I am jealous of my bff losing so much weight
ibfat4ever
Posts: 5
A few months ago, my bff started myfitnesspal weighing 195lbs and now she is 140lbs. We had started on this at the same time and I have lost 9 lbs. I am having a much harder time losing weight and controlling my binges than she is. She eats only 800 calories a day and works out 1 day a week. I weigh 170 and she has never been smaller than me until now. When I log onto my account, she is always posting pic of herself and when we are together, all she talks about it calories, uses the word fat to identify over weight people, how much she is losing, and how small she is now. I get depressed, jealous, and upset when I see her pics, or when Im around her. I know it is selfish but it is not inspiring me to lose weight anymore. I have given up and said to hell with it. What is the right way for me to handle this? We have been friends for 16 years now. Thx.
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Replies
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CHILL OUT.
Someone eating 800 calories a day WILL NOT keep the weight off for a long time.
This is a marathon not a sprint. Eat sensibly, exercise moderately, and make changes you can keep up forever.0 -
I think I'm in the same boat as you though I'm lucky because I don't really get to see my friend as she lives in another state. I do think about it too, like when she says she's exercising and have to go already when talking on the phone. She also tells me her dress sizes. She was a lot bigger than I was and taller. I've been putting off visiting because I think I might resent seeing her results. Yeah I know it's petty and all. We should be happy for our friends you know?
For now I think, just focus on yourself. Don't stop trying. In the meantime you can let her know how you feel... Meaning I don't think you're really upset about her weight loss but that you're not losing weight yourself. Maybe talk to her about that. Maybe she will help you and it will certainly distract herself from at least saying things while with you because then maybe she'll be more concerned about how to help you. In the meantime don't look at the pics (for now at least). Good luck! 0 -
Don't give up and risking a long term relationship is not worth it. Support each other and be happy for her. I have a friend who is 40 lbs lighter than me and I am happy for her. We have been friends for 45 plus years. You need to focus on you and only you. You can do this and you are worth it. Just find other ways that work for you.0
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Good god. 800 a day is just sad and nothing to be jealous about. Good for you for doing it the healthy more sustainable way.0
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CHILL OUT.
Someone eating 800 calories a day WILL NOT keep the weight off for a long time.
This is a marathon not a sprint. Eat sensibly, exercise moderately, and make changes you can keep up forever.
This, keep doing it the right ey and soon you will be the fitter if the two0 -
Your friend is in for a rude awakening. She wont keep it off. You just keep on doing it the right way. You will be thin and healthy and . she will start getting heavier and heavier.
I did the same thing your friend did years ago....gained it all back and THEN some. This time it has taken me 11 months to lose 50 pounds and it AIN'T coming back.0 -
I use quotes to keep me going
Quotes
"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your Destiny." Frank Outlaw
"If you did have a million-dollar racehorse, would you let him stay up half the night drinking coffee and booze, smoking cigarettes and eating junk food?" Next question: "Would you treat a 10-dollar dog or a 5-dollar cat that way? What about a billion-dollar body?"
We can reverse years of damage to our bodies by deciding to raise our standards for ourselves, then living differently. Old wounds heal, injuries repair, and the whole system improves with just a few changes in what we put into our bodies and how we move them.
"Take charge. Write your own story."
now go for it you can do this
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Green_2.. thanks for sharing that with me. I have other friends losing weight, too, but it does not bother me like it does with my friend. My husband gets upset when I am hurting like this and he told me to quit looking at her pictures when she posts them. It is hard though cause I am always on facebook and it is on the newsfeed. I even deleted my usual account and set this one up so I do not have to see her profile at all. I am usually so happy when people lose weight but with her, I just feel so upset. I am trying to focus on me and my journey but it is hard. Thanks again.0
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Do tell us more.0
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Don't give up and risking a long term relationship is not worth it. Support each other and be happy for her. I have a friend who is 40 lbs lighter than me and I am happy for her. We have been friends for 45 plus years. You need to focus on you and only you. You can do this and you are worth it. Just find other ways that work for you.
Very well said.^^
I can see how you might be feeling demotivated because it seems like she has lost weight quicker than you but focusing on her and her weight loss won't get YOU anywhere. Try to identify where/why your weight loss has stalled and go from there... so you can jump on the same bandwagon she is!
There's plenty of help here in the forums. Maybe you should create a separate post asking people to help you out with a good goal and plan. 0 -
uses the word fat to identify over weight people
I don't see a problem with that. Fat people are in fact fat.
But yeah 800 cals is hardly going to last & I would most likely assume she is full of it in regards to that. Exercising 1 day a week is also not going to do diddly for her in terms of fitness or strength. She may be skinny, but she's not fit.0 -
Your friends 800 calories is a quick fix..........you can do it by doing it the healthy way & making it a life style change! You need to focus on you if you really want this, your friend losing weight should be a motivation. Believe in yourself!
IF IT DOESN'T CHALLENGE YOU IT DOESN'T CHANGE YOU!!!
Best of luck I know you can do it! 0 -
Wow have I been in this boat before! Except I was your friend. A friend and I had a "competition" to see who could lose the most weight. I'm quite competitive, so I HAD to win. I lost 30 lbs in 2 months which may not seem like much, but it put me down to 115...VERY low for my 5'5" frame. I was eating between 500-1000 calories per day plus running 3-5 miles a day. It took 2 months eating around 1500-1700 cals/day to add not only the 30 lbs I'd lost, but an extra 20 lbs.
