I'm back and ready to hit the ground running

I lost 40 lbs four years ago and have gained about 20 lbs back. The main reason was that I injured my knee running and wasn't able to recover again. I tried physical therapy, five fingered toe shoes, but whatever happened to my knee wasn't going to get better. Running was like a drug, I loved it. It was the only thing I have ever found as far as working out goes that I could stick with. Well that and the bodybugg helped a tremendous amount as well. I tried a lot of different activities, but then life happened, I met someone, got engaged, and felt less motivated to lose weight since I had someone who loved me as I was. But now here I am, uncomfortable with my body, ashamed for how much I let it go, so I need to make a change again.

I'm just tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm going to start logging my food again - just being aware of what I'm eating seems to do wonders. I'm joining a gym and will make that a priority. I have all the tools and the knowledge, I just have to believe that I can do it again. It's just so frustrating knowing that I let myself slide so far and all the effort I put into losing the weight before is a lost cause. A part of me can't help but think if I only could jog a mile everyday, I'd be fit again. I'm envious of anyone who is healthy and young and could start running if they chose. Sure, I have ellipticals, bikes, and swimming pools,but for anyone who runs, it isn't the same, not even close.

I miss walking into a store and being able to pick out any piece of clothing I wanted - and it would fit. I miss actually enjoying clothes shopping. I miss seeing thinner people on the street and not comparing myself to them - because I was happy with my weight. I miss fitting into the next smaller size and going on a shopping spree to celebrate my new benchmark. I miss feeling good when people would look at me in the gym. I miss running 75 minutes without stopping. I miss the calm that I felt when my feet hit the pavement with a rhythmic beat. I miss not being afraid in front of a camera. I miss having so much energy because I worked out. I miss feeling good every single day because of the endorphins pouring into my system from working out. I miss looking at food as fuel instead of as a pleasure. I miss having a 1000 calorie deficit in a day (I know this because of the bodybugg) and not feeling hungry at night, because I had already eaten 2000 calories for the day. Maybe all that I've done isn't lost. I still know the way, I just have to pave a new path to get there.