises. He also does the grocery shopping.
He doesn't try to sabotage me because he knows I watch what I eat and I won't eat crap. I don't encourage him to lose weight, because his health isn't my responsibility.
We have figured it out.0 -
He does not want anyone looking at you.It could be a control thing but seriously for your health that is not fair to you If you are really committed its all in your mind to stay focused if you really want to get healthy nothing i mean nothing will stop you except for fear1
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Sometime if a person is around you everyday, you can't really tell the weight loss. People who haven't seen you in a few week can really see the difference. As for the junk food, I play a little mind trick/ game called let's see how much dust can gather on that crap. Use it as a "marker" as in "it's been 4 months since you bought that crap and I still haven't touched it.
I got 3 can's of cokes in the back of my fridge that have been there for 3 months and they are like my little trophy's.0 -
Black men like their women big!!!!0
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When I first started as a new years resolution my husband was terrible about buying crap food and asking me to share it with him. A lot of donuts went bad before he realized I was serious. So for valentines day he bought me 90 cal treats. Looks like I trained him well....lol.0
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This is something I have seen a lot here.
I have a few Ideas of what it could be
a- he thinks he is complimenting you by loving you the way you are, which is fine, but he will love you no matter what you look like.
b- he is insecure with you getting nicer looking, not sure if you settled for him and would go for someone else. (which is an insecurity on his part) ) In this case, lose the weight anyways and let him deal with his own issues.
c- he is abusive and controlling and doesn't feel like a man with a woman who is self confident. (maybe not physically abusive but a deep need to control is a form of abuse) Do what you have to do and if he acts up, you need to move on with your life. You have only 1 life, enjoy it.
d- he may like "thick" women, but nonetheless if he Loves you he will want you to be healthy and around longer. Show him that you may not be as "thick" but you are more flexible
e- He knows he needs to lose weight and seeing you do it forces him to look at his own habits, its easier to him when you don't.0 -
I watch what I eat and I workout just about every day of the week. My husband is overweight, eats whatever he wants and never exercises. He also does the grocery shopping.
He doesn't try to sabotage me because he knows I watch what I eat and I won't eat crap. I don't encourage him to lose weight, because his health isn't my responsibility.
We have figured it out.
Taking responsibility for my own health!!!!! Stop playing the blame game:-)0 -
Sometime if a person is around you everyday, you can't really tell the weight loss. People who haven't seen you in a few week can really see the difference. As for the junk food, I play a little mind trick/ game called let's see how much dust can gather on that crap. Use it as a "marker" as in "it's been 4 months since you bought that crap and I still haven't touched it.
I got 3 can's of cokes in the back of my fridge that have been there for 3 months and they are like my little trophy's.
Every time I walk by those brownies, without getting one, I feel empowered and stronger! I will let them sit there until they are as hard as rocks!0 -
Black men like their women big!!!!
Maybe so, but I don't like being big :-)2 -
When I first started as a new years resolution my husband was terrible about buying crap food and asking me to share it with him. A lot of donuts went bad before he realized I was serious. So for valentines day he bought me 90 cal treats. Looks like I trained him well....lol.
lol0 -
Congratulations on the twenty pounds! Way to go!
I agree with the other replies.
If you have a supportive marriage, Your hubby probably doesn't even realize what he's doing.
Talk to him. Most of show love with food. It's a natural loving touch. Show him the new "treat foods" that you allow yourself. A nice treat for me is fresh fruit.
If he wants to show the loving tlc things.. Try Flowers or a card. That way hubby still does the nice loving touches but stays away from food.
My husband isn't the supportive type and brings home every wrong food in the book. It made me stronger and more determined not to touch the foods he brought home.
You got this girl!
I got this!!! I'm stronger than brownie bites!0 -
I've been married for over 22 years and have been overweight for the majority. My husband is fit, in the Air Force and runs and trains for 1/2 marathons. He ran four 1/2 marathons (13.1 miles each) in 120 days! I've lost about 20lbs from exercising and changing my eating habits. Hubby is deliberately going out and buying all of my old favorite foods like, Swedish Fish, Oreos, MdDonalds, ice cream and today 32 brownie bites! I'm trying my best not to take one bite of those brownie bites!!!!! Why would a spouse, not want their spouse to lose weight??????