You're friend is in for a rude awakening when she quits her "diet". Metabolism is funny that way. Maybe you're jealousy is more out of concern for your friend, since you say that your other friends have lost weight and it doesn't seem to bother you.
My advice is positive reinforcement. Hide her posts on facebook, and use other motivators to help you achieve your fitness goals.0 -
Do you feel that she may be looking down on you for not losing as much weight? If so then it sounds like she herself forgets where she came from and is not being compassionate. Don't let that get in the way of what you want. We can't always compare ourselves to others. She may be the very one that gains it all back by ruining her metabolism.0
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A year from now she's going to be throwing fits about how she can't eat more than a broccoli sandwich a day without gaining weight.0
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Awesome friend.0
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There are some days where I eat 800 calories just between breakfast and lunch, lol. I can understand being jealous, but ease up. Her weight WILL come back, and you will be there to support her when it does, as a real best friend would do. You do you, and let her worry about her.0
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CHILL OUT.
Someone eating 800 calories a day WILL NOT keep the weight off for a long time.
This is a marathon not a sprint. Eat sensibly, exercise moderately, and make changes you can keep up forever.
This! I had a friend who was on here with me for a little while and she would only eat 600 calories a day. This wasn't a sustainable lifestyle for her, so she went back to the way she usually eats and gained all of her weight back plus more. You keep focusing on what you're doing and you will lose the weight. It's not a race, just try to get healthy.0 -
The thing I know for sure is that you should not give up because of her! NO WAY! Her weight loss is hers, you need to own yours. Hide her posts and change the subject when she starts going on about it. Like everyone else has said, she is going to need a shoulder when she tries to go into maintenance from such low calories and sees what happens.
If you are good enough friends, you might be honest with her and tell her that while you are very happy for her, it is getting to be a bit much since that is all she talks about.0 -
You are jealous of your friend, that is your problem. I have a feeling you just wanted to post your friends diet to get the reactions you wanted, which seems to be having people tell you that your friend will fail and you will be better than her one day. Sounds like you have a problem focusing on yourself. She lost weight and has every right to be proud and nobody knows for sure that she will gain everything back. If she slowly increases her calories she might not gain anything back but I don't see why that would be your business.0
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Thank you all for your replies!0
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I am in a similar situation. One of my friends has always kind of struggled with eating issues, but recently she started losing SO much weight. I know she's NOT doing it healthfully (she basically does not eat anymore), but I still can't help but feel kind of jealous in some ways.
Just remind yourself that she actually probably needs a friend now more than ever. Maybe losing weight is the best thing she has in her life right now so she feels like she has to show it off to make up for the fact that she might not have much else going for her? Regardless of the reason, what she's doing isn't healthy and as her friend, you should try to empathize and be there for her.0 -
CHILL OUT.
Someone eating 800 calories a day WILL NOT keep the weight off for a long time.
This is a marathon not a sprint. Eat sensibly, exercise moderately, and make changes you can keep up forever.
Although I would probably feel the same as you OP, ^^^ is great advice.0 -
If you're MFP friends, won't she see this? Regardless, if you really were as close as you implied, maybe it's time to sit down and have a talk. Find ways to motivate one another in a HEALTHY manner? And if nothing else, just getting it out there might make you feel better and at least let her know it's on your mind.0
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If she is your bff then she should know how you feel, I know she excited to loose weight but she is eating to low. 800 calories is maybe breakfast and lunch combine to some people, it's not healthy and you should tell her. She is going to have her body thinking she is starving herself and store the food as fat to keep her alive.0
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Friends and weight loss are always tricky...lots of people seem to face this issue. For myself, I watched my heavy friend lose an incredible amout of weight eating a bit less and doing Body Pump weight classes at the gym. We did the same routine for months, leading up to my marriage. She lost so much weight she was unrecognizable, while barely lost and had to resort to starving myself into my wedding dress...not good.
After I had a baby a few years back my weight never returned to normal and I couldn`t find the path to weightloss that worked for my schedule and personal situation. I ended up hiring a personal trainer to help me with exercise since i was continually injuring myself on my own. In the end, my trainer coached me into a new way to looking at eating and working out and what i learned was that I required a VERY different path to healthy weightloss and maintenance than my BFF did.
For her, cardio, some weights and a 1200 calorie diet worked well.
For me, mostly weights or weighted cardio and a diet consisting of mostly fats and proteins does the trick. I am smaller than ive ever been simply by learning what my body needed to live optimally.0 -
I think you might start by changing your username. If you stick to this you will not be fat forever. A change in mindset will go a long way.0
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why do you call yourself "ibfat4eva"... is that what you want to be? change your username to something more positive that reflects where you want to be, like 2bslim4eva or something0
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Although you do need to work on controlling those binges, just stay the course. I suspect in a year, she will be fat again and you will be looking fabulous.0
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You know she's going to see this, right? Ahh. I see you you posted this from a different account. Someone is always going to be losing faster than you. Just stick to the plan, and you'll be okay.
___0
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