bad advice from dr. regarding my young teen daughter

Options
2

Replies

  • dandandee
    dandandee Posts: 301 Member
    Options
    Damn...you need to take her to get a second opinion. The NP has to work under a doctor...I'd almost talk to that Dr. and voice your concerns that a professional is telling a young teenager "advice" that could easily lead to an eating disorder!!

    yup.
  • WickedGarden
    WickedGarden Posts: 944 Member
    Options
    when I was 13, I was 5' and 98#, I got made fun of and called 'anorexic'. It really affected me.

    As others have said, NPs are NOT nutritionists, and at 13, I would be more concerned with her getting enough protein to support her growing and changing body.

    A consult with a nutritionist that specializes in children/young adults would be the correct route to go. Explain this to your daughter since she may have the "but a 'NURSE' told me this, so it HAS to be true"

    best of luck.
  • rmtuesley
    rmtuesley Posts: 39 Member
    Options
    I have an 11 year old daughter, she is not stick thin either. She also sees her dad and I counting calories. We tell her we have to do this as adults because we didn't learn ( or didn't care about :) how to treat our bodies in a healthy way. We only talk about being healthy with her, not losing weight. We tell her kids don't worry about calories because they are still growing, and their bodies fluctuate all the time. Mom and dad aren't getting any taller so we have to do something else. Unfortunately, someone "in authority" already told your daughter to count calories. I would be mad if someone told my daughter this. If she continues to obsess, if it were me, I would get rid of the scales in the house and and keep encouraging healthy snacks. Mine are still younger, so it is easier to control, but they can choose one not healthy thing a day, and then when they are hungry they go for fruit, cheese, nuts, etc.

    Just keep telling her over and over how great she is. You may have to do it 100 times to override the stupid NP who said all of that in front of your daughter.

    Some people said she is in the normal range? If she doesn't believe you, look it up and show her. That will be another source that isn't her "mom". Because what do we know :)
  • knittinlady
    knittinlady Posts: 143 Member
    Options
    I agree with what everyone else has said. And I offer a little bit of hindsight. My sister was anorexic as a teen. She hardly ate anything. She suffered mild brain damage because a brain needs fat to function properly. 15 years later, she suffers from forgetfulness, dizziness and blackouts, even though she is managing her weight in a healthy way now. Don't accept bad advice from anyone regarding nutrition and weight during the teen years. Get good information, from someone who knows what they're talking about.
  • holly273
    holly273 Posts: 84 Member
    Options
    I feel like I'm fairly well qualified to chime in on this as at 19 I remember those years VERY clearly still. The biggest and most important thing I think to mention is to TALK TO HER ABOUT IT. Make sure she keeps you in the loop on everything she's doing. Once secretive behaviours start, it diminishes by a huge amount what you can do to help. Even if it's not entirely healthy, making sure she tells you everything she's doing in terms of calorie restriction, BEFORE you slowly try to get her to come around...telling her straight up not to obsess and that she's being an unhealthy or silly won't make her stop, it'll just make her hide her behaviours, making any bad decisions exponentially more dangerous.

    Secondly, you need to instill in her as strongly as you can that she's at a healthy weight, and that is what is important. When I was that age (just a few years ago!) I developed a serious eating disorder, but had absolutely no-one to talk to about it, and so it just got worse and worse until I landed in hospital, with my mum absolutely distraught and beating herself up about it because she'd had no idea what was going on (she assumed for a while that it was the natural thinning out of early teen years, and didn't realize anything was wrong until it was far too late). If we'd been in a constant, comfortable communication pattern with openness about body image, nutrition and all things calorie-related, I feel like it might not have happened, or at least, sense would've been banged into me before I wound up in hospital with tubes stuck in me.

    If she's anything like how I was, trying to steer her completely away from the obsession with calories etc. will just result in her thinking it's something to be ashamed of, and doing it obsessively in secret, with no guidance. I'd say, while this would not necessarily be a good idea for your average early teen, if she's already picked up some obsessive behaviours with calorie-counting, all you can do is steer them in the right direction, possibly by making her a profile on something like MFP, or similar. That way, she'll be bombarded with the right (usually!) advice, and if she is obsessive, at least it'll be "healthy" (yeah, oxymoron, I know, but I'm speaking in relative terms) obsessive rather than unhealthy obsessive: resorting to ED forums, pro-ana sites etc., and doing her own calorie restrictions, which can end up ridiculously low.