In my experience, he doesnt want you to get fit and be hot 'cos you might leave him or find you dont want to be there anymore and want a change of scenery. My EX did the same to me, hence the reason I gained a lot of weight, even once her left. It was drummed in my head.
Overall, its a power thing, I think.
Sit him down and tell him you are serious about losing weight and he isnt helping you. If he's fit, get him to be your personal trainer lol. Good luck on your journey, losing 20lbs so far is fantastic by the way, you should be soo proud of yourself. xx0 -
Throw out the brownies when he's not looking :happy:1
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I've been married for over 22 years and have been overweight for the majority. My husband is fit, in the Air Force and runs and trains for 1/2 marathons. He ran four 1/2 marathons (13.1 miles each) in 120 days! I've lost about 20lbs from exercising and changing my eating habits. Hubby is deliberately going out and buying all of my old favorite foods like, Swedish Fish, Oreos, MdDonalds, ice cream and today 32 brownie bites! I'm trying my best not to take one bite of those brownie bites!!!!! Why would a spouse, not want their spouse to lose weight??????
Oh gosh my hubby is the same way...its horrible....my husband will always be like oh lets go get you this or that...you know you dont wanna cook arent you tired blah blah...yep...he will bring tons of food and junk...plus it dont help that he eats it all the time lol0 -
As my hubby always says he still loves me fat BUT he lusts after me thin!
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He's insecure. If u loose weight hismthinkingis.. other guys might be interested or you'll realize other guys are interested and theres the threat of his loosing you to the competition!0
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I've been married for over 22 years and have been overweight for the majority. My husband is fit, in the Air Force and runs and trains for 1/2 marathons. He ran four 1/2 marathons (13.1 miles each) in 120 days! I've lost about 20lbs from exercising and changing my eating habits. Hubby is deliberately going out and buying all of my old favorite foods like, Swedish Fish, Oreos, MdDonalds, ice cream and today 32 brownie bites! I'm trying my best not to take one bite of those brownie bites!!!!! Why would a spouse, not want their spouse to lose weight??????
Tell him that if he likes you curvy and wants to buy you stuff, to get you a gym membership and time with a personal trainer. Heavy lifting gives a women a tiny waist, perky *kitten*, and curves all over. But if you are doing something to improve your ability to live a long and healthy life to the fullest, he needs to get his *kitten* in gear and SUPPORT you. ;-)1 -
Sometime if a person is around you everyday, you can't really tell the weight loss. People who haven't seen you in a few week can really see the difference. As for the junk food, I play a little mind trick/ game called let's see how much dust can gather on that crap. Use it as a "marker" as in "it's been 4 months since you bought that crap and I still haven't touched it.
I got 3 can's of cokes in the back of my fridge that have been there for 3 months and they are like my little trophy's.
haha love it. .. awesum job on the 3 trophys too!!! right on
and great wt loss!0 -
Because your boobs are bigger.
The truth is I'm sure that's stuff that you used to be grateful to your husband for. So he's probably just doing more of the same because he thinks it makes you happy.
Congrats on the 20 pounds! It sounds like you're doing well regardless.0 -
believe it or not, some people do like sort of thing ... weird ay? Do what makes YOU happy.. Either he really likes it, or he's doing it deliberately because he's afraid of you changing..0
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And he's a CMSgt. He used to having things his way.0
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It's probably nothing sinister - there are probably fewer treats about the house since you started eating healthily so he's buying them himself and doing the polite thing and offering you some.0
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Just let them sit on the side. Don't make a confrontation of it. If he says anything about wh you haven't eaten them, you could say something like you really appreciate his thoughtfullness, but as you can't eat them AND fit into that hot new bikini/summer dress/lingerie you want to buy for him to enjoy he should eat them/take them inot work to share with his colleagues. 1
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