NSV- Tough Mudder and Body Dysmorphia

So, I don't often post stories on MFP, but a comment someone made to me yesterday made me realize that other people see me differently than I see myself. I personally may really want to lose 10 more pounds, get into that size 6 dress, and have no jiggle whatsoever while naked, but I tend to only see my flaws.

Yesterday I learned that that is not what other people see. I ran tough mudder a little over two weeks ago, and had a great time. I bought a tank top with the logo, and yesterday at the gym, wore that tank top. While waiting around for our bootcamp instructor to start the class, a girl (in quite good shape) asks me "did you do tough mudder in georgia?"

I said yes, and how it was one of the most fun things that I had ever done.

Her response: "I really want to do it, but I'm nervous about people having to lift me over things, because I'm so heavy."

Granted, this girl was maybe 5'5 and weighed probably 140 or so. So what was my response? "Ummm, don't even worry about it, if I could do all the obstacles and have people help lift me over and such, you definitely can." (Ironically, this was one of my biggest fears going into the race).

I couldn't believe what came out of her mouth next, and it didn't really even sink in until later. "But you weigh less than I do, and you're also stronger."

My jaw dropped, and I quickly informed her that I weigh about 175 pounds, and that if they could lift me up, they definitely could help her.


Thinking about this last night, I realized first of all, that this woman probably suffers, like me, from some sort of body dysmorphia. She thought that she weighed more than me, when I am 5'10 barefoot! And I realize that I also continue to think of myself as the athletic but chubby huge 5'10 girl from high school/college. But that's not what people see when they look at me at the gym.

They see an athlete, who can do 2 (yes two!) pullups (My goal is 10 by the end of the year). I think it's hard, because even at 175, I am still only on the cusp of "normal" for BMI, and while I know that my bodyfat is about 23% and I am in really good shape, sometimes I still can't reconcile the fact that I will never be naturally skinny like a runway model and weigh 130 pounds. But maybe, with NSVs like this, I can start listening a bit more to those around me who see the athlete that I am now.