    Also, appealing to logic was one of the things that eventually helped me out. Articles on metabolism slowing from netting too low, "starvation mode" etc, and about how keeping your metabolism going with high enough calorie levels can result in healthy weight loss, while still maintaining adequate nutrition, really made logical sense to me. As much as right now she might want to lose weight, she hopefully realizes that as she's 13, she really does have to think about the future, and how what she's doing now may result in her finding it HARDER to lose weight at a later stage (story of my life...) due to metabolism damage.

    Sorry for the very long and possibly rambling post, this is just something that I feel I can really identify with and need to chime in on. When I was 12, I was about 5'4 and close on 150lbs. By the time I was 14 I was 5'7 and probably right on 100lbs (by that point mum had taken all scales out of the house so I wasn't entirely sure). Major metabolism damage later, and I wound up MAINTAINING at about 130lbs, on only about 1000 calories a day. If she goes down this route, that might be reality for her, which isn't fun!

    Markers to watch out for, (from experience!):
    -often saying she's just eaten, when she comes home from being out with friends
    -taking food to her room or somewhere else in the house to eat it rather than eating with family
    -her looking tired all the time
    -her being dizzy and/or passing out
    -drinking lots of diet soft drinks and/or coffee (appetite suppressants! I'd sometimes go days on a few black coffees, 6 or 7 bottles of coke zero, and maybe an apple)
    ...i'm sure there's lots more but i'm having a bit of a mental blank now.

    Anyway, I hope any of that has been helpful, I just really would hate to think of another young girl going down the same route I did!!!
  • Queen_JessieA
    Queen_JessieA Posts: 1,059 Member
    Options
    Thank you all. I will certainly be trying to find a child/teen nutritionist tomorrow.

    And Holly, thank you for all of that advice. I am so glad you have recovered!! I keep a very watchful eye on her because I know how easily it is to slip down the path of not eating enough. I struggled a bit with that myself in high school :(
  • adrienne1086
    adrienne1086 Posts: 27 Member
    Options
    BMI is interpreted differently for children and teens as body fat amounts change with age and with sex of the child/teen. BMI for adults does not account for age or sex.
    There are BMI for age growth charts that are used as guidelines.
    Here's a link that should give you some info you may find interesting and/or useful:

    http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/bmi/childrens_bmi/about_childrens_bmi.html

    "However, BMI is not a diagnostic tool. For example, a child may have a high BMI for age and sex, but to determine if excess fat is a problem, a health care provider would need to perform further assessments. These assessments might include skinfold thickness measurements, evaluations of diet, physical activity, family history, and other appropriate health screenings."
  • hailzp
    hailzp Posts: 903 Member
    Options
    Trust you mumstincts.
  • krissy_krossy
    krissy_krossy Posts: 307 Member
    Options
    A lot of GP's love to give nutrition advice and many don't have a clue. Even as an adult, I don't talk to my GP about nutrition any further than "I would like some blood tests to check my iron/vitamin/etc. levels." Find a doctor who specializes in nutrition and preferably one has experience working with children and see what they say.
  • tigersword
    tigersword Posts: 8,059 Member
    Options
    It does sound low, but she is a child and they do not need as many calories as adults anyway. I definitely agree with everyone else saying talk to a nutritionist. Even MDs are only given a very, VERY minimal amount of education about nutrition.
    False, most teens actually need more calories than adults. Puberty and growth need a lot of calories to sustain properly.

    OP, she's a healthy weight. She should not be counting calories at all. She still has roughly 10 years of growth and physical development ahead of her, restricting calories can have severe consequences on that.
  • meadow_sage
    meadow_sage Posts: 308 Member
    Options
    IMO, there are MUCH better sources of protein than protein shakes. Natural peanut butter or better Sunbutter (YUM), beans, cheese, Kashi cereal (again, YUM). Those are few suggestions but you can look it up. 108 is perfect for her height...the weight/height charts start at 103 for a healthy weight for a small frame women...and correct me if I'm wrong but she is only 13 and should still be developing so, should probably not go that low. I'm really surprised at these recommendation of this NP.
  • Terry903
    Terry903 Posts: 43 Member
    Options
    I am the mom of a 14 yr old and I work at a MDs office. A NP is not a doctor, a PA is not a doctor and is not a nutritionist. This N:P overstepped. This person should not have said that in front of your girl who is not over weight per my figuring. PS I am 5ft. Your daughter has more growing to do, and she is not obese. To give a 13 yr old with no weight problem the encouragement to diet at this stage is just wrong. Your girl may go overboard! Too many young people are too worried about their looks; this is not good. Good grief! You might want to find a real doctor to see instead of the NP. Dumb, dumb, dumb!
  • Sunshine2plus2
    Sunshine2plus2 Posts: 1,492 Member
    Options
    Personally I would not give a second thought to what they have to say. I would do what I think is best for my daughter!!
  • littlebudgie
    littlebudgie Posts: 279 Member
    Options
    I have been told some pretty appallingly incorrect things by RN's, unfortunately.

    One thing that might help her general attitude towards food is if when you count calories you talk about nutritional content. Basically, if she hears you saying things like "Oh, I'm pretty low on iron today, looks like we're having steak salad for supper!" rather than "Wow, I'm close to my calorie goal, better just have a big salad for supper.", it might help her shift her focus from "fewer calories = better" to "more nutrients=better". For me at least, that shift in focus was the first step in avoiding chronic undereating.
  • LAMypie
    LAMypie Posts: 127 Member
    Options
    I have an 11 year old daughter, she is not stick thin either. She also sees her dad and I counting calories. We tell her we have to do this as adults because we didn't learn ( or didn't care about :) how to treat our bodies in a healthy way. We only talk about being healthy with her, not losing weight. We tell her kids don't worry about calories because they are still growing, and their bodies fluctuate all the time. Mom and dad aren't getting any taller so we have to do something else.

    Some people said she is in the normal range? If she doesn't believe you, look it up and show her. That will be another source that isn't her "mom". Because what do we know :)

    This ^^^ I have twin 12 year olds. One has always been very thin, the other chunkier. They walk or ride bikes to school, and we never have junk food in the house. We have told all 3 of our kids the same as above. We didn't do it right, and now struggle. They need to eat the good stuff, and remember to stay active as they get older, which we did not. The chunkier of the 2 had gained some weight, (not a lot, and still in the normal range), but when she started drama, she had to walk to school, because I had to pick her up after drama (and couldn't transport a bike). She slimmed down a bit, and since drama is over, she's still walking. I think she realizes the difference, but isn't obsessed with losing. I also agree with the ppl who have said that NO child, unless grossly overweight, should be counting calories. Help her make better food choices, and do fun stuff to stay active.
  • iggyboo93
    iggyboo93 Posts: 524 Member
    Options
    This is awful. Young girls have enough issues with body image so they don't need to hear this crap. My eight year old daughter told me yesterday she needs to go on a diet to lose her belly fat. :huh: She is 4'9 and 70 pounds (yes - she is tall for her age - her dad is 6'7" and I'm 5'7"). She eats a lot of fruits/veggies and is semi-active (gymnastics, swimming and soccer). I sat her down and told her that she is perfect and beautiful just the way she is. Hoping it will sink in.
  • HudaSaman
    HudaSaman Posts: 46
    Options

    She's too young to be counting calories and worrying about weight - She's still growing, her weight is going to continue to fluctuate throughout her teens. It's just better for her not worry about, and make sure she's healthy.
  • castelluzzo99
    castelluzzo99 Posts: 313 Member
    Options
    According to http://www.livestrong.com/article/298523-the-ideal-weight-for-a-teenage-girl/, her BMI should be between 15 and 23. I calculated hers at 21.8, so she's on the higher end, but still in ideal range. MY BMI is at the higher end of ideal, and I need to lose, no question. The thing they don't factor in is bone structure. My bone structure is fairly small, but not as tiny as some, so I need to be on the lower end but not at the bottom.

    HOWEVER, she probably should be eating more than 1000 calories a day. I would talk to a nutritionist, and also make sure she has lots of healthy options. I'm vegetarian and often vegan, so I know that you can't just eat the non-meat parts of a meal and always get a healthy, balanced meal. See about having options available for her, like beans or tofu, that she can fix herself (she is old enough to learn to cook) to replace the meat-filled main dish. And make sure she gets a variety of veggies.

    Is she scared of fat? If so, I would be concerned. If she's not bothered by eating a (veggie) pizza slice now and then, she's probably not anorexic. But if she is obsessing with certain foods, especially those that are healthy in moderation, and ESPECIALLY with fat, then she might have some issues.

    For sure, I would talk to the pediatrician or see another doctor if you must. I know you don't have to see the doctor if the nurse practitioner saw the child and was satisfied with what they saw, but you can ask to see the MD anyhow. I usually do. Or go see a naturopath. That's what I would do (DO do!).
  • Sakura_Tree
    Sakura_Tree Posts: 142 Member
    Options
    I calculated her BMI and she need about 1300 calories a day to maintain her weight
  • calibriintx
    calibriintx Posts: 1,741 Member
    Options
    I feel like I'm fairly well qualified to chime in on this as at 19 I remember those years VERY clearly still. The biggest and most important thing I think to mention is to TALK TO HER ABOUT IT. Make sure she keeps you in the loop on everything she's doing. Once secretive behaviours start, it diminishes by a huge amount what you can do to help. Even if it's not entirely healthy, making sure she tells you everything she's doing in terms of calorie restriction, BEFORE you slowly try to get her to come around...telling her straight up not to obsess and that she's being an unhealthy or silly won't make her stop, it'll just make her hide her behaviours, making any bad decisions exponentially more dangerous.

    Secondly, you need to instill in her as strongly as you can that she's at a healthy weight, and that is what is important. When I was that age (just a few years ago!) I developed a serious eating disorder, but had absolutely no-one to talk to about it, and so it just got worse and worse until I landed in hospital, with my mum absolutely distraught and beating herself up about it because she'd had no idea what was going on (she assumed for a while that it was the natural thinning out of early teen years, and didn't realize anything was wrong until it was far too late). If we'd been in a constant, comfortable communication pattern with openness about body image, nutrition and all things calorie-related, I feel like it might not have happened, or at least, sense would've been banged into me before I wound up in hospital with tubes stuck in me.

    If she's anything like how I was, trying to steer her completely away from the obsession with calories etc. will just result in her thinking it's something to be ashamed of, and doing it obsessively in secret, with no guidance. I'd say, while this would not necessarily be a good idea for your average early teen, if she's already picked up some obsessive behaviours with calorie-counting, all you can do is steer them in the right direction, possibly by making her a profile on something like MFP, or similar. That way, she'll be bombarded with the right (usually!) advice, and if she is obsessive, at least it'll be "healthy" (yeah, oxymoron, I know, but I'm speaking in relative terms) obsessive rather than unhealthy obsessive: resorting to ED forums, pro-ana sites etc., and doing her own calorie restrictions, which can end up ridiculously low.

    Also, appealing to logic was one of the things that eventually helped me out. Articles on metabolism slowing from netting too low, "starvation mode" etc, and about how keeping your metabolism going with high enough calorie levels can result in healthy weight loss, while still maintaining adequate nutrition, really made logical sense to me. As much as right now she might want to lose weight, she hopefully realizes that as she's 13, she really does have to think about the future, and how what she's doing now may result in her finding it HARDER to lose weight at a later stage (story of my life...) due to metabolism damage.

    Sorry for the very long and possibly rambling post, this is just something that I feel I can really identify with and need to chime in on. When I was 12, I was about 5'4 and close on 150lbs. By the time I was 14 I was 5'7 and probably right on 100lbs (by that point mum had taken all scales out of the house so I wasn't entirely sure). Major metabolism damage later, and I wound up MAINTAINING at about 130lbs, on only about 1000 calories a day. If she goes down this route, that might be reality for her, which isn't fun!

    Markers to watch out for, (from experience!):
    -often saying she's just eaten, when she comes home from being out with friends
    -taking food to her room or somewhere else in the house to eat it rather than eating with family
    -her looking tired all the time
    -her being dizzy and/or passing out
    -drinking lots of diet soft drinks and/or coffee (appetite suppressants! I'd sometimes go days on a few black coffees, 6 or 7 bottles of coke zero, and maybe an apple)
    ...i'm sure there's lots more but i'm having a bit of a mental blank now.

    Anyway, I hope any of that has been helpful, I just really would hate to think of another young girl going down the same route I did!!!

    ^ This. If ditching the calorie counting will just make her hide it, you could check out spark teens. But, gosh, 13 is young to be counting. I'm pissed at that np!

Categories